Another boring day at Seoul High School. I was staring out the window, gazing at the barren school grounds, when the math teacher called out to me, irritated. I could see in his eyes that he was just as bored as me, but he’d rather drag me into his boring lectures. Fine, teacher. I will listen to your crappy lecture and let my mind sleep with my eyes open.

As always, my classmates snickered, and I could feel their stares piercing my back. I wished I could just turn invisible. They’ve been like this to me ever since I entered this school at the beginning of the year. My parents had decided to move out from Pyeongtaek to Seoul, due to job requirements, unfortunately. I waited for the bell to ring anxiously; for it to free me from this pretty-far-from-Hell-but-still-like-Hell class.

Dae Myung, a good-looking guy with glasses, poked me in the back. I turned slightly, and looked at him with a half-nervous, half-curious look. He looked to the side and pretended he didn’t see me. I could hear the people behind him laughing silently as he continued to pretend he didn’t do anything.

I couldn’t believe it. How could they be so mean?

I turned back and barely listened to the teacher, holding back tears that were starting to dwell in my eyes. Luckily, the bell rang, and I took my things as quickly as I could. I put them in my bag, and walked quickly out of the classroom, ashamed yet relieved.

It started to rain just by then, so I took out my pearlescent sky blue umbrella. A slight smile managed to appear on my lips; this color reminded me of a particular group precious to me.

As I exited the school gates, the other students around me were chattering and laughing.

I wonder how they do it… How can they be so comfortable with someone else?

The rain fell softly on my umbrella and slid off it, only to fall silently on the sidewalk. It made me a bit sad.

What if I was like a raindrop, only a raindrop to others? I’d be the raindrop that would slightly touch the existence of others, only to disappear soon after as they walked past me, continuing with their life as if my presence was never noticed.

On the road home, I always pass by a French bakery store: La Pâtisserie Élégante. They had the most beautiful assorted cupcakes, cakes, muffins and all those fattening-but-oh-so-sweet-and-delicious things. As I walked past it, the colourful displays of muffins attracted my eye. I tried to fight the temptation and continued walking… a bit slower.

Oh Sang Hee, you don’t want to get fatter; it’ll just finish off the rest of your self-esteem and you don’t want that. Guys won’t even dare look at you and you’ll be-

Oh wait, who am I kidding.

Mood Song: Hello - SHINee

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xMW6POCCoIc

Arrived home, I locked the door behind me and set the pink scrumptious-looking cupcake on the kitchen table. It was a beautiful one, eye-catching and mouth-watering. The frosting was in perfect, pink swirls, topped with a few chocolate star-shaped sprinkles. I felt almost bad for pulling it away from the counter and bringing it home to its death. 

I went into my room and opened the computer; I set down my bag next to it and went to change into pyjamas. I came back in front of the computer and opened my Music folder. Soon enough, the softest voices in my world sang.

When I see myself during these times
I feel that I really am young
Even with you in front of me
I don’t know what to do

It was Hello by SHINee.

SHINee, the group that has always made me smile, even in the most trying of times. SHINee, the ones who’ve sang me to sleep when I dreaded tomorrow. SHINee, the ones who I’ve come to love so much, without them even knowing my existence.

I smiled , giddiness filling me, and went to get my cupcake. I stared at it, a bit hesitant. It almost felt like I was doing something wrong by wanting to eat such perfection. I’ll let it live a few more minutes. I took it and set it next to the computer.

I was browsing the Internet when the doorbell rang.

Wait a sec… If it was Umma or Appa, they wouldn’t ring. Ugh, should I open it…?

I went to the door quietly and peered into the window.

It was a man in his thirties, wearing postman clothes.

I guess it should be fine…?

I took my courage and opened the door slowly.

“Annyeonghaseyo…” I said, smiling shyly while looking at the ground. Looking into people’s eyes intimidated me a bit.

“Annyeonhaseyo miss, I have a letter for you.”

I glanced at his face; he was smiling kindly. Encouraged by his open attitude, my smile widened a bit. I took the letter he was handing me. After a few moments, I saw it had the official seal of SM Entertainment on it. Surprised and curious, I opened it and took out the letter.

“Hello Miss Jwa Sang Hee,

Thank you for participating in the contest held last month.

What contest? Oh right, the one where you could win tickets for SM artists’  fan meetings. And here I thought they were all lying when they said they gave out prizes.

We are happy to announce that you have won. Here is the ticket for the SHINee-

Wait SHINee?!?! Is this for real?! SHINee?!

-fan meeting that will be held Saturday March 12^th at-

Okay whatever, the essential was that I won!!”

I looked up at the postman and saw that he was still standing there, wondering if he should just leave or be polite and say goodbye. I laughed loudly, my mind lost in the hazes of happiness, and gave him a huge hug. He patted me on the back, confused. I then realized that I didn’t even know him. I stepped back and thanked him shyly, a smile plastered on my face. He just laughed it off and left.

I felt a surge of confidence and surprise at my outgoing attitude with the postman, a stranger. A warm, proud feeling lingered in my mind; it was completely different from the usual fear and anxiety I felt around strangers.

Well, that was less intimidating than I thought. Who knows? Maybe making friends wasn't really that hard.

I went back in and laughed loudly of happiness, skipping on clouds of giddiness.

Once I saw the cupcake, it was its end. I took it and took a chomp out of it. I celebrated by prancing around in my room foolishly, in a carefree manner. I finished my cupcake with another bite and danced around in my room, my mouth full.

After I had spent all my energy, I fell down on my bed, exhausted, and held the tickets up. They had pearly blue lines on it, the official color of SHINee’s fanclub. I was smiling so much; I wondered when was the last time I had smiled this much.

It was then that I realized how much SHINee meant to me, how much the mere virtual image of them could make me smile so easily. Although I had never met them, I was really grateful to them for bringing me so much happiness. They kept the sadness and loneliness at bay. They were the center of my universe, the source of my happiness.

Was it possible to love someone so much without ever meeting them?

In my case, it was.

And I wouldn't have had it any other way.

I looked at my computer’s desktop.

It was the five stars of the universe that formed SHINee, sitting down and laughing in front of the camera; they looked like angels and seemed to be genuinely smiling at me. And at that moment, it felt like a dream that was too good to be true. A dream where my whole heart fluttered on wings of happiness. A dream where those five stars illuminated my world.  A dream I wished to live in forever.

A perfectly starry dream.

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