Heart To Heart
30 Day IPod Shuffle Challenge for YoonHae (FAILED)Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h97jt1XtnGQ
"Oppa! I got us tickets to see that movie you were talking about! Let's have fun!" Donghae gave me a look and put a finger over his lips, silencing me.
"Calm down Yoona. As compelling as that sounds, I already got plans to see the midnight premiere with the guys. Go with someone else alright?" My smile and tone of voice faltered, but still stayed on.
"Oh, alright. Well why don't we go hang out this weekend? We haven't done anything much together so-"
"Well we live together already. Isn't that enough?" Again my smile lessened and voice lowered in volume. It didn't make a difference to him.
"I guess you are right. Well I'll just... Take someone else then."
"Okay, sure. I'll be going." He didn't wait for my goodbye as he went out the door for work, not looking back. Once his presence was out of the house, I let my smile fade and get replaced by a more than noticeable frown.
You're strange these days, I think you've changed
You say things that you didn't used to
-----
"You know he wasn't always like this," I retorted over the phone, lying back on the bed and staring at the ceiling. It was my day off from work and I was in no doubt bored to death. I almost wanted to just rush over to work at the hectic cafe with minimum wage, super demanding customers, and no rest. It seemed much more entertaining than doing nothing.
"I know that, but he's been acting super suspicious. You know, maybe he's starting to find another girl. You aren't really much to him anyway. You're just a-"
"Friend. I know that already! That doesn't mean that he has to act super mean to me. He should be a bit more nicer, don't you think?" I heard a sigh coming from the other line's mouth.
"Well many he found someone else to room with. I don't mean to offend you, but you don't really help with the rent. He pays for more than half of it and it's barely enough for himself. Finding a new room mate would probably be a smart choice for him." I rolled my eyes.
"I'm not that bad of a room mate. Besides, we are friends! He doesn't want me to be living out on the street. That's the reason why he took me in."
"Yoona," her tone was serious, and that wiped the usual smile on my face," I know you trust him and all, but don't trust him too much. Donghae can be a bit... unpredictable and it's hard to read what he wants to do and what his feelings are." I gave a nod, temporarily forgetting that she couldn't see me for a bit before realizing. I blushed and hid the small hint of embarrassment in my voice.
"Alright. I'll listen."
"Good. I don't really trust Donghae. He seems to enjoy hurting you." I chuckled on the other line and let my eyes fall to the door I thought was closed only to jump back up in surprise. Speak of the Devil.
"Donghae oppa!" I hung up the phone. "You're here early." He nodded and put his scarf on the rack, not looking back at me.
"I was supposed to meet with someone, but they canceled it at the last minute." I nodded, but then let myself think like Yuri. It's best you question who it was. You never know.
"Who was it?"
"Who was what?"
"The person you were supposed to be meeting." I saw his eyes shift around the room, refusing to look back at me.
"...Someone from work. Look, I'm going to wash up. I'll see you in a bit." He then walked away to the shower, wherehe quickly shut the door. I let myself furrow my eyebrows and stare at the door he closed. Why couldn't he look at me? Why was he hesitating to answer, only to give a lie in the end?
Look at my eyes and tell me the truth
I didn't understand what was wrong with him. He was so different than before. Before, his eyes lit up whenever he talked and a smile that would reach to his eyes would make me smile back too. He would always ask to see if I was alright, if I ate enough for wanted to go take a walk outside. The Donghae before would always find a way to spend time together regardless if he was busy or not. The Donghae I knew would always thank me nonstop for errands I ran and smiles I gave. The Donghae I knew didn't want to treat me like a stranger. Then again...
That was before.
Your insincere eyes and bored face
The way you act and talk are different from before
"This is ridiculous," I said to myself as I looked over at the bathroom door. Come on, Im Yoona. You got two choices. You can confront him and face a cruel truth or a kind explanation, or you can just wait for him to come clean and never know the real truth unless he fesses up which seems more...
Screw it. I'm confronting him.
Once my mind, made up its decision, I breathed deeply and prepared myself for the biggest staredown with the door. I stared at it with furrowed eyebrows and flared nostrils, putting all my frustration on to that one innocent door who would probably start buring from the heated glare I was given.
After ten minutes of staring, and right when I was about to give up, the door bursted open; that made me fall back on my seat.
"Are you trying to see through the door or something?" All my frustration temporarily went away and I greeted him with a flustered expression.
"Oh god -um- sorry. Y-You surprised me there... I was j-just..." Come on, think of something!
"Whatever, I don't really care. I'll be downstairs."
