#46: The God Gene Part 7
Multiple character-centric
I've decided to post this earlier than I planned in celebration of PART 2 OF THE WOLF DRAMA MV!!!!!!

“So,” Lu Han began, “I guess by now, Kai has talked to you about…what he wants to do when we go home.”

Sehun kept his eyes on the ceiling as he nodded. “He did.” The two of them were in their own house, lying on the softest mattress Sehun had felt in a while, and he desperately wanted to sleep but he knew that Lu Han wanted to talk about this.

Lu Han rolled onto his side and squirmed closer, until his head was on Sehun’s pillow. “What do you think about it?” He asked quietly, reaching for Sehun’s hand. He was hesitant, almost cautious as he laced their fingers together. Sehun felt his heart melt a little, it seemed like everything his husband did was incredibly sweet.

“I don’t know what to think,” Sehun sighed as he finally turned his head, his nose almost brushing Lu Han’s. “I’m almost inclined to stay out of it, but at the same time…Kai is my friend, and I want to help him.”

Lu Han nodded, leaning forward to kiss Sehun’s cheek. “I understand how angry he is,” Lu Han said quietly, “But...I don’t think I can bring myself to confront the Guardians like that. I think I would be more of a help if I kept to myself.”

Sehun gave Lu Han a confused look. “Kai would love to have you stand beside him.”

“I know,” Lu Han sighed. “I don’t really know how to explain it. But if you want to help Kai, I won’t try to stop you.”

Sehun nodded slowly. “Okay, I’ll think about it a little more.” But he really didn’t understand what Lu Han was trying to say. “Maybe I’ll stay out of it after all, who knows?”

Suho was having nightmares for the first time in years. Previously his nightmares had involved his memories of being abandoned, and as he got older they would be about his kids getting hurt while he stood unable to help them. Now he almost thought that he would rather have those nightmares back.

Kris shook him awake and Suho recoiled almost immediately, casting his eyes around the room as though expecting something to leap out at him. His teeth were chattering and he was shaking, his shirt was damp and it took him a moment to realize that it was sweat clinging to him.

“The nightmare again?” Kris asked, reaching out and wiping Suho’s face. He hadn’t even realized that he was crying. “Do you want to tell me about it?”

Suho frantically shook his head, sobs rising in the back of his throat. Kris sighed and held out his arms, and Suho fell into them, shaking with silent sobs.

“W-where’s Tao?” Suho forced out from his chattering teeth.

Kris sighed again. “He’s with Kai,” he said gently, rubbing Suho’s back in soothing circles. “I think they’re training together.”

Suho hid his face in Kris’ chest and sobbed harder. He was so glad that Tao wasn’t there, he didn’t want Tao to watch him break down like this. Now he understood what it was like for Kris all those years ago when had been in the Healers rooms, and it was awful.

Kris laid soft kisses on the top of Suho’s head, cheeks and even his nose. “Talk to me,” he begged. “I want to help you.”

But Suho only shook his head again. There was no way he felt like he could tell Kris that his nightmares were about watching people die in powerful tsunamis, or else drowning on dry land from a buildup of water in their lungs, courtesy of Suho himself.

Tao was on the verge of a panic attack, but he was doing his best to contain the worst of his freak out. Kai was eyeing him with apprehension.

“I don’t see anything,” Kai told him, looking around.

Tao shut his eyes and sat down on the ground, trying to ignore the rising hairs on the back of his neck and goose-bumps on his arms. “It’s the shadows,” Tao whispered, “When you look away…they move.”

“How do you know if they’re moving when you aren’t looking?”

“I just know!” Tao hissed. A shiver ran down his spine and he whimpered. “How long has it been?”

“Almost an hour,” Kai responded.

Tao shivered again and whined. “I hate this. I wish Kris was here…”

“You said you didn’t want him to come with us! I wouldn’t mind—”

“Not in here,” Tao whispered. “Just…closer.”

Tao had found that if he concentrated hard enough, he could keep his power contained to one specific location. He and Kai had practiced it before, and now they were trying to see how long Tao could keep it up. They’d made it to 45 minutes last time, now they were pushing for 65. Kai was keeping track in his head, and they had a stopwatch located outside the room that they were practicing on. Kris was about a hundred yards away with Suho, and Tao wished that he could just run right into Kris’ arms as soon as this was over, but Kris would know what he’d been doing and he didn’t want to have to explain what he and Kai were training for.

Tao swore he could feel the shadows coming alive around him and he could feel himself starting to tear up. “I want to stop,” he whimpered. “Kai…”

“Two more minutes,” Kai said. “Can you manage it?”

Tao covered his face, feeling the panic building inside of him. “I…I can’t!”

