They first met at an orphanage. Twelve, young, curious and carefree- Taeyeon ran head first into Tiffany, her walking cane fell soundlessly out of her hand and laid abandoned on the ground. Sweet Tiffany apologized, bowing repeatedly until she felt warm hands in hers; carefully wrapping her fingers around the cold metal cane. 

S-O-R-R-Y, a finger alphabets on her open palm and Tiffany stupidly blurted out. 

“You can’t speak?”

There was hesitation and the finger was words on her palms again, yes, it says, I’m sorry. 

“It’s alright, I can’t see. What’s your name?”

They were both a little different from the other children living in the orphanage. Tiffany wondered how it’s like around her- Taeyeon carefully wrote on her palms and described the surroundings to her. Red bricked walls, white beds, sky blue gowns and pink strawberry ice-cream. Tiffany doesn’t really know how red looks like, nor white, blue and pink. But Tiffany could imagine, maybe it’s like what they say; a paradise. 

Tiffany was patient with Taeyeon, because written words comes with spelling errors. It was frustrating because they could barely understand each other well in the beginning- Taeyeon punching a pillow and Tiffany only offered an apologetic smile. They created a series of code until they decided on one- A begins with two taps, B a , C a and a tap and the list goes on in different variations until the alphabets were covered. Eventually, they became so accustomed that with a squeeze of a hand, it carries meaning of I’m sorry, thank you, I understand, don’t worry, I’m here for you. 

They were not popular because they couldn’t play like the other children living in the orphanage. The children wouldn’t want to play with them, the adults wants nothing to do with their imperfection. Taeyeon recognized sympathy in the caregivers eyes and somehow, she is glad that Tiffany could see none of it. Instead, they made a home in the shed at the back of the school- with music and books. Taeyeon really likes the sound of Tiffany’s voice- her kind friend memorized the lyrics to her favorite song and sang it for her. Taeyeon opened but words wouldn’t come out so Taeyeon clawed at her neck. She wanted to sing. She wanted to speak. She wanted to tell Tiffany things with her voice rather that etching words on palms, words like;- Thank you. I like you. I wish things were better for you. 

They grew up side by side in the orphanage, now both beautiful young ladies but ever so abandoned because of their disabilities. Taeyeon wanted to scream because God is unfair. Then Tiffany slide her hands down her arms and wrapped her fingers against her clenched fist, and perhaps, Taeyeon thought, he is fair in his own ways. Tiffany was a gorgeous lady, with a bright smile and laughter that Taeyeon wanted to keep to herself. Tiffany understood because she wrapped herself around the steady hands wherever they went, like how it was when they met because it is always them against the world.

Taeyeon was somewhat thankful to God for his unfairness. She cried herself to bed one night at the age of twenty five, without a sound; the yearly medical report wasn’t looking great and Tiffany laid at her bed next to hers with a small smile on her face. Taeyeon coughed violently, without a sound, as she sat beside Tiffany on the picnic mat and Tiffany had that heartwarming smile on her face. Taeyeon gulped her medication, without a sound, her hair had mostly fallen and bone thin but Tiffany was still the reason she fought for the last breath. But the one day came too soon; Taeyeon frantically biting back tears and feebly wrote words on Tiffany for the last time.

I-N-E-E-D-T-O-G-O

“Where? Taeyeon, where are you going?”

D-O-N-T-K-N-O-W

“Oh,” Tiffany’s eyebrows dipped into a frown, “Will you be back?”

Taeyeon allowed herself to smile at Tiffany’s naivety and the warmth that spreads in her chest to know that she mattered. 

I-W-I-L-L

“Okay,” Tiffany smiles at her and waved, “Be careful!”

Taeyeon mouths an ‘I love you’ and let the caregiver Tiffany back to her room. Days lapsed into weeks and Tiffany paid a visit to the hospital. Tiffany couldn’t contain her excitement, emitting a small sound of excitement under her breath as she squirms in bed. Taeyeon was beside her as the doctor carefully reminds her to take it slow before removing the bandage around her eyes. 

“Miss Hwang, if you experience any discomfort or if you can’t see, please let us know immediately. It takes a while for your body to get used to your cornea, so don’t rush it, okay?”

Tiffany gave her promise and waited, carefully opening her eyes to let light into her dull life. She could finally see her paradise. 

“Taeyeon,” she clenched on tightly to the hand in hers, “Taeyeon, I’ll be able to see you. Finally, I can get to see you. I want to tell you something really important.”

Her hand was given a light squeeze and Tiffany reciprocated. Ten minutes and Tiffany blinked at the blur figure in front of her, her lips stretching into a wide grin because she saw colours and light and the blue sky that Taeyeon loved. 

“Taeyeon?”

A brunette smiled at her. 

“Tae- no,” Tiffany squinted, “You’re not Taeyeon. Where is Taeyeon? Has it always been you?”

The brunette face fell and she whispered something to the doctor. He left with an apologetic smile and a congratulations. 

“Hello, Tiffany. I’m Sunny, Taeyeon’s friend. She left. But she had me look after you.”

“Where did she go?”

“Here,” Sunny pointed to her eyes, “And there.” 

Sunny pointed to the sky. Tiffany scrambled to her feet to stare at her eyes in the mirror. It was brown  and bits of golden- warm and loving, like how Tiffany would always feel around Taeyeon even thought she couldn’t see. Sunny took her hands, spread her palms open and tapped a code. 

“She made me memorize this and tap it for you when you can finally see. She said you’d understand.”

I’m sorry, the words spells in her head, I had to go somewhere far but I left a piece of me with you. If one day, you forget, just know that someone once loved you more than herself. I love you. 

The funny thing was, Tiffany had wanted to tell her that too.