The hospital was deserted anyway, but, at that moment, sitting in the lobby of the hospital's intensive care unit, I felt more alone than ever.  
 

Hoya said he would call his parents and tell them what happened. He also said that in the morning, he would ask his manager if he could take the day off to come back to Busan to see halmeoni. But, I thought, why did it matter if his parents were here? If he was here? It was 4am and the doctor told me halmeoni would be lucky if she made it through the night. My heart shattered as I listened to the doctor tell me about her condition. She has immense swelling in her brain that would cause some difficulty talking and breathing, if she were to wake up from her coma. She would have difficulty controlling her arms and legs due to the location of her swelling. If she woke up. She would have severe brain damage and mental instability - if she woke up. Judging from everything that would become difficult for halmeoni, if she were to wake up, I wished that she wouldn't wake up, so that she wouldn't have to suffer. I knew she was in pain right now, but I felt so helpless. I would gladly take the pain on myself just so I could hear her smile again. Just so I could hear her ramble on about how proud she was of Hoya, just so I could see that glint in her eye and the affection in her voice.
So I could hear her ramble on about how Hoya and I made such a great couple, because I knew it would never happen. 

I shook my head and stood up. I walked slowly over to the vending machine to get some coffee. I held the warm cup in my hands to try and compensate for the coldness I felt. 

"It's not good to drink coffee so early in the morning."  I looked up. Hoya was standing in front of me, his hair windswept and the tip of his nose red from the cold outside. 
"It's not that early."
He scoffed. "it's 6.30, Hana." 
Awkward pause.
"How is halmeoni?"

At the mention of halmeoni, my eyes filled with tears but I wiped them away quickly. I wasn't going to show my weakness infront of Hoya. 

"The doctor said she might not make it through the night." I looked up at him. "Even if she does, Hoya, the doctor said her body won't be able to do much because her brain is......" I paused. My throat was blocked and I couldn't say anything.
I looked at Hoya helplessly. "Dead," he finished off for me.

I nodded and wiped a tear that had rolled down my cheek. Hoya plopped down next to me on the hard, plastic chairs - his legs had given way.   

We were both silent.  "Hoya, I'm sorry....i-if I had stay-stayed....t-there with her instead of going to...d-do my homework - "  I hiccuped. "I might've been able to g-get t-th-ere faster!"

I felt Hoya turn in his seat. I gulped and prepared myself for a yelling. The guilt had built up inside me so much these few hours sitting here.
"You're sorry?" I didn't reply.
"You're sorry, Hana?"  I sniffed and nodded.  "I can't believe this."

Hoya paused and ran his fingers through his hair, breathing deeply. I could see his fingers shaking; what was going on? "Hana, if you're sorry, well, then......I might as well go to hell." I looked up at him. "You were with halmeoni everyday while I took dance classes to learn how to pike properly. You cooked her meals while I got facials so my skin got better in time to debut.  You fed her medicine, you tucked her into bed every night, you watched dream high with her, you went to tai chi with her, all while I spent twelve hours a day in a practice room preparing for my debut!!  Why did you not tell me? Why didn't you call me? Email? Text? HANA!" He screamed, ripping at his hair.

"I don't understand why you're doing this?!"  I stared at him in horror as he reached out and punched the wall in frustration. 

"Hoya....don't!" I cried. I didn't care that people who staring. I hesitated.

"How could I have called you?" My voice was quiet and dangerous.  "Even when halmeoni wasn't sick, you would never want to be with her, so what difference does it make when she is sick?"  I knew I struck a chord. He sank down onto the floor, cradling his head in his hands.

My heart wrenched at every word I was saying but I couldn't stop myself. 

"I understand why you couldn't be here because of your training. I get that. But abandoning us just because you have a girlfriend? You....y-you disgust me, Lee Howon!"   

By now, many were gathering around us and whispering to each other. We looked like two crazed teenagers who had just fought over something that was simply insane, with no words to describe my feelings nor Hoya's. 

     It shattered me to see him like this, beating himself up over halmeoni and how he might never get to speak to her again.  I knew that he regret not being here and putting Yoona over halmeoni, but, I thought, did I go too far? Was I too harsh on him?  

"Hoya, I'm sorry, I shouldnt have - "

"Hana, I'm really sorry, I - "

We both spoke at the same time. Hoya cracked a sad, crooked smile and got up from the floor.

"Will you accept my apology, Hana?" I nodded and patted his shoulder.  "Only if you'll accept mine."  He nodded.  

"Excuse me, relatives of Park Eun Hae?" Hoya and I stood up abruptly. "She's awake now. You may see her."   I looked at Hoya, a million thoughts racing through my mind. He clasped my hand and squeezed it, never letting go until we reached halmeoni's room.

Finally, I was not alone anymore