AN: SOOJIN'S POV / DONGHAE'S POV 

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As I sit in front of Donghae’s room, as I look at the white door in front of me, as every member looked over me in silence, I thought of everything that has happened tonight. Everything is so unreal. Telling Donghae that I have cancer is unreal. Donghae acting like he has gone mad is unreal. Having fun with Super Junior from earlier days was also unreal; unreal, but enjoyable, unreal, but it was one of the best days of my life. It has been, and always will be.

I had fun, I laughed, I enjoyed, but now, tears are falling. It’s like what people say: fun is today, tears are tomorrow. Huh…shouldn’t it only just for me? I had the fun, so I should only have the tears. Then why is everyone that I love having the same tears that I have? Why does Donghae have to suffer too? Are my parents going to feel this agony too?

My parents! It’ll be even harder to tell them; tell them that their only child is positive of cancer, will get weaker and eventually die first. That their only child will not graduate, will not get a job, will not marry, will not have a child, and will not feel how a married life feels like. It .

I stared forward, fidgeted my fingers and waited for this door in front of me to open. I have been hearing soft sobs from behind the door. Donghae is hurt really badly, evidently. If only he’d let me explain things to him.

Someone slowly sat beside me. Leeteuk was holding a glass of water and handed it to me.

“You okay?” he asked, a smile present in lips.

I took the glass and said “Yup.”

I drank the contents of the glass. I finally feel my tear-filled face. I wiped my cheeks and eyes with my hand. I smiled back at Leeteuk.

“He’s really hurt,” he said.

“I know.”

“Another best friend of his has the same illness,” he said, looking at the Donghae’s bedroom door.

I feel my eyes sting again. I remembered Donghae’s father. My brain is telling me not to cry anymore, but my heart is hurting that I need to let this tears fall. I wiped my eyes and looked at Leeteuk.

Leeteuk patted my back and said, “I’ll be praying for your health. I really hope you’ll get over cancer.”

I hugged Leeteuk. He hugged me back.

“Thank you,” I said.

“No problem,” he replied.

“Oppa, I have something to ask you,” I said, still hugging him. I didn’t want to let go. “If anything bad happens…”

“Please don’t say that,” he interrupted.

“…just, IF…please take care of Donghae for me. He sees you like a real brother and probably a father figure, I really want you take care of him.”

“I’m having a déjà vu right now.”

I let go of our hug. “Uncle said the same thing, huh?”

Leeteuk nodded.

“Huh…maybe we really know what an angel looks like. After all, you call yourself ‘angel without wings’ right?” I joked. We both smiled.

Leeteuk held my hand. “Rest assured that I will.” I gave him a smile.

“You guys better let go or that fish inside will go crazy again.”

Heechul came and sat beside us. Leeteuk and I finally let go. Heechul smirked and rested his back on the wall opposite us.

“So, Soojin…are you going to die?”

“WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? DO YOU WANT TO DIE FIRST?” Leeteuk said, clearly restraining his voice to low.

“I’m just asking,” Heechul replied.

Then it hit me. Will I die early? Will I die and leave earth? My parents? My friends? Donghae? Will I like heaven? Or will I go to heaven? What if don’t? Is their heaven at all? Are there really angels? Will I be and angel? Will I be Donghae’s guardian angel? I hope I will! Gosh! I think too much…

“Soojin, don’t listen to this jerk,” Leeteuk said.

“I wasn’t…” I lied.

“I was just asking,” Heechul said again, innocently.

Heechul stood up like nothing happened. Leeteuk gave me a smile and stood up too. Before leaving he said, “I’m just going to smack his head, rattle his brain until he thinks straight.” With a smile, he walks away.

I rested my head on the wall behind me when a voice interrupted my split second rest. “Are you okay, noona?”

Ryeowook’s face shows every trace of worry. He sat next to me, followed by Kyuhyun, whose holding a slice of cake in a white plate, and Sungmin, holding a glass of water.

“I’m okay,” I replied.

“Do you want to eat?” Kyuhyun asked, offering the cake to me. He extended his hands until I’m face-to-face with the cake.

“Sure,” I answered. I took the plate form his hands and said, “Thank you.”

“Does it hurt?” Ryeowook asked, still worrying.

“I get occasional abdominal pain, but I thought that was normal. I didn’t expect it to be…cancer.” I took a small piece from the slice of cake and ate it. I looked at the three boys in front of me again. They are staring at me like I was a homeless child.

“What?” I asked.

“It really doesn’t hurt? Maybe its just false alarm,” Sungmin said, trying to be optimistic at that time.

