attention everyone~ this chapter will be in Hoya's point of view!

Hoya POV

The ride home with Yoona was tense. I was too angry at Woohyun and Hana to say anything although I couldn't pinpoint exactly why it was that I was so angry. Was it because when I saw them together, my heart flipped in my  chest and I felt like hitting Woohyun for putting his dirty hands on her? Was I angry at Hana because she couldn't see that Woohyun was a player and would leave her, just like I did? Just like I left her without saying goodbye to move to Seoul, just like when I left her alone with halmeoni for three years while I trained and debuted?

I didn't know why I was feeling so angry. All I knew was as soon as I saw Hana smiling with Woohyun, who had his eloquence with words in a way I would never, I felt a pang of jealously. How I could never make her smile that way. That everytime she saw me lately, she would end up crying and upset.

But Woohyun was right. I had no right to feel jealous. Especially when I didn't even think of her that way. I only saw Hana as my sister, who I spent so much time with and revealed so much of myself to. No way could I love her in that way....in the same way I loved Yoona. But lately I couldn't help but compare Yoona these past few weeks to Hana as doon as she got on my nerves. Yoona was always by my side, never leaving me alone, but Hana could sense when I needed time alone and left me to myself - likewise with her, how I could read her like a book and know when she liked to be left alone. I knew Hana inside out, backwards and forwards. How Yoona would insist that we order mango chicken when we went out when she knew I hated mango, but still didn't care. Hana would've ordered a creamy cheese pasta that she hated but knew I liked and endured it for the sake of me and just eat ramyun when she got home.

Hana knew me inside out, backwards and forwards, and I felt extremely comfortable around her. Was this love? Feeling extremely uncomfortable and jealous when you see her with someone else? To only want  for her to be happy? To feel so relaxed and peaceful around her? To have this want, this need, to make her happy, and kicking yourself everytime you make her cry or upset? To have time fly by so fast when you're with her, and never run out of things to talk about? When on paper you're complete opposites but in real life you fit together like two peas in a pod and get along like you've known each other your whole lives? All these moments that Hana and I shared flashed through my mind. And I finally realised how much I took for granted our time together. How it was so long, yet so short. I realised that I missed her a lot - her smile, her retarded laugh and the way she messed up her fringe. It never occurred for me for one second that Hana was never mine to begin with because I only ever saw her with me and halmeoni. I wasn't sure if she had any guy friends at school, but I was always quick to tell her that I would bash them up for her if they ever hurt her. It also made me extremely uncomfortable thinking about her talking to any guys - even when halmeoni was still alive. I always got that twisty, tight feeling in my stomach everytime she told me about this guy called Hyunjoong. But I brushed it off as a brother's instinct. That's what a brother would do, right? And that's what I was. Her brother. But does a brother feel the way that I do right now, emotion for emotion?
 I don't think so. I knew I felt something but it took me too long to realize it or admit it.
It took me five years of knowing her, two years without seeing her and one time seeing her with Woohyun that made me realize that Hana Kim was the one for me. It took me a while, but know I knew. I knew that she was all I could ever ask for - and now she was Woohyun's.

But, I thought, how had such a nice, pure person like Hana, with good intentions for everyone, have fallen in love with me? Me, Lee Howon? I didn't wash the dishes after myself. I never replaced the toilet paper when I finished with it. I squeezed the tube of toothpaste to no end because I couldn't be bothered replacing it, which annoyed the members a lot. My mood would change at the drop of hat and I had a hard time talking about my feelings to anyone but Hana. She would intently and ask me no questions - just how I needed someone like that.  And Hana definitely wouldn't listen to me absent mindedly while picking at her fingernails and jiggling her leg in impatience while I told her, like Yoona did.

I was sure of my feelings now. How I was really scared to admit to them because Hana was so close to halmeoni and I. And I'm even more scared to admit them after I was so shocked after her confession, I just froze and looked away. That must've come off as a strong rejection to Hana, and I didn't really blame her if she was avoiding me because it was too awkward between us now. Was I going to have to swallow my pride and tell her how I feel? I didn't want to drag her into the world of dating and idol because I knew what all the saesaeng fans would do to her and me once they found out.

"Yoona," I said, taking a deep breath and manning up. "We need to talk."