Kyungsoo/OT12 centric
Warning: Baekhyun’s sassy mouth makes an appearance. Beware ye young eyes.
I guess I've made you wait long enough for this. Plus I'm going to be busy tomorrow and I don't want to be worried about updating.

#33:Crossroads of Hope Part 2

They slept at the gasoline station that night, or a few of them slept. Kyungsoo knew for a fact that Kris and Suho were awake trying to figure out how to keep their family together. Kyungsoo thought they were wasting their time. After all that time they spent separated there was no way they’d all split up now, not physically anyway. Emotionally, it was another matter—they seemed to be rent apart in their attitudes. Kyungsoo was surrounded by Sehun, Tao, Baekhyun, Kai and Chen, all of whom seemed to have been convinced that Kyungsoo was right and there was no hope for this planet. Kris, Suho, Lay, Chanyeol, Xiumin and Lu Han were all convinced that there was something to fight for.

They were sleeping several feet apart, and Kyungsoo knew that every now and then Sehun would pick his head up and flash Lu Han a pitiful look, and Baekhyun was resolutely avoiding Chanyeol’s gaze. How ironic it seemed that two of their oldest couples had been torn apart by this announcement. Kyungsoo idly wondered if this would affect Sehun and Lu Han’s marriage.

“If you want to go sleep next to your husband then feel free,” Kyungsoo told Sehun, who jumped and blushed.

“No, I…I don’t think I can,” he murmured.

Baekhyun snorted. “Have you slept without him since you got married?”

“It’s only been two years since then,” Sehun retorted. “And what about you and Chanyeol? You’re just as bad.”

Baekhyun scoffed. “Please, we’re not attached at the hip like you two are.”

Tao looked like he was on the verge of saying something, but instead he rolled over on his side. “Shut up, guys,” he muttered. “Go to sleep.”

Kyungsoo rolled onto his back, looking up at the stars. This couldn’t have been a true divide. He felt that every one of them must have doubted the Tree’s words at some point. How likely was it for an entire planet to be healed in a few years? Even if the Tree had created a whole world before, it couldn’t possibly cheat this much. The idea was almost laughable, and the longer Kyungsoo thought about it the less true it seemed. He knew firsthand how wrecked the world was, it seemed impossible to heal.

Kai sighed. “I wonder what would have happened to us if we hadn’t gone hiking that day…”

Kyungsoo heard the conversation on the other side of the group stutter to a halt and he could feel them all listening.

“I wonder too,” Tao said, still turned away from them all.

“You can’t still blame yourselves for—” Kris started.

“No,” Kai interrupted. “Not really, it’s just…all of us. If we had just turned around, if we’d never gone that far up the mountain…never found that thing…that was why we went to see the Tree in the first place.”

Chanyeol answered. “If we hadn’t gone, then we’d be brainwashed by now. The Darkness would have taken over our minds like it did the older Guardians.”

“Would that have been so bad?” Chen asked.

Kyungsoo felt a collective recoil. “How could you say that?” Lu Han demanded. “Of course it would have been!”

“We would be home,” Chen pointed out. “We’d still be together. We’d have our memories.”

There was a long silence. “We wouldn’t be the same,” Xiumin said. “We wouldn’t go outside, we might not have talked to each other as much as we do now…”

“What does it matter?” Baekhyun suddenly asked, sitting up. “Look at us! Some Guardians we are. We ran away.”

“We had no choice,” Kris called. “That thing was too strong, we came here to raise new generations of Guardians, so we could go back and fight…”

“How do you propose we get back, oh fearless leader?” Baekhyun laughed. “Our ship is toast in case you didn’t notice.”

“We’ll find a way,” Kris said confidently. “We’re Guardians, we always find a way.”

Sehun sighed. “I don’t know about you hyung, but I don’t feel like a Guardian.”

There was another silence.

“We did our job,” Suho said. “We protected the Tree. If we had stayed, we’d be Mama’s puppets right now. We would have abandoned the Tree until it withered and died, and Darkness would have taken over completely.”

“It’s already done that by now,” Kyungsoo said flatly. “We failed the planet and the people. They were part of our job too.”

“But as long as the Tree is alive there’s hope!” Lay cried. “We can go back some day, we can fight the Darkness and save our planet!”

“And it will be too late for the generations of people who lived and died under that thing!” Kai shouted.

There was another silence. “I don’t feel like a Guardian either,” Tao admitted, and he sounded like he was crying. “We did run…we failed. We’re the first generation to fail…” and he broke off sobbing.

