You frown, leaning against the wall during a practice break with the boys that you will soon be debuting in a group with. You slouch a bit, tired, wiping sweat from your face while trying not to look too obvious about watching your hyungs acting too cozy while everyone else was out of the room. You’re fairly quite, so you guess they don’t mind your presence.

 

It’s not normal though, is it? Their touching is more than what you’d look at as acceptable. But when their faces lean close, noses hitting and lips looking like they nearly brush, you cringe, suddenly very uncomfortable. 

 

Jinki-hyung quickly shoves Jonghyun-hyung away, the younger falling dramatically to the floor while the other laughs like he’s amused. 

 

You slide silently down the mirrored wall, still watching the two, your body now tensing all over. You pull your knees up, looking like you’re trying to hide, though it’s mostly subconsciously.

 

Jonghyun-hyung sits back up, wrapping an arm around Jinki-hyung’s shoulders and they lean into each other again, vibes coming off more than friendly. You scoff, certainly not wanting to be stuck around these two from now on.

 

Still, you can’t help but watch them whenever you can now, growing slightly more curious with each lingering touch and long gaze from your hyungs to each other.

 

When you’re cornered one day by them in your new dorm together (not really cornered, but you feel that way) you stiffen, worried they’re going to try and make you like them too. Jonghyun-hyung pulls you by the arm, voice loud. Jinki-hyung pats your shoulder, grinning a now familiar smile. You back up, hitting a wall and sweating with how anxious you suddenly feel. It’s overwhelming. Your widening eyes dart around, voice trying to come out. Leave me alone. I’m not like you. I don’t want to be like you.

 

Without finding your voice, you shake free of their touches, barely taking in their surprised expressions as you hurry (run) out of the room.

 

You hide in the bathroom for some time after, fidgeting and picking at your fingers, not wanting to be like them, think like them.

 

You can’t think of boys like that. Never. How could your hyungs?