The bustle of the busy city was just around the corner of Super Junior’s apartment rooftop. Sungmin dragged me here. We sat the pavement of the rooftop, looking over the red setting sun. Silently, I ponder about how I will get over this problem. Sungmin shouldn’t know in the first place. Why did he have to follow me and Lisa? WHY? Telling me he doesn’t have a schedule and wants to have fun was not enough. Why didn’t he have fun anywhere else? Why follow us?

Cautiously, obvious in his voice, he said, “Are you okay now?”

 I looked over to his face, worry and sadness filled his adorable face. His eyes had traces of tears, so was mine. “I feel fine now. Thank you.”

I rested my chin on my knee and look at the horizon. Sungmin move closer to me and wrapped his arm over to my shoulder.

“I’m sorry I have to know this way.” Sungmin’s voice was still and consistent but traces of fret were present as he speaks. “But rest assured that I will help you in every way I can.”

He rested his head to mine as he rubbed my shoulder.

“Sungmin, thank you for your kindness, it means a lot to me. But never will I accept pity from you. I don’t need that right now,” I said, rubbing away my tears.

“Strength is what you need.”

“I know.”

“Don’t you think Donghae should know?” he asked.

“No,” I answered immediately. “I won’t… and I can’t.”

How can I tell Donghae that I was positive with cancer?

This is the whole story. Before Donghae’s father was diagnosed with cancer, my doctor, Dr. Park, told my parents that I was showing symptoms of a cancer, gastric cancer to be exact. It was a hereditary disease. It is very rare for females to acquire such disease, but God is very unpredictable, he picked me as a test subject. Donghae was off to Seoul to audition for SM when that happened. I never had the guts to tell him. As I said, he was my best friend, so as he to me. His world will if I told him, and he’ll refuse to go to Seoul. Aside from football, his long time dream was to sing, just like his Dad.

After he went to Seoul, I was in medication for a year. I moved from Mokpo to Seoul then back to Mokpo every other month to have full check up and medication. Luckily, whenever Donghae visits to Mokpo, he never realized that I was in medication. But my mom never allowed me and Donghae to go out and play. We’ll just have to stay at my house and sit and talk or sleep the whole day. He never complained.

When Super Junior debuted, I was getting better. I ate well and do activities without getting over fatigued. I was fine.

Until, just recently, it came back.

I tried to hide it from my parents. It would work at times, but Mom knows best. She’ll know if I’m in pain or I’m having trouble.

When Donghae’s father died, the symptoms showed again. I couldn’t tell Donghae. God has taken his father because of cancer, how can I tell him that his best friend too is going because of the same illness. God is too unfair, not to me, but to Donghae. I’ve always care about him.

He grew up in a poor family, but he strived hard to reach the top. Then, his father died, and his world fell. He felt like everything is in his shoulder. It was hard to move on at that time.

“When are you going back to the hospital?” Sungmin asked, disturbing my thoughts.

The sun has completely settled down the horizon and the city’s lights illuminated the whole place.

“They say they’ll call,” I simply said.

“Will you tell your parents?”

HOW?

I CAN’T TELL THEM! I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW?

Besides, nothing is confirmed yet. Fingers crossed that nothing serious comes up.

“Not yet.”

Sungmin took his arm away and slowly stood up. “It’s getting cold now; we should go to the dorm. Maybe the others might cheer you up.”

He extended a hand and helped me stand up. He didn’t let go, but instead, cupped his warm hands to my face and rubbed the rest of the tears on my eyes and cheeks.

“Crying is for weak people. I don’t think you are weak at all,” he said, as he continued to rub my cheeks.

I smiled at his words. “Thank you; I really needed someone right now.”

“Don’t worry, Lisa and I will help you no matter what. And if the time comes that you really have to tell Donghae or everyone, I’ll back you up.” He patted my shoulder. “Be brave.”

Then, we wrapped his arms around me, giving me a warm embrace. Strength is want I need, and he’s giving me loads of it. This annoying rabbit turned to an adorable bunny again in front of my eyes. I flinched when his lips found my cheeks. I was startled and still at my spot when he gave a tender kiss. I didn’t know what to say. But, he too seemed startled.

“S-sorry, I was…”he blinked a couple of times.