I gave a small smile. “…maybe…”

“Cancer…it’s silent, but deadly,” Kyuhyun said, with the outmost serious look on his face. But then he said, “JUST LIKE STARCRAFT! You’ll be lurking into someone’s camp then…”

Both Ryeowook and Sungmin smacked Kyuhyun in both his arms.

“You guys are so hot blooded! I was just…”

“…making things worse?” Sungmin continued. “This is a serious matter.”

I smiled then laughed. Ryeowook, Sungmin and Kyuhyun looked at me. “Carry on.”

Then they laughed with me. “If you need any help, any help at all, “Sungmin said, “don’t forget to ask us, okay?”

“Yes sir,” I said, saluting to him.

The three stood up and made their way to the kitchen. There, they ate the same cake I am holding in my hands. I put the plate down next to the glass of water Sungmin gave, and stared at Donghae’s door again.

The dorm was unusually silent, as the only thing I hear was silent whispers from the boys and the grazing slippers on the floor. I moved closer to Donghae’s door and tried to hear him. I still hear silent sobs and hiccups, but it was quieter than before.

“Soojin-sshi…what are you doing?”

Siwon was standing next me, observing my position,

“I was just…checking…Donghae…ummm…”

“It’s okay. I was the one bothering you in the first place, so…sorry,” he apologized.

“It’s alright.”

Siwon sat next to me. “Soojin-sshi, I’m going to do something for you. Promise you won’t laugh or back off and you’ll just let me?”

I was intrigued. What exactly does Choi Siwon of Super Junior want to do for me?

I nodded.

Soon as I nodded, he held my shoulders, closed his eyes and bowed. Then, he was talking. No, he was praying. Praying that I will be okay, praying that I can pass through this challenge in my life, praying that I and all my loved ones will have the strength to carry on and move on. He prayed that I will be in good health; he prayed for successful medication, he prayed for Donghae, for him to understand things.

Though I wasn’t moving or saying anything, I prayed the same thing he was praying. Seriously, there are a lot of angels beside me. I just hope that the one angel that I wanted to talk to would come out of his hiding and talk to me.

Siwon said, “Amen,” and he smiled at me. “Soojin-sshi, just don’t forget to pray to Him, okay?”

“Of course.” I nodded and smiled. He smiled back and patted my shoulder. “I’ll see you later,” he said, stood up and walked away.

Again, I was alone. Hours went by and still, Donghae wasn’t coming out. All I can do at that time was fall asleep. And I did.

I opened the door slowly. Since there are no sounds coming from the living room, I thought everyone was sleeping. When I opened the door, I saw Soojin sleeping in front of the door, bundled up in a blue blanket. Her eyes were peeking at the edge of the blanket. She slept silently. Later, I will kill each and every one of the members for letting her sleep here. I took the blanket off of her slowly and threw it to the nearest couch. I came back to get her, slowly lifting her up, just like a groom would do to his bride, walked to the couch and laid her down slowly. I’ve known Soojin for so long that I knew she’ll never wake up easily by any movement around her, or as simple as lifting her up.

I tucked her in the blanket again and sat next to the couch, silently staring at her. Silently and slowly, I stoked her cheeks. Before, whenever I would stare at her when she sleeps, I feel so happy. Now, there is a hint of sadness in me. My eyes turned puffy from hours’ of crying. But there are still bits of tears flowing from my eyes as I stared at my best friends face.

“I really hope you were lying,” I said silently. “I really hope you don’t have…cancer.”

I wiped my tears to see her calm, beautiful face. “Why you? Why of all the people in the world does He have to give you that illness? There are loads of bad people in the world. He must have given it to the wrong person. Someone as kind and cheerful as you shouldn’t be with any illness at all. You should live long.”

I laughed sarcastically when I remembered something. “Remember when you always say Jessica broke up with me because of you. Well, technically yes, because I gave her the reason to break up with me. Dad, well he, told me before that he really likes you to be my wife.” I laughed. “I always compare Jessica to you. She’ll always get mad at me. I’ll always tell her that you’re only my best friend. But I must have not listened to what my heart was saying. I finally broke up with her, because you were the one that makes my heart beat. My brain would constantly think of you.”

“Why did you have to break the news just when I wanted to court you? Why now when I already planned our dates together? Just when I imagined you as my wife, you pushed me to cliff?” Tears are unstoppable now. I tried to calm myself, but nothing works. I continued to stare at her. I bowed down on the edge of the couch.

“Should I leave Super Junior and be with you?”

“OF COURSE NOT!”

I was startled to hear Soojin’s voice.

“You were awake all this time?” I asked, still dumbfounded.

