I walked back alone, crying my eyes out. I felt people turning to look at me but I didn’t care. I had too much on my mind.

“Hyuna? Is that REALLY you?” I heard a familiar voice calling me out. I ignored that person and carried on walking. I then felt a hand on my shoulder, jerking me backwards violently. I almost lost my balance but thankfully didn’t.

I then saw someone I thought I’d never see again in my life. It was Eunbi. My ex classmate and ex best friend back in Shanghai. She was someone who all the girls hated but in their hearts, they knew they wanted to be exactly like her because she was, the best. All the guys would do anything to get a chance to take her out on a date.

We go way back. She was my only friend back in primary school. We told each other everything. I told her how my father used to abuse my mother until she couldn’t handle it and ran away, leaving me behind. I told her about how angry my father had been, waking up and discovering that his wife had left him and leaving behind a child that he had no interesting in taking care of.

I told her how he would beat me every single day after I came home from school. He’d call me useless and I’m just a waste of money and space. He said that the money could be spent on better things. By better things, he obviously meant alcohol and es.

He would only beat my legs and then he forbids me to wear any shorts or anything that exposed my badly bruised skin. I got called terrible names for that. I remember being the only one who wore long sweat pants during PE class and everybody else laughed at me. Eunbi stood by my side and defended me.

The beatings never stopped and Eunbi never stopped protecting me from big bullies. But when middle school started, everything changed.

Before starting middle school, we promised to always be there for each other and that we’d never tell our secrets to anyone. I kept my promise. She broke hers the next day. It was the first day of school and I walked in to school actually feeling excited for a new school year.

Eunbi and I promised to wear matching outfits. Childish, I know. We were both supposed to wear blue jeans and an absurdly pink cardigan with a green shirt underneath. I waited for her at my locker which was right next to hers.

After a few minutes, I saw Eunbi. I couldn’t believe my eyes. Instead of my best friend, I saw this girl wearing a low tank top; with nothing to show off and an incredibly short skirt which was totally inappropriate for someone her age. Her long, black hair cascaded down her back. I could see make up literally caked on her face. She wore 3-inch kitten heels.

“Eunbi! I’m so happy to see you…but what are you wearing? I thought we made a promise…”

“What are you?” she rolled her eyes, “Promises are SO last year. And so are you. Don’t even bother try talking to me ever again because from now on, I don’t know you.”

She walked away from me, leaving me dumbfounded. I stood there looking like a fool. During lunch, everybody glared at me as if I just murdered their mother. Some people even threw their food at me. I ran away from the lunch room. I went to the girls’ toilet and locked myself in one of the cubicles and started to cry.

When I finally stopped sobbing, I looked at the heavily vandalized door. I started to read it. I came across several interesting things. I was actually enjoying myself until I saw those words, “Lee Hyuna is an orphan.” “Lee Hyuna’s mother is a drug addict and her dad is a drunk.” “Lee Hyuna gets beaten.” “Stay away from Lee Hyuna. She will steal your money since she’s so poor.”

There were so much more hurtful words. I knew who wrote those. That handwriting belonged to Eunbi, and it was written in pink ink; Eunbi’s favourite colour, the ‘I’ s were dotted with heart shapes; Eunbi always did that.

Choi Eunbi. My so-called best friend betrayed me on the first day of middle school. My best friend told everyone my biggest secret. My best friend made rumors about.

Choi Eunbi, is the reason I trust no one anyone. I never talked to her ever again. In fact, I never talked to anyone at school. I’ve lost my one and only friend and I had no interest in gaining her back. After so many years of being alone, I’ve gotten used to it.

And here Eunbi is, calling me out. If I were her, I wouldn’t do it. There has to be  a motive to this..

“What do you what?” I said to her, holding back my tears.

“Aww, it is you. Poor Hyuna, always crying. Sucha little baby.”

I turned my back to her and started walking away.

“Hey Hyuna, where do you think you’re going?”

“Away from you.”

“Um, I don’t think so. You see Hyuna, I’ve been observing you in school and yes, I go to the same school as you. You probably didn’t see me because I am such a good spy. But anyways, I see you hanging out with the boys from BAP. Guess what. They’re mine.”

“They are obviously not yours,” I laughed at her narcissistic stupidity.

“True…well…not yet. I’m warning you, if you get any closer to them…everyone’s gonna know about your father. Does he still hit you?” My face instantly turned from annoyed to angry and she obviously noticed that. “Aww, don’t be angry. I shouldn’t have asked that. What was I thinking? Haha, silly me.”

“You know what, Eunbi? You can’t use my father against me every. Single. Time.”

“Oh, believe me. I can,” She towered over me in those stripper-like heels. “I can make people believe things that aren’t even real. I’ll tell them everything and even more. If you try to deny it, they won’t believe you. I mean, seriously. Would you believe the nice, outgoing, friendly girl that I am or the shy, always-alone and hangs out with BAP girl? I’d believe me.”

“People aren’t that stupid anymore Eunbi… you can’t just fool them like that.”

“Watch me,”  

I am starting to think that coming here was a terrible idea. It is better than my life back in Shanghai but there’s just so many complications here. I don’t think I can handle this. I want all this pain, anger and confusion to end. And there’s only one way.

I’m going to kill myself.

I’ve made my decision. I’ve thought about it more than a billion times. I’m not going to leave anything behind. I don’t have any specific goals or wishes. No outstanding achievements, no best friends, no lovers, no parents, no nothing. I have no purpose in life.

I walked back to the hotel and took the lift to the top floor and climbed my way up on to the rooftop. It is really windy tonight. My hair is flying everywhere and my body is freezing. I climbed to the edge and counted to myself slowly.

“One…Two…Thr-“

“HYUNA!!!”

Damn you random person. I want to die just let me be.

“HYUNA WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING?!”

I felt someone grab me and carry me off the edge.

“HYUNA, ANSWER ME!”

I opened my eyes and saw Zelo. He was the one who carried me. He was the one who interrupted my attempt at suicide. Damn you Zelo.

“Hyuna…are you okay?” He asked, this time in a softer voice.

“I’m fine…” I replied, looking into his eyes. They were watery and red. It looked as if he’s been crying the whole day.

“What the HELL were you trying to do?”

“I was trying to kill myself. Didn’t you see?”

“Of course I saw. Why do you wanna kill yourself?”

“I have no reason to live. Everyone hates me, I have friends. I have nothing to look forward to.”

“I don’t hate you… I will never hate you.”

“Really?”

“Yes, really,”

I want to tell him. Right here, right now.

“Zelo…there’s something I want to tell you…it’s pretty important,”

“…What is it about?”

“You…and me…and everything else,”

“Go on…”

“I-I don’t know how to say this but, Himchan…I don’t actually like him…I actually despise him, for everything he did but he forced me into this. He forced me into telling you guys that we’re together and all but in reality I don’t even like him one tiny bit. He said he’d tell everyone if I didn’t agree…”

“What…?”

“And also with Daehyun, he seems nice and all but I just don’t know…I should’ve never talked to Himchan…ugh. He’s gonna tell everyone if I try to break up with him...”

“Tell everyone what?”

Silence

“Hyuna, it’s okay. You can tell me. I promise, I won’t tell anyone.”

“Are you sure…?”

“Yes, I swear.”

“Himchan…”

“Himchan what…”

“He me."