Kim Sujin, 20th of January

As he paid for the meal, I looked at him, his neck flexing as he signed on the electronic device for his card.  His mere look of concentration as he checked if everything was okay on the screen. YongGuk ended work earlier to have a date with me. He brought me to a nice restaurant and had even booked a night at an hotel. It's been a while we've gone on a date together. I ended up looking at his hands, wanting them to touch me already. He caught me staring at him. « Impatient enough, are we ? »

I blushed, and turned away to push the button of the elevators. As we entered the elevator, he kissed my neck softly. I became red like a tomato as he tried to kiss my lips right when the door opened on a dozen of people trying to get in. He lead me outside swiftly and we got back to his car. There, enjoying the tinted glasses, I devored his lips like crazy. Not minding of being in a car anymore. As I pulled away to be able to breath, YongGuk phone vibrated and I gasped. He looked annoyed and threw away his phone on the back seat, attacking my lips once more. Our kiss usually had the taste of wine, intoxicating and the slight drunkness it brings us. As his phone vibrated once again, I pushed him away from my lips.

« You should answer. It could be Hyejeong. » The high school student was watching over our kids tonight, making us able to have that date.

« It's work. I checked. » He dryly explained. I nodded, obviously, YongGuk wouldn't have done that if his babysitter called. Maybe in a parallel universe.

« You can answer. It doesn't bother me. » I said, a last peck as an argument. He sighed and cleared his throat before answering. « Yeah ? »

He listened to a vorciverous man and nodded.  « Yeah I left earlier. » He admitted with a loud groan. As he sighed, I took his hand. He intertwined his fingers with mine  , malaxing my fingers gently. He ended the call and gave me a sorry look.

« My boss is having trouble to build a defense so I must go and help. We have new pieces in the lawsuit and must readjust our argumentory. »

I tried to hide my disappointement with a smile. « Okay. I'll take a taxi back home. Go to work »

He sighed loudly. « I'm sorry. Just I've been busy and now I wanted to have this night with you and ... »

I chuckled. « It's okay, we'll have another occasions to see each other.»

He groaned and sat back quietly against his seat. « Why am I the only one affected ? »

I chuckled, shaking my head. Now, he was really in a bad mood. I raised my hands and rested them on his cheeks. He looked at me curious. «I was really looking forward tonight. But I guess we're unlucky. Remember I'll be alone in my cold bed while you work. »

« You're really bad at comforting people. » I pecked his lips repeatedely and he started to smile and giggle. We kissed like teenagers, with raging hormones and lust. He pulled away with difficulty and gave me a last peck on my cheek. « Okay let me drop you first. »

« YongGuk. You're already in Busan your office is maybe in twenty minutes, you will lose time if you drop me. I'll take a taxi. »

He did his signature grimace with his plump lips and sighed. I went out of the car and started to wait for a taxi. He came to take my hand. « Okay. So, I get there in advance and got to cuddle with you soon. »

He hailed a taxi for me and paid for the ride. We shared a last peck and soon the taxi drove away, leaving YongGuk walking back to his car.

*

Entering the building and getting to my desk, I saw my boss, an old friend of my dad  and  my sister in the meeting room. « Oh you're here ? Gosh we are stuck. »

I greeted them coldly and we started the emergency meeting right now. Then, I went to my personnal office to work immediately, wanting already to go back home. I never had the occasion to call the hotel to tell them we won't make  it. I sighed.  I loved my job but thinking of what I could be doing to my girlfriend right now, I really despited being here. As hours passed, my tiredness became stronger and  I ended up dozzing off on my desk, my report far from being over. Everyone had gone home, knowing of my grumpy habit to work alone. I was woke up by my secretary Hani.

«Oh hi I didn't want to bother. But your sister said that it's urgent. She's really sorry to have make you stay the night for her but you two have to work on some more work together this week.»

