The room is annoyingly white. On the table, there are fresh flowers. Tulips, and yellow roses. I bet the yellow roses were from Seunghyun. There are fruits too. Also, there are papers lying on every corner of the room crumpled.  Some pictures maybe from the photo album are scattered on the bed. The ptoho album, it’s torn.

I picked up one from the scattered photos. It’s Dara, Ah In and Yeon Hee. Ah In is covered in mud while Yeon Hee is on his back and Dara is on the side giggling. Maybe they are about three or four years old. Thinking about it, Dara have been so protective of Yeon Hee even from a distance back then.

I scanned more of the scattered pictures. Mostly, it’s Ah In and Dara. I noticed that the more she age in the picture, the more her smile faded. Then there were picture of her and Jaejoong. In every picture, she seemed blank just looking at Jaejoong. I wonder what she has been thinking in those shots.

Then I felt myself being stared at. Dara, she is staring at me while holding a picture in her hand. She is in a mess. I felt my heart torn apart just by looking at her. It’s one of the reasons why I can’t bring myself to visit. But then, I miss her too. 

“Hi.”  I said. “I brought some flowers, but I think you have a lot here.” I placed the flowers in the vase along with the others since I think they are still fresh.

There is no reaction from her. From staring at me, she diverted her attention at the window. The view from the outside is blocked by the white curtain so I opened it for her. Her eyes followed me as I moved. So I smiled at her. 

“What are you holding?” I asked as I slowly approach her. She looked at the one she’s holding. But she did not answer.

“Can I see it?”

She just looked at me again. I felt like talking to a wall. It is really frustrating but then it’s for Dara. If it’s for her everything is fine. She then offered the picture to me extending both her hands to me.

“I can look at it? Thank you.”

Looking at it, it’s a family picture. I looked at her. There is no reaction again. The picture is already crumpled.  It’s her, Bom, her mother and her father.

“Family.” she murmured.

I gave her the warmest smile I could muster. “Yeah it’s your family.”

Tears then started to well up her eyes. “No.” she whispered as she leaned on me.  I hugged her. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.” I whispered back. I heard no reply.  

I learned everything from Bom. I know it’s rude to read someone else diary but I did. I wanted to know what’s making her miserable; I wanted to know what’s on her mind that’s why I begged for it.  There are two of it. The first one was dated back when she was five years old to high school. The other one was during her treatment until her discharge at the hospital so it’s mostly about Jaejoong. I am almost half with the diary during her treatment so I somehow know why she felt that way towards her family, because she is adopted.

I dried her tears. She just watched my fingers move.

“Wanna let me help you clean the room? It’s somehow messy don’t you think?” I offered. Again there was no reaction or reply.

“The silence is pretty deafening so I’ll play some music while I help you clean the room okay.” I said and I started cleaning the room.

“You got a visitor?” it’s Jaejoong.

Instead of turning my attention to him, I felt the irk to look at Dara’s expression. Somehow I am wishing that hearing Jaejoong might lighten her mood but also I am wishing she don’t. My heart is crushed seeing a hint of recognition from Dara opposite at how cold treatment she gave just a while ago.

I finished up the thing I’m doing.

“Hey. You visited.” he just said.

“Yeah. I’m already on my way.”

“I see.”

I just said my goodbye to Dara and then I left. I haven’t been there that long but I don’t felt like staying there while Jaejoong is there. I am really funny.

On my way, my foot brought me near Dara’s window. I felt like a fool peeking at them. It seems that Dara is sleeping. It’s a relief though. But I wish Jaejoong is not the one who’s Dara’s hair like that but me.