#70:The God Gene (Part XII)

When Chanyeol woke up, it was like watching a statue come to life. First there was the fluttering of his eyelids, then his jaw twitched, then his fingertips, then his chest rose as he took a deep breath, and then finally he opened his eyes.

Baekhyun was lying next to him, hardly daring to breathe.

Chanyeol blinked a few times, then he smiled. “Baekhyun,” he whispered hoarsely.

Baekhyun didn’t know if he wanted to cry into the pillow or jump for joy. “Hi,” he said, “Good afternoon.”

Chanyeol frowned. “My back feels heavy…”

“Does it hurt?” Baekhyun asked, anxiety creeping into his voice. He gently brushed Chanyeol’s hair out of his face. “I can get Yixing if you want me to.”

Chanyeol grabbed Baekhyun’s hand. “Don’t go.”

Baekhyun swallowed past a lump in his throat and nodded. “Okay, I’ll stay here. But are you in pain?”

Chanyeol’s eyes flicked back and forth as he focused on his body. “A little, but it’s not nearly as bad as it was.”

Baekhyun’s breath caught in his chest. “Do you remember what happened?”

Chanyeol grinned. “Kind of hard to forget a pair of wings ripping out of my back.”

Baekhyun found himself tearing up. “Do you remember what happened after?”

Chanyeol frowned again. “Sort of. It really hurt, I remember pain, but I also remember you. You carried me, right?”

Baekhyun nodded. “And…I had to wrap your wounds. I hurt you in the process.”

“Flies,” Chanyeol said, “You kept muttering about flies.”

Baekhyun knew the blood had drained from his face and he nodded.

“Did I get any?”

“No.”

Chanyeol smiled. “Then it worked!”

Baekhyun choked on a sob. “Oh, Chanyeol…you have no idea how much I’ve missed your smile.”

Chanyeol faltered. “How long have I been asleep for?”

“Your wings…that was five days ago. It took a day and a half to get here, then were both asleep for a few days. I woke up yesterday, and I’ve been here with you the whole time.”

Chanyeol smiled. “I know. I could tell you were here.” He moved his arm and grasped Baekhyun’s hand carefully. “When did you take the splint off?”

Baekhyun had almost forgotten that he’d injured his hand all those weeks ago. “I don’t know. It started healing after…after we made love. I think the splint is back in the house.”

Baekhyun wondered if in the future someone would stumble on the house and see the blood splatters on the walls, wondered if there were still chunks of flesh rotting on the floor. His heart rate quickened and his breath came in shallow gasps.

“Baekhyun, what’s wrong?”

He tried to force himself to calm down. “It’s okay, I’ve been…I’ve been having panic attacks lately.”

Chanyeol’s eyes filled with tears. “Is it because of me?”

“It’s not because of you,” Baekhyun said firmly. “None of this is your fault. You didn’t know you were going to get wings, none of us did. And it’s probably a combination of a lot of things, memories I thought I’d gotten over but I guess not.”

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Chanyeol asked.

Baekhyun actually laughed. “That’s just like you. Darling, you’re recovering from a traumatic experience. You should focus on getting better, that will make me happy.” He smiled and felt genuinely excited for Chanyeol. “And when you get better, I want to see you fly.”

Chanyeol’s eyes widened and then an ecstatic grin lit up his face. “Can I? Do you know for sure?”

“Yixing says your bones are hollowing out, and Kris says that your wings have been growing steadily the past few days. He thinks you’ll definitely be able to fly at least a little bit, maybe not as high or as far as he can but definitely, it will happen.”

Chanyeol’s eyes filled with tears. “By the Tree…I can fly, Baekhyun, I’m going to fly!”

Baekhyun smiled and inched closer, kissing Chanyeol for the first time in days. When he leaned back Chanyeol whined and pouted.

“Come back,” Chanyeol sad, “I wasn’t finished.”

Baekhyun kissed him again, deliberately keeping it brief. “We can kiss for hours as soon as you’re healed.” He sat up. “I’m going to go tell everyone that you’re awake. I’ll be right back.”

Chanyeol squeezed his hand. “Come back quickly, okay?”

