I visibly relaxed as I saw Hoya walk into the room. He just had that effect on me, I guess. All that that I had spent by myself thinking about Hoya a million times over and trying to push my feelings for him away just disappeared the minute I saw him.
 
He had lost weight but also gained a lot of muscle. He seemed smaller than when I last saw him. Was he sleeping and eating well? Was idol life really hard? He had gotten a hair cut, too. It defined his cheekbones really well and made his features look already nicer than I knew they were. I could notice the nurses subtly checking him out. Did they know he was from Infinite, or was it because Hoya looked like a greek god standing in the middle of the long term ward?
 
Hoya dropped the flowers he was holding and starting walking toward me. The next thing I knew was that he had his arms around me, engulfing me in his warm embrace. I noticed how nice he smelt. How strong his arms were. How well we fit together. How safe I felt in his arms. How I never wanted to let go, ever. But all good things come to an end, right? He pulled away from me and wiped the tears forming in my eyes.
"Don't cry, Hana," he whispered, tucking my hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry I haven't been here for so long. But I'm here now, and everything will be okay."
I sobbed even harder, looking at him helplessly with my red puffy eyes. I wasn't crying because he hadn't been  to visit for so long; I knew he was busy and a part of me didn't want to see him anyway because I knew those feelings would resurface.
I was crying because everything he was doing - comforting me, hugging me, wiping my tears, tucking my hair behind my ears - was a punch in the face telling me that Hoya would never love me back. Our friendship was purely platonic, on his behalf. I was like a sister to him. A sister that he loved, but not in that way. In my way, that I wanted him to.
 
"I asked my boss for a week off. It took some convincing, but he said okay as long as I stayed fit." Hoya scoffed. " As if I wouldn't!"
He smiled at me, that toothy wide smile that set my heart racing. I couldn't help but smile through my tears and make that weird hiccupy noise that people who are crying make when they suddenly laugh.
"Of course," I replied, smiling subconsciously, looking at him as he walked toward halmeoni.
"As if you wouldn't." I echoed.
 
I sat down in the chair by the door as Hoya took the seat next to halmeoni's bed. He was telling her all about life in Infinite, from their first win to how L tried to trick them with salt Americano coffee.
I smiled as I listened, probably looking like a maniac, to their dorm stories. Halmeoni was looking at Hoya, but we were unsure if she was really listening, or just staring.
 
Hoya continued talking for about an hour - which I didn't mind at all, I just sat there staring at him - until the nurse came and told us that it was time for halmeoni's sponge bath, and that we should probably leave unless we wanted to see it happen.
I nodded quickly. "We'll be waiting in the lounge. Thankyou," I bowed.
"Hana, are you hungry? Let's go eat!"
Before I could answer, Hoya grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward the entrance.
"You can drive?" I asked incredulously.
He nodded proudly. "I passed my driving test on my first go!"
 
We climbed into his car. The air wasn't weird at all; infact, it seemed like no time had passed at all. We talked about anything and everything from the latest comebacks to our old tai chi instructor to the very first time we went to buy red bean icecream for halmeoni, alone. I then realized that we were alone too, in his car. And suddenly, I didn't know what to say. How many times did I imagine this? Just the two of us, alone? And now that it was really happening, I freaked out and don't know what to say. I sighed thankfully as Hoya's phone rang. It was, by the sound of it, Sunggyu. And apparently, they wre asking him to eat with them.
 
"Do you mind?" Hoya asked.
I shook my head. "It'll be okay. I havent talked to Woohyun for ages.
He smiled. "Yay!" I smiled subconsciously, too. "We're going to eat steak, is that okay?
I nodded, unable to find my words. The rest of the car ride was spent in silence, but a comfortable one. I was trying to think of what to say to Woohyun when I saw him. The last time I had seen him was at the ice skating rink with Hoya and Yoona. And he had helped me up from the ice when Hoya had skated right past me.  I wonder of they're still together?
"Hoya, are you and Yoona - "
"Hana, are you - "
We both spoke at once. I smiled.
"Are you hungry?" He asked me.
I nodded, rubbing my tummy. "I think I could eat a whole cow."
He chuckled and pulled into the parking lot.
 
They seemed to be filming something inside as I saw those umbrella things that controlled light and a large crew cramped inside a small room.
"What's going on.....?" Hoya muttered as he dialed Sunggyu's phone.
"Hyung! Are you at -" he squinted at the sign. "Outback Steak and Grill? Oh? Oh okay....but I'm with Hana. Yeah...yep. Okay then. Seeya inside, hyung."
He hung up.
"What's up, Hoya?" I asked him.
He scratched his head awkwardly. "They called me because they're filming a show inside. I'm supposed to go in an surprise them."
I looked at him, not understanding.
"They might misunderstand who you are, Hana."
I paused. "Oh."
"You can still eat, though!" He tried to say cheerfully.
I smiled weakly. "That's okay, I'll go."
"No." He grabbed my wrist and pulled me into the restaurant, behind the cameras. "I'll order a meal for you. Large, right?" I nodded. "Eat, and afterward we'll go back to the hospital."
 
He pulled me down at a table squished against the wall with a few cameramen's sticking in my face. I coughed and excused myself through.
 
"Hoya!" All the guys cried happily. "You're here!"
I watched from behind the camera. They all looked so happy to see him. "Guess who is going to be the guest today?!" Woohyun asked him excitedly.
Hoya shook his head, smiling.
"GIRL'S GENERATION!" All six of them cheered in unison. "TIFFANY AND SEOHYUN!"
Hoya's face lit up as mine sank. I was in no mood to watch them flirt around while I had already been ditched for lunch. My plate of steak arrived and I stabbed it menacingly, spearing it into my mouth and chewing it forcefully, all while my heart was breaking.
Why did Hoya want me to stay if he knew this was going to happen? To see me suffer and be in pain? My heart thumped painfully as I saw from behind two girls walking in. They were stick thin and gorgeous, everything that I was not.
 
I heard the guys cheering loudly for them as the MC announced their entry.
This hurt even more. Would they ever cheer for me like that? Even L, who I never saw smile or have any expression on his face, was like a completely different person.
 
The interview started. I noticed a lot of giggling, light slapping on the shoulder and witty comments to try and catch Tiffany and Seohyun's attention - overall general flirting. And with every minute I could feel my heart beating and breaking at the same time. I was really fooling myself here. What was I thinking? Who did I think I was?
 
Eyes filled with tears, I grabbed my bag and tore out of there, not even bothering to pay the check. In movies, in situations like this, you would expect Hoya to look up and notice my absence and immediately worry where I am, right?
Well, this isn't a movie. And Hoya never once looked up. That would mean tearing his eyes away from Tiffany, right? And he never came back to the hospital. So much for a one week vacation.