Jonghyun’s POV

As soon as I entered our room, I knew Key wasn’t going to let this go by so easily.

The lights were off. He was lying down in his bed, staring at the ceiling; the moonlight shone off his eyes dimly. The others had gone to Dreamland a long time ago. I couldn’t say what I was expecting exactly. But I knew that, from his reaction earlier, it wasn’t going to an easy discussion.

I knew how he was like. Although, on the appearance, he doesn’t seem to care, he truly does. There was a reason why fans called him the umma of the group.

It’s too bad this side of him was going to cause me trouble.

I closed the door behind me gently and made my way towards my bed, half blind. I really hoped he wouldn’t bring it up, that he would somehow let it pass by.

But of course he wouldn’t.

As soon I lay down in bed and brought the covers over me, I heard his distinctive, cool voice.

“I guess it’s too late to warn you not to give her your phone number, huh?”

I turned my head slightly to look at him; he still had his eyes glued to the ceiling. He had no expression whatsoever. I wasn’t sure if he was angry or curious. So I decided to take the cautious approach.

“What’s done is done, right?” I stated simply.

He sighed, closing his eyes in a weary manner. “You should be aware of the dangers by now, Jonghyun.”

I knew he meant well by getting worried like this. None of us wanted to tarnish SHINee’s clean reputation: we had put so many efforts to always act our best and to assure no scandals would ever occur to destroy our image.

But Sang Hee was trustworthy. I truly believed her.

I shifted my gaze back unto the ceiling. “I am. But I know she’s not the person to give us trouble.”

“How can you know her so well? Don’t you see her two days a week only?”

Would it have been odd if I told him that, even so, she was one of the rare people to truly understand me?

“I do. And I know what I’m doing, trust me.”

An uncomfortable silence loomed over us. The impression that he was about to strike again at any instant stayed. Even though I was older than him, it felt as if I was being scolded by a motherly figure. I guess the fans weren’t that wrong about his umma side.

He shifted slightly in his bed. I didn’t bother looking, because I now felt his piercing stare on me. “She’s a fan, isn’t she?”

I knew he was right, but I didn’t want to risk putting more disadvantages against my cause. “She’s a member of the music department, you should know that.”

I heard him laugh bitterly. “You’re avoiding the question. I’m guessing she is then. Not like it was hard to notice by the way she looked at you.”

I sighed in a frustrated manner, closing my eyes. “What if she is? Not all fans are deranged people.”

“Maybe they aren’t, but they can definitely ruin our lives as much as they brightened it,” I heard him say coldly. He paused for a moment, and then continued on in a more gentle tone. “Jonghyun, it’s not worth it. You’re hurting both of you by letting this go on.”

I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t want to hear what I knew all along, but had tried to ignore. I felt a pang of hurt, as well. Hearing those words escape from one of my companions’ lips gave a sense of betrayal to them.

I wanted them to support me. I wanted them to understand.

But, judging by Key’s reaction, I realized I wasn’t going to get the support I needed from them.

“Why? Why can’t anyone just let me stay in contact with her?” I whispered bitterly. “Why can’t I even talk to this one person I wanted with me, for once?”

He didn’t answer anything. I didn’t bother wondering what was going through his mind. It seemed pointless to reason with anyone now. I had realized how disregarded the idea of being with her was.

Without the feeling of being supported by my very own members, my loneliness seemed more imposing, more overwhelming than it had ever been.

I shifted to the side, my back facing him. I knew I was being somewhat childish for not listening to him. On the inside, I knew he was right too.

But there was just something so unfair in all this that caused frustration to swell inside of me. I felt so helpless in front of these obligations that were bonded with my idol status. I couldn't escape it, whatever I did. And, just for that, I felt incredibly powerless in my own body. I had managed so well to follow the rules for all these years. Didn’t I deserve at least a chance to be with someone I already trusted so much?

“Sorry, but I can’t go back now.” I said softly, slowly.

I closed my eyes tiredly; he didn’t answer anything anymore.

And, even though I was in the same room as all of them, it felt as if I was the only one here.

Mood song: Fiction – BEAST

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kG4qXsL7suc

Dae Myung’s POV

Light penetrated through my eyelids; I felt the sun’s rays warming my skin. Morning had arrived and filled my bedroom with the fleeting morning’s light.

It was difficult.

It was excruciatingly difficult to open my eyes and have to face my first day without her, without our usual, tight friendship.