"W-Wait!" He turned around and looked at me with a what-do-you-want look. I gulped and looked down, nervousness creeping up. I soon abandoned it all and wore a serious face, looking back at him. "I want to know why you've been acting so differently." He widened his eyes a bit and paused before looking back at me with the same coldness as before.
"Look, I'm busy with work that's paying for most of our apartment, so I think you should leave me alone and stop trying to think you need to know everything." I was lying if I said that I wasn't hurt by that. I was...mortified by what he said. Was it a sin to not know why my friend wasn't being himself? Was it bad that I was worried about him? Did something I said have any affect on him?
Most importantly, why wasn't he answering my question?
"Donghae."
"What?" I shivered at his cold reply, but did not show the chills infront of him.
"Answer my question. Don't go beating around the bush. I don't like people like that. Infact, I hate people who keep secrets. Do you want me to hate you too, Donghae? Do you really want me to stop giving you a smile and hate you too?" He stiffened and looked at me, trying to glare but not being able to hide the scared look in his eyes.
Don't go around and just get to the point
I didn't like that glint of fear in his eyes, so I calmed myself down and sat on the bed, gesturing him to sit down as well.
"Come on, oppa. Let's talk about this alright? No more hiding. Come on. Sit." He slowly walk toward the bed and sat down next to me, refusing to look at me. I smiled gently. "Let's talk. So why are you acting like this. Is something bothering you?"
Let's have a heart to heart to heart (talk)
"I...Where should I start?" I tilted my head and thought for a bit before look back at his direction.
"Who were you meeting?" His breath grew short and his eyes never left the floor, not wanting to look back at me.
"I...I was meeting a matchmaker." I was a bit surprised, not really expecting him to resort to matchmaking without the reason. I realized that this talk wasn't really going to work unless he actually looked at me while talking about something seriously. He hasn't looked up from the floor at all.
"Okay, before you continue, look up. We can't really communicate if you're too busy trying to avoid looking at me."
Look directly at my eyes and tell me (more)
He glanced up at me, and I saw so much confusion in his eyes. He looked so lost, so unsure of what to do. I quickly pulled him in to a hug, for he really looked too lost to be able to talk eye to eye. It was painful looking.
"Continue. Why were you going?"
"It was to find someone else besides her. It was to get married quickly and occupy myself with someone else and not someone who I've been seeing so much. It was to stop me from going crazy with confusion. It was to stop me from doing anything I would regret. It was to let her go and have a better life. It was to... Forget loving her." I nodded understandingly and rubbed his back. No doubt I was worried for him. He must've wanted to forget someone who he couldn't be with so badly. I wondered why.
"Oppa, who was this girl? And why can't you just ask her out?" He just sighed and nestled his hand against my shoulder, his hot breath brushing against my neck.
"It doesn't matter. She probably won't feel the same way."
"Donghae," my tone was serious," don't stop telling me things. No secrets remember?"
Don't go around your point, don't make me mad
"But you'll hate me more."
"No, I won't. I promise. Now tell me." He was hesitant, and his next answer was hushed and barely a whisper. I had to strain my ears to hear the answer.
"You." I blinked. Twice. What? There was a long pause, until he hugged me even tighter. "The person I loved, the person I had to let go was you. Im Yoona, I ... I love you." My mind was blank. I widened my eyes and sat there, frozen. He pulled away from the hugging position we were in and stared at me. "Say something Yoona."
I couldn't say anything. Just... There was a blank canvas in my head, and I myself was lost. I never... I never really thought that he would have feelings for me, and I never thought that I would be so warm inside to hear that. The whole thing shocked me so much that I couldn't say a word, and I couldn't blink. I was secretly afraid this would go away the moment I blinked.
"Yoona, please say something." Blink. Blink. "Yoona, please." Blink. Blink.
It wasn't going away. This... Is really happening.
I opened my mouth, but only one word came out.
"Why?" He shifted his eyes down and quickly pulled me in to a hug, not wanting me to see his teary eyes. I already saw them though, and I tried hard not to get them too.
"Why I like you... I don't know. You can't choose who you get to like. If I did, then I wouldn't have chosen you. I can't be with you though. We both have reputations to uphold. I can't make you suffer the lonliness felt when being with me. I can't make you waste your energy waiting for someone who won't comeback until way later. I can't put you through the gatherings I have to go to and be pushed down because of your rank. I can't-"
I silenced him by using my limp arms to hug him back, trying to hold back the happy tears.
"Thank you for caring so much, oppa. I like you a lot too."
From now on, heart to heart, you and I, heart to heart to heart
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