Yesterday
30 Day IPod Shuffle Challenge for YoonHae (FAILED)Song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-aHDWlz8orw
I glanced at the empty seat in front of me and ignored my teacher's endearing lecture that would've pulled me in if I wasn't so distracted already.
My thoughts glanced back to the day before, but I shook them off as quickly as I could, flicking the year that failed to stay in my eyes. I knew that I couldn't help but bring my mind to that fateful day, but I also knew that I'm supposed to have no intentions with the past. That's how I was before.
Like a habit, I think of yesterday
I assured myself over and over that it was useless. Why should I bother remembering that can't be turned back? Why do I keep believing that he will come back to me? Why do I keep wasting my time?
Although I tell myself several times that it’s wasted time
It was because I missed him. I missed his smiles, his laughter, his hugs, his voice, and just everything else. I missed him so much, and I wasn't used to him not being with me. I wasn't used to him fading away from me.
It’s still awkward for me that you’re not here
I dreaded it so much. If I couldn't even see his face once a day, I'd go mad.
So I tried to clung on to him for dear life. I tried to beg for him to stay with me. I called him constantly to say sorry to him for whatever I possibly did to update him. I tried to his needs.
So I try to hold onto you but
It didn't work.
It was like none of the memories we shared mattered anymore. No matter how hard and desperately I clung on to him, we still became father and farther away from each other. Our trust was drifting away, our patience was no longer there, our love was messed up; we were broken.
Yesterday is fading away
"Please don't leave me," we're the last words I said to him. I remember he turned away from me, trying to suppress sobs that I've witnessed before when he found out his dad was no longer in this world. He tried to hide them from someone who knew him too well. That saddened me.
Your face becomes clearer
You, who is filled with tears,
When he turned to walk off, his hesitation to step further was noticeable, but I know that if I went to chase him, he would run away. He left me to scream his name over and over when he walked off, leaving my voice to fade from his ears and my heart feeling heavier each step he took. I was freaking out inside, not knowing what to do. I was useless... Without him.
Are turning away from me
So what should I do? No no
------
I tried so hard to find him once he left without a trace. He sold his apartment and changed his number. He left without a word, like a quiet fish from from the deep who didn't want to be noticed.
I went from our friends to his nearby family members, and ran to all the places we hung out together to find him. I looked for him everywhere the whole day, not coming home until three in the morning, letting myself collapse on the front of my door and cry.
My footsteps become quicker
All day, I look for you
I didn't go to sleep at all, muffling my cries on to my pillow and muttering incoherent nonsense and wishing that this was just a dream. A dream that I wanted no part of.
When tomorrow came, it seemed like a normal day. My friends were acting normal. My teachers were still scolding rowdiness. I still focused on my studies. It was almost like he never left me.
Everything is the same as yesterday, everything is the same
Almost.
I felt different. There was no welcome hug or kiss. I didn't hear his complaints about school while walking to our classes. I didn't have to wave any notes away that he would send to me when he was bored.
The fact that he wasn't here, that he wasn't even mine anymore, that he just didn't feel the same anymore crushed me. It was so different without him, and I never liked adaptability. This was far beyond my range of control.
But why are you the only one who is different?
I wish I could turn back time to when he turned away from me and was about to walk away. I would've stopped him from leaving. I would've ran over to him and keep him in my hold, never letting him go once.
If only it was yesterday.
The day I long for, the passed by yesterday
He was gone, forever to be unseen from me. The more I cried for him to come back, the farther he drifted the way. He was so far away.
You are getting farther away from me
He probably never realized what he did to me when he left. He took away the smile that reached to my eyes, the happy intakes of air I would breathe in, the fits of laughter that was only for his jokes, etc.
(Now the memories of you and I are all) yesterday oh yesterday
----------
HEY GURL HEYYYY!
Forget my weird gretting -shamed- And just bash on me for not giving you guys long notes on the bottom anymore. You have to understand that I was super busy so I just didn't have time to leave nice messages on the bottom for you beautiful readers. I hope that doesn't happen again.
So today's song was Yesterday by Dynamic Black. I know that this isn't a real band, but I put the song in my IPod and well it managed to pick it out. I forgot how much I loved the song though. It's easy to sing, heartbreaking, and I know all the people in the sub group. I'm surpised that there are no SM or YG artists participating in this :/
And yes, the song is just a big giant ball of sadness and angst. I wanted a happy song, but I have to say that this was a good enough drabble. I don't know though. I feel like I'm just writing the same plot over and over DD: Is that really how I'm writing these drabbles/oneshots?
Oh my god, this is the 14th day 0.0 I honestly didn't expect to keep going with this. Well I'm giving myself a pat on the back for this. I also got to give thanks to the people who kept following this story and commenting along >< Have some Woohyun kisses.
Well I got to go amd do my homework (I fell a sleep, woke up at five, freaked out, and wrote this in a flurry. I didn't even do my homework yet ;~;)
Namhearts for all!!!
Comments