#40:The God Gene (Part I)
Yixing/Lay-centric
Continuity:Takes place after every other drabble except #8
WARNING:Mentions of death

If there’s one thing Yixing would never get used to seeing, it’s death.

He was so happy when he found out what his affinity was—he could give life, he could heal. He could see it all in his head, he would be able to save so many people, so many sick and broken people. He’d always known that he was good at making people feel better. His mother was so clumsy, she used to always cut her fingers when she made dinner. Even as an infant, Yixing would kiss her cuts to make them all better, just as she would do for him. His father didn’t approve, said Yixing belonged in the barn, not in the kitchen. Yixing hated going out to the barn though…he knew his father had to kill some animals. They mostly owned dairy cows and hens for eggs, but he’d never forgotten when he was three and accidentally saw his father kill a young calf—it was sick, it would have died anyway, but of course that didn’t matter to Yixing. He had started screaming, ran back to the house and collapsed in his mother’s arms.

Yixing heard his brothers talk about their mothers. To hear it from them, their mothers didn’t love them at all. But Yixing’s mother loved him so much. When he ran into the kitchen crying about the calf, his mother held him for hours until he stopped crying. Even when his father came in and asked for dinner, his mother snapped that it would have to wait. Ever since that day he’d stayed far away from the barn. He became a vegetarian for a while, until he almost fainted from malnutrition. Vegetables weren’t filling enough for a four year old. So he just never ate beef, but that was okay—his mom made sure he had choices.

Once he’d gone with his mother to retrieve the eggs from the hen house. He asked her if she thought that the mother hens knew they were supposed to have babies, and if they were sad when the babies never showed up. He’d looked up to find her a little teary-eyed, and she didn’t answer him. For some reason, that question and her lack of an answer stuck with him. She had always answered his questions.

Yixing had been so sad to leave for the Sanctuary. He cried for days, only stopping when his mother took him aside and told him that from now on, he would be with kids who were like him. He wouldn’t be lonely anymore, he would have people who would understand him better than even she could. She made Yixing promise not to miss her too much, and to instead think of the kids he would meet as his new family.

When his name was changed to Lay he was so upset. Bad enough that it had been done by people who had never met him before, who had told him about it in a letter and named him after someone he didn’t know, but Yixing felt like he was being stripped of the last thing he had of his family. His mother had chosen that name for him, who were these people to take it away from him? But Lu Han reminded him that a name only said so much about a person, and it was what was on the inside that counted most of all. It was just what his mother would have said. Even so, Lay became a kind of mask that Yixing could put on and take off at will. Lay was calmer, he knew what he was doing. Lay wouldn’t miss his mother, because he didn’t have a mother to miss. Most of the time, Lay only became Yixing at night when he just couldn’t hold the tears in any longer.

When he was twelve years old, he got a letter from home. His mother was sick and wanted to see him. At that very moment the ‘Lay’ persona he had created disintegrated. Yixing threw a fit and swore that he would cry nonstop until the Masters at the sanctuary let him go, and he cried for five hours straight until they relented. He was on a train that night, and he made it back two days later. His mother was so pale, and her eyes were bloodshot. Yixing had taken her hand and told her that he could make her feel better, he could heal her. But she stopped him, she said that it was too late.

“Mama, don’t say that,” he sobbed.

She touched his cheek gently. “My handsome boy,” she whispered. “You’re a Guardian now…they call you Lay, am I right?”

He nodded. “I want you to stay mama,” he hiccupped. “I want you to be proud of me.”

“I am so proud of you already,” she said, starting to cry as well. “But darling I have to confess something…I’m not your real mother.”

Yixing would have fainted if his father hadn’t walked in at that precise moment. Yixing stood up from the bed and yelled, demanding to know why his mother was saying crazy things. His father picked him up and carried him outside.

“Don’t yell in front of her,” he growled when he deposited Yixing on the front yard. “She’s upset enough as it is.”

“What is she talking about?!” Yixing screamed. “She said she wasn’t my mother!”

“And she’s not!” His father snapped. “She pretended to be, we all pretended.”

“What are you saying?” He cried.

“Yixing your real mother abandoned you!” His father yelled. “She left you—us, in the middle of the night. I haven’t seen her in years.”

Yixing was floored. “You’re lying,” he said. “That can’t be true…and if it is then who is she?” He cried, pointing back at the house. “And why have you lied to me?”

“She’s my sister,” his father said shortly. “Your Aunt. Don’t give me that look, haven’t you noticed that we sleep in different rooms? Have you ever seen me kiss her besides on the cheek?”

Yixing’s head spun. His mother…his “mother” was his aunt? “I don’t understand,” he said weakly.

His father sighed and rubbed his face. “By the Tree, Yixing. Do you think I could have raised you by myself? I was working the fields, you were six months old. I wrote to Xiu Lin and asked her to come help me and…” he sighed again. “She couldn’t have children. Something’s wrong with her…she never thought she’d hear someone call her mama…but you did. It was the first word you’d ever said. You looked right at her and called her mama. She was so happy…she just went with it. I don’t know, sometimes I think she really thought that you were her flesh and blood.”