He lost his focus and at once he could feel time being restored. He fell onto his side and started to cry immediately, partially from fear and partially from shame.

Kai ran to retrieve the stopwatch, and once he’d done that he came back and sat by Tao’s side, running his fingers through Tao’s hair soothingly. “You made it past an hour,” Kai reminded him, “That’s an incredible record!”

But Tao shook his head. “Can you really not see anything?” He gasped, looking up at Kai. He couldn’t even really see his friend through his tears. “Is it…all my imagination? Am I crazy?” He started to cry harder.

Kai laid down next to him and put his arm around Tao’s waist, pulling him closer. “You aren’t crazy,” he assured. “Or if you are…it’s not because of this. Those shadows are real to you, Tao. The fact that I can’t see them doesn’t make them any less threatening.”

Tao continued to cry, and Kai tried to wipe his tears away. “We can stop if you want,” he reminded Tao for the hundredth time. “You don’t have to do this.”

But Tao wanted to do this, and Kai knew it. Tao wanted to understand his gift, know how it worked. But most of all Tao wanted to stop being afraid. He knew it was embarrassing for him to be breaking down like this after all this time. He was letting his gift control him, not the other way around, and he had to find some way to get over that, or else what kind of Guardian was he?

Suho was beyond exhausted, he hadn’t had a good night’s sleep in weeks, and he knew that something was wrong with Tao but he couldn’t think straight enough to figure out how to get it out of him. His head ached and his stomach churned at the smell of food, Suho couldn’t remember feeling this sick in his life and it was worrying the others too. It was getting hard for them to travel by foot, Suho couldn’t go very far without feeling like his head would split open. Sehun had come up with a temporary solution—a metal cart with an umbrella tied to it for shade. They were already using these carts to transport some of their belongings, but the thing rattled around so much that Suho had to line it with blankets and pillows before he could actually sit in it for extended periods of time.

“You don’t have a fever,” Kris murmured, pressing his hand to Suho’s head. Suho knew he didn’t have a fever, he didn’t have any kind of illness of the body, this was an illness in his mind.

Suho leaned his head into Kris’ hand sighed heavily. “Don’t look so worried, you’ll get wrinkles.”

Kris managed a smile at that. “Will you still love me if I have wrinkles?”

“No,” Suho teased, “I only like you for your dashing good looks.”

Kris gave Suho a gentle kiss on his forehead. “Well, I’ll always love you.”

“Even if I did something awful?” Suho asked in a small voice, so small he figured Kris didn’t hear, since he didn’t answer.

It was Xiumin’s turn to cook, but since they didn’t have Suho around to help them catch fish, there wasn’t a whole lot he had to do. He hoped that Kyungsoo and Sehun would have better luck finding fruits and vegetables, or they’d be hungry that night.

He looked up when he heard footsteps and saw Baekhyun standing in front of him, wringing his hands and looking worried.

“Can I talk to you for a minute?” He asked in a small voice.

Xiumin nodded and moved aside on his log, making room for Baekhyun. He’d never seen his little brother look so unsure of himself before, and he’d be lying if he thought that Baekhyun had been okay lately.

“What’s up?” Xiumin asked, placing his hand on Baekhyun’s knee. “Is it your gift?”

“No,” Baekhyun whispered, his eyes trained on the ground. “No…it’s Chanyeol.”

“What about him?” Xiumin asked, confused. Chanyeol seemed fine to him.

Baekhyun hesitated for a moment. “Sometimes I wonder if…if Chanyeol and I rushed our relationship.”

Xiumin stared at Baekhyun in disbelief. “You’ve been together for years,”  He said slowly, “I see the way you look at each other, you love each other very much—”

“I know,” Baekhyun moaned, holding his head in his hands. “I love him, I really do, it’s just…we fight so much,” he whispered tearfully. “And I mean, our physical relationship progressed very quickly,” his voice lowered even more, “Maybe too quickly.”

Xiumin really didn’t want to have that conversation. “So, you think that’s a problem?” he asked.

“Maybe,” Baekhyun said. “Because…it kind of made me fall for him even harder than I already was. At the time I knew that we didn’t always agree, but I didn’t realize how bad it was. There are times when I just want to scream at him, where I want to…to hurt him with my words, like I did when I was younger. I just don’t understand how his brain works sometimes, and it frustrates me because he can’t explain it to me, and we can’t find even ground. And then sometimes I…I make him cry, even now. And I hate that about myself.” He broke off with a sob.

Xiumin rubbed Baekhyun’s back slowly. “So is the problem with Chanyeol, or with you?”

“I don’t know,” Baekhyun sobbed. “Maybe both? But…I guess it is mostly me.”

