Continuity: Chapters 2 & 4
Xiumin-centric

#18:Ohana (Part 1)

"Ohana" means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.

In one of Minseok’s earliest memories, his older brother is screaming at him.

“It’s your fault mom left, it’s all your fault!”

Minseok, only three years old at the time, hadn’t understood what it meant to be gone. How could a person just vanish, and how could it be someone else’s fault? He didn’t know where his mother was, so why was he to blame? Even so, he understood that his brother was very angry, and he was scared and started to cry. Immediately his aunt rushed over to comfort him, but he shook her off and scurried off to hide in the closet. Later Minseok heard her and his father scolding his older brother and ordering him to apologize.

Minseok can never remember if his brother did apologize, but supposes he must have because the next day they were back to playing together. Well, sort of playing. They mostly walked around town and ran errands for their aunt, because it was better than sitting at home. Their aunt suffered from headaches, so they always had to be quiet, and their father was always sitting at the table with a glass of dark liquid in his hand. Minseok’s brother said it was called wine, and it made people cry. Minseok had once heard his aunt mutter that it was the wine that made his mother leave. At the time, Minseok didn’t know what alcoholism was either.

Either way, it was shortly after that incident that Minseok remembered the mark appearing on his chest. He found it kind of strange now that it appeared so late. Kris said he got his when he was a few months old, even Kai said he had it for a while before his mother saw it. Minseok’s kind of…sprung up overnight. He wondered if it was because of that moment, when he was feeling so awful and so sorry, that the magic latched onto him. The Tree told him that one doesn’t feel the Gift taking hold, it just happens.

When he was four, Minseok came in from the rain to grab his brother and pull him outside.

“Come see what I can do!” He crowed, and he held his hand under the water and showed his brother how he could turn it to frost just before it hit his palm. He’d turned to his brother, expecting a proud smile or even a laugh. What he got was a look of shock and a slap across the face.

“Don’t ever do that again,” his brother warned as Minseok started to cry. “Especially not in front of auntie.”

But Minseok did do it again when he was five. His father was sitting at the table, like usual, and he’d wished out loud that he had some ice. Minseok hadn’t tried to turn anything to frost since his brother had warned him, but he’d really wanted to do something to get his father’s attention. So Minseok poured some water in his palm and, in front of his dad, slowly turned it to ice and dropped it in the cup.

His father had gaped at him for a long time before finally whispering, “In all my years I never…I never even thought that it was true.”

Minseok went to the Northern Sanctuary soon after that. He bid his brother and father goodbye, and his father had promised that he would make Minseok proud, stop drinking and do something with his life. Minseok didn’t know why that suddenly mattered, but his brother hugged him and apologized for hitting him.

“I guess this is good after all,” he whispered.

Minseok didn’t think so. He was the first Guardian to go to the Northern Sanctuary, and for a long time he was very lonely. Many times he would go to the matrons and cry in their arms, telling them that he’d rather go home and never use his gift again than spend another minute in the huge castle. Each time they’d pat his head and promise that it wouldn’t last forever, that soon he would have lots of people to play with, and he would never want to give up his gift.

He’s a little ashamed to admit it, but when Joonmyun first arrived Minseok almost choked him with his hugs. Even weeks later at random intervals Minseok would throw his arms around Joonmyun and sob into his neck that he was just so happy not to be alone anymore. Joonmyun was thin and shy, and his eyes were too big for his face but he had a bright, warm smile. He was a bit flustered by Minseok’s attention, because he’d never had someone that focused on him before, indeed he’d also never had someone to give that kind of attention to in return. For a few weeks they kind of danced around each other, smiling and awkwardly holding doors open for each other (except for those hugs Minseok lavishes on Joonmyun), but once they realized that together they could make some of the best snowballs in the world, they become best friends.

They really are like twins when it comes to their gifts, after all Joonmyun controls water and Minseok freezes it, so they worked quite well together. They worked together even better when Chanyeol and Jongdae showed up, and Joonmyun’s paternal side came out (never mind that he was only six years old) and Minseok realized that he was, in fact, the oldest and was looked up to as such. He had a lot of fun playing with Chanyeol and Jongdae, leading them around the Sanctuary, helping them with their schoolwork and being in general an older brother figure.

Years later, when all the Guardians had all come together and suddenly they need to assemble a legitimate group, Minseok—now Xiumin—was a serious candidate for leadership of the Northern group. At least, he was until he was placed with the Southerners, who already had a leader. It’s quite a relief, because he could never be a leader.

The biggest problem he now had was fitting into a pre-established group. The Southerners had known each other for years now, and they were like family. Xiumin were Chen were outsiders, and they had to fit in or else everything they had been training for would be for nothing. It was nerve-wracking and poor, sensitive Chen had expressed his displeasure with the situation on more than one occasion.

To help them integrate, the teachers arranged for several “team-building exercises for the new Southern Guardian group. It was horribly awkward at first, with everyone being careful of what they said and how they pronounced it. Chen had a minor slip-up at one point and when he made a joke he got blank stares from the other four. Immediately Chen looked down at the ground and Xiumin just knew he was crying. He crawled across the floor and hugged Chen tightly, murmuring that it’s okay, he doesn’t have to be shy. At that point Chen started to sob and the other boys freaked out.

“What happened?” Lu Han yelped. “Did we do something wrong?”

“What did he say?” Tao stuttered. “I-I didn’t catch it…”

Yixing opened and closed his mouth and then curled up on the ground in defeat.

Chen wailed that now he’d gone and made a mess of everything.

Kris looked at the lot of them and sighed hopelessly. He met Xiumin’s eyes and shrugged, and it looked like he was ready to cry too.

Xiumin hauled Chen to his feet. “Group hug,” he yelled.

Everyone looked up at him.

