1 year since my dad passed away was coming,i was terribly bad,and yes ,i was planning to kill myself again,like i tried about 5 times ,but this time i won't fail,i didn't tell anything to Jjong ,cuz i know he would stop me immediately.

I didn't feel like live anymore,even if Jjong was really trying to help me,i really appreciate that,but that's not enough,i need someone that i know he will be there for me,anytime,someone who encourage me ,someone who LOVES me.

I know,Jonghyun is there for me ,he promised,he advice me anytime,but i don't feel him that close to me,i don't know..

I didn't mention the classes,even the dances one,my favourites.I was confused all the time,and the teachers couch my attention a few times.

It was break time,as usually i was gonna meet Jonghyun outside,at the garden's school,when everyone was eating in the mens.

We sat at a bench,i didn't said a word,my mind was thinking about the place and how i will do that thing. I really had a bad expression,i was sleepy and tired ,i was ready to cry,but that's me ,i can cry without anyone to notice.

He was staring at my upset face,i know he could notice that something was going to happen.

"What's wrong with you? You are acting really weird those 2 days,it is something wrong? You know you can tell me anything. " he said ,i saw his face ,only a few days and i would never see him again.I was determinate for what i was going to do.

"Talk to me." He continued , i felt his hand  as his fingers was crossed with mine. I still was mute,i just was too over depressed at the fact i won't see him anymore after those days.

" Hey,look at me." He wishpered in my ear . I still didn't moved,i was looking at a big tree in front of us.

"Are you listening to me ? Please answer. What the heck is happening?" He turned my face so he could see me,i just closed my eyes then tears start to come up ,i didn't want him to see me ,i felt weak,i just placed my head on his lap,watching again at that big tree.

He took away the hair that falled on my face ,placing his hand on my shoulder,and the other soflty running his fingers through my hair.

"Promise me something...promise me you will not cry if i die." I said with the most calmed voice.

"Wha-what do you mean? If you die? What are you talking about? ....Oh-o no. Please don't do anything to yourself....Do you know how important you are for me,if you die,than take me with you. I won't let you do that okay? I'm here for you,and i will always do. I don't want anything bad to happen to you,it's like my live wil be ruined up then." As he finished those word ,he took me up..and pressed his soft lips on my forehead.I felt even weaker,i could die there where i was. I was full of tears flowing down my cheeks.

I didn't answer him again,i still gonna do that,he couldn't stop me. As the break finished we separate from each other, this hour i had to practice some dances,there was a free hour to practice alone to the dance rooms.

I started with "I LOVE YOU -2ne1" ,i kinda felt a little better,but deeply i was really bad. That song reminds me of him,normally.I was in front of the mirror ,moving my hips from side to side,waving my ow body ...argh,Minzy's part,it was the iest part of the choreography,yeah i know it but i feel uncomfy dancing it ,even though none was watching.

I closed my eyes,but still dancing,i have a really developed sense of balance. At the end of the song i lied down to the packet,looking up to the lamps. Suddenly i heard a whistle coming from the door,i turned my head with an angry expression,and i found Jonghyun smiling at me,with his crossed leg , one hand on the door and the other in his pocket.

"Jjong-ya what are you doing here? You should be in class right now." I said lowly.

"Finally i saw you dancing. You are hooo-..hmm..we should practice together sometime."

"Yeah sure." I said as i got up,sitting now.

He was already next to me,we were in the center of the room.

"Why don't you go to the SM auditions? It will be seriously fantastic if we work even together." He said exited. "Naaah,i may have talent,but i'm not sociable with persons,so no,i'm sure i can't do it." I said again.

"Pssh. Bulls. By the way,will you like to hang out with me and a friend this weekend ?"

"I-i don't think i can,i'm busy this weekend,i'm sorry,maybe next time ." i said,i knew that will not be a next time.

I got up,looking at myself at the mirror,he stand up too,i saw both of us,we look cute together,but..this is only my imagination,things like me and hm as a couple will never happen.

"With what are you busy with?" he said,i think he got it.

"Hmm,stuff..."

"Are you sure ? Okay then,i will text you all the day " he continued smiling,i didn't smiled back,my mind was somewhere else.
 

----
 

We were walking home like we always ,totally silence,i was going to turn the corner and seperrate from him but he said

"Would you come with me for a walk?"

"Okay,but where? Aren't you worried that someone will see us?"i said,thinking where would he bring me.

"Nah,i don't really care , plus none is outside,it's kinda cold ."

I followed him,i don't know were we were going,but i just walked.

"Here"he said,i looked around,we were in an old abandoned house. I was scared to get in.

"Wh-why did you bring me here? Don't you know i'm scared of things ike this?" i said watching at his face.

"Trust me,you will regret what you said if you get inmit's not the first time i come here." he smiled.
I followed him again,climbing the old wooden stairs,i was scared ,we climbed like 15 floors.

He was holding my hand ,rushing to get to the top.

As we got to the top ,he said smiling
"Ok turn around now and enjoy the view"

I was speechless,i could see a wonderful view of seoul from right there,i could see even my house,the park,the school,everything.
I turned again,hugging him as strong as i could. He just watched at my enthusiasm

"Thank you,thank you, thank you. This is wonderful." i said ,as i sat down at the floor,crossing my legs.He really know how to make me happy.From now and on ,this s where i'm gonna come when i'm not okay.


He camed behind me ,as he placed both hands on my shoulders ,i looked up at his face ,who was already staring at mine,his shiny eyes,and his smile,god i love him so much..