I visited Tae as I was told. He told me to cry, I'd feel better- but there was nothing there.

Only a small, dull ache as I realized that the last time I'll ever see Jimin was on that road. The last time I'll ever see Hoseok was in that basement. Yoongi, when I was being chased by the police. Jungkook when he was being detained because of me.

Jin in class.

Mom when she got home late after work to try and support us. Mark, when I told him to leave me alone.

I'm depressed. I'm miserable. Most of the people I love, if not all I'm leaving behind. This is what it feels like to be detained. I was fine until now, as I felt relatively free to do as I wish.

When I come to, there's loud music. I roll over in bed to meet Tae's sleeping face.

Hm, that's why I can hear the bass from three floors higher. I'm in Tae and Woozi's room. I guess I fell asleep when we were together.

Woozi is gone, despite my internal clock telling me it's the early hours of morning. He's probably still partying, conked out between G.D. and Rain as C.L. and other girls take questionable pictures with them.

I try to get up. I need air. I need to go up to the garden, where I can watch the sunrise and be alone. Being underground is so damn claustrophobic.

I start to get up, but Tae groans and pulls me close to him by the waist.

"What are you doing? Stay with me." He mumbles, half asleep.

"I'm going for a walk."

"At this time of night?"

"Come on Tae." I mumble.

"Mmm..." he snuggles his face into my neck.

"Tae." My tone is soft, trying to urge him to wake up gently so he'll let me go.

"Why do you want to leave me so bad?" He asked from his position.

Okay. Maybe this goes against my morals. Maybe this isn't who I am. But I need to get out of here.

I put my hands on either side of his face and pull it away from my neck, making him groan despite me being gentle.

This is nothing. I've kissed people before to make them do as I want. This is okay.

I stare at his face. His eyes are shut, crunched close in frustration as I move him around slightly.

Maybe I've done this before. But this time feels different. He loves me. He'd never hurt me.

What if I want to kiss him for more than personal gain?

I lean in, gently placing my lips on his. He is still for a few moments, before his eyes shoot open in shock and he let's go of me quickly. He stares at me as I quickly get off, putting my shoes on and starting to go.

"Y/N-"

"We'll talk later, okay?" I say, quickly grabbing my things and leaving.

I head up to the roof, finding my favourite place. The air is cool. Clean. I don't know how much longer I can enjoy it though. This is the main base we had always had, with my home town being not too far away. But this is it. Who knows when we'll be ready to go? I don't exactly have all the time in the world to enjoy this moment.

I breathe in once, and then exhale slowly.

And every breath takes me closer to when I will leave them behind.

~~~~~~~~~~~

He had had the letter for about a week now.

He hadn't opened it. He couldn't.

He was afraid.

What if it was something dark? A suicide note, a poem about the horrors she survived, or maybe a list of what she talked about in therapy.

He needed to open it. He needed to stop consuming himself in his grief and find out what she had left behind.

"Stop! Don't start the timer yet! Mr. Kim, are you in there? Mr. Kim!"

"Class is cancelled. Skip if you want." He said, opening the door.

"Huh?"

"Go to McDonald's or something. I'm cancelling class today."

"But Mr. Kim-"

He shuts the door, returning to his desk.

Okay. It's time.

He opens it carefully, not damaging the envelope at all.

There's pages and pages of handwritten notes.

He takes a deep breath before beginning.

If you're reading this, I'm dead.

His eyes go wide, and he can feel his heart shatter.

Just kidding stupid. I'm probably fine.

I really wish I could've seen your face. I bet you were acting like a little . (I'm kidding don't be mad)

Okay. So for real, if you're reading this, then that means that it was found when I disappeared or something. I guess I'm with the A.S.C. or something. I hope they have skittles.

If in some case, I'm not gone and some snitch has gone through my to give this to you then I need to teach them a lesson. (Text me their address cause boi ain't gon be able to walk home once I'm done with him)

He smiles. It's like having Y/N right with him. Her foolish jokes. The way she liked to express herself.

So why am I writing you right now? Well, I could be doing a lot of other things. For example, literally anything else. I could be grocery shopping. I could be studying. Playing games. Training. Locking Jimin outside and then eating his bagel as he can only stare in horror from outside (that one is a little darker I must admit).

But I think I owe you this much. Assuming I am with the A.S.C., there is a very huge chance that you and I will never see each other again. And just leaving our relationship as it is bugs me. I feel like I haven't fulfilled my debt (even though I'm not in debt because like you totally deserved the broken arm).

Jin, you were one of the few people that I've met that saw me as someone with potential. For the most part, no one ever saw me as a person that had skills. No one saw me as someone with interests. A personality. I guess you could say they never saw me as a person.

But you saw past the stupid face I put up. You wanted to help me. You wanted me to be the best person I could be. You wanted to get to know more about me.

I'm not sure if its ever crossed your mind, but I haven't had friends in years. It just doesn't work. But you changed that. Jin, you're my first friend since the accident. And you've helped me in so many ways.

I made more friends because of you too. I wouldn't have known Kookie if you hadn't punished me that day. And don't be arrogant, but I think you're right after all. Having a few friends DOESN'T hurt. You just have to pick the right ones.

You've always wanted the best for me. You've pushed me to succeed, and to do my best in both work and my life.

You always used to say "When I read what you write, I see sparks of brilliance that die before they can become a flame." You and I both knew I was holding myself back because I was worried people would talk about my actual grades.

My parting gift to you is my actual writing (enjoy responsibly, you ing nerd) and remember that you're my best friend and I love you.

~Y/N

I love you. The words he had wanted to hear but knew he couldn't.

He wipes tears that had fallen down his cheeks. I love you. He had prayed that something would happen and he could hear her say those words to him.

He had gotten what he wanted. But why did it hurt so bad?

