∞

Luhan leaves the day after, sooner than he or Yixing predicted and this makes Yixing sadder than he would think he would be. He’s not sure if it’s only the fact that he spent little to no time with Luhan and the other is already leaving or if it’s the fact that Wufan is making no move to pick up his calls every now and then and when he does he sounds distant and breathy. Wufan blames it on over work but Yixing knows better.

Yixing wakes up that day feeling worse than the week before. He has too much on his mind. Actually he only has one thing on his mind but its weight is greater than a million little problems. He can’t stop feeling that no matter what he’ll chose he’ll end up letting someone disappointed or upset.

So when he’s getting dinner ready and his mother gets home that night he holds on to his hopes and goes talk to her. It’s already clear what Wufan wants so now he just has to found out what his mother wants. Even if knowing that won’t help him because he’s sure his mother will lie for his sake. Either way Yixing is the one with the burden. In the end it’s his decision and the weight of that makes him nervous.

“Mama. I need to talk to you.” He says softly as she gets her seat at the table. She’s smiling but Yixing is not so at that view she drops her own.

“What’s wrong?” She asks worriedly while Yixing sets the pan on the table to start serving dinner.

“Remember when you said you’d like if Wufan and I would get married?” He starts. His mother looks confused and surprised.

“What do you mean? He proposed?” Yixing didn’t realize the idiocy with which he started the subject so he shakes his head.

“No. No...He didn’t.” He takes a spoonful of rice and sets it on his mother’s plate. She’s looking attentively at him. “He asked me to go live with him.” It’s probably silly of him to think it almost means the same but he does. There’s no need for a bit of paper to tell them their together. Taking that step, that huge jump and go live together already means matrimony by itself.

“Oh.” She looks down for a couple seconds, metaphorically looking for her words before looking up at Yixing again. “And did you accept?” Yixing sighs as he puts down the plate in front of her.

“No.” He picks up his own to serve himself.

“Why not? Oh-” She interrupts herself. “Because of me.”

“Yeah.” He mumbles.

“You’re worried about me.” She says as a matter of fact.

“Yes.” Yixing fills about half what he served his mother. His stomach is twisted and he can’t bring himself to eat much. He sets the plate down and sits in front of it, across from his mother.

“How old are you Yixing?” She asks calmly as if she didn’t know the answer, like she was getting to know Yixing at that moment. Yixing blinks before picking up his chopsticks.

“Uh…I’m twenty one.”

“Well, then, I think you’re more than mature to make your own decisions without having to withdraw it for anyone.” She says softly and eats a bit of rice smiling contently on how it tastes. “How old were you when your father left?” Yixing is starting to hate how his mother is conducting the conversation.

“I was ten.” He says frowning.

“Subtracting, it roughly gives out eleven years since I’ve slept alone in that bed.” She eats another small chunk of rice. “I love you Yixing. You’re my son but I am and will always be alone no matter what you do. Even if you’re here.” Yixing lets his dish get cold as he stares at his mother while she talks slowly. “You keep me great company but there’s a void inside my heart that no one will repair. Keeping you here won’t fix anything. There are no words to represent how selfish that would be of me.” She breathes and drinks a sip of wine. “Work keeps me busy. I’ll manage. And you know Mr. Hao always gives me discounts in his meals.” She finishes with a smile.

“Mama…”

“He lives near no? If it makes you feel better I’ll let you come here and clean the house occasionally.” She says wittily with a chuckle. Yixing furrows his brows. She’s talking as if he already made the decision to go.

“You’re really okay with this?”

“I’m more than okay. I can tell you love him.” She smiles. “And from what I know you’re not the kind of person to go easy on this type of decisions and it’s obvious you want to go.” Again Yixing feels stupid because everyone can read right through him as if he was that transparent. “It’s your call now.” Yixing looks down at his plate. His hunger is gone so he drops his chopsticks. He keeps his mother company until she finishes and fights her when she offers to clean up. She glares and scolds him saying she still is more than able to do this kind of work, remarking that she isn’t that old yet.

