People think I'm the bad guy.

 

I cheated on my girlfriend, realized how much I needed her, and then hunted her down and terrorized her.

 

But that was never my intention.

 

I never meant to hurt her. I just wanted to go back to how things were.

 

~~~~~~~

 

We met through school, when I was still attending the public school. We bonded, the two of us being the most excited for our physical examinations. We would always compete to see who could be stronger.

 

And when I was removed from the school in order to lead my own team, I mentioned to my father that she'd be an excellent asset. It wasn't long before she was on my team, and I knew shortly after that I loved her.

 

I got jealous of how much time she'd spend with the squad, but I always reminded myself that it was because we were a squad. We all had to trust each other.

 

And yeah, she and CL spent a lot of time together. Woozi says it's because girls need girl time, but that doesn't explain why she and V have been so close.

 

He better not like her.

 

We became a quartet, the four of us. CL, V, Y/N and I.

 

She was always there. My playmate. My support. My cushion. She even held me as I sobbed and mourned my father.

 

When we started dating, I tried getting V to ask CL out. I thought double dating would be fun.

 

For whatever reason, he refused.

 

Some people think that cheaters don't know what's running through their heads when they cheat. I knew exactly what I was thinking.

 

It was the thinking itself that fell apart.

 

"Namjoon, listen to me! You putting operation into effect, and people could die!" She and I had been fighting for over an hour. What was supposed to be a quick, sign-this-paper-and-let's-go-on-a-date sort of situation turned into our biggest fight.

 

"You listen to me! Sometimes lives are what it takes to benefit everyone as a whole!"

 

"Namjoon, we have no definites with this plan! If we go with our plan B to neutralize the targets, we have a higher survival rate!"

 

"But we also have less chance at success!"

 

She laughs, clearly ready to burst into tears. I want to hug her, but I hold my ground.

 

"Is our image really all that matters to you? Not the fact that the lives that will be lost are people who could've lived, moved on and found happiness? It could be people like V or DK or CL or Rain and you wouldn't care?"

 

"That's different. They're like family to me."

 

"And the people who may die are like family to someone else! Why can't you figure understand how ridiculous you sound?"

 

"I'm thinking like a leader, Y/N. I thought you'd understand."

 

She shakes her head in exasperation. "You know what? You're right. You're the leader, and I'm just second in command. I really don't have any say. I'm just here so it doesn't look like a dictatorship." She grabs my pen, signing it. "There. I won't fight you on it. But just know I won't be taking part in the mission."

 

"We need you, Y/N. You're our ace."

 

"I guess you'll just have to find a new ace. I'm going for a run."

 

"I thought we were going to dinner-"

 

"I need a rain check." She mumbles, leaving.

 

I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. After I was given responsibility over the organization, I had to start looking at the bigger picture and not singular people.

 

Besides, I'm already 14, whereas she's only 12.

 

"Couple problems?" CL asks from the door.

 

"I need you to not mention what just happened."

 

"Fine, I'll do something else then for you."

 

"CL, I'm really not in the mood-"

 

"Well, I'll get you in the mood."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Her hands tug on my shirt, and she pulls it over my head quickly to let her hands run over my muscles. She guides my hands to her torso, helping me slide across her skin.

 

It felt so wrong, but I was so hurt that I just wanted to forget about what had happened. It's not like CL wasn't pretty or anything. There was just no feelings there.

 

"Namjoonie? Um, I uh, wanted to apologize for earlier. I don't think we should let work interfere with our personal lives, so for dinner I was thinking-" she stops as she looks at the two of us. "Oh. Okay." She instantly turns away and shuts the door.

 

"Y/N!" I quickly grab my shirt and throw it back on as CL grunts in frustration.

 

"She doesn't want to see you, clearly. She's already mad, and you hadn't even done anything yet. Might as well finish the job, okay?"

 

I don't listen. I open the door the moment I'm covered, looking left and right for which hall she disappeared down.

 

And that was the last time I saw her.

 

At first, I was upset when a guard reported she had amnesia. She had been captured, and they were transporting her home when she jumped out of the car.

 

But then I realized that this could be our fresh start. This could be my chance to have her fall in love with me again, but without the mistake I made.

 

Not many people get redo’s. So I have to make the most of mine.