Everything felt wrong for the next few days. Tao was mainly out of it. He did what he usually did. He woke up at the same time made breakfast and then made Kris’ luch. When Kris would go to the kitchen they’d eat breakfast together then Kris would leave. Tao would clean any little mess that was made and then went to the market to go buy ingrediants for dinner. He’d usually skip lunch because he’d take a nap. But something was off. Tao was constantly tired. Instead of buying food for just that night he’d buy it for the next couple of days so that he wouldn’t have to go out. Instead of cleaning the small things he’d leave them be and for another day.

            Kris didn’t really notice anything since he didn’t see Tao during the day. He thought Tao was the same but he seemed a little distant when they talked during dinner. After it had been a full week of Tao being out of it the weekend came and Kris noticed Tao’s lack of appetite and lack of enthusiasm. He started to get worried. He asked Tao but all Tao would say was that he was a little tired. Kris believed it at first but then after another week had gone by Tao hadn’t changed. It was now obvious that something was wrong with Tao, but he didn’t know what.

“Tao, baby?”

“Hmm?”

“Are you okay? You seem kind of out of it.”

“Yea, I’m just tired that’s all.”

“Are you sure? You said that last time but you still seem the same.”

“I don’t know. I feel like there’s something missing. I feel like I’m not doing anything with my life.”

“What do you mean?”

“It’s the same every day. Our routine; it never changes.”

“We can change things if you want. It doesn’t have to be the same every day.”

“I know, but then at times I like the routine. I like that I know what I’m going to do. But, it bores me. I want to do things outside of this house. I want to have responsibilities. I’ve always been taken care of. I never took care of someone else. I’m scared of what’ll happen if this doesn’t work.”

“If what doesn’t work?”

“Us. If we don’t work. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“Tao, what’s making you think like this? At first it was Onew that was bothering you, now it’s that you think we won’t work out. Do you feel like we won’t work out? Or, are you having second thoughts about this relationship?”

“No, I’m not. It’s just I don’t know Onew and what if he does try and take you back. He probably has way more to offer than I do. All I do is stay home and cook and wait for you to get back home. He could give you so much more.”

“You give me enough okay. Don’t you ever doubt that. You’re all I need. I don’t need for you to do anything but be here for me and continue loving me. That’s all I need. I need to be loved. And you give me that. You make me happy. And I hope that I make you happy. If you’re unhappy you tell and I’ll do my best to make you happy. I know our lives have become a routine but just don’t give up on us. Onew has nothing to give me. When we were together all he did was use me. He used me to get what he wanted. And when he finally got it he up and left. He didn’t say goodbye, he just said that he was done playing with his toy and he wanted a new one. I always block people out because I don’t want to get hurt. You’ve broken that barrier that I created. You’ve made me so happy that if you left I don’t know what I’d do with my life. I’d be in despair if you ever just left me.”

            Tao came closer and embraced Kris. Kris hadn’t told him about what Onew had actually done. He felt terrible bringing it up. But what Kris said hit home. He remembered his family and how one time he went out with his friends and didn’t tell them. When he got back instead of being scolded his parents poured out their concerns for him and what would happen if he ever truly left. He felt like he was home again, only this time it was with his lover. The person who did everything he could to make him happy. Kris would do little things that Tao didn’t really noticed unless he paid close attention like showering extra fast so that Tao would have hot water for when he showered and how he’d prepare the water boiler the night before so all Tao had to do in the morning was press the ‘on’ button. Little things that everyone would over look but Kris did anyways so Tao would be happy.

            At first this was about Tao and then it turned to a situation of discussing their feeling. And what they felt about everything. At first Tao was hesitant to tell what he was feeling, but after Kris told him about what had fully happened with Onew he sat there just holding Kris. He decided that if Kris was going to tell him about his past and how hurtful it was that he was going to tell him about his worries.

“Honestly, I’m worried about my future. I’m afraid that I won’t succeed or accomplish my dreams. I’m especially worried about not being happy. I wish I could just get a peek of my future to know that I’ll be at least okay. I want to know that we work out and that we get puppy or a kitten. I want to know that if in the future we get a child. I want to know if we get married. I’m scared that you’ll get tired of me and I won’t have anything to live for. I want to be sure of something, anything. I don’t want to live in the dark and always be afraid to walk into a room and find you with someone else because I wasn’t enough. I want to be able to make you happy, to make everyone that I love happy. I want to be able to smile when I want to and cry when I feel like it. I don’t want to put up a façade for everyone to believe that we’re perfect. I want people to see our flaws but also that our love for each other can overcome those flaws.”

            Kris sat there listening to everything that Tao was saying. He was amazed at how Tao had managed to keep it all inside. He was upset though that Tao hadn’t told him any of his worries.  As Tao spoke some of the things that he was saying, Kris himself had become worried about. He wanted to know that there was some stability in their relationship in order for them to move forward. His own insecurities left his mouth and Tao heard them. They exchanged their worries and doubts but in the end they were both still unsure of some things. It was okay though, because no one understood everything perfectly. Everyone had doubts about everything.  It was okay to be doubtful. Doubts were the things that kept them talking, the thing that kept them getting to know each other’s true self.

Once again i know that this is late, but my personal issues are still here and to add to that emotional mess i got sick on thursday and i'm still not better. also i had state testing last week and today and i am so drained and i just want to sleep for days but i can''t because i feel like things will just get worse if i just ignore them. if any of you are curious about what's actually going on in my life you can message me and i'll tell you. 

i might be ending this fic within the next few chapters because i feel as if i can now finish it and be happy with it. things have been solved and everything's somewhat okay.

once again, i thank you my subscriber's for sticking with me even if the last couple updates have been lacking and late. 

also thank you to those that commented on the last chapter. i really appreaciate you guys understanding my situation. 

i don't know if i'll be updating on friday or not but i really want to but i'm not sure if i will be emotionally ready to write what comes next in the story (because you know i like to people over and make something go terribly wrong)