back in Hana's POV!

It had been a month after halmeoni's funeral, and I was still getting used to living in Busan by myself. I had never been 'alone' in the city before because I had met halmeoni on my first day here moving in where she asked me to buy mushrooms for her Special soup. That caused me and Hoya to have a bond straight away because really, her soup was far from special and borderlined inedible. It was through halmeoni that I met Hoya, and I'll never forget the first time that we were sent out to buy red bean icecream at 8pm at night by halmeoni to satisfy one of her random after dinner cravings, where we missed the bus and ended up walking back a two hour trek. It was the first time we bonded and found out that we went to brother and sister schools, which very much reflected our relationship in real life.

I missed halmeoni so much. Even though she was the way she was for the past two year, I missed seeing her eyes look at me when she couldn't speak. And I could tell so much for those eyes - she didn't need to utter a single word and I knew exactly what she was thinking and exactly what she needed.

I needed to get out of the house, though. I had hardly left my apartment these last few days because I couldn't bear to walk past her front door which I so often looked at on my way home from school to see halmeoni sweeping her doorstep or smell the waft of her cooking seeping out from underneath the door. I could bear to not see her so I chose to not let anyone see me. Silly, right? All my friends texted me and asked if I was okay, but I truly questioned that. Would I ever be only again? Both Hoya and halmeoni had left me; my two closest friends in Busan and the first two people I had met when I moved here. And now they were both gone - what was I going to do? Of course I still had Minyoung and the girls but we had drifted apart these few years since I became more reserved after what happened.

So that's why I decidedeave the apartment for the first time in a long time to go down and find something to eat. But I was stopped, ironically, by Woohyun who was just about to ring the doorbell as I opened my door, almost knocking him over.

"Oh my God! Sorry, Woohyun!" I looked up at him apologetically and ushered him inside. I had just spotted her door, and I was not ready for this. "What's up?"
He smiled at me widely but I also saw traces of relief and worry in there. "How have you been? Did you get my texts at all?"
I nodded. "Sorry I haven't replied." I paused. What was a good excuse to tell someone why you haven't replied? "I've been....busy."
I coughed apologetically.
"I understand, Hana. I know it's been hard."
My face creased and I almost broke down but I bit my lip and fought my tears. I wasn't ready to let it go yet, and to speak about halmeoni  like she had been gone for a long time. It was still a raw, fresh pain for me.

I must've zoned out for a bit because the next thing I saw was Woohyun waving his hands frantically infront of my face.
"Huh?" I looked up at him.
"Have you heard anything I just said for the last fifteen minutes?"
I coughed again. "Yeah I did. I'm listening."
He looked at me knowingly. "Okay then." He paused. "I just came to invite you to my party I'm having this weekend. It's my birthday on Saturday."
"Oh!" I said, taken aback and surprised. "Okay!"
He looked at me, expecting an answer.
"I'll be there!!!!" I lied enthusiastically.
"Great!" He smiled toothily at me, told me the details, then left.

I plopped face down on my bed. A party for Woohyun? Did that mean Infinite and other celebrities would be there? I didn't want to go if I was just going to be the odd one out. But the address he gave me wasn't a club, like I expected, but a small house in the western area of Seoul.

And that would mean I would see Hoya there. And I didn't really feel ready to face him, but would I ever? I had been harshly rejected by him and he'd never spoken to me again after the incident at the restaurant. I had to face him one day, right? I knew that halmeoni would not be happy if I avoided him and ignored everything that the three of us shared just because of my stupid heart. My weak, stupid heart that took any sign of kindness and twisted it into love.

It was Wednesday when Woohyun came and told me, so I had four days to decide. After much deliberation ad thinking, I decided to go. For the sake of Woohyun, to show him how grateful I was to him these few months and for an opportunity to surround myself with....people.

I arrived at the address that Woohyun gave me - I think it was their dorm. I wore high waisted denim shorts and a t-shirt with black vans. As soon as I walked in though I wished I wore something else - something more dressy or something more shorter. The girls were - oh my God - wearing such short skirts and dresses that they might as well have NOT worn anything.

