The next 3 days i didn't see him,he had rehearsals to do ,i didn't talked to him ,so that makes the old house the last time i would ever see him again. It was already weekend,27 november.

I got up ,finding out that mom wasn't home,she was at work,she suffer too,i know,she miss him too,i can see that in her eyes.

Really i wasn't thinking about what will my death bring to her.I think nothing would change at all. I didn't want to write anything before i leave this hell of place.

I just wrote down my notebook "Jonghyun Saranghae..."then i closed it putting it on the table of my room.

I took out a knife,a very sharp one,i think by loosing blood i could make it.

I started to cry ,hearing someone who text me,i took the phone ,but it was about 8 AM .

"Hey cutie how are you? :D <3" Jonghyun. His sweet words broke my heart more.

I put the phone down at the floor ,next to me. After some minutes of sobbing i heard the phone again,i've always replied to his texts ,plus ,we had 3 days with out talking to each-other. "Are you there? :/" i still didn't replied him. It was the time. I picked up the knife ,and ..and..

Jongyun's POV.

I was worried for her . She wasn't replying to me. She mean everything to me. I don't know what would happen to me if anything bad happens to her . I'm too shy and afraid to loose her if i tell her the truth. I don't want to loose her,she's different from other girls,she's special. I never had the chance to get knowed someone like her,she's so beautiful. When i'm with her i feel weird inside,and when she barely smile,it's like heaven for me.I will do anything to see her smile,i've seen her smiling like 4 times in total,i really want to make her happy.I love her smile,i love her voice,i love her type,i love anything of her,ANY-THING,I...i love her. always to see how she react at me.I..i think she likes me too ,i'm not sure. But maybe she don't understand ,or maybe she don't notice ,her mind is always somewhere else,always,i would be glad if i had a power to hear her mind,then i could have the chance to understand her more,to know why she is always so confused.I'm sure for one thing ...i want HER.

--------

After the 13 texts i send her,i decided to go to her home,just to control if everything is okay,i was really worried,i felt like something wrong was happening,i text Sang Min,my best friend to tell him i was going to be late . I got out the dorm,walking as fast as i could to her house. I knocked at the door for about 5 minutes

"Hey are you there? Please answer me i know you're there!" i keeped shouting

I was calling her for the infinite time on her phone.I walked to the back of the house ,there where her room window was . I heard her cell ringtone .

 I..i was shocked ,i got in from the window,founding her lying on the floor,she was covered with blood all over her hands,her wrist was the source ,her skin was cut opened,and the floor was full of blood,she cutted her veins. I knew it,i knew something was wrong. I saw a knife in her right hand,and her phone next to her. I started to tear up i,i couldn't stand it ,i immeditly got her up from her back knees and her back . I didn't know what to do i was just trying to wake her up ,i controlled her pulse ,it was beating thank God! I was cryin' my eyes off,i placed her on the bed,i took a white shirt and rolled it on her wound,she loosed a lot of blood.

"Wake up!...Please....Please!" I contined sobbing as the ambulance that i called camed.

-------

We were at the hospital,her mom camed a little later,she looked worried,but not alarmed to the fact that her daughter just tried to kill herself.

After a few minutes i saw the doctor coming from the end of the hallway ,from the Reanimation room . I got up ,still with my hands on my head,i was shocked for what i saw,her blood,i had to be with her,i had to stop her,but i didn't . I feel guilty.

"She's gonna make it." I felt a little relieved .."She loosed a lot of blood,but she's strong,really strong,we transfusioned her 1.5 litres of blood,she's at the Class 3 hemorrhage,she can do this ,but she have to stay calmed ,her brain is over depressed,i don't know if you noticed that,the next time she may pass in something more efficacy,please take care of her,she need to rest ,and she may have have some mental confusion too..you are her boyfriend,brother?" he said to me .

"Bestfriend" i said,hoping i could say Boyfriend ..

Her mom nodded,she was totally chilled and i was forcely taking my tears.

"Can we see her ?" I sighed

"She's sleeping now,but yeah you can come to see her if you want" he smiled,that smile told me i didn't have to worry about .

------

Her mom didn't come to see her,i don't know why,she didn't said anything since she got in the hospital.

I opened the door and i saw her ,her blank skin, her blank face,all the tubes coming up her hands,the sacks of blood up there,her eyes were closed,i came near her ,sitting on a chair ,taking her weak hand ,placing it into mine,as i slowly kissed her cheek.

"Saranghaeyo!" I whispered as my tears were now flowing down my chin. I couldn't see her like this .I hope she didn't heard me ,but when i was ,she was already awake.

"Am i in heaven now? Wait,where am i?I'm alive ? " i heard her as she tried to stand up ,i stopped her.

"Yes ,yes you are alive thank god "i was full of joy,i hugged her ,still with tears in my eyes

.

"NO!" She screamed.."WHY? WHY I FAILED AGAIN,WHY? I SHOULD HAVE DIED....I SHOULD HAVE DIED!" now she was screaming and crying too ,putting out terribly sobbed sounds .

My smile vanished ..i pulled her closer to me ,as i was trying to calm her down,all this sforce was going to worsen things up .

"Shhh,everything gonna be alright soon,i'm here sweety ,don't worry " i said as i saw here layied down again ,i think i chilled her.

She was so weak and tired ,she really need some rest,but she don't seemed to close her eyes again,she was staring at me with that beautiful eyes . I kissed her hand ,still holding it tight to mine ,i could see all her pain in her eyes ,i didn't want her to talk . I stood with her all the day ,holding her hand,and watching how beautiful she is ,i could stay there and stare at her forever.

Your POV.

I ....i failed again...how could i? I don't remember anything. But...but Jonghyun was next to me,i wonder what he feels.I saw my wound fashed with some white bends.
He was holding my hand all the time,his warm hand,and he ..he was crying?!

I think i had a dream,a dream where he said to me "Saranghaeyo" or ..i think that wasn't a dream..he really said it ,i can't believe it ,and...and he kissed my hand..I LOVE HIM.I LOVEE HIIIM.
I won't let him see me like this again. I promise myself i will not do that-...no ,really i can't promise myself something like this,i know i won't keep it.

My mom was there to,she was at the end of the room,sitting on a chair,she didn't talked anything,i know she's afraid of hospitals,normally,one year ago in this day she lost her husband.