When I entered the hospital, watching as the paramedics rushed Hoseok into another section, one of the nurses escorted me to the waiting room where I found it empty; I was the first one to arrive.

A sigh left my lips as the memory of me waiting here to hear about my grandmother flashed through my mind. I was alone then too, but not for long before the boys had arrived and immediately accompanied me while we'd waited.

It felt so long ago, it was unbelievable.

I glanced around one more time before settling into one of the uncomfortable ad hard plastic chairs, choosing the one furthest from the entrance in the far corner to the right. The chair was ice cold as I sat, but I ignored it, my mind racing with thoughts as I wondered whether Jin would be able to get out of class or if Hoseok's mother would be able to get off work; I even wondered if Kira would be able to make it here.

I couldn't get the image of Hoseok laying there, no smile on his face as he did.

Every time I closed my eyes, various images would take their turns to flash up; either Hoseok's unconscious body or the labelled pills and the amount he'd had in his hand.

And it made me realize that although we were neighbours and friends, I didn't know him that well, just like with the rest of the boys. I had no idea if they were suffering in any sort of way because every single one of them hid it so easily.

But I wasn't any better, now was I?

My thoughts turn into a huge spirally mess as I sigh, running my hands through my un-brushed hair because all I could really do was wait until the doctor showed up with results or until someone else came.

As the minutes pass tick by tick of the clock, I hear it; the sound of arguing voices that would usually calm me down, but this time has me high on edge.

I'm holding onto the edge of my seat as tight as possible until my knuckles have turned white and my hands have the imprinted marks from my shorts and sleeves lining them. No matter how hard I tried to prepare myself, it wasn't good enough as I watched Jin and Namjoon enter followed by Yoongi and Jimin.

But they don't show up after the four like they should have.

I feel a tug at my chest, but shove the feeling down extra hard before I attempt to stand, only to find myself stumbling and falling to the ground as my wobbly knees gave into my weight, unable to hold me at this point in time.

I didn't know what was wrong with me.

"Jamie," Jin says softly as each of their eyes find mine before he turns to the other three, causing them to break eye contact, as he whispers something to them to which all of them responded with a simple nod before Jin turns away again and approaches me.

Jin has a hand out to me and I want to accept it, but I can't. I'm not moving like I want to and he somehow notices this as he kneels beside me, pulling me into one of the warmest embraces I've received in what felt like forever. His touch is soothing and has me unintentionally relaxing into it before my head hits his shoulder lightly and my tears are falling.

Jin seems to notice, but I'm not surprised considering the droplets that fell would land on his knee from time to time, soaking his school pants.

His hug on me tightens and I faintly feel his hand on my back, rubbing slow circles in a somewhat soothing manner that had me sobbing soon enough. Why I was crying, I never knew. All I knew was that we were in a situation I couldn't mend the way I did with other situations and it tugged at my chest in such a way that it physically pained.

Jin soon started to sway us from side to side, little by little until eventually, my tears became less and less and soon, the waiting room only echoed with my sniffles.

After a while, we were surrounded by silence.

Jimin, Yoongi and Namjoon were now seated on the chairs to our right and the closest to us while Jin and I stayed on the floor.

All of us were practically on the edge of our seats as they waited for the doctor; as we waited for the doctor.

My eyes were drooping and I could feel myself drifting.

The boys could sing and I'm not just saying this. You see, they'd grown bored of sitting there and pretending to page through magazines and had chosen to do something else; how they settled on singing, I will never know because they'd been arguing a few minutes before Jin interrupted, singing softly before each of them fell in and sang together.

I wondered if Jungkook and Taehyung could sing.

"Jamie, sing with us," Jimin pleads to my half sleepy state for the fourteenth time and just like before, I decline as politely as possible.

"But Jamie-" Namjoon starts, but he doesn't finish because as he starts to whine along with Jimin, the doctor walks in. We had no idea until we heard his voice as he announced, "Jung Hoseok?"

At the mention of his name, all of us (even me) stand up in one swift movement.

"Are any of you blood related?"

We all shake our heads and I've gone to biting the inside of my cheek until it pained as I we looked at the man with his blond hair, circle framed glasses and his lab coat over a t-shirt and jeans and it got me frowning because the last time I checked, doctors were required to dress smartly, not casually.

I shake my head to stop my random thought process before looking to the doctor.