I seriously contemplated just turning around and going home but Woohyun spotted me trying to make a run for it out the back door. He looked very dashing in an open chested denim shirt with black skinny jeans and black vans. I also noticed he was slightly - no, very - drunk.
"Hana," he slurred. "You made it!"
He pulled me into a hug. I was so shocked that I didn't even hug him back, but he didn't care. It was actually quite funny watching drunk Woohyun - he was even more greasier than when he was sober, if that was possible. I laughed and patted his arm.
"I'm going to get a drink, Woohyun. I'll see you around?"
He shook his head. "No, I'll get it for you. Come with me."
He grabbed my wrist and dragged me behind him to the kitchen where he poured me a drink with many things in it and handed it to me.
I sniffed it suspiciously. "Does this have.....alcohol in it?"
He laughed as if it was the most obvious thing in the world - but to me, it wasn't.
Under Woohyun's watchful eye, I took a sip but immediately spat it back out. It was bitter and salty and sour, all at the same time. I pulled a face and emptied what was in my mouth back into the cup.
Woohyun laughed at me, his eyes a little out of focus.
"Woohyun, have you seen - " Hoya came up behind him and tapped him on the shoulder, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw me.

Our eyes met. All I could hear was my heart beating ferociously in my chest and nothing else - drowning out all the bass of the background music pumping out 2NE1. It seemed like a lifetime had passed before Hoya opened his mouth to speak to me. His voice sounded strangled and forced, the first words he had properly spoken to me since the funeral.
"Hi Hana." Pause. I just looked at him, my voice caught in my throat. I couldn't speak after seeing him for the first time in month. How could someone change that much in such a short span of time? His cheeks had slightly sunken in. He had buffed up, evident through the singlet he was wearing and he had dark eye bags under his eyes. Was halmeoni's death affecting him as much as it was me? Of course it was. He was her grandson, after all.
He looked at me again, as if challenging me to say something. I didn't.
"Have you seen Sungjong? I think he passed out but I don't know where."

The corner of his mouth pulled into a half smile which caused my heart to soar. Yep. Feelings were still there.

Woohyun shrugged and mumbled something incoherent. Hoya nodded and gave me one last fleeting look before walking off. Woohyun also sauntered off, leaving me alone in the kitchen surrounded by couples making out passionately against the stovetop.

I squeezed past them and found a place to sit on the couch. I pulled out my phone and checked the time. 9pm. I would stay until 10 then find Woohyun and tell him I had to go do....something. I clicked on my Draw Something app and checked to see of anyone had responded to my drawings. Smiling, I proceeded to try and guess the wonky sketches, but not before a drunk guy who I had never seen before in my life came and sat next to me and put his arm around my shoulder.

I looked up and tried to sling myself out of his reach, but as soon as I tried this, he tightened his grip and held onto me.
"What are you - " I wriggled helplessly. "Get off me!"
"You look so hot," he slurred, eyes unfocused. "Let me see what's under those shorts!"
And he proceeded to try and my pants. My heart beat loudly in my ears as I tried to push his hands off.
"Hey!" I cried loudly. "Stop!"
He did nothing but struggle more and laugh evilly.
Tears started forming in my eyes as he kept going. I was so weak compared to the strength he was using to wrestle me on the couch, and no one even seemed to care.

I closed my eyes, wishing I had never come at all. I could hear his rugged breathing and evil laughs as I writhed helplessly against his grip.
"HEY!" I heard a voice yell. I opened my eyes and looked up. It was Hoya. "What are you doing to my girlfriend?"
My heart soared at these words. And also how fake they were. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me up and out of my seat on the couch so effortlessly, as if I was a feather.
I expected him to let go of my wrist but he didn't. He kept leading me toward what looked liked his room of their dorm and locked the door.

He sat on the bed, leaving me standing awkwardly against the door. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair as if there was something bothering him a lot.