He goes to his room and broods on the subject, lying down on his bed, facing the ceiling. He wants to think thoroughly about the consequences of leaving his mother alone but his mind falls all over Wufan. About how much he wants to give it a shot. How much he wants to jump and take that risk. To give Wufan a chance to show Yixing that forever is real.

He turns to his side and reaches for his phone, types in a few words, I know you’re busy but I need to talk to you. Please, and sends it to Wufan. He holds onto his phone tightly as he waits for the answer. The probabilities of receiving something are narrow but Yixing is always willing to hold onto thin strings. It takes a bit but eventually the device vibrates. Yixing opens the message. Your place. Half an hour. It’s short and seemingly cold because Wufan always likes to had little smiley faces but Yixing thinks it’s better than nothing. By your place Yixing knows Wufan means his special spot so he goes take a quick shower before heading off there.

It’s late and it’s dark outside already, despite the long hours of summer the days drag but Yixing makes way like it was daytime. He could travel this route eyes closed if he had to so it’s no problem.

He sits on the only bench there, closing his light jacket firmly around himself and looks around. Taking in the silent wind blowing through leafs and the background street noise in the distance. This place is really something he doesn't want to give up on although someday he won’t have another choice. He’ll have to move on and move away because that’s simply how life goes. He smiles to himself despite the tightness he feels inside his chest and stares at the infinite little lights that fill the view before him. He takes a deep breath as he feels someone sitting close next to him. Not really touching but close enough for him to feel the other’s warmth.

“I’m always unsure.” Yixing breaks the silence. “I never dive in. I hesitate and I ponder and I measure things until there’s nothing left to judge.” He pauses. “I don’t…I’m not adventurous but you…you make me rethink everything I am. You make me believe in hopes I don’t have. You make me love things I never thought of loving and you changed my way to look at the world.” He breathes in. He never let out those words before and being the emotional type he is, he has to control his urge to cry because of it. Wufan is quiet so he continues. “I’m confusing and I take time…I just need you to wait. To just wait for me.” He wants to look up and see Wufan’s expression but he doesn’t dare so he keeps silent staring at his hands.

“I hope you know I will wait for you until the end.” Wufan reaches and wraps a hand around Yixing’s.

“I made up my mind.”

“It’s okay. I put you in an uncomfortable position Yixing. I shouldn’t have asked something like that. It was selfish of me.” Wufan explains softly and it makes Yixing look at him.

“It’s not-” He tries to find the best way to say it. “I want to do it. I really do…”

“But…” Wufan completes looking earnestly into Yixing’s eyes.

“But…not now. Not right now.” Wufan averts his gaze and Yixing does the same going back to stare at his lap again. “I gave a good thought to this and if you- if it’s okay with you…after school is over…then I could.” He says shyly. He takes a look at Wufan and the other seems to be pondering Yixing’s words. After a few moments Wufan turns to face Yixing and the corners of his mouth curve. He leans and pecks Yixing’s lips.

“If that’s what you want.” 

“I want to be with you.” Wufan smiles brighter.

“Good.” His smile turns into a smirk and he gets closer, having his body touching Yixing’s and he leans again giving him a deeper and longer kiss.

“Meanwhile…” Yixing starts saying after a bit and pushing Wufan slightly by the chest to make him sit straight. “…you should really find someone to cook for you.” Wufan sighs and reclines back on the bench.

“Fine, fine. If it means that much to you.”

“It’s for your health Wufan.” He moves his hand to lace their fingers together and rests his head on Wufan’s shoulder. He feels the older rest his head on his and grip his hand just a little tighter. They stay this way just looking at the city lights and breathing in the warm night summer air. Wufan has to work tomorrow so Yixing holds a little longer and savors the beauty of the moment.

∞

can you smell the ending approaching? xD well so yeah...because this has to be sensical I can't have yixing just jump in recklessly. ^^

i want you guys to know that although sometimes it was tiresome that i really enjoyed going through this experience with you. your lovely and kind and amazing comments were my fuel to continue and finish this. i love you all so much i'm getting emotional omg ;____; thank you so so much once more. ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