taeyeon’s cheeks ached from smiling, from forced laughter, from lies and pretending that she was doing just fine. taeyeon realised she didn’t allowed herself a space of breathe. to stop, to grieve, to think. and once there is spare time on hands, taeyeon felt herself being overwhelmed with everything. the emotions, the exhaustion, the need to be normal. she didn’t allowed herself a space to grieve. taeyeon exhaled as her body sunk into the comfort of her couch, body aching with dull exhaustion seeping into her bones. 

taeyeon was far from being fine. she doesn’t know where to start, where to pinpoint, where to end this train of noisy thoughts. she doesn’t know what is the right thing to feel, if there is even any wrong emotions to feel in this situation. she swallows thickly; her messages were left on read again. she shouldn’t be expecting something, or anything. especially when taeyeon was the one who broke up with tiffany. 

on some days, taeyeon thought she had the world in her hand. she was empowered, she was driven, she had forgotten- just so momentarily. but a pink pen, a mention of a place, even browsing her social media reminds her of tiffany. and she spirals down again; the noises and the same sickening dull ache that sits on her chest. 

taeyeon sighs, plunges in her earphone and closes her eyes to the music. this, is better than the voices she ignores. this, drowns out the noise of her own aching heart. this, is her momentarily escape of melodious laughter and whispers of her name. taeyeon fell asleep to her demons that night, knowing that she’ll pretend to be fine until she is.