Continuity: Chapter 2&4; Post fic
Pairing: Kai/Chen

#17: Friends

Kai and Chen did in fact wind up playing together a few times; usually they played Hide and Seek. It was perfect for Chen, who didn’t like loud games like tag and war, and for Kai it had just enough suspense to keep him interested. That didn’t mean everything went according to plan though.

Chen wriggled around on the ground trying to throw Kai off of him. “No tackling allowed in hide and seek!!” He cried, trying to kick Kai’s legs. Kai was pining Chen’s arms to his sides and he was lying at an awkward angle, there was no way he was getting up if Kai didn’t get off.

Kai snorted and laughed. “All is fair in this game, there are no rules!”

“Is so!” Chen retorted.

“Are so,” Kai corrected.

“Nuh-uh!” Chen yelled.

Kai narrowed his eyes. “I’m always right!” He cried, and then he dug his fingertips into Chen’s ribs.

Chen shrieked and squirmed around, but he was also laughing and smiling. “Stop it!” He cried.

Kai smirked and moved his hands up, tickling Chen under his arms.

“KAI!” Chen screamed. “CUT IT OU—AAH!”

It seemed like there wasn’t a single spot on Chen’s body that wasn’t ticklish. Kai flattened himself on top of Chen and locked their legs together to keep Chen from kicking him while he was tickled. Kai didn’t relent until he looked up and saw Kris standing three feet away from them.

“Hi there!” Kai said brightly, sitting up. Chen curled up on the ground, clutching his ribs and panting.

Kris eyed them suspiciously. “Were you guys…playing? With each other?”

Kai nodded and grinned. “We were having fun! Right Chen?”

Chen pushed himself up and fixed his hair. “Right. Fun.”

And then he launched himself at Kai, tackling him to the ground and grabbing at his stomach. This time it was Kai’s turn to scream from being tickled.

Kris had watched them for a long time. Later that night Kai overheard him telling Suho about it, and how weird but nice it had been to see them get along.

“Kai really acts like he’s older then Chen, and I can see that Chen looks up to him. I feel like they could be great playmates if they could get along more often,” Kris had commented. Kai had wanted to get along with Chen, and for a while it seemed like it would happen. But it wasn’t long after that they had gone into the woods for the last time. In the time it took for Kai to recover from his encounter with the Darkness, he and Chen drifted apart. They were still friends, and they still talked of course, but they weren’t as close as they had been when they played together for those few times.

*             *             *

Chen wasn’t afraid of spiders for nothing. When he was four, he’d come down with a dangerously high fever, and while he was lying in bed one day he hallucinated that a spider in the corner of his room had suddenly grown to the size of a horse. It had hovered over him, slowly devouring his legs while he screamed for help, unable to move. After that, it was no wonder that Chen feared spiders more than anything in the world.

Even now, decades old and living on a new planet, he went to great pains to make sure that his environment was free of spiders. He inspected the ground, shook out his sleeping bag multiple times before lying it out, and he never put his shoes on without first shaking them out and kicking them multiple times (just in case). Still, his methods weren’t foolproof, and sometimes he got caught off guard.

They were trying to find Seoul, and they’d stopped in the middle of a forest to make camp for the night. Chen was cold, so he went to put an extra log from their stash of firewood on the fire, and not two seconds after he touched the wood a spider crawled onto his hand. It wasn’t a terribly large spider, but that didn’t matter. Chen was so terrified he could barely even scream. He couldn’t get enough air for the piercing shrieks he could feel building in his stomach, working their way up his throat like bile. As it was Chen could hardly gasp because his panic was literally choking him.

It was Kai who ran over and knocked the spider off his hand, then crushed it into the ground. The creature had been on Chen’s hand for a grand total of three seconds, but everyone knew it could take hours for Chen to truly calm down, he was in the middle of a full blown panic attack.

Chen curled up on the ground, holding his spider infected hand away from himself and pressing his other hand to his mouth to muffle his choked screams. He could hear Xiumin calling for Kris, but again it was Kai who stepped up, pulling Chen out of the dirt and carrying him over to a log. Kai set Chen down and sat next to him to examine his hand.

“It didn’t bite you,” he soothed after a moment, holding Chen’s hand to his chest.

Chen couldn’t even nod, he could only bite down on his wrist and keep his eyes shut against the images of giant arachnids hazy in the front of his mind. Chen whimpered and he felt tears slide down his cheeks. He started to sob and Kai gently tugged his wrist away from his mouth. Chen tried to pull back—he didn’t want to scream—but Kai shook his head.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” he murmured.

Chen’s breathing became more erratic as he fought not to start screaming, and Kai tapped Chen on the side of his head until he opened his eyes.

“It’s okay,” Kai whispered, “Listen, I want you to breathe with me, alright? We’re going to take a deep breathe, hold it for three seconds, and then let it out slowly. I want you to look at me while we do this, do you understand?”

