She has been used to blinding light from the sun. Unlike before, she doesn’t hide from it anymore. However, after meeting him, she has been dreaming of frightening nightmares. She’d wake up crying or sweating profusely. Then she’ll never dare sleep again. Instead she’d wander around the house, checking her e-mail for some message and when she didn’t receive one from that person, she’d call her personal tissue and cry. Tell that person everything that scares her which she can’t tell her family. Then slowly, she fears of everything bright again as much as she fears the dark.

####

She is here again. The other day. And the day after the other. Her presence bothers me too much that I felt like aging terribly these days. I wanted to scold myself and just stop. But everytime she move her eyes, her fingers.. her every movement, I notice it. Like there’s a magnet pulling my eyes so I can look at her.

Also, Seunghyun became an instant body guard. It’ irritating that he’s bringing Sandy everywhere but he doesn’t let anyone go near her specially our maknae. Like he should just keep her on his pocket so no one could touch her. It made me think whether that girl is a bum or something. But she’s a journalist. Even made one on one interview with every Bigbang member. So I just signhed.

“Are you alright?” she asked me while I am getting myself a cup of coffee. I just gave her a smile. And she smiled back. I hate to admit it but I felt like I can stare at her face forever and forget everything. Then I felt a small hand holding mine. I blinked. Once then twice before I realise that I got myself burn by the hot coffee. She is already trying to soothe my hands and saying some words I can’t clearly hear.

I withdraw my hands and get another coffee and gave the other one to her. “It’s nothing.” I simply said. I walked my way back to where the boys are, motionless leaving her at the bending machine.

My hands sore. It sore so much that instead of returning with the boys, I went to the comfort room to ease the burn.

When I came back, Sandy handed me an ointment with a worried look. I shrugged and patted her shoulder lightly, “Just take care of hyung.”

I already turned my back on her and went towards Dongbae when I felt her pout. I’m itched to see that expression and look back but I restrained myself.

Sandy sat with Seunghyun. The guy is drinking the coffee that I bought. I watched them silently from the reflection on the glass door. Looking at them, I felt envious. It is just like before, she and Ah In and now, with Seunghyun. But then again I wish it’s Ah In. That I can still look at her without guilt. That maybe, just maybe, make a fool out of myself again and ask her out. I sighed. and kissed Dongbae instead before running for my life. I chuckled hearing him scream.

“Yah! Come back here and I’ll whack your head.”

Actually I just wanted to escape. And give myself a space to breathe. With Seunghyun and Sandy around, it suffocates me.

I came back late. I bet the boys are already sleeping. I wandered around the building before deciding to go to my dorm and have some rest. I looked for my bag and stuff that I left. Then it started raining hard. The lightning and thunder simultaneously echoes on the training room. I am walking my way to the parking lot when I heard soft sobs. I followed the sound and found Sandy cowering near Seunghyun’s car. She is shaking terribly. Her tears keeps on staining her face.

“Tabi.” she whispered.

She looked at me with terrified eyes and covered her ears when the thunder roared again.

I reached for her and hugged her. I wanted to do it in a cool manner but I can’t stop myself seeing her in that state. Even the barrier I created to keep her from me collapsed.

“It’s going to be okay.” I whispered.

She did not stop sobbing and trembling. Slowly, I led her to where I parked my car and help her sit inside. I the radio in full blast and smiled at her.

“It’s fine now.” I encouraged her. Instead of stopping from sobbing and trembling, she started to hiccup.

For the second time, I hugged her. Caressed her back. Giving it my best to protect her. Just for this day. For just this moment, I wanted to protect her. Then her hiccup became louder, faster. I got terrified. Then it happened, I felt my lips on her.  Passionately tasting her. She is idle. I tried to have more of her but then I stopped as I realise what’s happening. I am shocked as much as she is. But I tried to compose myself. I grinned at her shocked face, “It’s effective you stopped.”

She looked at me. There is a hind of confusion... and hurt. Then I heard a knock, it is Seunghyun.

“Sandy..” he murmured worriedly. He looked at me mouthing thank you as he slowly carried Sandy on his car.

I felt my breathing harden. I closed my eyes and bit my lips. What have I done?