*

Kim Sujin, 2nd of February

I didn't see YongGuk for more than 2 weeks. Since our date that was interrupted. We called a few times but he was always grumpy, tired and busy.  Sure, he told me he wasn't always the happy man he seems like. But still, I started to miss our dates together. I've been single for 6 years before meeting him and still love my alone time. Yet I started to develop this sensation ...  missing him. I took the habit to check my phone often to see if he texted or called me. Sometimes, I would just sigh when working,  which my coworkers found both hilarious and overlydramatic.

I didn't realize that my life dating YongGuk will be like this. Waiting for an opportunity to go on a date with him. Just wanting to see him. It was silly. He was living at the end of the road, a ten minutes walk, yet we saw each other less and less.

Getting worried for his state tonight and being so eager to see him, I knocked the door of his house around 10. He looked exhausted yet still smiled to me. « Hey. »

I kissed his lips and noticed right away his burning temperature. « You're working too much. »

« Tell me something I don't know» I nodded and we stayed at the door entrance in an awkward manner. I cleared my throat and took a step back. Why did I come to bother a super busy person ?  « You seem so busy, hmm I'll comeback another day »

He shook his head and grabbed my wrist. « No, could you stay with me for a while ? » His harsh  manner was gone and he seemed eager of my presence here now.

I nodded. « You can keep working. I'll stay for half an hour. »

I ended up on his lap, reading a book he lended me as he was working. He was focused on what he was doing when all of sudden he threw his pen away. «Gosh. I'm screwed. »

I kissed his cheek. « A good night of sleep is necessary then. »

He looked at me with sad eyes. « I would like you to like here with us. Moonah too. So we could spend the evening together and saw each other a lot more. I feel like the days  I can see you properly are so rare. »

I bite my lips, trying to refuse this the most polite way I knew of. « YongGuk... it's »

He looked at me unthrilled. « Okay. I didn't say that. Sorry.»

His look was now harsh and I felt guilty. How was I supposed to say that nicely ? « YongGuk, I never ever lived with a man before. This offer is so sudden. I mean it's exciting but I want a little time to think about it. Plus we need to talk seriously about how we'll get organized money wise. I can't afford to pay half of your house rent. I'm pretty sure»

He blushed and ran his hand on his face. « Of course. Sorry. I don't know why I'm being so moody with you. And for your information, you wouldn't have to pay any rent, this house it's mine.»

« It's okay. I know you're stressed out. » I tried to comfort him by hugging him gently. I would be lying if I said that  my heart didn't  ache to see him overwhelmed with work. I sighed and tried to smile. « Hey you have time for a proper meal ? I have some beef soup at home, you'll love that. »

« I had noodles earlier. » He stated with sad eyes. I shool my head, in disapprouval. « That's not a proper meal. Let me come back. »

I went back home and took a bowl of soup, I used his oven to heaten it and soon came back to him with it. He gave me a smile yet I knew the heart wasn't here.

 I'm sure he feels lonely and gloomy these days. As he was eating the soup with appetite, I caressed the nape of his neck and we stayed this way in silence. He didn't have to voice out how he's feeling these days. I felt suddenly useless, he was bigger than me, how was I supposed to protect him from his own demons ? I stared at him while he was eating. He is more exhausted and his dark circles proved it. Soon, he ended up drinking the rest of the soup and put the bowl back on the table. « Delicious. »

« You're welcome, my darling. » I kissed the crook of his neck and finally I got a smile of him. He looked so nice with that smile on. And knowing that I was the person that made him smile I felt even happier. I butterfly kissed him so he'll giggle. I ended up hugged him. Now I had another goal in my life, make this guy happy. He laughed and I smiled. « Finally, you laughed. »

« Sometimes I can't smile for weeks but have to fake for Taeyang you know. It would be so nice, to wake up with you in my bed. I think I'll start my day with a smile. But I'll wait for you to be ready, I know I'm rushing things. »

I kissed his lips. « Can I have a pen and a piece of paper ? » He gave me what I needed and I started to draw myself holding hands with him, both of us smiling brightly. I made sure to be faithful to his gummy smile, the little freckles he had here and here, his pouty lips. And I was over, I  gave it to him. He stared at it a long time before thanking me. I pecked his cheek and he gave me a smile.