“I will,” Baekhyun promised, and then he took off running.

Chanyeol kind of liked being alone for a few minutes. He had a lot to take in. First he tried to determine how much pain he was in, because he knew Yixing would ask. His back didn’t feel too bad, but he kind of thought that it was because he could still remember the agony of his skin being ripped open. Other than that he was a little sore all over his body, but figured that was due to his hollowing bones. Other than that, really there was no pain.

He was in a bit of a panic, though. He had no idea how Kris had managed to deal with this when he was just a child, Chanyeol wanted to crawl out of his own skin. In a way, he resented the wings. But there was no way he could ever say that out loud, not after he’d spent his childhood being so jealous of Kris for being able to fly and wrap people up in his wings. Now the weight of the new appendages on his back filled him with a kind of dread. He let them fan out, flopping into the empty space Baekhyun had left. Perhaps the one thing he liked about them was the color. They were red-orange, and they glowed with an iridescent gold shimmer. They were like fire, and Chanyeol could only imagine how they would look if he actually flew.

He didn’t realize how long he was staring at the wings until the door opened and Baekhyun dashed in, Yixing and Kris behind him. Chanyeol quickly moved his wings out of the way and Baekhyun sat on the bed beside him, breathless and flushed pink from running.

“Hi,” Baekhyun said. “You’ll never guess what’s happened these past few days.”

But before Baekhyun could talk, Yixing shushed him. “Later,” he scolded. “Health comes first.”

Chanyeol spaced out as Yixing examined him, answering in one word when Yixing asked him questions. He was so tired and so nervous, he wanted to be alone but he also didn’t.

“Chanyeol?”

It was Kris. Chanyeol blinked and made himself focus. Somehow, he and Kris had ended up alone in the room. Kris was crouched beside the bed, his eyes had a kind of look that made Chanyeol want to shrivel up. Concern, understanding—too understanding. He looked away.

“You don’t have to talk to me if you don’t want to,” Kris said, his voice soft. “I just want you to know that when you are ready, I’ll be here for you. I just want to help you through this. It’s going to be a big adjustment on your part, and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone.”

He was making Chanyeol want to spill everything, and he deliberately clenched his jaw shut. Kris touched his hair, so gently that Chanyeol barely felt it.

“Do you want to cry?” Kris asked. “You look like you do. I won’t judge you for it. I cried a lot in the beginning, too.”

So perceptive. Chanyeol felt his lip tremble and his eyes grew hot with tears. “I…”

“Yes?” Kris prompted.

Chanyeol sniffled and closed his eyes so he wouldn’t have to see the look on Kris’ face. “I don’t want them.” And then he started to cry for real.

He didn’t expect Kris to lay down next to him and hold him, but he did. He didn’t expect for Kris to understand, but it seemed like he did. Chanyeol cried for what felt like forever, his face pressed into Kris’ chest. When he finally calmed down, he tried to explain.

“I’ve always wanted to fly, but I didn’t think that it would mean Baekhyun would suffer because of it. But he did. He says it wasn’t my fault but it was. I can’t believe I took him away, I left him defenseless and alone. Now he’s even worse, and it’s because of me.”

“Baekhyun doesn’t think so.”

“He would never say that!” Chanyeol cried. “Even if he did think it, he would never say something like that.”

“Chanyeol,” Kris said sharply, “It’s okay to not want the wings. But don’t let Baekhyun be the reason for that. What happened was unfortunate, but it wasn’t your fault, nor was it Baekhyun’s, though he thinks it was. The only way the two of you are going to pull through this is if you both stop blaming yourselves and come together to help each other. It’s not going to happen overnight but it needs to start right now, do you understand me?”

Chanyeol didn’t answer. Kris put a finger under Chanyeol’s chin and tipped his head back. “Navigating life with wings is not going to be easy. Don’t make it harder on yourself by thinking that what happened to Baekhyun was your fault. It’s not true, you need to start believing that or you’ll only make yourself miserable. And it will drive a wedge between you and Baekhyun, you may not think so but it will, and you won’t realize it until it’s too late.”

Chanyeol was shocked. Kris had never spoken to him this way before. He was being plain cruel.