Kyungsoo knew it was killing Kris to listen to Tao break down.

“Tao…” Kris called, sounding broken. “Sweetie, don’t cry…we didn’t fail.”

“Yes we did!” Tao sobbed. “Guardians aren’t supposed to run. We’re supposed to be heroes.”

“Whose fault is it though?” Lay demanded.  “We inherited a mess. We’re the ninth Generation of Guardians, the Darkness has been around since the first one. Even if they thought it was sealed away, shouldn’t someone have checked? We can’t be responsible for everything, we’re not alone in the blame.”

“That’s just passing the buck,” Baekhyun scoffed.

Suddenly Chanyeol stood up. “Why are you always like this?!” He hollered to Baekhyun. “You’re always so quick to see the bad in everything, it’s like you want to be miserable.”

Baekhyun whirled around and Kyungsoo could picture the fierce look on his face. “Just because you see the world as sunshine and rainbows doesn’t mean it’s always true,” he snarled. “When are you going to grow the up, Chanyeol?”

Chanyeol looked like a kicked puppy and Baekhyun pointed at him. “There you go again! Why do you have to act like a kid? Can’t you—”

“Knock it off,” Xiumin snarled. “This isn’t the time for you two to be discussing your relationship problems.”

Chanyeol sat back down and curled up in his sleeping bag, flinching away when Suho tried to comfort him. Baekhyun turned away again and when Kyungsoo chanced a look, he could see how Baekhyun regretted his words. Still, Kyungsoo couldn’t help but agree with them. Sometimes Chanyeol could be a little too idealistic. Maybe that was their biggest problem.

“Maybe we’re putting too much emphasis on hope,” Kyungsoo mused.

“How so?” Chen asked.

Kyungsoo thought about it for a second. “Maybe…maybe we need to do something.”

“Like…?” Kai asked.

“Talk to the Tree?” Kyungsoo suggested.

Baekhyun gave him and incredulous look. “What’s that supposed to accomplish?”

Kyungsoo reached into the dirt, letting it sift through his fingers. “We should ask it explain itself. Tell us what it’s doing, show us what it’s doing. Let’s see if it can give a reasonable explanation.”

There was a hesitation around the group. “It’s a three week walk back to the Tree,” Kris said slowly. The unspoken question was Can we make it that far without fighting?

Kyungsoo closed his eyes. He hadn’t meant to create a divide like this, and he certainly didn’t want to walk all the way back, but he felt like they had no other option.

“We’re all adults, we can handle it,” Kyungsoo said decisively. “Now let’s get some sleep.”

In the morning, Sehun and Lu Han were curled up in the middle of the two groups, sleeping with their hands clasped. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were still on opposite sides, but as the day progressed they walked together and had a whispered conversation. When the group stopped for the night, the two of them seemed to have reached an agreement.

It was a tense few days in the beginning. This was their first real fight since they’d all become friends. Sure there had been disagreements, but that was usually between two or three people, never had they taken sides so obviously before, or even disagreed on something this big. They were basically doubting the Tree of Life, or some of them were. It was awkward and for a while they tiptoed around the issue.

Kyungsoo examined everyone’s motives in his mind—Kai and Baekhyun he expected to be pessimistic, Tao and Sehun seemed to lean towards Kyungsoo’s stance only because his argument seemed stronger. Maybe they too were tired of this place the way he was. Chen…Chen probably just didn’t want to fight with Kai anymore. Lu Han, Chanyeol and Lay were always more optimistic, and Kris and Suho readily swallowed anything the Tree told them. Xiumin…Kyungsoo wasn’t sure what his deal was, to be honest.

After the first week, it seemed like everyone got tired of walking on eggshells around each other. They forewent awkward small-talk and tried to go back to the way things used to be, laughing and joking, pretending that the issue didn’t exist. Well, everyone except Kyungsoo. He couldn’t pretend that he wasn’t hurt and confused, he was tired of doing so. He didn’t want to drag his friends down though, so he mostly just kept to himself and stayed out of the way. He should have known it wouldn’t work for very long, though. Kris and Suho weren’t those kinds of leaders.

They followed him one day when he went for a walk, Kyungsoo could hear and feel them but he didn’t acknowledge them until Suho called out to him.

“Kyungsoo-yah…”

Kyungsoo stopped and waited for them to catch up. “What’s up?”

Suho looked close to tears. “What’s up? We miss you, that’s what’s up.”

“I’m right here,” Kyungsoo muttered. “I’m not gone.”