But I couldn’t go back now. I couldn’t start regretting telling her how I felt. I knew I couldn’t have continued like this. It was bound to happen. I couldn’t have avoided it.

Yet... why did I feel so empty?

I slowly opened my eyes; the image of my room slowly made itself less blurry until I could see clearly. But the one thought that was running through my mind, that was clinging unto it, was anxiety.

Anxiety to hear her answer.

But I knew her.

I knew she wasn’t going to answer so quickly. I knew she wouldn’t want to hurt me. I knew this was difficult for her to accept. But all I wanted was for her to see me as a potential boyfriend.

Why did things have to end up this way? Why did I have to confess to her to make her realize I was here right along? Why couldn’t she see me just like other girls?

And yet, I knew that if she did, I wouldn’t have had the slightest interest for her.

I sat up wearily, slowly. The covers slid off my chest, dragged down by gravity. I shivered slightly from the chilling cold that had already set itself into our apartment.

I missed summer. I missed the heat, the sunlight, the atmosphere, the freedom.

And especially the memories of us.

I groggily rubbed my eyes with one hand. It hadn’t been even five minutes, but I was already so sick of this first day without being able to talk to her.

I looked on my left. Chung Hee and Kang Dae were still sleeping soundly in their bed. This image of them warmed my pained heart, and concealed the anxiety.

We had passed midterms, so we had a week off.

A week I had hoped to spend with her every day.

But looks like that plan was to be thrown away.

I had time to take care of the twins now.

I had all the time in the world now.

But I found no joy in that anymore.

I got out of bed and pressed both of my feet against the cold, harsh floor. I shuddered from the freezing contact. I immediately worried if the twins were warm enough.

So I walked over to them quickly, silently, and pressed my still warm hands against Chung Hee’s cheek. I did the same with Kang Dae soon after.

I smiled dimly; at least they seemed to be warm enough for now.

I wondered what time it was. I glanced at the clock: it was 10:14am. I had went back home around eleven yesterday night, and had immediately went to bed, wanting to escape from reality by the intermediary of dreams.

But, even then, I couldn’t fall asleep.

Because the memory of the fear in her eyes as I was about to kiss her hung in my thoughts, painful.

Did she hate me now?

Did she still want to talk to me?

Those questions would remain unanswered, until I would hear from her again. And, unfortunately, I had no idea how long I would have to wait before that would happen.

I gazed at Chung Hee and Kang Dae and then turned to look outside the window. The sunlight was bright and clear outside, but autumn had taken away the feeling of warmth. I wondered if it would be okay to leave them home for some time, just to take a walk.

I ached for a simple walk to clear my thoughts.

But I ached for her more.

My solitude made me want to be surrounded by nature, to feel the cold, chilling breeze around me.

So I walked over to my desk and took the keys and my music player, trying to make the least noise as possible. Before leaving the room, I glanced one last time at the two kids. A slight smile appeared on my lips.

If they weren’t here, I definitely wouldn’t have had any more reason to smile.

I walked into the living room, empty and even more freezing than our room. I took my coat that was on the couch and walked over to the front door. Umma was probably working again.

I wondered if she was doing fine at this moment.

I put my boots on and opened the door. The cold air assaulted me. My throat felt constricted by this unfamiliar temperature. I slid my headphones on and my music player.

Fiction by BEAST immediately started playing.

How ironic…

The leaves rustled slightly in the distance, the wind tossing them around without effort. They fluttered on the streets, as if to enjoy this last month, before snow would crush and hide them forever.

"I will rewrite it again, our story will not end
I will bury the fact that reality is seeping into my skin for now"

Our relationship was up filled with happiness… and hidden pain.

I wanted to go back to before the confession. I didn’t want to go back to before the confession. This swirling contradiction confused me. I didn’t know what I wanted anymore.

I knew I wanted her.

But I couldn’t have her without making her acknowledge my feelings.

"I rewrite it once again, the beginning of you and I smiling happily
In case you will leave me, the background is a small room without an exit"

I walked blindly, with my eyes open. My footsteps were heard against the concrete street. Only the rustling of leaves accompanied them.

We were supposed to be in love.

It was the first time for me to feel this way. I loved her.

I could’ve gotten any other girl I wanted. She was supposed to love me.

But, in the end, she never saw me that way.

"I will hold on to you (Fiction in Fiction)
I won’t let you go (Fiction in Fiction in Fiction)
Even today, I’m in the story of you and I that hasn’t ended still, in Fiction"

There was no one around, even though it was daytime. Of course, no one would’ve gone out with these gray, grim clouds in the skies.

