Yoongi grabs me by one hand just as Tae grabs the other.

"Let go- she needs to come help me fly the plane."

"No, she needs to come home so that she's safe!"

"She'd be safe if you let her come with me!"

"I will shoot you."

"Not if I shoot you first!"

"Oh god, I'm literally standing right between you- don't do this now!"

"Taehyung, you moron, you forgot- oh, hey Yoongi. off."

"Oh, hello Woozi." He replies steely.

"No, you were supposed to say off back- it's kind of like our inside joke-"

"You think we have an inside joke?"

"I think we're definitely more than strangers- at this point, we're like friends."

"All the times I've ever talked to you, I've wanted you dead- have you ever heard of something called an 'enemy'?"

"I don't believe in enemies- all I believe in is friends who need to off- and that's you-"

"I hate to stop the chit chat, boys, but Woozi, some assistance would be appreciated. Dumb and dumber are LITERALLY ABOUT TO RIP MY ARMS OFF."

"Okay feisty, calm down." He twists both their arms and they let go.

"What are you doing here anyways? Shouldn't you be on defense?"

"Yeah, but some forgot the keys to the plane."

"I told you to grab those."

"No, you didn't." I narrow my eyes.

"Go find the security footage. I did."

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but it's just security cameras, not audio. Even if there was some sort of recording, you wouldn't have been able to hear your two lone voices over everything."

"." He snickers.

"Shut up!" He growls.

"So... uh, what are we gonna do now?" I rub my arms, as they still hurt a little.

"You're coming home with me. Your mom is waiting. Jimin and Mark too-"

"We're going to New York, and we're going to start filing paperwork away so Namjoon doesn't murder us-"

I look at Woozi helplessly, not wanting to go either.

"I mean, I'm going to the gas station. Do you want to come with me?"

"Will you buy me skittles?"

"Sure. I'll buy you a bag."

"Five bags."

"Three." He compromises and I nod.

"Alright, toodles boys. Woozi and I are going to go get skittles."

"Haha, what?"

"ing loopholes, es. You gave me two choices, and I pick the third."

"Y/N, ah, wait, are you really thinking this through?"

" it."

"Woozi, please watch your mouth. There are children here." He says as he glances at Tae.

"Don't be rude."

"Don't be ugly."

"No, really, guys. Let's just... you know, it."

"Sorry, group stuff is not really my thing- I think CL is into that though if you give her a call-"

"Look. There's a seven out of seven chance that I'll be shot, and a five out of seven chance that the building is gonna collapse."

"How'd you get those numbers?"

"Um, have you even paid ANY attention to what's been going on? Whether I was there or not, I got shot seven times for this bull, and then five out those seven times, I had to make my way out of a building that was about to crush me. And no, people do not give you a break just because you've already been shot once."

"Hey, you're not supposed to talk about that. You're breaking the fourth wall."

"Whether I do it or not, the building is probably going to collapse anyways. 71% is not a good average."

"I don't exactly think this is cannon, anyways. I mean, 'ing loopholes, es'? Seems kind of sketch."

"If this isn't canon, give us a sign."

...

"Hm. I guess it is- OH ." I exclaim as suddenly the two other boys collapse.

"And there you have it folks. This is absolute bull."

"So like, skittles?"

"Yeah, why the hell not. Let's go." He extends his hand and I take it as I step over Tae and Yoongi's sleeping figures.

I don't let go as he pulls me through the halls.

"So, seven times... Mm. I guess someone is going to shoot me soon." He shrugs. "Get ready for me to and complain."

"I'm pretty sure you're already ing and complaining, so your warning is a tad late."

"Okay, so what now?"

"Um, gun time." I point to the officers.

"Over the barricades, and then my Mercedes is parked around the corner."

"You have a ing Mercedes?"

"No, just the regular kind."

"Hey, you two, hands above your head!"

"Um, I promised her skittles. She's not much fun when she's angry."

"Hands up or I'll shoot!"