Chen nodded. He kept his eyes focused on Kai’s face throughout the entire time, and Kai never once looked away from him. After a few minutes Chen stopped having to force himself to breathe slowly and it became more natural. He realized he was squeezing Kai’s hand and slowly loosened his fingers. His panic attacks usually didn’t last more than ten minutes, and soon enough he felt much calmer, though he was completely exhausted. Kai pulled Chen’s head onto his shoulder and Chen curled into his side, burrowing into his jacket. Kai wrapped his arms around Chen’s shoulders and his fingers gently through his hair. After a minute Chen went totally limp against him, eyes shut and on the verge of sleep.

“Wow,” Chen heard Kris say. “That was…wow Kai, you were so good with him. Where did you learn that? I thought you weren’t around when Chen had panic attacks.”

“Sehun had them a few times,” Kai replied, and Chen felt his chest vibrate as he spoke. “I learned how to help him very quickly.”

The next time Chen opened his eyes it was nearly dawn, and he was squished into Kai’s sleeping bag, face buried in Kai’s shirt. He tried to move and realized their legs were tangled together and he literally could not budge without waking Kai up.

His episode from the previous night rushed back to him and he felt himself blush. He covered his face and groaned in embarrassment. He hadn’t had an attack in years because he was so careful, but then he supposed it was inevitable since he was living outside. He’d never liked the aftermath of his attacks, the anxiety that would stay with him for a while afterward and underneath that a burning hatred for his moment of weakness.

Next to him Kai cracked one eye open. “What are you muttering about?” he mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

Chen clapped his hand over his mouth, only just realizing that he had in fact been speaking under his breath for the last few minutes.

“I’m sorry,” Chen stammered, “I didn’t mean to wake you.”

Kai groaned and flung his arm around Chen’s waist, pulling him closer and burying his face in Chen’s hair.

“Don’t worry about it,” he sighed. “Seriously. It’s fine.”

Chen squirmed around, trying to get comfortable without getting too much in Kai’s personal space. Kai poked him in the ribs.

“Quite moving,” he droned over Chen’s muffled yelp.

“I think my elbow is in your stomach,” Chen protested. Kai sighed.

“I don’t care, you’re warm. You should sleep with me more often.”

Chen stopped squirming and gasped. “Are you cold at night?”

Kai shrugged. “Yeah, sometimes.”

Chen pulled away, ignoring Kai’s fingers scrabbling to pull him back, and glared at Kai. “Why didn’t you say anything before?” He demanded. Kai didn’t even open his eyes this time, so the glare was kind of wasted.

Kai shrugged again. “I used to huddle with Sehun, but he’s always with Lu Han now, so I don’t want to bother him, and I didn’t want to ask someone to huddle with me and then find out that they kick in their sleep like Suho does. I usually drag the dogs in with me.”

“Oh,” Chen whispered. “Do I kick?”

Kai shook his head. “Nah. You’re nice. Not that it mattered, you didn’t let go of me at all last night.”

Chen blushed and cleared his throat. “Um…thank you for helping me last night.,” he mumbled.

Kai finally opened his eyes again to give Chen an incredulous look. “Thank…Chen you don’t have to thank me!”

Chen desperately shushed him, as it was still early and everyone was sleeping. Kai glared but lowered his voice.

“What, do you think I was going out of my way to help you? That it was a burden on me or that I somehow regret it? I mean jeez I know I’m no Kris but I’m not heartless.”

Chen gaped at him for a second before his anger flared. “I never said any of that, quit putting words in my mouth! I know you aren’t heartless, and what does Kris have to do with anything?”

Kai snorted. “He’s your favorite.”

Chen really wanted to kick Kai somewhere unpleasant. “I don’t play favorites! Kris is my leader, of course I go to him for a lot but it doesn’t mean I love him best!”

“You’re right,” Kai conceded. “Because then you slink away from him like you’re the biggest pain in the neck in the universe.”

That hurt, but Chen tried not to show it. it didn’t work, because he could feel tears gathering in the corners of his eyes.

“If you’re quite done using me as your personal space heater,” Chen snarled, proud of himself for not allowing his voice to break. With that he disentangled himself from the sleeping bag and stalked off into the woods.

For a few minutes he just focused on his anger at Kai for being so accusatory about something so ridiculous. When he’d gone a far enough distance from the campsite, Chen slumped against a tree and started to cry. Kai always seemed to be able find the things he tried to hide and pull them out in the open.

After a while Chen felt something was different and he opened his eyes and looked around. His shoes were lying on the ground in front of him. In his haste to get away from the campsite, he’d left his shoes behind. Chen looked over his shoulder and sure enough, Kai was lurking on the other side of his tree.

“Your feet will get cold if you walk around in your socks,” Kai muttered.

Chen knelt down and pulled on his shoes, trying to discreetly wipe his face on his sleeves, though he knew Kai had seen him crying.

There was a beat of silence and then Kai started to speak.

“I’m sorry, really. Please don’t cry, I didn’t mean to make you cry. I know it’s all I ever seem to do but it’s never my intention. I’m just really stupid and I can’t do anything right, and I need an attitude adjustment and someone should probably put some tape over my mouth because every time I open my mouth lately all I do is piss someone off. But this is about you not me, and I really hate seeing you cry.”