“I, well… I wasn’t actually sleeping. I acted I was when you opened the door.” I saw a small smile in her lips. “I’m sorry,” she said, and sat on the couch. She bowed and said, “I’m sorry,” again.

“You are really sneaky…” I said, trying to move away from her. Slowly I tried to stand up. But she must have known what I was about to do, so she pulled my hands towards her.

“I’m sorry, Donghae,” she said, and hugged my really tight. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I was scared that you’ll get hurt. I didn’t mean to hide it from you, I was… it was…” she was crying hard.

I returned the hug and hugged her even tighter. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t give you the chance to explain. I was rashly doing things without thinking.”

We were both crying.

I broke the hug and looked at her. I wiped her tears; she wiped mine.

“Next time, if you have secrets, tell it to me, not to an annoying rabbit, okay?”

Then, she kissed me full on my lips. When she moved away, “Yes, sir!” she saluted.

I couldn’t contain myself and kissed her, this time not holding back. We were kissing.

He’s kissing me. Oh my God! The crazy thing is… I don’t want to let go!

I’m in bliss!

I’m in heaven!

I want to spend my life with this woman in front of me. Please let her live longer. I know that she’s the one for me.

We sat on the couch, staring at each other and occasionally smiling. She rested her head on her hand while I fidgeted my fingers. I never stared at Soojin this long.

Donghae looks awkward. It’s like it’s our first meeting.

“What are you thinking?” I asked him.

“I was thinking, now that we…kissed,” he giddily smiled, “can you be my girlfriend?”

Okay…WHAT?!

“G-g-girl-friend?”

“Yeah.” He smiled again. “Would you like to…?

“Donghae, I…” I started, but other than that, I seemed to forget what I was supposed to say.

I waited for her reply, but she…well… I really don’t know what’s going on inside her head.

“Is something wrong?” I asked.

“Donghae, I … I really don’t want to reject you. In fact I really want…to…be your…” her eyes widened as she explains futher. “But because of recent events I can’t…”

“What are you saying?

“You might get hurt…again. And I’d really don’t want that to happen.”

“You’ll hurt me more if you won’t agree,” he said, looking away.

“Donghae…” I said, but he started to stand up and walk away.

I catch up to him and gave him a back hug. “Fine, I’ll be your girlfriend.”

“Fine, I’ll be your girlfriend,” she said. THANK YOU LORD!

I turned around and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I know you can’t resist me.”

“I agreed just so you won’t turn into a cry baby again.” She insulted me, but eventually gave in and gave me a hug.

“I promise I’ll get better.”

“I’ll pray for you every day,” I said, meaning every word. “Will you promise that you’ll stay with me…even just a little longer?”

“I’ll try,” she said.

“I’ll try,” I said, saddened by those words. I will sure try.

“Promise me you’ll be here on our next comeback,” Donghae said.

I looked surprised. I mockingly said, “YOU JUST HAD YOUR COMEBACK JUST A WHILE AGO.”

“Did we?” he said, smiling foolishly.

“Do I need to remind you?”

“You’ll dance?” he said, shocked as he let go of our hug and held his hands to his mouth.

God, forgive me, but let me smack one of your angels just one bit. Just once.

I punched Donghae’s arm and he gave a small “Ouch~”. “I still love you,” he said.

I punched him again. “I still love you!”

And…I punched him again, and again, and again. “No matter how much punch you throw at me, I’ll love you forever.” Then he threw his arms around me and tightened his hug.

“You are so gross,” I told him.

“You are so beautiful,” he told me.

After that, we laughed.

“SERIOUSLY!”

Leeteuk, Eunhyuk and Sungmin were watching us from a corner of the kitchen, over looking out spot.

“Seriously,” Leeteuk repeated. “One time you were making drama, not you’re all lovey-dovey IN OUR DORM.”

“Donghae…what’s going to happen about EunHae Couple?” Eunhyuk said, looking dumbstruck.

“Kibum is free…” he said, smiling. “This is my real couple right here…” Donghae smiled at me and kissed me in my forehead.

“Soojin, what about your medication?” Sungmin asked.

“I already told my parents.” I hugged Donghae tighter. “They’re coming to Seoul and they said they’ll talk to Dr. Park. They’re planning to take me abroad.”

Abroad? WHAT!

“Abroad…where?” I asked.

“Not sure.”

“You were just my girlfriend a while ago, now your leaving me?”

Soojin looked at me seriously. “Do you want me healthy or lying in a coffin?”

“HEY!” the four boys shouted.

“Don’t say that!” Donghae said irritably.

“Forgive me…I love you.”

“NOT HERE! Go get a room…” Leeteuk said.

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A very long~ update.

Thanks for reading. Sorry for typos.

~Crina