#64:Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared AKA The Guardians discover K-Pop while vacationing in China. Oh yes I did.
Continuity: They're still at the beach and never leaving be happy my babies be happy forever

These are two scenarios I've had in my head for a while now and I couldn't figure out quite how to connect them to the story, so now you get these two weirdly placed kind of add-ons without any real significance to the story at large except for maybe character development (?). Enjoy!

Scenario 1:

It had been a while since Kris had been woken up by fists hammering on his door—for a moment he had flashbacks to late nights at the Sanctuary, when one of the kids would have a nightmare and come pound his door down. But he wasn’t at the Sanctuary, and it was early morning, and everyone knew he was in bed with Suho and Tao for a reason, so why was someone bothering him?

Kris hauled himself out of bed just as the person on the other side of the door started to yell.

“Open up, open this door right now oh my god I need help!”

Kris picked up his pace—it was Chen. When he opened the door Chen practically threw himself at Kris, his eyes full of tears and face bloodless with fright.

“Kris!” He wailed, “It’s broken!”

He held out his hands and Kris frantically took whatever was in them away before Chen could drop it—his hands were shaking something awful. Then when he actually saw what Chen had, he was immensely confused.

“Chen,” Kris asked slowly, “Isn’t this a music player?”

Chen sobbed and grabbed Kris arm, shaking him. “It’s broken! It was working one second and then it went black I don’t know what I did but fix it, please fix it!”

Kris shuffled Chen out into the hallway and closed the door. “Shush,” he commanded crossly, “Honestly, you woke me up at the crack of dawn because of this? The battery probably just died.”

“How do I make it work again?” Chen demanded in a strangled tone.

“You have lightning as a gift!” Kris sputtered.

“But it’s too small for that!” Chen cried, jumping a little in distress. “What do I do? You don’t understand, I need this thing to work!” He started crying even harder. “Make it work, make it work!!”

It is far too early for Kris to know what to do with a weeping Chen, so he puts his hands on Chen’s shoulders and made him hold still. “Take it easy,” he said calmly. “I will help you.”

“Good!” Chen screamed, and he grabbed Kris’ hand and pulled him towards the stairs. “Let’s go, let’s go right now, here we go where are we going?”

“By the Tree,” Kris sighed, trailing helplessly after Chen. He’d wanted to go back to bed for a while longer, or at least reassure Suho and Tao that everything was okay, as there was no way they hadn’t been woken by Chen’s shouts. Chen dragged Kris all the way down the stairs and to the lobby before rounding on him again.

“Now, what do we do first?” He asked.

“We go find a car,” Kris sighed. “And then we drive around to different houses until we find what we’re looking for.”

“And what are we looking for?” Chen almost shrieked, pulling on Kris’ arm. “Tell me!”

“Alright, give me a second,” Kris snapped, pulling his arm away. “We’ll be looking for a white cord with two silver prongs on the end of it, the prongs plug into a socket—we see them all the time on walls. But before we go out and look I need to go get something to eat.” And without waiting for a response, Kris marched off to the kitchen. there were packets of instant coffee in one of the giant freezers, and they seemed to never expire, which was good news for Kris. He heated some water and made some toast, for Chen and himself. Chen hadn’t followed him into the kitchen, and Kris started to feel a little guilty for yelling at him.

Kris didn’t stop to eat, simply taking the coffee and the plate of toast along with him as he went back to the lobby. Chen was standing exactly where Kris had left him, anxiously staring at the music player. Kris was once again seized with guilt. “Okay, now we can go,” he mumbled, shoving the toast at Chen. “Eat.”

“I can’t,” Chen whimpered. “My stomach hurts, I’m too stressed.”

“It’s nothing to be stressed about,” Kris sighed. “We’ll fix it, I promise.”

They went outside to the car they’d been driving around. It still had a fair amount of gas in it, and they’d managed to find a few portable containers of gas as well, which would keep the car going for a while. That would be helpful, considering Kris had no idea how far they needed to go. He knew this type of music player was very popular, but he didn’t know how many working charging cords there were. He sipped his coffee thoughtfully, trying to decide where to start. There was a very wealthy-seeming neighborhood about a five minute drive away, so he figured it would be best to start there.

“Okay,” he said more to himself than Chen, “Let’s get on with it.” He chugged the rest of his coffee before he started driving—there was no way he’d be able to keep the open cup from spilling in the car. He wasn’t particularly good at driving, but he was better than the others, and he liked to thank his experience with flight for that. It was still pretty hard for him to increase and decrease the speed of the car without causing it to jerk to a halt or else make the tires squeal, and it was especially difficult in a situation like this where Kris needed to go around corners and squeeze past abandoned cars. Chen didn’t complain about the less than smooth ride, he spent the entire time staring down at the music player with tears in his eyes.