“Group hug?” Kris repeated.

Xiumin nodded.

“Group hug,” Kris said again, and wrapped his arms around Chen and Xiumin.

Everyone followed suit, and after a moment Chen stopped crying.

“I’m sorry,” he hiccupped. “I…that happens a lot to me. I have issues.”

Tao gently brushed the tears off Chen’s face. “Lu Han cried a lot when he came to the Sanctuary, didn’t you, Lu Han?”

Lu Han nodded and smiled. “I was supposed to come to the Sanctuary when I was six, but there was storm and it washed away the train tracks. I stayed with my family for another year, and we kind of got closer during that time. When I had to leave, I was really sad to say goodbye. I missed them so much, all I wanted to do was cry…but it was our first meeting, and I didn’t want to leave a bad impression.”

Chen was listening with rapt attention, his never leaving Lu Han.

Lu Han smiled and ruffled Tao’s hair. “You were only three years old and yet you walked right up to me and told me that it was okay for me to cry.”

“We all cried on that day,” Kris added quietly.

Chen gaped at him. “Really? All of you?”

Kris nodded. “We were all scared and nervous, and we talked about our families a lot, and it made us sad…but we were all there for each other, and we realized that we were one big family now.”

“And now we have an even bigger family,” Yixing added. “And that’s really cool, because now we have more shoulders to cry on!”

“Yixing,” Kris groaned.

Xiumin laughed. “No, it’s true,” he gasped, smiling. “We’re all a little messed up, but it’s okay because we have each other to lean on.”

Xiumin could almost feel the tension melting away and for the first time he looked at the other boys as his brothers.

Even so, there were things he hid from them. Sometimes there are things you can only talk about with your best friend.

Not long after the Southerners joined them, Xiumin grabbed Suho’s hand after meditation and tugged him down the hall, away from the other kids. This was nothing new, nobody would worry about them; they’d be back in time for dinner and everything would go back to normal. Xiumin led the way to the back of the Sanctuary, out the old door that sometimes got stuck open on rusty hinges. Together they squeezed through an old fence that once kept wild dogs out and walked in silence for a moment until they came to the pond. Everyone loved this place, especially in the spring when the lilies would bloom and you could see baby rabbits if you were really quiet (and left Chanyeol home). But it was late fall at the time and a little too cold for anyone besides Xiumin and Suho. The two of them walked out on to the dock, still holding hands, and sat down. The water was too low for them to worry about getting wet, so they let their feet dangle over the edge.

Suho’s hand was cold, and Xiumin rubbed his fingers to warm them up.

“What’s on your mind?” Suho asked softly.

Xiumin took a deep breath. “A few years ago, just before I found my mark, my older brother told me that it was my fault our mom left.”

He went silent for a few seconds after that and gripped Suho’s hand tighter. When he spoke again he was trying not to cry.

“It happened a while ago but I’ve just been thinking about it lately. Now that I’m a Guardian…now that I know that others had their parents abandon them…well, was he right? Was it my fault?”

Suho put his arm around Xiumin’s shoulder and tugged him down, allowing Xiumin to cry into his cloak.

“You can’t think like that,” Suho said gently. “You’ll drive yourself crazy. And anyway, it’s not like you could control what family you were born into and when, right?”

Xiumin sniffed and lifted his head slightly. “I guess not but still…why’d it have to happen to me? Why’d it have to happen to us?”

He felt Suho flinch. “I don’t know,” he said after a moment. “But…if it hadn’t happened, we wouldn’t be friends.”

Xiumin sighed. “Would you pick me over a family?”

Suho suddenly started laugh. Xiumin sat up and glared at him for a second before Suho grabbed his shoulders and shook him.

“But that’s what’s so great about it,” he cried, smiling brightly. “You are my family. You’re the only family I’ll ever need, you and the others.”

Xiumin wanted to scream that it was different for him, he’d never had a family and he didn’t know what it was like to lose one.

But then Xiumin froze. Had he ever actually had a family? Sure, it wasn’t like his father and brother abandoned him, but it wasn’t like they ever as close as Xiumin was with his new brothers now. He couldn’t remember ever playing with his brother the way he did with Chanyeol and Jongdae, he never went to his father when he had a nightmare like he now did to Suho, and there were a million things he did with Kai, Sehun, Baekhyun that had been infinitely more meaningful to him than he ever remembered them being before.

Xiumin started to cry again, but he was also smiling. It was heartbreaking to think that maybe he hadn’t had a family, but it was also nice to know that he had one now.

Suho seemed to get it. He hugged Xiumin again and held onto him for a long time, just letting him cry on his shoulder.

“It won’t hurt as much in the future,” Suho whispered. “It’ll hurt even less when you think about the eleven boys who love you.”

Xiumin took a few shaky, calming breaths and he pulled away from Suho.

“Are you alright?” Suho asked.

“I will be,” Xiumin promised. He was kind of lying, because he didn’t feel like he would be okay, but in the end it turned out to be true. He could never replace the family he had lost, but he could find a new one with his friends. Maybe it wasn’t the same, but Xiumin found that as long as he had them, he didn’t mind at all.

Title and epigraph inspired by/ taken from the movie "Lilo and Stitch". Aaaaand it's Part 1 because I might want to continue in this vein some more.

Uuuuuuuugh it was like dragging myself out of quicksand trying to write this!!! So difficult, so difficult!! DAMN YOU XIUMIN WHY DO I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT YOU, YOU MYSTERY MAN???

Up next is Suho’s drabble finally!! I owe him a backstory too!!!...And Yixing. Dear God I owe Yixing. Another mystery jfc who else do I owe a backstory??? Comment if there's someone I haven't explained yet.

Oh yeah Kyungsoo too...damn I have my work cut out for me!