Xiumin hummed thoughtfully. “Well I’m not much for relationship advice,” he reminded Baekhyun, “But if you think that they physical aspect of your relationship is the problem, then why not stop…being physical for a while? I’ll let you and Chanyeol set the parameters for that, but try and see what happens.”

Baekhyun sniffed and wiped his eyes. “But what if Chanyeol doesn’t want that?” He asked timidly.

“Baekhyun,” Xiumin sighed, “If Chanyeol only loves you because you’re sleeping with him, he doesn’t deserve you, and I’m sure that’s not the case so I’m sure he’ll understand.”

Baekhyun managed a laugh and he hugged Xiumin tightly. “Thanks, hyung.”

Baekhyun felt like his heart was going to leap out of his chest with how fast it was beating. He kept stealing glances at Chanyeol from under his eyelashes, and it seemed like Chanyeol was falling asleep, but who knew how his mind worked? They’d crawled under the blankets like they usually did every night—well, except for the fact that they were in a totally different house of course—and it seemed like all was well, but Baekhyun really didn’t know what Chanyeol was thinking.

“I can feel you staring,” Chanyeol mumbled suddenly, and Baekhyun jumped.

“Am I that obvious?” He asked.

“I think it’s just because it’s you, and I know you so well.” Chanyeol answered, placing one hand on Baekhyun’s cheek.

Baekhyun smiled sadly. “Do you really?”

Chanyeol opened his eyes, staring at Baekhyun in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Baekhyun took hold of Chanyeol’s hand and squeezes gently. “Chanyeol, I love you so much, but…I think you have the wrong idea about me. This thing with Kai for example.”

Chanyeol’s confusion only seemed to deepen. “What about it?”

“I don’t need revenge,” Baekhyun said, “And I don’t want…I don’t need you to get revenge for me.” He paused, to make sure that Chanyeol was understanding him. “I am afraid that…I would kill someone by accident,” he admitted, “But I can take care of myself, and I don’t need or want you to feel like you have to do this for me. I'm not that kid locked away in a tower who needs someone to save him, not anymore.”

Chanyeol didn’t say anything for a few seconds, but finally he smiled. “Okay.”

Baekhyun frowned. “Okay?” he echoed.

“Okay,” Chanyeol repeated. “I’m still going to help Kai, but I won’t do it for you.”

“Who are you doing it for, then?” Baekhyun asked, feeling like he’d missed something.

“Myself, I guess. I’m pretty stinking mad at the Guardians you know, and I guess I’ll do it because what they did to Suho was horrible, and I remember how bad it was for him, and no other child should have to go through what he did.”

“So that’s it?” Baekhyun exclaimed, sitting up. “It’s as easy as that?”

“Well, yeah,” Chanyeol said, sitting up as well. “I don’t want to upset you, Baekhyun. If you don’t want me to do this for you, then I won’t think of it that way, and I’ll keep my feelings for you out of this.”

“It’s that easy for you to separate the two?” Baekhyun pressed.

Chanyeol hesitated. “I don’t know,” He admitted. “Right now it is, but who knows how I'll feel when the time comes. I’ll work on it—this confrontation is a long way off, after all. I’ll think about how mad I am, and I’ll work on not being angry on your behalf.”

Baekhyun gaped at him. “You’re really okay with all this?”

Chanyeol leaned forward and kissed Baekhyun lightly on the lips. “Of course I’m okay with it.”

“And you’re okay with…not sleeping together for a while?”

Chanyeol nodded. “I guess you’re right. We do fight a lot, and I don’t like it either. I’m not sure if this will help, but we can at least try, right?”

Baekhyun felt like he was about to cry. “I really do hate fighting with you,” he choked. “And…sometimes I feel like I’m not good enough for you.”

Chanyeol was on him in an instant, hugging him and brushing his tears aside, kissing his forehead and cheeks. “Don’t ever say that,” he said frantically. “Don’t ever think that about yourself. You are good enough, you always have been and you always will be. Everybody has their faults, Baekhyun.”

“But my faults hurt you,” Baekhyun said mournfully. “How is that fair?”

“Mine hurt you, too,” Chanyeol reminded him, “If they didn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation. I think we just need to be a little more open with each other, and I think this is a good start.”

Sehun reached for Lu Han’s hand, squeezing gently. “Are you awake?” He asked quietly, even though he knew Lu Han had been awake for hours.

Lu Han rolled over, looking a little guilty. “Was I talking out loud?” He asked.

“No,” Sehun said, “I just…I can’t sleep.” It was a lie, and Lu Han knew it.

“Are you worrying about me again?” Lu Han asked, and he almost sounded bitter.