The first house they went to had an impressive front door, and they had to break a window to get in. Kris thought they’d have success there, but alas there was no charging cord to be found. Though it was possible that Chen destroyed it by accident in his search—he quite literally tore the house apart trying to find it. They did find a bunch of CDs, which Chen promptly took with him, muttering that if he couldn’t have the music player he might as well have something.

At the second house Kris did find a cord, but it was the wrong kind. He thought Chen was going to throw a fit when he explained that it was the wrong kind of charging cord.

“This is impossible,” Chen wailed, tugging at his hair in frustration. “There are so many houses! What if we never find the right cord? What if we find it and it’s broken?!”

“Don’t count on it being broken,” Kris sighed, “These things take forever to decompose.” However, that news didn’t seem to improve Chen’s mood.

They struck gold with the third house—in the first bedroom they walked into, they saw a white charging cord sitting right on the bed. Chen plugged the thing into the wall right away, and with shaking hands he connected it to his music player.

“We don’t even know if this house had power,” Kris began, but then the music player’s screen lit up.

“IT’S ALIVE!” Chen shrieked, sinking to his knees as he hugged the device to his chest and cried.

Alarmed, Kris knelt next to him and put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down Chen, this is really not—” He cut off with a grunt as Chen hugged him so suddenly and fiercely that they both fell over. Kris thought it would be ironic if they ended up breaking the music player in that moment, but it turned out that Chen had placed it on the floor when Kris hadn’t been looking.

“Thank you so much,” Chen sobbed, “Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea—I was so scared gege, I thought it was broken forever…” and he trailed off in tears.

Kris’ heart constricted when he heard Chen call him ‘gege,’ it had been years since Chen had called him that. He gently maneuvered Chen around so that they were sitting against the wall, holding him carefully. “Do you want to tell me why this is so important?”

Chen sniffled, wiping his face. “It’s…it’s kind of dumb,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I woke you up for this.”

Kris felt like such a massive jerk, hearing that. “No, it’s okay,” he sighed, “I’m the one who should be sorry, and I am. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” He laid his hand on Chen’s back, gently tracing his spine. “Are you okay?”

Chen shrugged, leaning against Kris’ arm. “The music…it’s um…it’s in a language that sounds like Northern dialect. Some of it even sounds like Southern dialect. And I just…I was so happy to hear it,” Chen was still crying, wiping at the tears as they fell. “I don’t know how to explain it, but I just missed hearing those languages so much. I know we talk all the time but it’s just our voices, and I missed…back ground noise, I guess.”

“That’s not dumb at all,” Kris said quickly. “I’m so sorry I was short with you earlier, even if I didn’t know why you were so adamant I shouldn’t have spoken to you like that. It’s not dumb for you to miss hearing your native language. I missed it all the time when I first moved to the North.”

Chen took a few deep breaths, calming himself down. He shifted so that he was leaning against Kris’ chest, and Kris couldn’t help but to grin as he wrapped his wings around Chen’s shoulders, his hands going around his waist.

“Bird hug,” the two of them whispered at the same time, and then they both laughed.

“I’ve missed this,” Chen said quietly. “Not just your wings I mean, I’ve…missed you.”

Kris hummed. “I missed you too,” he said honestly. He grinned. “My real baby.”

He didn’t miss the way Chen blushed. “That was a long time ago,” Chen protested. “I’m not a baby anymore.”

Kris didn’t quite agree with that though. Chen was in a strange place as far as age went. Their group could be divided into three parts—the oldest, the middle, and the youngest—with four people in each part. While it was true that Chen was one of the four middle, he was the younger of the four. Not quite a baby, but still…  

“You know how Kai is Suho’s baby even now?” Kris asked.

“That’s a completely different situation,” Chen sputtered.

“Not really, I mean I’d like to think I helped you in many similar ways. You know I really wasn’t surprised when you and Kai admitted that you were together, even when you were kids Lu Han used to say—”

“Lu Han?” Chen interrupted, “What’s he got to do with this?”

“Lu Han sees all,” Kris said seriously. “He used to say all the time that Kai had a massive crush on you that he had no idea what to do with, and there was no way anyone could help him, or you. You two needed to figure it out for yourselves and all.”

“Oh,” Chen said quietly. Then, “How did you feel about it?”

“You and Kai?” Kris asked. “I was happy for you.”