No one but a heartbroken person.

A heartbroken person who didn’t want to believe that the bonds that linked him to his loved one could be so easily broken.

And, somewhere deep within, I still believed I had a chance.

I still believed she would come to love me, just as much as I did for her.

"Right now, there are only happy stories here
The very happy stories of just the two of us (Different from reality)
Is written here, it’s slowly filling up"

I came across the bus stop. The memories of when she was too exhausted to walk after midterms resurfaced.

Back when I had been able to feel the joy of resting each other’s heads against each other, of holding her close to me as if we were lovers.

I felt a sting of ache, but also of bliss at the memory of being with her.

And, soon enough, I missed her already so much.

"I run towards you and embrace you
I can’t never let you go from my embrace
There is no such thing as an end for us"

Soon enough, my blind walking had led me to this nearby park where I had often spent my time alone, before I had started spending time with her. There were so many times when I had suppressed the desire to show her this peaceful, calming haven.

I had vowed to show her this place the day we would be able to love each other equally, to hold hands as lovers.

I still hopelessly believe it would happen someday.

"I will say this again, one more time
Right now you are next to me
I’m believing it, this way"

I walked on the small road that led to the edge of the Han river, flowing eternally without interruptions. As I soon reached it, I could hear its soft waters rushing by.

No matter where I would go, my thoughts would be overrun by her. I couldn’t escape this love that had taken over my heart.

I couldn’t rip my heart out.

I was stuck with this bittersweet feeling.

"I’m the writer who lost his purpose
The end of this novel, how am I supposed to write it"

I sat by the river’s edge, staring blankly at the waters raging under me.

What was going to happen to us? Will we still be able to talk to each other? How was she going to react? Will she accept my feelings? Or will she abandon us, the friendship we had?

I tried to continue believing she wasn’t like that, but soon enough, I found myself wondering if I knew her well enough. How could I be so certain she would still want to talk to me after all this?

"I love you, I love you, I love you, I love you, I keep writing these 3 words
Setting the worn-out pen on the old paper strained in tears
This story can’t be happy or sad"

The cold wind assaulted me; I clenched my coat tighter, shuddering.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you…

No matter how many times I repeated those words, she wasn’t going to be beside me. All I wanted was for her to see me, yet why did it feel like I had lost more than I had gained?

"Right now I’m writing such a happy story
But it is all just a wish still"

I hung my head, closing my eyes shut. My arms trembled; I couldn’t say if it was because of the freezing cold or the whirlwind that was my aching heart.

Was it possible to love someone so much? Was it possible to have your heart taken away and never hope to see it given back, no matter how much you begged for it?

Somewhere in the back of my mind lied my hopeless longing for her presence beside me.

Somewhere in the back of my mind lied my dream of being with her, of kissing her soft lips as I held her hand.

"I’m happy
We are together"

I screamed my ache out to the world, my eyes closed off from the unanswering skies, from the rushing Han river below me.

I screamed my despair out to this reality that had left me standing alone.

Alone without her.

"Now is the start
There is no end."

Sang Hee’s POV

I woke up suddenly, my eyes opening with a start. An unsettling feeling clung unto me. I sat up, my mind devoid of any thoughts. My hand brushed against my cellphone. I stared at it blankly.

Soon enough, yesterday’s vivid memories colored my mind.

Dae Myung’s confession. His uneven breath. His hands that had gone cold. His concealed pain. His love for me.

I felt my throat constrict itself as his loss was clear in my mind. I just wanted him to be by my side, but not the way he wished. Was there really no more possibility for us to return to what we were before?

I brought my knees to my chin and rested my cheek against them, trying to control myself before the first tear would fall. I wondered what he was doing at this moment; I wondered if he was faring well.

I wondered if he was thinking of me.

But there was no way for me to find out. There was only the silence and the unknown as answers.

My memories ensued: I soon remembered my conversation with Jonghyun yesterday night. I still felt my heart race every time I talked to him, every time he was in the same room as me.

I loved this feeling. I loved feeling butterflies in my stomach every time he looked at me. I loved being with him.

My hand took a hold of my cellphone and brought it in front of my tired eyes, my cheek still rested against my knees. A smile appeared on my lips, despite the sadness that had filled me. I was so grateful to Jonghyun for being there for me, for listening to me. He had sung me to sleep with his beautiful, angelic voice.

Even though we didn’t talk as much because of his idol status, every memory I had made with him was wonderful enough to bring a helpless smile upon my face.