“I am!” Yixing screamed. “Even if she is my aunt, we’re still related! And I still think she’s my mother! She cares about me, she loves me! That’s more than you ever did…that’s more than anyone ever did!” He was screeching by that point, so loudly that he thought his throat was tearing apart. His father was looking at him in shock.

“Admit it!” Yixing screamed. “You don’t care about me! you don’t love me at all—I wish you’d let me die when my mom abandoned me, then! Why didn’t you? You’re all the same! You don’t care about us!”

“Yixing stop it!” His father yelled. Yixing swung his arm out, trying to land a punch to his father’s jaw, but it was easily blocked. His father grabbed both of his wrists and held him as he thrashed, trying to get away.

“Let go!” Yixing hollered, his throat raw. “Don’t touch me, don’t ever touch me again!”

“Yixing, please calm down!”

Yixing froze and stared up at his father, his jaw hanging. It was the first time he could remember his father saying ‘please’ to him. For a moment they just stood still, and slowly the grip on Yixing’s wrists loosened. Yixing started to cry harder, and he shook his head.

“Why don’t you love me?” He asked before dissolving into sobs and throwing his arms around his father’s waist. He kept his eyes closed, he didn’t want to know if his father was shocked by the hug. Yixing wanted so badly for his father to hug him back. He felt a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry, son. I just don’t…”

Yixing realized what he was doing and he stopped, stepping back. He kept his eyes down. “You don’t feel like I’m yours?” He asked, wiping his face on his sleeve. He didn’t get an answer, but he didn’t need one. He went back inside to say goodbye to his mother—she was his mother, no matter what anyone said—and then he left to go home. By the time he got back to the sanctuary his Lay persona was firmly back in place, and he never told anyone the truth about his ‘mother’. She didn’t die. He got a letter a week later saying that she got better. Of course she did, that was because Lay healed her as he said goodbye. He would often think back to that, about how he disrespected her wishes for his own selfish ones. He just wanted to know that there was someone out there besides the other Guardians who loved him.

Now on a new world, Lay gazed up at the stars and wondered what had become of his twisted family. His pseudo-mother was probably dead. Everyone they knew was probably dead. It had been a sixty years since they last saw their relatives, they’re probably buried in the earth…

He took a deep breath. Lay didn’t think about that kind of thing. Lay thought about life and reasons to live. Yixing was the one who thought about death. Lay acknowledged it, knew that it happened, but he focused on the life. It wasn’t always easy when three times a week they would come across the rotting carcass of some poor animal on the side of a road, dead from dehydration and malnourishment. Once they came into a house and found the skeleton of the previous inhabitant. Lay had fainted when he saw it, freaked out beyond words to see death in a human. The world was healing, Lay could feel it even if Kyungsoo couldn’t, but that didn’t mean that death wasn’t around every turn. Lay did his best to block it out, running around madly and bringing flowers back to life every chance he got. Even after Kyungsoo told him that they would only die again, he still thought it was worth it to bring them back for a little while.

It was odd—Lay could bring back dead plants without a problem, all Guardians who had been gifted with Healing could, but there wasn’t a single one who could restore life to an animal or human. It had been said that it was because animals and humans had something more—personality, real intelligence, the ability to think and eat and live according to choice. A flower didn’t choose to bloom, but a bird could choose to fly to another branch and a human being could chose everything from clothing to food to occupation, and that was because of something undefinable and immaterial. No Guardian was strong enough to bring back a creature of choice, as they had come to be called.

“Lay!”

He was startled out of a daze and quickly stood up—too quickly, he nearly fell over. “What?!” Lay gaped, turning around to find Kyungsoo looking at him oddly. The rest of the group was off doing their own thing while Kris and Suho pondered over a map. At least they weren’t arguing yet.

“I asked you three times if you wanted some water,” Kyungsoo said, holding up a water bottle. Lay took it with a muttered thanks and a nervous smile. He drank too much too quickly and almost choked.

“Are you feeling okay?” Kyungsoo asked. “You’ve been acting weird lately.”

‘Only since you gave up your gift,’ Lay corrected in his head, but he only grinned. “I’m just thinking,” he said. Patting Kyungsoo’s head.

“That’s a dangerous past time for you, Lay,” Chen laughed. “You’ll set your head on fire if you work too hard.”

Lay snorted and threatened to throw the uncapped water bottle at Chen’s head. When the attention shifted away from him, he lapsed back into silence. Kyungsoo’s rant on the deadness of the planet had made him start to think. Was there a point to life if it all led to the same end? A Guardian was the only being who could live forever, so what did that mean for ordinary humans? What was their goal in life? To breed more humans who would eventually die as well? It made his head hurt, he didn’t like thinking about it but he couldn’t stop.

Confused and upset, Lay wandered over to where Kris and Suho were still debating over the map. It sounded like they were going to start arguing soon, and Lay rather though Tao should have done something about it but he was staying far, far away from them. Lay interrupted Kris in the middle of a sentence by hanging off of his arm.

“I’m going for a walk over there,” he said, waving off to the side of the road, where a forest had run untamed. “Call me when you decide where to go, okay?”