I kissed him softly. I let him lift me and put me on his lap. He kissed me for a while and laughed softly, face hiding in my hair. «Gosh I don't even have time to kiss you, let alone spend a night with you. »

Moonah was asleep and  I had left a little note to her. I had my cellphone with me so she could call me if she woke up. I stayed until midnight with him. I massaged his back while he was working and hugged him tighly afterwards. I was getting asleep when he patted my shoulder. « Hey you're asleep. Let me bring you home. »

I stood up and grabbed my jacket. « No way, you're staying here. I can walk to my house alone. »

«But-. »

I narrowed my eyes. « You always like to linger around. YongGuk, do what you have to do, I promise you we'll have a great date together next time. »

He nodded in defeat and I pecked a last time his lips.

*

I was drawing after my daughter left for school and soon someone banged on the door quite strongly. I left my desk and went to open the door. I looked at the person knocking, quite shocked.

« Taeyang ? » I said bewilered. She was still in pajamas, tangled hair and crying. She should be at school at this hour, something was wrong.

« Dad is sick. » She said to me her voice shaking. We both ran to the house holding hands and she lead me to his bedroom.  I looked at YongGuk and got worried. « YongGuk ? »

I shook his body and he stayed asleep, mumbling yet burning in fever, his body shaking and sweating. I checked his breath and it was normal too. I sighed and started to look at the pills on his bedstand. Sleeping pills. Depression pills. I bite my lips. I tried to keep calm and called 119. « It's okay the ambulance is coming. You did so well calling for me okay ? »

She nodded and came to hug me. The 911agents entered the house and we both went out of the room waiting for them to inform us.I had the life savior idea to packing a small bag for him, with his phone, some clothes and underwear. «Is he a very busy person ? With a lot of responsabilities ? »

I nodded.

« Okay his body just told me agressively to calm down. It's a burn out. He's not getting enough rest. Don't worry okay ? »

We entered the 911 car, wtahcing  over his body. Taeyang held his hand bravely, studying her dad pale features. As we arrived to the hospital, they brought YongGuk in a room to take care of him and removed her hand quite harshly. I sighed loudly, trying to calm myself. I had to take care of Taeyang right now. I had no right to panic. I took her hand and we went to sit down on a bench. « Dad. Dad is he going to die and leave me alone ? »

« No he's just very tired. The doctors they are making him better. » She nodded, lips quivering. I felt my heart crush. No children should see that. I hugged her softly. « Taeyang,I'm here okay. You can cry all you want. I'm here to take care of you while your dad is asleep. »

She nodded and hided her head against my chest. I ran my hand in her hair, trying to soften her sobbs. « It's okay. Everything will be okay darling. I know you must be terrified but he's just exhausted. He needs to rest a lot." I rocked her body in my arms, trying to stop her sobbs. I ended up covering her head with my sweater, like Moonah liked to be hugged, trying to make her feel better.

As she was asleep against my chest, the nurses came for me. « Are you his ex wife ? »

« No I'm his girlfriend. »

« Do you know his family ? Relatives ? »

I thought about YongMi and excused myself to call her. I gently lied down Taeyang on the bench, with my sweater to cover her up. She opened her eyes and I shook my head. "Sleep, my sweety. Don't worry about anything, okay ?" As she nodded weakly, I kissed her forehead. I went to the end of the corridor to call Yongmi, still having to keep on eye on Taeyang.

As I ended the call, the nurse approached me. "I've called his sister, she's coming, is he okay ?"

« He's okay. He need full rest. A burn out, it's sadly common nowadays, too much workload it can kill someone. But what's bad is that he took sleeping pills and depression pills on his own, he took too much of the first ones as they were becoming uneffective, he didn't do an overdose but wasn't far from it. Well, we cleaned his stomach and now he's resting. He could sleep for a while before getting up."

I thanked her for what she was doing and came back to Taeyang. She woke up as I put her head on my lap. « Dad ? »

« He's fine, just sleeping. Like Sleeping Beauty, he have to sleep for a while,  so then when he'll wake  up he'll be full of energy. »

« What happened ?  Is it because his Boss give him too much work to do ?» Taeyang asked me, really serious.