"Don't be ing crazy, Woozi. Put them up." I say as I raise my own above my head.

"Again, just regular crazy."

"Stop talking, now! This is your final warning."

"Get down on your knees!"

"Haha, that's what she said-"

"!" I double over as my stomach erupts in pain.

"What are you doing? That's Y/N! The person we're here to save!"

".... I'm so getting fired."

"Hm. I guess seven out of eight isn't bad." He smiles smugly.

"Was that stupid joke worth it, Woozi? I'm ing bleeding, but you got a good laugh out of it- was it worth it?"

"Very. Now come on, pick yourself up. We have to go."

"You're a ing , Woozi, you know that?"

"Yes, yes- I'm not the regular kind-"

"If I had a gun I would shoot you right now."

"Okay! And over the barricade we go!"

"I just got shot and you want me to jump over a ing barricade?"

"Did I stutter?"

"I'm not doing that."

"I'll get you 5 bags of skittles, total."

"Ten."

"Seven." He said quickly, noticing the police were starting to close in.

"Deal." I carefully hoist myself over, but the pain when my feet hit the ground is enough to make me fall to my knees.

"We don't have time for this!" He grabs my arm, pulling me up onto my feet before holding me in his arms as he starts to run.

We arrive at his car and he puts me down with a wheeze.

"God damn. You're heavy."

"I'm actually underweight for my height, so you can shut the up."  I say, reaching to open the passenger side.

The door is around a third open when he stops me with a whimper.

"What?" I ask curiously.

"I have white leather interior seats."

"I'm bleeding to death on the sidewalk right now, and you're going to make me walk because you don't want me to stain your seats?"

He bites his lip and looks at me. "Don't say it like that. You're going to make me feel guilty."

"Oh. Really." I scoff, holding onto my stomach.

"Can you just... pretend to feel a little bad?" He bites his lip as he gets a towel from the trunk and lays it across the seat.

"Oh, I'm so sorry I got shot because of your stupid 'that's what she said' joke and now I'm getting your seats bloody because you've manned up-"

"Take that back." He growls as he starts the car.

"Sorry. You've always been manly." I suddenly back off, remembering how he was teased for being a runt.

"No, you - the 'that's what she said' joke was ing hilarious, and I won't except anything less than that."

"You're trying to pick a fight with me because I didn't think your joke was funny?" I can't help but giggle lightly.

"Do I look like I'm ing around?" He asks, turning his head to look at me.

"Look at the road- the road- the road!" I lunge forward, snapping his head into position so he looks at where we're going instead. If he could almost run a red light, he could get us into an accident super easily.

"Do you want to move to Alaska with me?"

"Alaska? Why Alaska?"

"There's snow and ."

"Canada has snow and ."

"Okay, but Alaska is more specific. Where in Canada do you suggest?"

"I don't know... it's kind of a big place and no one really knows about the up north half-"

"Yellowknife?"

"Huh?"

"I guess it's Alaska then."

"Let's get a husky."

"A husky?"

"Did I stutter?"

"No, I guess."

"So, is the plan go to the gas station, the airport, and then Alaska?"

"What about your regular kind Mercedes?"

"Mm, the police are following us. They've probably got my licence plate anyways."

"The police are what???" I jerk my head to look behind me, and sure enough, eight or nine cars back there is a car trailing us.

"Red light!" He warns.

"What?" I turn around just in time to smash into the dashboard.

"Oh !" I groan, blood splattering lightly.

"Put on your ing seatbelt next time, how bout that."

"Fine- it just hurts."

"I'll buy bandaids." He says as we pull into a gas station. "It's a clean cut, right?"

"Yeah, the bullet is gone."

"Mint. I'll be back." He winks and hops out of the car. "If the police come, come into the store with me. They shouldn't, since traffic is crazy, but just as a warning. We can take an uber or something."