Kris ruffled his hair. “Sure thing, kid,” he said with a smile before turning back to the task at hand.

Lay fixed his bangs as he walked away. His hair was getting longer, he needed to cut it. He thought about cutting it super short, maybe even shaving it off. He wanted to change something about himself, something obvious. He hadn’t gone far from the group before he flopped down on a log and stared up at the sky. He didn’t feel right. He felt antsy and wrong, like he didn’t belong in his own body anymore. It was driving him insane, this itch under his skin that made him want to shave his hair or wear a dress or draw on his own face…anything to change who he was.

With a groan Lay rolled off his log and laid on the ground, feeling the hum of life under his fingertips. It was faint, but present. He flexed his fingers in the dirt, trying to identify the source. It was small, definitely not one of his brothers, but bigger than a bug or a mouse. What was it that he was feeling? Just as Lay got a feel for where the energy was coming from, it cut off. In a panic he leapt to his feet and started to run in the direction of the energy. It wasn’t too far away, he knew he was getting close…had he just run past it?

Confused, Lay skidded to a halt. Where had it been coming from? He walked back slowly, keeping his eyes on the ground, and then he saw it.

“Oh no,” Lay whimpered as he knelt down. It was a kitten—only a few weeks old and a few minutes dead. The poor thing was emaciated and dirty, had probably been on its own for a few weeks.

Lay saw dead animals all the time, but seeing one so young and at a time when he was already feeling emotional…it was the worst thing that could have happened to him at that moment. He started to cry and didn’t even bother to hold back his sobs. Who could hear him? Not his brothers, he was too far away from them, and not this poor little dead kitten.

“I’m sorry,” Lay cried, reaching out to the creature’s dirty fur. It was curled up on its side, and Lay wondered if it had been cold despite the warmer temperatures. If only they’d come through this part of the city sooner…if he had just been a few minutes earlier…

“I could have saved you,” Lay gasped as he started to cry harder. “Poor little thing, I could have saved you! Oh I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry that you died alone and hungry and scared…”

It just wasn’t fair, Lay though as he picked up the little thing and cradled it’s body to his chest. This poor little animal hadn’t deserved to die, it wouldn’t have died if it had been fed and loved. It was such a preventable death, it didn’t need to happen, it didn’t…what the hell…

Lay almost threw the kitten aside, stopping himself just in time. He swallowed nervously and pressed his fingers against the kitten’s thin chest. Was that…a heartbeat? And come to think of it…hadn’t that kitten felt a whole lot thinner two seconds ago.

Lay pulled the kitten’s body way from his chest and looked down. It was cleaner, fatter, and as he watched it’s chest began to rise and fall and it began to stir.

“IN THE NAME OF THE TREE!” Lay screamed as he dropped the kitten—good thing he was so close to the ground—and skittered away. The second the kitten hit the floor it opened its eyes and let out an affronted meow, glaring up at Lay. After a brief moment it picked itself up and padded over to paw at Lay’s shoe.

“Get away from me!” Lay yelped, crawling backwards. “You…you go away! I’m dreaming, I’m dreaming!” He slapped his face, closed his eyes and pinched his arm so hard he yelped. When he opened his eyes the kitten was still there.

Lay heard a faint crashing from a few feet away. “Lay?” Chanyeol called. “Is that you? I heard a shout…it must have been you…we’re leaving—oh here you are!” Chanyeol said brightly as he peered around a large tree. His jaw dropped. “A KITTEN!” He cried, rushing forward and scooping it up.

“Don’t—” Lay gasped, but Chanyeol wasn’t listening, he was cooing over the kitten.

“What a cutie! Oh she’s so sweet, where did you find her?! Come on baby, let’s go show you off to everyone!” And he walked off, leaving Lay still sitting on the forest floor clutching his chest.

Nobody else came to look for him. Nobody saw as Lay began to laugh hysterically, his giggles eventually morphing into sobs that left his throat raw. He’d never been so scared before in his life. He had brought a creature of choice back to life. That shouldn’t have happened—there was no way it could have happened. There had never been a Healer that strong, there would never be a healer that strong. It was impossible. That kitten had been dead. It should still be dead. But it wasn’t anymore. And it was because of Lay.

Lay pulled his hands away from his chest and stared at them in shock.

“What have I done?”

I played God.

EVERYONE FINALLY GOT THE LAY-CENTRIC DRABBLE. IS THIS THE REALITY YOU WANTED??

Anyway, this is part one of a multi-chapter exploration of the power that the Guardians possess and what happens as they become aware of it. It’ll be a lot like the Crossroads of Hope series but much darker, so be prepared. Also I debated having Lay be the one to discover his new advanced power first but...IDK this just seemed like the most logical way to do it? I've known from the very first chapter that eventually the kids were going to discover that they were stronger, for a while I thought I'd have Kris sneeze and breathe fire by accident but that just seemed to silly for such a heavy topic. I really think the morality of playing God was a good way to dive into this topic. It's not like I have many other options, as you can see from the drabbles the kids haven't been using their powers much lately.

Also it kills me to type out Yixing's name as Lay. Dumbest stage name ever TBQH.

(for more on the god gene:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_God_Gene)