“Don’t look at me like that,” Kris said. “I’m going through this with Suho right now. We’re going to get through it but only because I finally got through to him and told him that the only way we were going to get through this was with total honest and a promise that we would never resent ourselves because we thought we’d hurt each other. This is total, brutal honesty and you need to hear it, because Baekhyun isn’t going to say it.”

“I’m not you,” Chanyeol said. “What makes you think Baekhyun and I will end up like that?”

Kris shook his head. “It’s already happening. You think you’re protecting him by hiding how you feel about your wings when this is something that he, as your husband, is supposed to help you through. He loves you so much, all he wants is to be here for you, he can’t do that if you remain silent.”

Chanyeol didn’t know what to say. “What do you want from me?”

“Tell Baekhyun how you feel,” Kris said, “And do it soon, or so help me I will tell him for you.”

“You can’t do that,” Chanyeol said immediately.

“Of course I can,” Kris said. “I don’t want to, but right now I’m worried about your mental state, you and Baekhyun. Hiding things from each other is not going to help, all it’s going to do is—” He cut himself off and took a deep breath. “We have been alone for a long time,” Kris said slowly. “And we will be alone for longer still. The only way we’re going to keep ourselves from going insane is by not lying to the people we love. Baekhyun is deeply hurt, and he’s been keeping it bottled up. Blaming yourself for his problems is not going to make him better. All it will do is cause you to pull away from him, and then he will be even more hurt. I didn’t want to scare you, because I know you’re going through a lot too, but you need to know. He’s been having nightmares, and panic attacks, and his gift is weak, weaker even than Lu Han’s. He’s not healing the way he should be, and at this point I’m not sure if there’s anything the Tree can do.”

Chanyeol felt like the world had dropped out from under his feet. “You think…he’s g-going to…lose his mind?”

Kris looked as scared as Chanyeol felt. “I hope not.”

Kris called Baekhyun back into the room with a grim look on his face, and Baekhyun panicked, thinking something was wrong with Chanyeol, but he looked alright.

“Baekhyun,” Kris said, “We need to talk about you.”

Baekhyun gaped at Kris. “Me? Chanyeol just had—”

“We’ll talk about that later. We’re all worried about you, Baekhyun, we need to talk about your mental health.”

Baekhyun was having a hard time understanding. “My mental health? Mine? Maybe we need to talk about yours if you think—”

“Baekhyun,” Chanyeol said quietly, “He’s right. You haven’t been right for a long time.”

Baekhyun shook his head. “I’ll be okay, you shouldn’t worry about me.”

“But I am worried about you. I’m worried about…” Chanyeol’s voice broke. “What my wings have done to you.”

Baekhyun whirled on Kris. “Did you do this?”

“Chanyeol admitted it to me just now,” Kris said. “But I told him that we need to help you now, before it’s too late. This isn’t an attempt to belittle you or to avoid what’s happened to Chanyeol, this conversation was going to happen one way or another. And we’re going to talk to Kai about his health later too, because he’s had a very big shock as well and he might suffer for it.”

Baekhyun sat on the bed opposite Chanyeol’s. “How long have you been thinking about this for?”

Kris sighed. “Since you got locked in the storage room. I should have brought it up sooner.”

“Is it just you, or is it everyone?”

“It’s…mostly me. Nobody else wants to believe that something like this could happen.” He sat down next to Baekhyun. “I’m not sure what’s going on, but I think you have posttraumatic stress disorder. If we let it go untreated for much longer…I’m worried about what it will do to you in the long run.”

“Do you think I could eventually be…Lost?”

Kris shook his head. “We won’t let it get that far.”

Baekhyun was struck by another thought. “What if it’s Mama?” He gasped. “What if the darkness infected me?”

“No,” Chanyeol said. “That didn’t happen. The Tree has been poking around in our heads for years since we left, it would have seen if something was wrong with you, I would have seen!” He stood up and walked over, getting down on his knees in front of Baekhyun. “The darkness didn’t get you. You never turned your back on the Tree, or on us, so when would it have had a chance?” He took Baekhyun’s hands and gazed up at him, his eyes so full of love that Baekhyun wanted to cry. “Don’t doubt yourself, my love.”