“It’s okay,” I said shyly.

“Should we…” he pointed to the door.

I nodded in reply.

He cautiously held my hand to his. A while ago, I was scared and hopeless. Now, I’m in bliss. Rabbits are now my second favorite animal, next to fish.

Sungmin pushed the doorbell. “Open the door please.”

I looked at the wall next to the door with a confused look. There were tons of writings in it.

“It’s nice, huh?” Sungmin asked; a bit amused at my expression.

“Elfs did this?” I asked.

“Yup.” He smiled. “They hardly come here again, though. The security tightened,” he explained.

“That explains the huge security guard at the parking lot.”

We both smiles.

“Who is it?” a voice from the intercom asked.

“Sungmin…plus one.”

The voice laughed. Sound of steps were heard from the other side of the door. Yesung’s face poked out.

“Soojin-sshi?”

“Hello,” I bowed.

“Come in!” he greeted, making a way to the inside.

As I enter the door, I was stunned with these million pairs of shoes on the floor, on the cabinets, on their boxes and everywhere. I don’t know whose is which but it was quite organized.

“Whoa…” I gasped. “Are you sure this is your dorm or a shoe sale?”

Sungmin and Yesung laughed.

“I’m pretty sure this is.” Sungmin lead the way to their spacious living room. It still looks like the last time I saw it. It’s much clearer now than the time they huddled up in front of the webcam. The sofa is still on its place, but a couple of pillows were thrown in. Some clothes are hanging on a rack on one side of the room. A computer set and a black keyboard sits over a large desk opposite the clothes. And a big Super Junior poster was pinned to the wall of the living room, behind a huge flat screen TV.

“Wow. Nice and comfy,” I said looking around. “You guy really fit here? It’s big and all but it’ll be a riot if all thirteen of you actually live here.”

“Half of the members live here, the other half upstairs,” Sungmin said, pointing to the ceiling, indicating the next floor above. “But usually, the guys upstairs go here first before going to their dorm. Yesung, Ryeowook, Eunhyuk, Kyuhyun, Shindong, and I live here.”

“Donghae’s upstairs then.”

“He has schedule,” Yesung said, looking at the wall clock. “He’ll be here soon.”

“Oh, so the room I saw last time was upstairs, am I right?” I asked, looking at the both of them, getting confused.

“Yup. We tried to make it identical to the dorm upstairs,” Yesung informed.

Oh.

“Please sit down,” Yesung offered, and do as I was told.

DING DONG.

Yesung ran to the intercom and talked to the person outside. I didn’t quite hear who it is so I diverted my focus to their kitchen. It was clean. J

Sungmin sat beside me, smiling. “Isn’t this place great? Luckily, this dorm is much more organized,” Sungmin bragged.

“Organize your face,” said a voice. I turned around to see Donghae, followed by Eunhyuk and Leeteuk.

“What were you saying about ‘organized’ huh?” Leeteuk said, jumping over to Sungmin’s side and choking him jokingly.

“Soojin-sshi, you came!” Eunhyuk greeted with a huge grin on his face.

I did the same grin and said, “Yes I came!”

“Soojin-ah,” Donghae said, sitting next to me. “Who brought you here?” he asked, looking at me questionably.

I pointed to Sungmin. “Him.”

Sungmin gasped exaggeratedly. “I have a name, you know.”

“How did you meet then?” he asked again.

I looked at Sungmin wide eyed. “We met at the mall. Lisa saw him actually.” I turned around to see Donghae’s face again.

“What are you doing at the mall,” Leeteuk asked curiously, as he frown his forehead.

“I was bored. I invited a friend but he ditched me anyway.”

I’m so sorry if you have to tell a lie, Sungmin. I’ll make it up to you, I promise.

Donghae was looking at me the whole time. I don’t know what he was thinking, but with that look on his face, he knows I’m lying to him. Through all this, he smiled afterwards anyway.

“Are you excited?” he asked.

“About what?” I asked too.

He looked confused. “So you’re not?”

“What are you talking about?” I asked again.

“You came all the way to Seoul to watch us perform, remember?” he said, matter-of-factly.

of stupidity, of course! I completely forgot about that.

“YES! I am! It’s just…my mind was somewhere else.”