"Okay." I sigh softly.

~~~~~~~~~~

"That was definitely the weirdest uber ride of my life."

"Have you ever ridden in an uber?"

"No, but that was pretty weird, wasn't it?"

"Yes." I admit. "His comment about bleeding being a redeemable quality in women was scary enough."

“I mean, yeah, I like them when they’re alive too but I don’t gotta say it every time I see a girl get cut-”

 

“This conversation is over.”

 

“Huh? Why?”

 

“Because children are staring at us. Between the hundreds of bandaids I’m wearing and the conversation we’re having, we’re really in the middle of ‘get kicked off the plane’ territory.”

 

“Fine. At least wear a blanket or something to cover the bandaids.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Um, there is literally nothing here.” I say as I walk into our house.

 

“Yeah.” He nods.

 

“No, I mean, like, there is nothing here. I got like, literally three things from the convenience store because that’s all they had. I haven’t met our neighbors, because I don’t even know where their houses are. Furthermore, there’s all of three different places we can go work.”

 

“Um, we’re ex-mercenaries. We have money for days.”

 

“But for years?” I raise an eyebrow.

 

“Well, you haven’t used your ASC bank account since you ran away the first time, and I’ve been good about saving up.”

 

“So you’re saying we should just be careful and wing it?”

 

“Yeah.” He shrugs, petting the husky behind the ears.

 

“Wait a minute, Woozi, there’s no one around, right?”

 

“Yes. Now we won’t get shipped off to a prison in Malibu or something. No one will know us.”

 

“That’s exactly the problem- how are we supposed to find dates and have families if we can’t talk to anyone?”

 

“Uuuuuuuuuuummmmmmm-”

 

“Does this mean that we-”

 

“I’m not sure this is such a good idea after all-”

 

“- cause I’m not sure if you’ll be the best influence on my children-”

 

“-sorry to offend, but you’re not my type-”

 

“Excuse me?” I snap. “Are you saying you don’t want to sleep with me?”

 

“In not so many words, yes.”

 

“Are you kidding me? Back at home, everyone wanted to sleep with me- and I do mean everyone. My teacher. My boss. My best friend. Even my ING BROTHER AND YOU CAN’T EVEN IT UP FOR FOUR MINUTES TO CONTINUE THE LINEAGE?”

 

“That was quite the 180-”

 

“NO ONE, AND I MEAN NO ONE SAYS THEY DON’T WANT TO SLEEP WITH ME WITHOUT ACTUALLY SLEEPING WITH ME!”

 

“Well, I guess if I don’t have a choice-”

“I’LL ING SHOW YOU!”

 

“-oh no, please don’t. Like, please don’t. I’m so regretful. Oh no.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“Jimmy, don’t you ing touch that- Sarah, what did I say about harassing the dog? WAIT CRANBERRY THAT ISN’T JUICE.”

 

“Remind me why I let you name the baby Cranberry?” I lift the child off the floor and away from the bleach.

 

“It’s strong. Feminine. Intimidating.”

 

“It’s ing Cranberry. This kid is going to have her kicked in school.”

 

“Mommy said a no-no word-”

 

“Oh really, you little snitch? Your father says whatever he wants but then you hear mom drop one little f-bomb and suddenly I’m satan? Do you know I carried your heavy around for 9 months before pushing you out of-”

 

“Alright kids, time for bed!” He calls, saving me from an arguement with our son. “Y/N, I’ll take the older half- you look after Sarah and the twins.”

 

“Okay.” I sigh, picking up Cranberry’s twin brother from the pile of toys. “Sarah! Bed time!”

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

“I really do think Cranberry is dumb. We still have time to change it- she doesn’t know her name yet.”

 

“The kids know. You really think they’ll let her forget?” He says and I groan.

 

“This is definitely not how I saw our lives going when we moved to Alaska.”

 

“What, married with a dog and seven kids?”

 

“No, married with a dog and seven spawns of satan to personally torment me everyday.”

 

He laughs at that, a sound I’ve come to be really familiar with over time.

 

“Good night, Y/N. I love you.”

 

“I tolerate you, Woozi.”

And he laughs again, filling the soft night’s air with joy and peace.