Baekhyun wasn’t quite sure of what happened after that, he was crying too hard to really pay attention to anything. Chanyeol and Kris sat with him until he finally stopped. It took a long time.

“How can this be stopped?” Baekhyun asked.

“Kai will know, he's done a lot of research on mental health,” Kris said, “So has Yixing. There are ways.”

Baekhyun nodded. “Okay, so when Kai feels better, we’ll ask him?”

“We’ll ask him tomorrow,” Kris said firmly. "The sooner the better."

Baekhyun sighed but agreed. He turned to Chanyeol, suddenly realized what he was seeing, and gasped. “You! You shouldn’t be out of bed, your back!”

Chanyeol jumped and the feathers on his wings stood on end. “Oh!” He cried. “But I feel fine! I…” He started struggling with his shirt. “These wings…make it so hard to get…undressed!”

Kris tugged at Chanyeol’s shirt and it came off, and he and Baekhyun gasped when they saw Chanyeol’s back.

“You’ve healed!” Baekhyun shouted, “Oh my gosh, your wounds, they’re gone!”

“Really?” Chanyeol asked. “Oh, no wonder I feel better!”

“That’s all you can say?” Baekhyun sputtered.

“Well,” Chanyeol said thoughtfully, “I guess my only question is, what the heck happened to Kai?”

“Oh,” Kris said. “Right. Well, it’s a long story.”

Xiumin found Kai by the lake, wading in the shallow water. His pants had been rolled up to his knees but they still looked wet, and he seemed to be shivering a little as well. It was only spring, the water must have been cold. Xiumin kept expecting Kai to notice him, but Kai never looked in his direction. He waited until he got to the water’s edge before he called out.

“Hey, Kai.”

Kai startled and turned. “Hyung,” he said quietly, “Sorry, I didn’t notice you. Have you been here long?”

It was too formal. “No, I just got here. I want to talk to you.”

Kai had his hand in his pockets, his posture relaxed, or just plain careless, Xiumin couldn’t tell. It didn’t match his tone. “About what?”

Xiumin shook his head. “I’ll give you three guesses, and the first two don’t count.”

Kai smiled wryly. “Alright, I get it.”

Xiumin stepped up to the water’s edge. “Is it cold?”

Kai shrugged. “I don’t know. My feet are kind of numb.”

“Then you should come out,” Xiumin said firmly. “Come on, let’s go.”

Kai walked towards the shore and Xiumin could see that he was actually shivering quite a bit. “Where are your shoes?”

“I wasn’t wearing any.”

Xiumin sighed. “Kai, you need to look out for your health.”

Kai didn’t answer.

“Get on my back,” Xiumin said.

“Huh?”

“Get on my back. Hurry up, I’ll carry you.”

“Where?”

“Someplace warm.”

Kai twisted his fingers together. “I don’t wanna go inside.”

Xiumin fought the urge to protest. “Okay, how about we go to the hall that overlooks the lake?”

Kai hesitated, then nodded.

“Okay, now get on my back for heaven’s sake.”

Xiumin hadn’t carried Kai since he was a child, and it was pretty nostalgic, feeling Kai’s arms wrap around his neck and knowing that he wasn’t a kid anymore. At first Kai was stiff, trying to hold himself up, but as Xiumin started to walk Kai slowly relaxed against him, letting his head fall against Xiumin’s neck, nuzzling like he used to when he was half asleep at the end of a long day. Xiumin was hit by a memory he’d long forgotten, Kai running up to him, sobbing and holding out a bleeding finger. He’d been bitten by one of the Sanctuary’s cats. The cut healed quickly but Kai continued to cry.

“Why did she bite me?” He’d asked, rubbing his eyes. “I was just trying to hug her…”

Xiumin had tried to explain that cats didn’t always want to be hugged, just like Kai didn’t always liked to be hugged, but Kai kept insisting that this cat loved him and he would always hug her. He didn’t understand what he had done wrong this time.

When they reached the hall, Xiumin put Kai down and let him climb the stairs on his own. The hall had no windows and the breeze was a little cold, so the two of them huddled together on one of the floor cushions.