"Who was the one who phoned us for an ambulance then? Who came with him?' he asked. All boys turned to me while my eyes were wide like a deer's caught in the headlights.

Hesitantly, I speak up, my voice squeaky as I reply, "That was me sir."

We watch as the doctor allows his eyes to shift from his clipboard and up to me, pulling a face for whatever reason we had no clue before he lets out a final sigh and nods, "Well I suppose you should be allowed to see him first then. It's only right."

I look over to the boys who all seemed to be nodding in agreement.

My unsure eyes cast away from them and onto Jin who looks at me for a few moments before a small and curt nod is given, "You need more answers than we do."

His answer has my uncertainty flying out of the window because I think he's right so I turn to the doctor and nod for him to lead me to Hoseok's room which he does almost immediately. No matter how many times I try to ask what the results were, the doctor would just give me a side glance and walk even faster and it was getting annoying.

I was honestly ready to go all Maka—chop on him (where I hit him on the head with either the spine of a book or the side of my hand. It's called the Maka-chop because the character was Maka from Soul Eater), but I didn't get a chance to as we stopped in front of a room.

What scared me was the board that was on the right side of the door which had the patients names on it from the last few times it was used. Instead of it being written in marker, it was written in pen, Jung Hoseok.

"This..." I trail off, not sure what I was planning on saying but knowing very well that it shocked me.

"This is his hospital room, yes. We remove the board when we're sure they haven't come for more than a year and a half," the doctor says, placing his hand on the small of my back, ready to push me in before I stop him with a question.

"When was the last time he was here?"

There's a small bit of silence before he replies, "Two months ago," and before I even have the chance to properly register the words, the door swings open and I'm shoved inside before it shuts behind me with a soft thud.

It's quiet in the room as I straighten myself into a stand and I'm frowning as I finally have the chance to process the doctor's reply.

Two weeks ago was the last time Hoseok was here.

But was it the same reason?

Maybe it was just for a visit or maybe I was overthinking things again. I mean, I never really speak to Hoseok about what he does after school (aside from dance) so perhaps he assisted the hospital as an intern or something like that. Maybe he was some sort of superhero that needed to collect medication every now and again because he needed to suppress his powers because the results of him not doing so would lead to his enemies finding him and killing the entire town before trying to conquer the world-

I need to stop watching Marvel movies.

"You're making that face again," I hear the soft, velvet like voice of Hoseok; his voice only ever like that when he was sleepy (see, I knew stuff about him so it's not like I know nothing about him).

"What face?" I ask as I look up to the boy who now had his head bandaged, the corners of his lips tugging into an amused smile as his emotionless eyes stayed on me as if he was waiting for me to do it again.

"That one you make when you go into your own little world. We even gave it a name."

"Hey, hey, hey, now that's not allowed. I should have the right to name my own world," I say before my eyes widen as I realize what he was doing which makes me turn to properly face him, eyes narrowing into thin slits as I put all my attention on him, "Don't distract me, Hoseok. You know I'm not going to buy it for long."

As I speak, he sets his gaze to his hands which were linked together on his lap.

"You never use my name that often."

"Well it's about time I do because you've got a wonderful name," I reply instantly as I take the few steps to the chair beside his bed; this one much more comfortable than the ones in the waiting room and I allow myself to release a sigh of content as I take the seat.

When I turn to speak to him, he's already looking at me with that same amused smile like before.

"Am I that entertaining to you?"

"Extremely."

I don't reply. This time I'm trying to think of how to approach him about the situation. I knew very well I couldn't just bring it up so abruptly.

But somehow, he indirectly brings it up as he asks me, "Who did you call?"

I frown and open my mouth to protest, but he lifts his one hand up in a stop right there kind of action before he says again, "I know you, Jamie, I know you would have called someone and I know it was you because they were at school, mom was at work and she hasn't moved here yet so don't deny it. Who did you call?"

My eyes shift because as he says this, his eyes have grown unbearably intense and I know I can't get out of this one.

"I called the hospital-"

"You don't say," he says sarcastically.

"Hey!"

"Continue, Jamie."

I sigh, but do as told. He's in no place to be argued with right now so I'd rather avoid any arguing of the sort.

"I called Jin, Kira and then your mom."

"Order?"

"In that order."

He doesn't say anything and I can tell he's mad. The moment I told him that was the order, he started looking peeved. I couldn't understand why because I mean, they were his friends and practically family.

