Mood Song: Busan Woman - Rain

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7gs6bSBzQp4

Dae Myung’s POV

As we slowly ascended into the sky on the ferris wheel’s circular path, the lights passed by us at a slow pace, dimly lighting up the inside of our cabin. The distant skyscrapers stood, unfazed, as guardians of Seoul. The distinctive gleams of car lights wavered in the distance, on far-fetched streets.

I watched the lights gently, softly brush her silhouette as she stared outside the glass window, amazed at the breathtaking view, her back facing me. My chest tightened itself with that familiar, warm feeling as I watched her, so pure and frail.

Gazing at everything so distant and detached from us made inner peace and calm overflow my insides Everything around us felt like a haze.

Just as if we were in our own world.

A world complimented by the dim light of heaven-blessed stars.

The comfortable silence that had resided in our cabin left place to a gentle whisper.

“Dae Myung, if I said the words “starry dream”, what comes to your mind?” she said softly, without detaching her gaze from the distant yet familiar world around us.

It was an odd question, but it didn’t bother me the least at all. She could have said anything, and I would still have been unfazed: the relaxing and dreamy atmosphere had lulled my mind into a state of inner comfort.

So it only felt natural that I would say the words that first appeared into my thoughts.

“Hope, wishes and uncertainty.” I gently said.

She turned to look at me, bending her head slightly on the side, eyeing me with surprised, gleaming eyes. “Why uncertainty?”

“It’s difficult to explain… I have the impression of being surrounded by stars, but they seem unreachable, like a mirage.”

“So that’s how it seems to you, as well.”

As if my mind was slowly waking up from a deep slumber, the oddity of her question seeped into my thoughts. Curiosity soon showed itself. She slowly turned back and gazed at the impressive view once more.

“Why such a weird question?” I asked, wondering of her intentions for such an odd question.

She laughed slightly. “It’s just an expression I made up in my mind. To designate the incredible life I’m living right now.”

“The incredible life you’re living right now?”

She slightly pressed her hands against the window. “Yes. So many wonderful things have happened ever since that day I got my ticket to the fan meeting. Sometimes, all of this just seems too good to be true, like in a dream.”

I felt slight disappointment as I realized it involved SHINee again.

“What wonderful things?” I asked, still slightly curious as she had never told me much about the things that happened before we became friends.

“I had lost my cellphone during the fan meeting a few months ago, but Jonghyun had called at my house to inform me that he had it.”

She let go of the window and sat back into her seat. Her eyes were still distracted by the outside wonders though.

“Don’t tell me you went to get it there personally.” I said, slightly uncomfortable at the idea of her meeting Jonghyun in a room alone.

“I did. He was a bit in a rush though, so he handed it to me in the lobby.”

I immediately felt relieved hearing that he had met her in the lobby instead of a secluded practice room.

“And that was the last time you saw him before the auditions?”

She smiled slightly. “No, I met him one more time afterwards.”

I was speechless at those words. Even I had to admit it: Sang Hee had incredible luck as a fangirl to have met him so many times.

“I found out that they were holding a guerilla date in Seoul plaza, so I went there in hopes of meeting him again.” she continued in a soft voice.

“What’s a guerilla date? And how did you find out about it?”

Probably by some fangirl knowledge.

“A guerilla date is a date organized by a company with idols of a same group. I found out about it on their official fanclub site.”

No wonder.

“So what happened there? Did you really meet him again?”

Her tone had changed to a sadder one. “I had met with some people before that, unfortunately.”

The sudden change in her voice alarmed me, even though it was too late to be worried about events that had already passed. “What kind of people?”

A sad, pained smile drew itself on her lips. “Your friends, Dae Myung.”

I still didn’t understand. “What were they doing there?”

“They wanted to meet SHINee, as well. And… they just didn’t want me there.”

Silence ensued.

She didn’t need to say more though. I knew who were the girls in question. There was only two girls I knew who loved SHINee enough to have went there during their free time. And I knew how they would have reacted if they saw Sang Hee.

And, knowing her, it wouldn’t have been too soon until she would have started crying.

All the guilt I had thought gone from my thoughts resurfaced, tightening my chest in an uncomfortable, choking grip.

I knew I couldn’t make it disappear so easily, but facing it once more made me realize that mistakes from the past couldn’t be erased so easily. I was foolish to think I could atone for what I did to her in the past just by staying by her side these past months. The only way I would be able to forgive myself for this was if she personally told me herself she did.

But I was too scared to remind her of what I was to her before.

After what seemed like an eternity, she broke the silence, continuing with a braver, stronger voice.

“And just when I thought no one could erase the pain I felt, Jonghyun appeared and dragged me with him on the date. I still wonder about the reason for his kindness, but somehow, I have a feeling it had something to do with my tears.”

As I heard this, the mystery about her gratitude towards Jonghyun suddenly unraveled itself. And, although I disliked him, I was slightly glad to hear he had saved her from those girls.

Yet, somehow, even that wasn't enough to make this envy go away, as I heard he was the one who made her pain erase itself.

“The date took place in a concert hall, and there was a grand piano on the stage. I wasn’t too sure if he was unhappy about being with me, but when he smiled to me right before playing, I knew we were both happy to be there at that moment.”

At that last phrase, I didn’t believe that he cared about her as much as she seemed to say. But I refrained myself from saying anything.

“He played wonderfully… It’s one of those memories I still hold dear to my heart. And he looked so handsome, shining under that stage light… He looked even more... amazing than on TV and magazines.”

I felt a tug at my heart as I heard that.

Handsome? I’m handsome too, you know…

“I think I started being too emotional by then, as I started crying for some reason… But when he finished and noticed I was, he immediately came over, a worried look on his face.”

The tightening of my chest increased. An uncomfortable envy seeped into my thoughts.