I was bewilered but tried to stay calm. She was really observative for a 6 years old. But she was the one living with him after all. It's normal that she feels all of that.  « Taeyang, your dad had a lot of things to do and it was ...  overwhelming for him. »

She nodded softly. I kissed her forehead and realized the nurses eyes on us, whispering. I hated that. Soon a woman came to us and I shivered looking at her status , childcare. I thought well about the situation, a dad that did an burn out, supposely live only for work, his little girl looking like a mess because no one took care of her this morning. I bite my lips.I was with my joggings and Taeyang with her pyjamas dress. Nonely washed. I brutally stood up and lifted her in my hands. « Hey we should eat something ? »

I lead her to the convenient store. I gave to Taeyang a soup, hoping that she would eat. She ate really well. She musn't have eat breakfast. It was now past noon. I gave her a piece of chocolate bread and  with the brush I just bought I detangled her hair and braided it. She was already looking less neglected. She inpected my simple braid resting on her left shoulder and thanked me coldly. "I think Dad is better at making braids than you."

I chuckled and pinched her cheeks. "I totally agree !" We came back to the hospital with a lighter heart, still in pyjamas but I made her brush her teeths in the toilets and face her face. She seemed to feel better too. When I sat back in front of the room, the nurses told me that YongMi was in the room.  I was denied access to his room because I wasn't a relative so I waited outside while Taeyang ran in his room. I could hear YongMi cry and was surprised when Taeyang came back to me running.  « Auntie is crying. Are you sure that dad is not dead ? »

I welcomed her against my chest and placed my hands on her cheeks. « Taeyang, listen carefullly. I know it's really frightening that your dad is in a hospital bed but he's really tired. He needs to sleep, you don't have to worry about him being there, afterwards he's going to be alright. I promise. »

She nodded. «Taeyang, you're very brave. Be patient. By tomorrow I swear that your dad will be up. »

« He will give me a hug ? » She asked, worried. I winked at her and she finally smiled. « Okay. »

I wiped her tears with the tissues and made her blow her nose too. I hugged her small body against mine and kissed her forehead. As a child, this situation  could only be terrifying and an adult needed to clearly say that her dad is fine.  Feeling some eyes on me, I raised my eyes. YongMi was looking at me with teary eyes.

« Taeyang, would you buy a candy for auntie, she'll really tired ? » We gave her some bills and showed her the little store and she went there running.

« Thanks for everything you've done. » YongMi said. « You even take care of Taeyang, it's really nice of you. »

«She came knocking at my door telling me that her dad kept sleeping. » I explained briefly.

«I'll take the lead from here. I'll take her home. » She said, with a exhausted voice.

I widened my eyes and shook my head. « You can stay here. I'll take care of Taeyang. She'd feel more comfortable like this. I took the keys with me. We shouldn't break her routine and you surely want to check on your brother.»

YongMi nodded. « Gosh, if you're willing to do that, you're an angel »

I laughed awkwardly. « It's nice of you, I just want to help. I know you're a parent too. Is he still sleeping ? »

« Yeah, YongGuk accumulates so much, insomnia, overload of work and stress and depression. You might be an angel but you can't cure so much. Dad wanted him to take care of the law firm alone, YongGuk never wanted this but didn't said no. That's why we're here, right ? A total burn out. They say he might wake up tomorrow.»

Taeyang came back with candies for the three of us, she sat between us and soon looked at me. « Do you think Dad will wake up on the morning ? »

I winked to her " Only time will tell us ? »

We ate our snack together and I decided that it was time for us to leave. I explained to Taeyang that she needed to say goodbye to her dad because we were going back home and I was surprised when she came back a few minutes after entering. She didn't make a scene. As we took the elevator, she stared at me for a while. I smiled to her and she nodded in a cute way.  « Would you sleep next to me tonight? »

I grinned. I had her trust now. « Yeah. If you want to. »

*

This night I entered YongGuk house and prepared the meal for the girls here. We briefly explained to Moonah what happened and she hugged her bestfriend so tighly that YongMi sttarted to cry. I only looked at them with a smile. YongMi looked at me with confused eyes but shrugged whn I asked her if something was wrong.