I opened my cellphone: a notification soon appeared. I had received two texts. I felt a surge of curiosity yet fear appear inside of me.

Did Dae Myung send me a text already?

I knew I didn’t have to be afraid of him. I knew he didn’t mean any harm. But I couldn’t make this fear go away for some reason. I was scared he would’ve changed his mind, that he would hate me for not answering him. I was scared he would’ve changed, that all the care he had for me would’ve dissolved away.

I opened my cellphone, feeling slight nervousness.

But I felt guiltily relieved that I didn’t see his name appear. The two texts were from Jonghyun and Stephy instead.

Bittersweet happiness immediately followed as I saw Jonghyun’s name on my oldest text. I was so happy to see that he cared enough to send me a text, even after having sung me to sleep last night. I was so happy that I wasn't so alone, after all.

But I couldn't help but feel disappointed Dae Myung hadn't sent me anything.

I opened Jonghyun's text, feeling the sadness and bitterness of Dae Myung's loss overshadowing my heart.

“Hey, I hope you’re better by the time you read this. You really worried me yesterday night~. Do you know how much I wished you would feel better as I heard you cry?

I’m glad I was the one to cheer you up though.

- Jonghyun”

All the negative feelings melted away magically, just like that. Reading his words and realizing that he was worried about me made happiness sweep away my heart. I held the cellphone against me, feeling giddiness swell up, and closed my eyes for a moment.

I loved how he could make all the sadness weighing me down suddenly disappear with a virtual message. I loved how he could make me so blissful when the world seemed so grim a few instants before. I loved how he could make everything seem so dim, compared to his presence.

And I soon realized how much I depended on him.

But it shouldn’t matter anymore, because he wanted to talk to me just as much as I did.

And yet, I felt my conscience telling me it was wrong to bother him, an idol, so much with my own futile affairs.

I took my cellphone away, and sighed. If only he was just a regular person, then maybe I would’ve had at least a glimmer of a chance.

I opened Stephy’s text after, feeling my hope being crushed by an upcoming wave of sadness. I wondered why she would've texted me so early in the morning. It wasn't too soon before it would be bested once more as I read the characters that formed her text.

“Sang Hee-ah~! It’s been two days you haven’t texted me! Are things okay? I actually have something to tell you.

I’m leaving on a fieldtrip to Busan, so I won’t be able to text you for a week…

So would you like to hang out tomorrow before I leave?

-Stephy ^w^”

I didn’t stop to think of how I was feeling. My fingers just started writing by themselves, as the thought of a week without my best friend on the other end of my cellphone worsened my sadness.

“Yes, of course! I’ll really miss you…!

Let’s meet by the Pâtisserie Élégante at 11am then, tomorrow?

-Sang Hee"

A text soon appeared after. I wasn’t surprised anymore by how quickly she could reply.

“Okay, bring as much money as you can!

We’re going to go shopping! <3

-Stephy <3”

I stared at the text, feeling excitement yet nervousness at the thought of seeing her after 7 months dwelled in my mind. I saw in this an oppurtunity to take my mind off things, to be around someone who wouldn't cause any kind of emotional distress.

Somehow though, I felt a pang of guilt for wanting to spend time with someone else than Dae Myung: I had always spent time with him when we had days off. It felt so unusual and odd to not be with him. It felt wrong to want to go and have fun without him, when he had just confessed.

But it wasn't right to be thinking this way for now. I really needed time to think all of his confession over.

And besides, Stephy was going to leave soon. I had all the time to think once she would be gone, and I would be left on my own to dwell on the confession.

Was I trying to find excuses to not have to think about it? Was I trying to run away from it?

I didn't want to answer those two questions.

One thing was for sure though.

I really couldn’t wait to see Stephy again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hurray, finally an update! xD

I'm so sorry it took so long! But College has taken up a big part of my life, unfortunately. ~ The good news is that I do get a month off after! I still can't wait for it. TTwTT

Well, it's been a long time I think since I updated with DaeDae's POV. I hope you guys are happy I did in this chapter! ~

To tell you guys the truth, DaeDae is kinda my ideal boyfriend. Protective, caring, jealous... -sigh- ~ He loves Sang Hee so much he would do so much for her... I'm so jealous of her sometimes, and I'm the author... Is that sad? LOL

Anyways, thank you all so much for supporting! I really can't be anymore grateful to all of you who have stayed with this story all along! And to all of you who just subscribed, thank you for giving this fanfic a chance! <3