Chen turned around a little, craning his neck to look over his shoulder at Kris. “Kai kept apologizing to me in the beginning, because he’d teased me a lot when we were kids. He thought he’s ruined any chance he had to even be my friend. Why would he think that?”

Kris thought for a moment about his answer. “Well, sometimes love can make you insecure. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what it’s like to be in love, I mean you’re essentially laying out everything you are to someone else, even the parts of yourself that you’re not too happy with. It’s risky, especially if you don’t know how the other person feels.”

“He had to know that I would forgive him though,” Chen mumbled. “Do I seem like the kind of person that would hold a grudge?”

Kris hooked his chin over Chen’s shoulder and sighed. “Come on, you know what Kai’s like. He has a lot of things he can’t even forgive himself for, never mind forgive others for, so it’s hard for him to accept it when people so readily forgive him.”

Chen nodded. “I thought you’d say that. It’s just so sad sometimes, to watch him beat himself up over things that happened so long ago.” He hesitated for a moment. “You and Suho used to get into some pretty bad fights too.”

Kris was startled. “You knew about that?”

“Only later,” Chen assured. “But do you still feel bad about it?”

“Well, kind of,” Kris said, “But we got over it pretty quickly after the fact.” Chen nodded and was quiet for a few seconds, then Kris posed a question. “How did you feel, hearing that I was with Suho and Tao?”

“Well,” Chen said with a grin, “I mean you and Suho were always so close, it wasn’t such a surprise. Tao…I mean like you said, I was your baby. Tao was never really somebody you took care of the way you took care of me, but we all knew he meant a lot to you. It wasn’t so surprising to hear that they loved you and you loved them, it was more surprising to hear that they felt the same about each other.”

Kris nodded slowly. “Yeah, I was surprised too.”

“But everything’s good between you three, right?” Chen asked.

“Oh yeah.” Kris said quickly. “What about you and Kai?” He suddenly turned serious. “Oh my gosh, do you have any questions or anything? I never really asked you about that.”

“Oh god,” Chen groaned, “Kris please, don’t start with my life, I could probably teach you a thing or two.”

“Don’t sass me,” Kris growled. “You couldn’t even sit through a talk.”

“When I was a kid!” Chen yelped.

“hey by the way, when did we start saying ‘Oh my god?’” Kris asked.

Chen shrugged. “I don’t know, I think Baekhyun started it. It’s easier than By the Tree, I think. And I never really felt right saying that anyway.”

“Oh, okay then, I guess that makes sense,” Kris said. “You know, we don’t have to stay here while it charges, we can bring the cord back to the hotel with us.”

“Right,” Chen laughed, “Yeah, we should do that so you can go back to sleep.”

And when they got back to the hotel, that was exactly what Kris planned to do. Chen scampered up to his room, but Kris trudged, his feet feeling like cement blocks. When he got to his room, Tao and Suho were still there.

“I thought you two would be out enjoying the day,” Kris mumbled, kicking his shoes off.

“We decided to take a break,” Tao said, “But we were waiting for you to get back, too. What happened?”

“Chen needed me,” Kris sighed as he flopped onto the bed, working his way up to the pillows. “I’m going to sleep now.”

“Want us to stay with you?” Suho asked.

“Sure.”

Scenario #2

After discovering so much music that was so similar to the Northern and Southern dialects, Chen had invited his brothers to what he called a ‘concert,’ a word he’d learned over the years. It was amazing to hear their language again, and to hear it in such a new way! They’d never heard music like that before.

But what fascinated Xiumin most was the pictures in the CDs. As he flipped through the pictures, he was positively mesmerized by what he saw. Some of the CDs came positively packed with pictures of the singers in the group, and they were all so beautiful! Their clothing was a bit weird—did they really need all those layers? And they had jewelry collections that, when combined, would rival all the pieces that Baekhyun had gathered. But what fascinated him the most were their eyes. They all lined their eyes with black pigment, sometimes the girls would use colors as well as the black, but black seemed to be a staple. Xiumin had seen such things all over this world, but he hadn’t really noticed how beautiful a person could be with such a simple change in their appearance. He wanted to give it a try.

Over the years he’d learned that it was called eyeliner, and it was sold in stores all over the place. He’d actually hidden some away in his bag a while ago, but only now that he’d seen the pictures in Chen’s CDs did he remember that he wanted to try it.