And it wasn't like I'd had his mother's number. I had to find his phone and guess the password before I could call her.

"Hoseok, will you tell me?"

He looks at me, "There's nothing to tell."

"I found you on the ground and bleeding!" I cannot help but exclaim before I add in a whisper, "Certainly that's something to explain."

He sighs.

It's a long sigh due to annoyance, irritation and anger; you can tell by the way he closes his eyes to calm himself down and the way his nostrils flare.

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but he beats me to it once again.

"I wanted to kill myself, Jamie. Is it so hard to understand?"

My mind is processing the words that come from the boy usually filled with the biggest and brightest smiles, the most boyish grins, the playful looks and the most beautiful laughs; the boy who always tried to be everyone's hope, always tried to cheer them up, make them feel needed and just be a shoulder for them to cry on or an ear to listen to what has troubled them; the boy who always took on the burdens of others and never said a word of what was troubling him.

My mind repeats the words and Hoseok only watches me as I stare off at nothing.

I never really realized how much he was hurting; I never asked him if he was okay or if he wanted a shoulder to cry on or needed an ear to listen to what he had to say. I never considered looking past these grins or the laughs or even the looks.

I didn't consider or think to ask if he needed someone to be his hope.

My stomach churns as all of this runs through my mind and I feel the nauseating feeling as guilt fills me from the bottom up, overflowing like a river or a waterfall.

"It's a different look," I hear him say; snapping me out of my daze and making me look up at him in confusion.

"You had a different look on your face. Maybe it differs depending on what you're thinking about."

As he says this, I look at him; I really look at him; at his unusually pale face and his forced smile. I look and stare into his eyes, seeing how there were parts of his eyes still desperately trying to keep the wall he's built up, but then there are parts where you can see it all; the hurt, the pain, the exhaustion and overall, the will to give up.

And it helps me make up my mind.

I may have been a little bit late, but considering this boy was still alive in front of me was like a sign that it wasn't too late.

'It's never too late, Jampop. When will you realize it?' Jackson laughs

I shut my eyes as the memory forces its way in and I really try to push it away.

"Jamie, are you alright?"

My eyes flutter open at the sound of his voice and I turn to look at him. He's looking at me with that broken expression that was caused by everyone else (including myself, of course) except now, a new emotion was dancing with the rest; concern.

It caused me to smile.

"Jung Hoseok, I should be the one asking you that," I say softly, pushing my glasses up and smiling gently.

His eyes and his entire expression are filled with surprise, but I don't let him speak yet; I wasn't done.

"I should be asking you if you're okay or what's wrong, so Jung Hoseok, I have a long question for you," I pause for a deep breath before continuing, "Will you allow me to worry about you and be concerned when things seem off? Will you let me be concerned when I think you aren't okay, even if you're putting up your façade? Please, will you let me cheer you up and make you feel needed? Let me be there for you; a shoulder for you to cry on and an ear for you to speak what's about what's gotten you down. Tell me what's troubling you and I'' do what I can to help. Let me be a better friend to you."

When I'm done, I'm taking deep breaths and waiting for some sort of response.

When I receive it, I'm biting my lip because just as he gives me a response, the doctor enters with Hoseok's mother and I'm forced to leave.

I greet Hoseok once before walking past his mother and I'm surprised as I feel a squeeze on my shoulder before the doctor shoves me out again and I'm mentally cussing him out because he really had no reason or right to be so rude.

"Go back to the waiting room."

"That's what I'm doing!" I yell at him, sticking out my tongue and pulling the skin at my left eye down before I turn around and walk off in the opposite direction of the man.

When I enter the waiting room, there are more people than before.

There are the boys (this time Taehyung and Jungkook are with them), a woman who held a sleeping baby in her arms and watched her little boy play with a girl's fingers. It takes me a moment to register that it's not just any girl, but it was Kira.

When everyone's heads turn at my arrival, Kira is the first one up, the little boy following beside her and the boys right behind them.

They all stop in front of me and wait for me to say something.

The little boy steps forward before any of them and tugs my hand as he raises his arms. He's quite friendly, I can tell, considering this was the first time I was meeting him, but nevertheless, I pick him up and smile.

"HoHo?" he asks and I can't help but giggle at the nickname I assume was given to Hoseok.

I don't look at him alone, but instead at all of them as I reply and I feel a satisfied feeling in my chest as they all smile at my reply.

"Don't lose hope, guys."