Donghae hold me head and turned it left and right. “It’s not here?” he asked jokingly.

“URGH!” everybody else in the room withheld.

“That is so…urgh!” Leeteuk said, rubbing his arm as if having goose bumps.

They walked away, walking to different part of the dorm. Leeteuk, Eunhyuk and Sungmin went to the kitchen, searching food on the fridge. Yesung went inside a room and left the door opened. I saw him pulling a turtle out of a tank.

“Want something to eat?” Sungmin offered, holding out an apple in his hand.

“No, thank you.”

“Drink then,” he said, holding a carton of orange juice.

“No, thank you.” I smiled at his attentiveness.

“Ei! A glass of this won’t hurt,” he said pouring juice on a glass.

“He’s always like that, attentive to girls,” Donghae whispered, as if disgusted. “He’ll go aegyo-annoying anywhere near a girl.”

“Don’t you?” I asked him, smirking.

“When did I?” he asked, surprised.

I looked at Yesung who was petting his turtle. “Jessica,” I simply said.

“Here you go,” Sungmin offered the glass and I took it. He smiled cutely and walked towards the kitchen again.

Donghae looked shocked. “Jessica is history,” he whispered, looking at me wide-eyed.

“Yeah, because of me.” I sipped some juice and looked at Donghae’s face. He was furious red. I can’t believe his mood right now.

“What is wrong with you?” he whispered.

“What? Did I say something wrong? I told the truth, didn’t I?” I asked.

“Soojin…”

“Jessica broke up with you because of me,” I whispered calmly. I looked at him tenderly, hoping he’d cool down him temper. “That was the truth. She couldn’t handle me being your best friend.” I looked at the floor. “I can’t believe that girl. She’s all jealous of me, but I actually was more jealous of her.”

“What did you say?” Donghae said.

Oh no. I shouldn’t have said that.

I looked over at Donghae, he’s now smiling from ear to ear.

“You do love me.”

“Stop that.” I stood up and walked over to the kitchen where Sungmin was eating an apple, Eunhyuk and Leeteuk sharing a bag of chips.

“Just admit it!” Donghae shouted across the room.

“Hi,” I told Sungmin. I drank the juice straight. The guys looked at me incredulously. “Thanks,” I said, handing the glass to Sungmin.

Donghae back-hugged me. “Just admit it, Soojin.” He laughed from amusement.

“I’ll never admit because there’s nothing to admit.” I tried to struggle way from his hug but to no afford.

“You’ll say it one day.”

“You’ll wait for nothing.”

“YAH! Love birds! Not here!” Eunhyuk yelled.

“You’re just jealous,” Donghae mocked Eunhyuk. MERONG!

I smacked Donghae arm and finally was out of his prolonged hug. “You guys better sleep early. I’m going home so that you’ll look, well, nice tomorrow.”

“I’ll take you to the hotel,” Donghae insisted.

“No, thanks.”

“No, I shall.”

I glared at Donghae. “I said rest.”

“Fine, just downstairs.”

“Rest.”

I looked over to the amused faces of Sungmin, Leeteuk and Eunhyuk. “I’ll get going. Good luck tomorrow.”

Leeteuk open his arms wide and gave me a hug. “Thanks and take care.”

“YAH! HYUNG!” Donghae yelled.

“What?” Leeteuk said innocently, breaking the hug.

“No touching,” Donghae glared.

“I’m your leader.”

“She’s my best friend. She comes first. Sorry.” MERONG!

I waved to Sungmin and Eunhyuk and walked to the living room. I didn’t notice that Sungmin was walking behind me but became aware when he whispered to my ear. “Will you be okay?”

I turned around and smiled to him. I nodded.

“Bye guys! See you tomorrow.”

I started to walk to the door but stopped a few steps away when I remembered something. “Can I have a backstage pass tomorrow? For two?” I looked to Leeteuk pleadingly.

“Sure…but who’s the other one?” he asked.

“It’s my friend Lisa.”

“That cute blonde girl who looks like a European, with really gorgeous eyes and fantastic smile?” Leeteuk asked in fast talking.

“Nice…description. Yes she is.”

“NO PROBLEM!” he said, thumbs up.

_________________________________________________________________________

Sorry for typos.

Thanks for reading!

Comment please.

~Crina