Then he looked up me with eyes that were full of something I couldn't place . He got up from the bed and came toward me. I backed up slightly, my back hitting the door.
Hoya placed one arm against the door, trapping me there. I gulped at this close contact. I couldn't help but notice how good Hoya smelt - a mix of soap and cologne.
"Hana," he began. "You really....you kill me, you know that?" He groaned.
I looked away, unable to meet his eyes. What was he doing?
"Do you know how worried I was when I saw you here? Woohyun's parties, they - "
He sighed and I felt his eyes scrape my face intensely, but I was still too scared to look at him. Our faces were no more than five centimeters apart, and his arm was millimeters from the side of my face.
"When I couldn't see you, I panicked," he said. "I looked around the whole dorm, but....." He trailed off. "I remember you telling me how you don't drink. And how you don't like drunk parties like this. So why did you come? Is it because you like Woohyun?"
His fist hit the wood of the door menacingly.
I looked up at him for the first time. Is that what he thought?
"No," I replied, looking at him dead in the eye. I came because I couldn't stand being in my apartment, all by myself for any longer. I came because Woohyun was so good to me when I was really suffering. And I thought it was the least I could do."
I looked up and him. There seemed to be a kind of....relief in his eyes.
"So you don't like him?" He demanded.
"No," I scoffed as he visibly relaxed. "He's like a brother to me."
Hoya opened his mouth to say something but I cut him off.
"Before you say anything else, he thinks of me like a sister too. So stop with your assumptions. We're just friends, Hoya."
His shoulders relaxed even more, ad that's when I saw that he had been really tense the whole night. What was going on? Why was he like this? Tonight, and at the restaurant as well? Feeling tense and jealous when Woohyun and I were together?

I put it down to Hoya being one of those possessive kind of people that didn't like seeing their friend talk to anyone else but them. But I couldn't help but have a glimmer of hope. What if this jealously and anger meant something more?

"Good," he breathed. "So you're sure your just friends?"
I nodded plainly against his arm, which I was now brushing with my face.
"Good," he said again, moving in closer. My heartbeat immediately sped up. "That means I can do this."

And he leaned in and kissed me on the mouth. I was so shocked that I froze, but Hoya wrapped his arm by my waist and used the hand leaned against the door to cup my face, causing me to relax.

It felt so surreal. I had imagined this so many times, and yet there were some details that I couldn't have possibly factored in. The softness of his lips. The desperation and relief in his kiss. How good he smelt. How well we moulded together. I had to dig my nail of my hand that I had wrapped around his shoulders to make sure I wasn't, infact, dreaming.

I don't know how long we were like that. Kissing in his dorm. But I never wanted to stop either because one, it felt so good, and two, I didn't want to have that awkward speech/silence when we pulled away. But I didn't need to be worried about that because when we pulled apart, Hoya rest his forehead against mine and smiled. And I couldn't help but smile either.
"Sorry," he breathed.
I smiled and sighed. "That's okay. I forgive you."
Hoya pulled away and looked at me half surprised and half offended.
"Forgive ME? I should be forgiving you for giving me such a heart attack just then!"
"Hey!" I walked over and sat on his bed, my legs feeling weak at the sudden change of tables. Hoya had just kissed me, and we were now back to teasing each other like before? It was like a dream that I had imagined so many times. "I guess I'm sorry too. And thanks for saving me," I added.
Hoya laughed. "No problem. Anything for my girlfriend, right?"
He came sat next to me and laced his fingers around mine, eyeing me cautiously at this comment. I could tell he was only joking, but my response would mean the world to him.

I contemplated before answering. Would I really give it to Hoya that easy? After all that turmoil and pain he put me through, and how he needn't have experienced it? But he wasn't a coward like me, I thought, that was afraid of rejection. It was all I really wanted, Hoya and I together, and I really couldn't be bothered or know how to play one of those hard to get girls who I found extremely annoying. So I said yes. And everything was now perfect in my life.

I decided to stay at the party after all. Hoya brought me around, not once letting go of my hand, and introduced me to everyone there, including the other Woolim trainees, idol friends and Infinite members.
"Ah," Sunggyu said after Hoya introduced us. "So this is who's been giving Hoya so much trouble these years." He smiled, causing his eyes to disappear. "Nice to meet you, Hana!"
I smiled and shook his hand.
After meeting everyone, we went to find Woohyun to tell him we were going. He was sitting on the couch and talking to another guy who I didn't know.
"Woohyun, sorry - " I interrupted, waving at his face. He looked up, smiling. "Sorry. But we're going now! Thanks for having me, Woohyun, happy birthday!"
I waved. Woohyun looked at me suspiciously, probably wondering why I was so cheerful. His eyes narrowed and travelled down to my hands which were entangled in Hoya's.
He broke out into the widest smile I had ever seen. "Finally!" He said.
I turned bright red and Hoya just smiled and punched him with his free hand.
"Seeya, hyung."