Chen was kind of stunned, because Kai truly sounded like he was in pain, and halfway through the rushed speech Chen realized that Kai was crying, and that broke his heart. It seemed like Kai was about to go on, so Chen rushed around to the other side of the tree. Kai was standing there with his head down and his hands twisted in his shirt. Before he could say another word, Chen pulled Kai away from the tree and threw his arms around his shoulders.

Kai wrapped his arms tightly around Chen’s waist. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I’m sorry for all of it.”

“It’s okay,” Chen managed as Kai started to sob into his shoulder, “I forgive you. I always do.”

They were both crying now, for a few minutes it was all they could do to breathe properly. After a few minutes Kai pulled his face out of Chen’s neck long enough to wipe his eyes.

“I know you don’t play favorites,” he muttered, staring at the ground. “It’s just…all I ever wanted was to be your friend and for you to like me and all I ever did was screw it up.”

Chen felt his heart break again and he momentarily floundered for words. “I am your friend, I do like you!” He cried.

Kai didn’t look up. “I wouldn’t blame you if you hated me,” he muttered, and Chen could hear that he was crying again. “I know I’ve been awful to you. I shouldn’t have teased you when we were kids.”

Chen shook his head and he grabbed one of Kai’s hands, holding it tightly. “But you never hurt me,” Chen reminded him. “You were just a kid, Kai. You didn’t know any better. I forgave you for that a long time ago.” Chen stepped closer and rested his free hand on the back of Kai’s neck, gently brushing his fingertips through Kai’s hair like he’d seen Suho do when Kai was agitated to calm him.

“Don’t you remember playing with me?” Chen pressed. “We were having so much fun! We got really close!”

“And then we lost it,” Kai cut in. “Because I had to go fall through the ground.”

“That wasn’t your fault!” Chen cried. “You can’t still blame yourself for that!”

“You blame yourself for your panic attacks,” Kai countered. “And then you somehow convince yourself that you’re a burden to whoever is helping you, because you feel weak and you need to be rescued. How is this any different?”

Chen froze, staring at Kai like he was truly seeing him for the first time. Maybe he was.

“Is that why…is that why you were so mad at me for thanking you? Because…you saw yourself in me,” Chen realized, “And you knew what I was feeling and you didn’t want me to feel that way.”

Kai lowered his gaze again, and Chen knew that he was right.

“By the Tree,” he whispered. “Kai you…” Chen was crying again, and he yanked Kai back and hugged him once more.

“You are a good person,” Chen whispered through his tears. “And you are my friend.”

Kai clung to him and said meekly, “I really like you Jongdae. A lot more than you know.”

Chen froze at the use of his real name, and his heart fluttered at Kai’s second sentence. What could he possibly mean?

“What do you mean, more than I know?”

Kai didn’t look at him. “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time. It was hard to tell you because well…I didn’t know how to make you like me too. You didn’t like the same things as the others, I never knew how to reach you.”

Chen’s mouth went dry and he was having trouble swallowing. “When did you realize…?”

Kai shrugged. “I guess when we started to play together when we were young. But only in the last few years did it come back to me and really start to intensify. I’m so screwed up Chen, I have so many problems…”

“And?” Chen cried, pulling back. He was torn between wanting to shake Kai and choke him. “Like I don’t have problems?”

Kai blinked at him, looking confused. “What was I supposed to do?” He asked. “Just out of the blue tell you? I wasn’t ready for that, I’m still not sure I can be in a relationship.”

Chen covered his face with his hands and took a shaky breath. It was true, he couldn’t blame Kai for keeping this a secret. He really did have a lot of issues that he was working through, still working through to this day. If he hadn’t been ready, there was nothing he could have done.

“What about now?” Chen asked. “Do you think…you want to try?”

Kai gaped at him. “Do you? Do you even want me after all this?”

“Of course,” Chen gasped. “Of course I would!”

Kai blushed and toed the ground shyly. “Even if we’re not that close?” He pressed.

Chen grabbed Kai’s hand and laced their fingers together. “Then let’s get close, okay? Let’s spend a few months or years talking to each other and spending time together and let’s get to know each other.”

Kai smiled for the first time that morning, hope sparkling in his eyes. “That would be nice.”

*             *             *

I wanted kissing and instead I wrote angst. You guise I think my fluff function is broken :|

Uuuuuuh kissing later. Yeah. And I owe Xiu Min a drabble.

AND A HUGE THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO UPVOTED THIS STORY!!! I've never dreamed that I would have this many subscribers and this amount of people reading and liking the things I write, you guys are seriously the best and I'm so grateful for each and every one of you <3 If I ever do get featured it will be thanks to all of you, so thank you for sticking with me and my sporadic updates ^^;;;

Also I think some of you may have sent me karma points? I don't know, I seem to have a ridiculous amount of Karma so that's why I ask. If you did, I thank you!!!!

(If you like 2Jong or Kai/Chen because I think I made up 2Jong anyway if you like them I wrote another story about them but it's M but yeah check it out if you want! http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/298954/you-look-like-bad-news-i-gotta-have-you-exo-kaichen-2jong)