“But you’re not you,” Kris pointed out. “We miss you, Soo-ah.”

Kyungsoo almost wished they’d stop calling him by his childhood nicknames, it was making him want to cry. “I miss me too,” he mumbled, feeling himself start to tear up.

Suho choked on a sob and drew Kyungsoo in for a hug.  “Why didn’t you talk to me? You know I would have listened to you.”

Kyungsoo squeezed his eyes shut and leaned into his leader’s shoulder. Suho was the closest thing to an older brother he had, and Kyungsoo loved him dearly. That was why he so frequently had trouble talking to him.

“You had Kai and Sehun to deal with,” Kyungsoo sniffled. “I didn’t want to add to it.”

“But you’re hurting,” Suho sighed. “And I hate seeing you hurt.”

“You can’t make the earth live again,” Kyungsoo cried, looking up. “Why would I tell you about something you have no control over?”

Kris answered, “Because sometimes it helps just to have someone to lean on.” He too looked like he was getting very emotional. “We could have been there for you the way you needed us to be.” He gently carded his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair. “We just want you back.”

Kyungsoo turned his face back into Suho’s shoulder. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered, sobbing openly. “I just…I can’t. Not until I know that we’ll be okay here…that I’ll be okay here.”

Suho held Kyungsoo tighter, almost squeezing him. “It’s okay,” he whispered. “You don’t have to pretend to be happy but…please just promise that you’ll stop avoiding us. Even if you’re miserable, don’t feel like you need to stay away. We’re here for you, Soo-ah.”

Kyungsoo could feel something break inside of him and his knees gave out. He would have fallen if Kris hadn’t helped Suho grab him, and then he was crying harder than he ever had before. It was like every single bit of pain he’d felt in the last eight years had come rushing back all at once, and it was all he could do not to scream from it. He covered his mouth, trying to muffle sobs which seemed to wrench out from his gut, pitching him forward and leaving his throat raw and aching. It was terrifying, he had no idea what was wrong with him, only that he wanted it to stop.

“It’s okay, Kyungsoo, shh…it’s okay baby. You’re going to be alright.”

“We’re here, we’ve got you. Come on, sit up…there you go.”

Kyungsoo could hear Kris and Suho talking to him, whispering to him the way they had in the past to the younger kids when they had nightmares. Was this a nightmare? Kyungsoo didn’t know anymore. It felt like one.

“Am I dreaming?”

“No, you’re not dreaming. You’re finally getting all that pent-up emotion out.”

Kyungsoo reached out and Kris and Suho each grabbed one of his hands. He couldn’t see through his tears, but he knew them well enough to know which hand belong to who. “I don’t like this,” he gasped between sobs. “Make it stop.”

He felt Suho’s other hand on the back of his neck, pulling sideways until he was slumped against Suho’s chest. “It’ll stop soon,” Suho promised. “We’ll take care of you until it does.”

Kris’ hand rubbed his back soothingly. “You’re already calming down, see?”

And it was getting easier to breathe, the tears were less like a river and more like a weak trickle, and Kyungsoo felt awful physically but mentally…

“You alright?” Suho asked after a few minutes.

Kyungsoo nodded slowly. “Just…tired.”

Kris chuckled. “No kidding.” And he gathered Kyungsoo in his arms and lifted him, carrying him back to their designated house. Suho and Kris tucked him into bed and laid down on either side of him, and even though he was dead tired Kyungsoo managed to say one last thing.

“I won’t shut you out anymore, I promise.”

They made it to the Tree two days later. Kyungsoo was dragging his feet by that point, but Kris and Suho stuck to his side the whole time, urging him on. Everyone took a position around the Tree, but Kyungsoo was so tired that he couldn’t even meditate, he just fell asleep. The Tree found him anyway, and Kyungsoo didn’t even need to say anything for it to know what was wrong.

‘Would you like to see?’ The Tree asked.

It was so strange to be bodiless,  Kyungsoo thought. He knew he was real, that he had form and shape, but here he couldn’t nod or shake his head—he didn’t have one.

“See what?” Kyungsoo asked.

‘What it is I am doing to this world,’ the Tree explained. ‘It is healing, slowly but it is. I can show you, if you like.’

“Please do,” Kris said quickly. “We’d all like to see.”

It was always an experience, seeing something through the Tree’s…perspective, (since it didn’t have eyes). Kyungsoo had only done it once before and it had amazed him, and this was no exception.