“Soon after, we went to show each other pieces we knew on the piano. It was really fun. It truly felt like we could relate to each other through music, through piano. We didn’t even see the time pass.”

My heart sank slightly. I felt demoralized at the thought of them spending time together.

Piano was one ground I couldn’t compete with him on, along with money and fame.

“After we had finished, he then took my hand and dragged me to sit with him in the seats. He didn’t release my hand for what seemed like an eternity. His hand was strong yet gentle… And warm.”

A pink tint colored her cheeks. This heightened the envy that was constricting my heart.

I couldn’t deny it anymore. I was jealous of him.

But who would've ever thought I would be jealous of an idol? I had looks to compete, and I was on my way to becoming one as well.

Yet why did this jealousy remain?

She laughed slightly. “And then my stomach protested in hunger, so I went to get some ramen for both of us. He tried accompanying me, but I didn’t want him to get attention he could’ve avoided.”

That’s true. He’s an idol, and once someone spots him, it could turn ugly.

This somehow relieved my envy a little: he had to be extra careful of his appearances in public. How could he protect her properly if the simple fact of going out was difficult?

“When I came back, we ate together in the ramen bowl, but he didn’t seem to eat a lot. I still wonder sometimes if he restrained himself because I was hungry. But I was really happy to have shared a bowl with him, out of all people.”

The jealousy came back in full force.

We had eaten together, but she never seemed to find it as special as she was describing eating with Jonghyun.

Why wasn't eating with me as special as eating with him?

“I went to throw it out after we finished eating but… When I came back, he announced that there was only fifteen minutes left. Just hearing it made me so sad… I didn’t want to leave him at all.”

Hearing her cling unto him like that frustrated me.

It’s like she didn't even realize how impossible maintaining a relationship with an idol like Jonghyun was. Her fondness for him was blinding her, and I just wanted to make her see clearly, to make her see that I was the only one she needed.

“And… I don’t even know how but I somehow mustered up the courage to ask for his cellphone number.”

That took me by surprise.

I never would’ve expected her, extremely shy Sang Hee, to have even enough courage to ask anyone for their phone number.

This just made me envy him more, for making her step out of her comfort zone just for him.

Her expression soon changed to a sad, melancholic one though. She continued staring outside. The fading, dim lights seemed to accentuate her sad demeanor even more. My jealousy immediately made way to pure worry.

“But… he didn’t want to give it to me. It hurt so much, to be rejected by him, the one person I looked up to. Of course, I knew it was because he was an idol. But somehow… I just thought that maybe, just maybe, I really did have a chance.”

Anger grabbed my thoughts as I realized he had made an open, ugly wound on her fragile heart. It would take long before it would heal, no matter what he did to try to make up for it.

I tightened my hand into a fist, trembling.

How could he do that to her?! Didn’t he know any better? It’s not like she would do anything crazy with his phone number!

Of course, I knew he had done the same mistake I did, by hurting her.

But he was much more important to her. He had her complete trust. All his actions, all his words had total control over her entire heart.  And he had just taken it for granted, cutting a deep gash without care into her.

I couldn’t stand staying silent anymore, listening to this date that had ended up into a painful memory because of his rejection.

“Sang Hee… Look at me.” I told her, despite the anger I felt towards him eating at me.

She shook her head faintly, not detaching her eyes from the outside world. I got alarmed by this: my anger slowly faded away as I felt my heart soften up. I edged myself closer to her silently. I reached out for her, wondering if she was feeling okay. My frustration soon subsided to worry as she didn’t answer me.

“Look at me.” I tried again in a gentle whisper, softly taking a hold of her shoulder. I made her slowly turn to look at me, as if to not scare her away with a too brusque act.

As she turned slightly, my chest was beating slightly faster, not knowing what to expect to see on her expression.

But I lost my breath.

The soft twinkling of the city lights rebounded off her silhouette, giving her an angelic hue. Tears had welled up in her bright, gleaming eyes, as she had held up a hand to her lips in embarrassment. No usual, familiar smile adorned them. All the pain she could never erase from that memory resided in her eyes.

I felt my chest tighten itself with an overwhelming yet warm feeling, as my heartbeat raised to a frantic rate. I had trouble catching my breath as she looked simply dazzling, stunning.

Beautiful.

And just like that, the true nature of my confusing feelings revealed itself.

I was simply in love.

Madly in love with the sweetest girl I had ever known.

Insanely in love with an angel who had stolen my heart without even trying.

And now that I realized it, I could only pull her into a tight embrace, holding her close to my frantic heart. She didn’t resist at all, and I felt her slightly trembling with soft sobs. Her scent was intoxicating. She felt so frail in my arms.

I was head over heels in love with her, and accepting it made a surge of relief and clarity occupy my thoughts.

I abandoned myself to this new feeling I had just accepted and indulged in the happiness I gained from having her close to me.

But what was I to do with these feelings now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New chapter to coincide with my first day of College kekeke ^w^

Yup... Dae Myung finally realized it! -insert fangirl squeal- ~ I was smiling like crazy when writing this! I think every one of you have been waiting a long time for this, right? >w< I only wrote from his POV, because this is just really something too important to switch POVs. ~

I included a small definition of what I thought "Starry Dream" meant, although I think I didn't develop here enough~. I'll probably add more in a few chapters. ~

The poster was made by ♥ Sweet Mallows Graphic Request Shop ♥! Thank you guys so much, it's gorgeous! <3333

Since I officially started College, I'm apologizing in advance for not updating as much as I did during the summer. ;~; I wished I would have time to, but I need to study (and yeah, I'm not as motivated usually... LOL So I better get to it~)

So I hope all of you will be patient and cheer me on for College! >w< I love you all so much and thank you for the support! <333