We ate in a good atmosphere. Sure, her dad wasn't here but his presence was all over here. It felt as if he was just working for a trial in his study room. I sighed as the night came. I bathed the girls together. Taeyang had forget a little about her dad and I smiled, being in  a familiar space instead of an hospital really helped on that.  Soon I looked at his room. The bedsheets were wrinkled. I changed the bedsheets, wanting to give a fresh vibe to the room. I looked at the girls lie on the bed and I looked at them hug each other softly. Moonah looked concerned for Taeyang and eager to comfort her. "Time for bed now !"  I turned off the lights. « Aunt Sujin ? »

« I always sleep with the door open. And with the bunny lamp that is in my room. » She said, ashamed. I laughed. And did as told. I pecked her forehead. « Goodnight Taeyang. »

She mumbled something that I didn't hear and as I asked her to repeat, she articulated clearly. « You have to say Sleep well so you shine brightly tomorrow. »

I repeated her words and she finally cessated her demands. I caressed her hair and soon both were asleep. I smiled. YongGuk called her like this because he wanted the sun to shine brightly over him, I called my daughter Moonah so she'd be my moon, my reasons to not be afraid of nights alone anymore. I smiled as even in this, we looked like each others.

I had not an ounce of sleep inside me and turning on my left side, I widened my eyes looking at his bedstand. This morning, I didn't have time to notice it. He took the time to frame my drawing of us to put it on his bedstand. So I woke up and went to draw on his couch, utterly surprised by this cute discovery.  Finding YongGuk in this state, it shook me. I took a deep breat and started to draw him. I used the photo of him and his daughter in the living room and draw his happy face. I had to erase this morning view of my head. When I was finished, I looked at my drawing.

I could never captur the feeling around his smiling face, the specific warmness of it, it's impossible to draw this, to catch all the light and aura he had around him while smiling. His interpretation of happiness was so magnificient that I doubt any drawer could portray the all aura he had around him, no matter their talents or the numerous attempts to do it.

I looked at the wavy paper and frowned. I quickly realized that big tears were rolling on my cheeks and falling on my drawing making the paper wavy. I wiped them away in a quick manner and accorder myself 5 minutes to calm down.

I added an sentence to my drawing  and went to sleep. Now I feel a little better.

The morning came and I send Moonah to school, keeping Taeyang asleep for now. YongMi came back at night to sleep here and was now sitting in the kitchen , looking at me cook. « He's been drained by work. Dad is being an with him. He's very talented so everyone wants him to work on their lawsuits but humanly he's so weak, he can't say no. I feel so guilty. I've been so busy taking care of the twins and my big bay plus my husband. I should still have in mind he's a single parent. Gosh. »

"Don't tortur yourself. It happened; let's just make sure it never happens twice." She nodded and drank her coffee. Taeyang came to see us and ran to her aunt. « Hey my little sun !! »

« Is daddy awake ? » YongMi shook her head with a smile. Taeyang suddenly scoffed. « It' all because of grandpa. I heard you, said that he gave my dad too much work. I want to talk with him. Right now. »

YongMi seemed surprised yet nodded. « Okay let's take a bath and we'll call him. »

As they came back, I looked at her hair and felt bothered not seeing them braided. I approached her and braided quickly her hair, to pin it with a butterfly. Taeyang giggled touching the butterfly. "You're getting better."

I smiled to her. « Of course Taeyang !!! Oh YongMi I'm staying here. I prepared a meal for the three of you. It should be hot until the end of the day so no worries. Try to make him eat some when he woke up. I know my soup is better in taste that the hospital one. »

I handed her the mealnox  I prepared and suddenly got hugged by Yongguk's sister.   « Thanks Sujin you've been a really great help here. »

Here a quite sad chapter !! I hope the story is still enjoyable for you guys, thanks for your comments and for reading my story :)

Have a nice day/night !