The flight back home felt like it took longer than it actually did. I was missing home so badly, and the fact that I knew my mom would be waiting for me when I got out of the airport made it feel like time was going even slower.

So when I got out from the aircraft, and had picked up my baggage, I almost ran out. And as soon as I saw her standing by the doors that led out of the huge building, my tears started to roll down my cheeks.

She didn’t say anything as I hugged her. She just hugged me back.

“Come on. Let’s go home,” mom said after a minute or two and took my hand, pulling me towards the car.

-

The two hour drive was spent in silence. Unusual silence, seeing as my mom and I always talked when we were driving. The reason was simply because I wasn’t in the mood for talking. I wanted the speech I had been preparing in my head for the last few days to be held while both mom and dad were listening.

When we finally drove up the driveway to our house, I felt the anger in me rise once again. Through the window I could see my dad sitting in the living room, reading the newspaper. Looking like nothing was wrong.

“Come on Christine. We’ll go in and talk, and we can get your bags afterwards,” my mom said before getting out of the car. I walked after her in to the house.

I couldn’t see my siblings around when I came into the living room. They had probably heard this before so it didn’t really matter, but I wanted to be sure of where they were anyway. Just in case.

My emotions just messed up even more though, when I sat down and prepared the questions about this whole situation in my head. I needed answers to be able to go on after this was over, and I would make sure to make both mom and dad answer all my questions.

We had moved into the other side of the living room, with me in one couch, and my parents in the other one opposite if of the table that stood between the two couches.

“To start with I want to know why?” I said calmly, no longer surprised at how calm I could sound when every part of me was shaking with emotions. It wasn’t visible though, because the shaking happened inside my head, not physically.

Dad sighed and sat up a little bit more, while mom remained relaxed, her hand on top of dad’s. That was a confusing picture, seeing as they were getting divorced and still seemed to be comforting each other and being sort of intimate.

“As I said to you over the phone, I haven’t been as happy lately as I was before. The reason of it being that our relationship has cracked up a little,” mom explained. Fair enough. I understood, but I still didn’t see who had caused the cracks to open, or who had opened them far enough for the ground to slip apart enough for me to fall through the cracks into the depth.

“What caused this to happen? Who made the cracks and opened them?” I asked next. The feeling of falling down into nothing, into something unfamiliar, starting to take a hold of me. But I couldn’t break down now. I had to get my answers before anything else.

My dad answered this time. “Both of us caused the cracks, but I think I was the one to open them this much. I don’t love your mom as much as I did before, and it would be wrong to stay here, only to cause everyone more hurt than necessary.” I almost snorted at that. Why would he suddenly care this much about hurting people, when it was a small priority before? He was probably trying to make it seem as though it was okay, that this whole divorce wasn’t a big deal for anyone.

“Who is moving where, and when will it happen?” The answer to this question was the one I dreaded the most. I loved the farm we lived at. I didn’t want the one of them who stayed to ruin the place, or not be able to keep it up and make it look like some haunted barns beside a house that was about to fall down. Who knew how they would manage to maintain the farm alone without help from the other. And what if the one of his parents staying decided to sell it all? I would never ever, not even over my dead body, forgive them.

“I will be staying and your mom is already looking for a place to move in at.” Even though my dad tried to hide his feelings under a mask, I saw through it, and it seemed like he was happy to be staying at the farm. It made sense though, since it was he who had inherited the farm after his own father.

“It’s going to be cozy and nice house, don’t worry,” mom added.

“Will the moving and you getting divorced as a whole affect Camilla in any way, like with school and how she takes the situation?” I was worried about how my little sister would take it. She was only thirteen years old, and still attending school, and going back and forth between their parents every other week, staying one week here and the other there could become a problem.

“We are still discussing it, but we will make sure to come to an agreement that fits everyone.” Mom even smiled a little after saying this, as if to reassure me that my baby sister would be just fine. “She takes this really well too so there is no need to worry about it,” she added when I didn’t give an immediate response to her words.

I felt my emotions almost overwhelming me and I knew this was as much as I could take for now, so I took a deep breath and tried to keep my tears back until I would be alone.

“I guess that’s all the questions for now. I’ll most likely ask you a lot of questions tomorrow too, but right now I’m tired.” I stood up from the comfortable position on the couch. “Good night,” I said before I left for the room that used to be mine before I went to Seoul.

As I closed the door behind me I sank to the floor and my tears flowed down my cheeks. This was sure going to be a long night, I thought as I lay crumpled up on the floor like a ball and cried like I had never done before.

-

I woke up the next morning in the same position as I fell asleep, which was on the floor, curled up in a ball. All my bones cracked when I stretched my limbs out. It hurt a little, but it felt really good once I was flexible enough to get up again.

I went upstairs and made myself some breakfast. While I was sitting comfortably by the kitchen table eating, I remembered everything that had happened the last few days, and I lost my appetite. Waking up and feeling good like nothing was wrong, just to discover later in the morning that nothing was as it was supposed to be was not a pleasant feeling.

When both of my parents were finally awake, I started my ‘interrogation’ again. And all the answers I got seemed to help me cope a little bit each when it came to accepting and getting past this. Don’t take it as I was already okay after the shock, but I had this feeling that all the answers would really help me look logically on things, and so that things made at least a little more sense.