Xiumin wrapped his arm around Kai’s shoulders. “How are you holding up?” He asked.

Kai shrugged. “I know I’m in shock, and I know that everything I’m thinking and feeling is normal, but it doesn’t make it any easier.”

“What are you thinking?” Xiumin pressed.

Kai hesitated. “I blame myself for hating her. maybe if things had been different I could have gotten to know her, but things aren’t different and maybe my chances are ruined.”

“I’m sure they’re not,” Xiumin said quickly. “I’m sure you’ll have a chance again, once we defeat Mama.”

“You think we can?” Kai asked dully. “You think she’s even still alive?”

“I do,” Xiumin said. “I think they’re all still alive. You said so yourself, didn’t you?”

“Yeah,” Kai said. “But what if…she doesn’t want to see me? She was abused, what if seeing me brings it all back?”

Xiumin squeezed Kai’s shoulders. “You’ll be a hero. She’ll see that, she’ll be proud of you, I promise.”

Kai sniffled. “You can’t promise me that.”

To Xiumin’s horror, Kai started to cry.

“Hyung,” He sobbed, “I want to kill them for this. They didn’t even help her, the Guardians…I’m one of them! And they let this happen to my mother!”

Xiumin clutched Kai’s hands in his own. “Kai, their actions have no bearing on who you are, or who we are.”

Kai only seemed to cry harder. “Do you hate me?”

Xiumin stared at Kai, dumbfounded. “How could I hate you?”

“Because I hate the Guardians so much,” Kai wept, “And you…you don’t, you’re so against me.”

Xiumin wanted to yell, but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. “I just don’t want you to hurt them. But that’s not a reason to hate you! I love you so much, Kai, you’re like my baby brother, I could never hate you.”

“Even now?” Kai asked.

“Yes,” Xiumin said firmly. “Even now.”

“Why do you care about them?” Kai asked. “They don’t give a damn about you.”

Xiumin shook his head. “The Tree explained it to us, it said Mama has taken over their hearts.”

“But it started with the first Generation,” Kai said, “They didn’t trust the Tree, and they turned the other Generations against it. How can you trust them?”

Xiumin opened his mouth, closed it, then sighed heavily. “My brother was the first person I told about my gift. He hit me and told me to keep it to myself. It was just after our mother had died and our father was so distant, I think he was afraid that I would upset him even more. It was horrible, having to keep my gift hidden away. I knew I was special, but I didn’t know who to tell. I found a book in a trunk full of my mother’s things and read it in secret. It was all about the Guardians and their great deeds of the past, and reading those stories made me feel so amazing. I didn’t know I was a Guardian, so I thought I could be like them. I could be a hero and be remembered for all time, the way they were. When I was finally taken to the Sanctuary I felt like my dreams were finally coming true. The Guardians have always been my heroes, and I believe that once this darkness is banished from their hearts, they’ll be those heroes again.”

Xiumin felt his eyes stinging but didn’t allow himself to cry. “I know you have a good reason to hate them but I have a good reason to love them. To me, they’re as much my family as you are.”

Kai was staring at him with an unreadable expression, but Xiumin didn’t think he was as upset as he had been.

“Okay,” Kai said after a moment. “I…that makes sense. I still…I hate them, there’s not a lot that’s going to change my mind, but I can understand where you’re coming from.”

“And I understand where you are coming from,” Xiumin said, reaching out to wipe a few stray tears from Kai’s cheeks. “I don’t hate you. Nothing you do or say will ever change that.”

Kai leaned forward until his forehead hit Xiumin’s chest. His shoulders were shaking with silent sobs. Xiumin wrapped his arms around Kai’s back and held him until he stopped shaking.

“I love you, hyung.”

“I love you too. Do you want to go inside now?”

“Can you carry me?”

“After you walk down the stairs on your own.”

Don't forget, Xiumin left to find Kai before Lu Han recited the prophecy, so he and Kai have no idea what's going on.

For those of you who haven't done so, make sure you check out my new story

It's currently a Taoris oneshot, but I'm working on expanding it to a new AU.

These damn chapters keep getting longer and longer. I was going to put in even more but finally I was like "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"