Kyungsoo felt like his body was flying across the planet, but he could still feel it lying on the ground in front of the Tree. He couldn’t really see anything, but he could feel miles and miles of dead earth. He was about to scream when suddenly he felt it—living ground. Kyungsoo latched onto it and he nearly cried when he felt growing grass, blooming trees and animals darting around through the soil. The Tree guided him to the past, when the land a dying patch of ground. Kyungsoo felt like he was the earth, and he could feel eons of decay and garbage seeping away, life coming back little by little. It was like nothing Kyungsoo had ever felt before, and it confused and thrilled him all at once. Kyungsoo knew each of his brothers felt the same way.

He felt the Tree reach out to him and allowed it to latch on, combing through his memories of pain.

‘My precious Earth child, you and I really aren’t so different. You feel the same pain I do.’

Kyungsoo allowed the Tree to immerse him in the feeling of healing and care. “I don’t want to feel it anymore,” he whispered. “It hurts too much.”

The Tree hesitated. ‘I can help you block the pain out, but to do so would mean that I would have to block your gift.’

Kyungsoo recoiled at once. “Block my gift?”

‘Not forever,’ The Tree said quickly. ‘I have done it before when Guardians were in times of great emotional stress. When it gets easier for you, when more of the earth is healed, I can take the block away.’

Kyungsoo shivered, suddenly very uncertain. “Who am I without my gift?”

“You’re still Kyungsoo.”

Kyungsoo actually yelped in surprise when he heard Kai’s voice. The other guardians were together once more, each of them a little shaken and emotional from what the Tree had shown them.

“Sorry,” Kai said sheepishly. “But really, you won’t be any less of a Guardian, or any less of yourself. In fact you’ll feel better, right? So maybe you’ll be more like your old self.”

“We’ll love you no matter what,” Suho added. “The choice is yours.”

Kyungsoo honestly knew there was no choice—he didn’t want to be chained to the Tree’s side forever, and if he stayed it would distract the Tree from healing the earth. And he really didn’t want to be apart from his brothers for that long…

“Okay,” Kyungsoo said softly. “Go ahead.”

‘It’s done.’

Kyungsoo gasped in surprise. “That was fast.”

‘Yes, and now it is time for you to be on your way. You’ve suffered long enough, and you need to go back to enjoying life and the world.’

That was abrupt, Kyungsoo thought to himself. Then he felt himself being dumped back into his body, and he braced himself for the feeling of dead earth, but there was none. There was absolutely nothing, and for a second it was even more frightening.

“Kyungsoo?” Suho called. “Are you alright?”

“I need a minute,” he gasped, keeping his eyes shut and trying to feel for something, anything at all. It was too empty now, the feeling of death was better than this. But Kyungsoo remembered that this was how it felt before he reached Maturity, before he felt the ground breathe with every step he took. It took a minute, but Kyungsoo finally calmed down and opened his eyes. His head was resting on Suho’s thigh, and Suho was petting his hair.

“Hey there kid,” he said softly. “Are you better now?”

Kyungsoo smiled in response and Suho looked like he was about to cry. “There’s my boy,” he croaked. “I’ve missed you.”

“I missed me too,” Kyungsoo admitted.

Suho smiled down at him. “Want to get up and go?”

Kyungsoo shut his eyes again and relaxed into Suho’s hold. “I’m pretty tired actually…can we stay here for a few minutes?”

He heard Lay laugh. “Only a few, buddy?”

“Only a few,” Kyungsoo mumbled, already falling asleep. “I’ll be ready…soon…”

He woke up hours later surrounded by his friends, all of whom were fast asleep. Sehun and Lu Han were so intertwined that Kyungsoo couldn’t tell where one of them began and the other one ended. Chanyeol and Baekhyun were holding hands in their sleep. Chen’s head was tucked under Kai’s chin and Kai had a protective arm around his waist. Tao was lying between Xiumin and Kris, Suho was lying on Kyungsoo’s right and Lay was on his left. Lay was awake, looking up at Kyungsoo with sleepy eyes.

“Did you get your hope back?” Lay mumbled.

Kyungsoo bit back a laugh. “Yeah, I did.”

“Good,” Lay sighed, closing his eyes again. “Now go back to sleep. We’ve got a lot of walking to do tomorrow.”

Aaand back to the drawing board we go :| Oye vey. I'm probably going to be focused more on other things that I'm working on now because I literally have no ideas for what to do next with this thing. So yeah...keep a look out for updates on other fics and for new stuff. Any 2PM fans in the house? I'm working on something for them.