I didn’t break down after my questioning, and decided that I would be around the farm for another two days, just to get more used to my parents not being married anymore. Being around them made me remember it, and I had to at least get it into my head that no, my parents are no longer married. After two days I would go to my cousins house so that my sunshine could help me get through this and brighten up my mood with her smile. It never failed to make my day.

-

The two days passed fast and I had at least stopped having those moments where I would go ‘oh yeah, that’s right, they aren’t married anymore’. If that counts for something.

I would be going to my cousin in just a few minutes, and I was lucky enough to be allowed to borrow mom’s car to get there, as long as I came back with it too.

I drove alone, which was incredibly relaxing. No reminder that life was like hell, and no one who expected me to keep a conversation going at all times. There were only one hour left until I would be back with my sunshine Eileen, and I couldn’t wait. Instead of drowning myself in the dark thoughts I had been in the last few days, I thought about all the catching up we had to do.

I had to tell her all about my experiences in Seoul, about my boyfriend Nichkhun, and not to forget about how 2PM was in reality! She had always been interested in how idols were in real life, and how they as humans were. Not the celebrity image they had to keep up whenever there was a camera around. She would be ecstatic to hear all this gossip. I seriously couldn’t wait to see that satisfied grin on her face when I told her everything, and how it would help me get the mood up.

After what seemed like just a few minutes, I pulled into the driveway to the red, one storage house my lovely cousin lived in. I almost didn’t manage to pull out the car keys in my hurry to meet Eileen.

I pressed the doorbell and waited impatiently for someone to open the door. When the door finally opened I was met with Eileen’s smiling, but still confused face. I pulled her into a hug.

“Hey, Christine! What are you doing here? I thought you were supposed to be in South Korea?” she managed to ask, despite my tight hold around her. I was amazed that she still breathed.

“Can we talk about that in your room or something?” I didn’t want my aunt to hear my side of it all. And I didn’t know if anyone was supposed to know the news of my parents’ divorce, or if it was still a secret.

“Sure,” Eileen answered, and I let go of her to take my shoes off and walk to her bedroom. It was, in my opinion, the coziest room in the house, and her bed was so soft that when I sat down on it I almost fell asleep.

“So what’s up?” Eileen asked me as she sat down beside me. I wasn’t sure if I should start with telling her why I had come back, or if we should forget that and talk about the happy times in Seoul instead. In the end I decided to let my younger cousin pick.

“Do you want the bad news or the good news first?”

“The bad ones,” she answered immediately. “Because then we cheer up with the good ones afterwards.” She beamed at me, and I couldn’t help but smile back. That smile of hers was infectious. The positive way.

“Okay. As you please. But prepare for being suffocated by a hug that will last for a long time,” I warned her. She didn’t seem to care about that though, as she stretched her arms out for me to lean in and hug her. And when I had finally found a comfortable position that still let me hug Eileen, I started my story. From when I got the call from mom, to this morning before I left my own house.

Eileen had kept her arms around me the whole time, occasionally my back or my hair to give at least some kind of comfort.

“It’ll be alright. You are strong, Christine. You can get through this as easily as you walk,” Eileen said when I was finished with my speach. “Now, over to the good news! You told me earlier that you and Nichkhun were a couple now, right?” she said with a big smile and eyes shining out of curiosity. I chuckled at how cute she looked like that, and just like that, my world was very much brighter than it had been just seconds ago. I really loved her. No one but her had that effect on me, and it felt good knowing that I had someone who could cheer me up, no matter what the problem was.

-

I walked through the doors of the airport, closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Finally back,” I said to myself as I opened my eyes again. After my leave for Norway, everything in my head had been a big mess, but the South-Korean air seemed to do it, because now I felt relaxed again for the first time since I left the country.

I wanted to surprise the boys so I hadn’t told them when I would be coming back, which also meant I had to take a taxi. But that didn’t matter much, as long as I got back to the dorm quickly. I really missed the boys, especially Nichkhun.

It had been too long without him, and though we had kept in touch through e-mail and an occasional text message. But we kept to the internet to save money, because texting costed a lot.

The ride from the airport and back to the dorm went by faster than it ever had. I was so focused on being back and taking it all in that I didn’t keep track of where we were.

The driver helped me with my baggage, and I bet he wondered what the hell I had put into the suitcase, because it was so heavy. It didn’t bother me much though. I was used to the weight of it, the reason for it being that I always packed more than there was space for.

After thanking the kind man, I went up the stairs and to the door of the apartment. The code  was still fresh in my memory, despite it being months since I learned it (or at all used it for that matter). I pressed the buttons on the panel, and the door made a click as it was unlocked.

Hoping that no one had heard me, I walked towards the living room as quietly as possible. As I came to the corner I stopped, and carefully checked to see if they were there. I spotted Taecyeon at the far end of the sofa and just assumed that he wasn’t alone.

I left my suitcase in the hall before walking around the corner. I then saw that Chansung was sitting beside Taecyeon on the sofa. This was so incredibly funny. They didn’t notice me at all. I stood there for a few seconds watching Taecyeon and Chansung, but since they weren’t responding I looked around to see if anything had changed.

The sight that met me when I turned my head to the right to see if that super comfy chair was still there wasn’t one I had expected at all. It was hard to surprise me, but never in my life had I thought I would see the scene before me. I just stared in silence until the information had sunk in.