“I—yes,” Sehun admitted. “I feel like you’re not happy.”

Lu Han seemed to melt and he smiled, inching closer. “I am happy,” he assured, “You make me happy. It’s just…I’m thinking about the future, that’s all.”

Sehun sat up, leaning on one of his elbows. “What about the future?” He asked, brushing Lu Han’s hair off his forehead.

Lu Han caught Sehun’s fingers and held them still. “Sehun…when the time comes, I don’t know if I’ll be able to train a Guardian.”

Sehun felt panic begin to stir inside him, and he squashed it down. “Of course you will,” he said, trying to keep his tone light, but Lu Han saw through him.

“You horrible liar,” he chuckled even as his eyes filled with tears. “You already know, don’t you?”

Sehun sat up, clinging tightly to Lu Han’s hand. “We don’t have to talk about this,” he said desperately. “We can ignore it.”

“We can’t,” Lu Han countered, sitting up as well. “Not anymore. You have to have noticed that…that I’m not getting stronger.”

Sehun shook his head. “You barely use your gift,” he protested. “You don’t know what you can do.”

Lu Han sighed, tears welling up in his eyes. “I do know,” he said as gently as he could. “I know that I’m broken, Sehun. It’s not that I’m not using my gift, it’s that I can’t use it, not the way I used to.”

“But it’s only been a few years!” Sehun protested, starting to cry. “You were…you were very badly hurt for a long time, you can’t expect to heal from that overnight!”

Lu Han cradled Sehun’s face in his hands. “Yes, I was hurt very badly. What happened to me was awful, and it’s amazing I’ve recovered as much as I have, but…there is a part of me that will never be okay again.” He smiled as his tears started to fall. “And if I had to choose…this isn’t so bad. I’d rather lose my gift than my memories of you.”

Sehun sobbed openly, shaking his head. “Don’t say that,” he begged, “You love your gift, you’re so strong, you’re the strongest Guardian I know! That can’t be gone, I know…I know it isn’t…”

“It is,” Lu Han said firmly.

Sehun wanted to argue, but he knew it was useless. He had been in love with Lu Han for years, knew him well enough to have seen this coming. He lowered his head, accepting defeat. “What kind of hideous justice is this?” He asked. “It shouldn’t have come to this, to you being glad that it was…it was your gift that got taken away instead of your memory.” He started to shout. “This isn’t fair!” He looked up again and saw tears flowing freely down Lu Han’s cheeks.

“I know,” Lu Han said, his voice breaking. “I know it’s not fair. No one wishes more than I that you didn’t have to go through this.”

“Me?!” Sehun exclaimed. “What about me? Lu Han, I’m only thinking of you!”

Lu Han let out a laugh that sounded more like a hiccup. “I’m not, I’m always thinking about you now, and how guilty I feel for leaving you the way I did.”

“But it wasn’t your fault!” Sehun cried, and he threw his arms around Lu Han’s shoulders. “I don’t blame you, and I’m not angry with you!”

Lu Han clung to Sehun’s shoulders, trying to hold back his own sobs. “I’m angry with me.”

Sehun barely heard him. He knew who was to blame for this, all of it, and for the first time he was starting to understand just what had been taken from not only Lu Han and himself, but all of them. They hadn’t just lost their home, they had lost their sense of certainty and security, their lives had been turned upside down and inside out, and there was blame for that.

Jongin was shocked when Sehun turned up at his door in the morning. It was still early, Jongdae was only just walking up, but Sehun looked like he’d been awake for a long time. His eyes were red and he looked like he’d been crying, but he also looked very angry. Dust was swirling at his feet, a sure sign that he was furious.

“Can I help you with something?” Jongin asked cautiously.

“No, I’m here to help you,” Sehun said, sounding so calm it was almost unnatural. “I just wanted to let you know that I’m on board with your plan. I’ll do anything you ask of me, I just have one thing that I want.”

Jongin nodded, a little dumbstruck at how gung-ho Sehun seemed. “What is that you want?”

Sehun glowered, the dust began to swirl a little faster. “I want to have a few words with whoever it was that sabotaged our ship.”

Now Sehun is on board with Jongin's plan, and now you know why. We do anything for the ones we love. The only one left to decide is Kyungsoo, and you'll see his choice next time, which...the next chapter might be the end of this arc. I'm not entirely sure yet, but it looks like I'm very close to wrapping this all up at any rate.

In other news, I'm doing an ask the author session! Details about it can be found here:http://www.asianfanfics.com/blog/view/658816

I hope I didn't make everyone cry too much this time....JUST KIDDING I HOPE YOU ALL CRIED BUCKETS