The day after the concert in Chen’s room, Xiumin dug the eyeliner out of his bag (thinking it strange and oddly appropriate that it was shaped like a pencil) and stood in front of the mirror in his, Lay’s and Kyungsoo’s shared bathroom. The other two were outside, and Xiumin had the room all to himself for now, but he had no idea when Lay and Kyungsoo would come back and he didn’t want to be hiding in the bathroom when they did. He just didn’t know how he was supposed to start! He had a few CDs in the bathroom with him, open to some examples of spectacular eyeliner. Xiumin had decided to keep the lines thin, because he didn’t know how it would look, and figured that he could always make them thicker later if he wanted to. He’d drawn a few lines on his hand already, and was gathering up the courage to draw on his eyelids.

“This is bizarre,” he muttered to himself. He closed his right eye and pulled the skin tight at the corner of the upper lid, giving himself an even surface to draw on. Taking a deep breath he lightly pressed the tip of the pencil against his eyelid. He ended up having to press a bit harder, all the while a fraid that he would poke his eye out by accident. Even so, he managed to keep his hand steady and when he was done he was already shocked by the transformation. Feeling much braver, he filled in the lower lid as well, though he had to wipe away some of the excess on that one. He then connected the lines at the outer corner of his eye and stood back to look.

“Wow,” he breathed. “This is so cool!”

He quickly drew on the other eye as well, and as shocking as it had been before, the result from both was even more of a surprise. He didn’t think the eyeliner looked as good as that of the people in the pictures, but it was good enough.

Pleased with himself he exited the bathroom to put the eyeliner away, and walked right into Lay.

“Oh,” Lay huffed, “I’m sorry Xiu—” He cut off with a gasp and his jaw dropped. “By the Tree,” he cried in a strangled tone.

“What?” Xiumin asked, “Are you okay?”

“Who are you?!” Lay yelped.

Xiumin gasped in shock. “Oh no, Lay! Did you hit your head or something, what happened?” He anxiously pressed a hand to Lay’s hand, feeling for a fever.

Lay instantly relaxed. “Oh, Xiumin,” he sighed, “There you are.”

Xiumin pulled back, confused. “What are you talking about?”

Lay shook his head and grabbed Xiumin’s hand. “Come with me for a second?” he asked.

“Sure,” Xiumin said, bewildered as he followed Lay. They went downstairs and headed towards to the pool. “What’s this about?” Xiumin asked, but Lay shook his head.

“Hey guys!” Lay shouted as they approached. “Look who I brought!”

Tao, Lu Han, Chanyeol and Kyungsoo turned around, and all three of them gasped in shock.

“What the—Xiumin?” Tao yelped, leaping to his feet. “Xiumin, is that you?”

“Y-yes,” Xiumin stuttered, looking between them. “What’s going on?”

Hearing the worry in Xiumin’s tone, the others looked over as well and had similar reactions.

“What is going on?” Xiumin demanded. “Why are you guys staring me like that?”

“Your eyes,” Sehun breathed, “They’re…”

“You look hot!” Lu Han crowed.

Xiumin relaxed. “Oh my eyes,” he sighed, “Yes I—wait, hot?!” He squeaked, hands flying to his cheeks like it could hide the fact that he was blushing redder than a sunset. “What do you mean, hot?”

“Oh,” Kris laughed, “There he is.”

“What are you talking about?” Xiumin yelped. “Somebody explain this to me!”

Suho came over and patted Xiumin’s arm, giving him a reassuring smile. “Don’t worry about it, you look really good. That’s all.”

“It’s just eyeliner!” Xiumin sputtered.

“But it really changes your face,” Chanyeol said wonderingly. “I never noticed how pretty your eyes were before.”

Baekhyun leapt to his feet. “I want to try it too,” he said, “Show me how you did that.”

Xiumin didn’t see what the fuss was, but he knew if he didn’t comply he’d never be left alone. “Alright fine, follow me,” he grumbled, leading them up to his room.

He helped Baekhyun line his eyes, and Xiumin had to admit that he could see the appeal. Pleased with the results, Baekhyun skipped off to show everyone. It was a while before everyone saw Baekhyun again; similarly it was a while before they saw Chanyeol again too.

In case it wasn’t clear, Chanyeol got by Baekhyun’s eyeliner.

Well I mean how could he not, he’s only human.

Bonus Xiumin

/AGGRESSIVELY FANS SELF/

Also that bit on if you divide EXO by age into three groups, that’s my own thoughts. You have (from oldest to youngest even within each group)

Oldest—Xiumin, Lu Han, Kris, Suho
Middle—Lay, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Chen
Youngest—Kyungsoo, Tao, Kai, Sehun

And everyone seems to forget that Chen’s on the young end of the spectrum.

Also yes I did title this drabble after that freaky series on Youtube—I figured it aptly reflected the wierdness of these two scenarios. 

Oh yeah, and now you all know the origin of "Oh my god" :DDDD