~~~~~~~~~~

"Y/N!"

"Huh?" I snap out of my daze and look around.

"I've been calling you from down the hall." He jogs and catches up. "How are you?"

"Tired. I was going to go to sleep."

"Why don't we go get coffee? I'll treat."

"Not feeling it. I appreciate the gesture though." I smile and start to turn away but he grabs my wrist.

"Y/N, wait!"

"Woozi?" I look at him curiously. I don't understand.

"I really need to talk to you and I'd feel a lot better if it was before we left."

"What's wrong?"

"You are."

"Woozi? I don't understand. What do you mean by 'I'm wrong'?"

"Come. I'll explain everything if you let me."

"Okay." I shrug. I really don't want to socialize, but this clearly matters a lot to him.

He leads me to a small sitting room I'm not familiar with. I can easily figure it isn't used much.

"So?" I look at him.

"V... he's told you about a lot of things, I know. Even some things I myself don't know about. They never told us why you left. They just said we had to bring you home." He looks down. "We were only ever following orders." He looks up at me again. "Y/N, did he ever explain the 'cliques' through our years together? Our relationships?"

"He said that you and I were two peas in a pod once upon a time."

"We were. If you couldn't be with Namjoon, you were with V and I. We were the three musketeers. And then, you and Namjoon took over the organization and there just wasn't time for anything anymore."

"I'm sorry."

"I don't blame you." He puts his hand on my knee. "Someone had to. He couldn't do it alone. And you were the only person who could take his crazy ideas and bring him back to earth."

"And even then I couldn't always fix him." I murmur, thinking about our last handful of fights.

"He may come off as rash and destructive, but he has a good heart. It's why we stay." He explained. "It's why you stayed for as long as you did. Look. I don't know what made you leave us. No one does, except for you, CL, V, and Namjoon. No one else can figure it out. And any speculation is quickly... 'put to rest'."

"Woozi, what is this about?"

"Our team is a unit. We all know each other. We love each other. We're a family. We've taken bullets for each other before and would do it again without a second thought because we just don't have anyone else. Y/N, because we're a family, we know each other like the backs of our hands. And that means we know when something is off."

"If this is another lecture about why I should eat better and go out more I'm not interested-" I stand to leave and he grabs me.

"Was I finished?"

"You don't have to be. I am."

"Was. I. Finished?" He asks again.

"No."

"Then sit. You owe me this much." He says and I sigh and join him.

"Y/N, even though we grew apart and didn't talk as much, I still know you extremely well. You tuck your hair behind your ear when you're focused. When you're nervous, your knee bounces because you want to get up and run away." He reaches over and stops the tapping I wasn't even aware of doing.

"I know that you remember everything. And I know that Taehyung was the one that told you and he's done something since you two have been acting weird since. I'm not going to tell you to fix your physical habits- well, it wouldn't hurt if you started eating at least once a day- but I think you need to fix everything up top."

"And how do you suggest I do that?"

"Well, for starters, you need to figure out all your problems. The first one is your love life. I'm no psychic but I don't have to be to know you've got guy troubles. I'm not saying its your top priority, but I'm saying top 5. Maybe closer to top 3."

"And what do you think my top problem is?" I ask softly.

"You had a reason for leaving. And I have no doubt that it was a good one. I know you're now aware of that reason, so now you have to decide whether or not you still want to leave. It'd be smart of you to do so quickly as well. With the chaos of packing up and ensuring all sensitive documents are kept safe and intact the guards won't notice a small girl like you slip through the gates." He looks down. "We missed you. But you're not like us. We don't have families to go home to. But you do."

"Woozi... you're surprisingly a very rational person."

"I'm much more than just a snack fetcher." He smiles softly at me, pulling me into a tight hug that we hold for a few seconds. "Don't force yourself to do anything. Okay? Once you work out all your problems, then eating will come back naturally. As will your annoyingly social side."

"That was touching until the annoyingly social part."

"Speaking of touching, we've been hugging for way to long-"

"Oh. Hey you two." Namjoon opens the door and we pull away. "What are you doing in mother's library?"

"We needed a quiet place to talk."

"And this room is often quiet." He looks at it, his brain somewhere else. "If you're done with Y/N, may I have her now?"

"If you wish. I should get back to packing." He stands. "Thank you for your time."

"I think I owe you the thanks, Woozi." I nod to him in appreciation.

"Don't mention it." He cracks a smile and leaves.

"V came and saw me not too long ago."

"That's nice."

"It actually wasn't. He only confirmed what I thought."

"And what was that?"

"That you're depressed." He sighs.

"Wow, this is getting repetitive. No worries Namjoon. I've got it. I've got to eat more but not force myself and go out more but not force myself and figure out all my problems-"

"That's not what I'm trying to say." He stops me. "It's your family, isn't it?" He sighs and puts his hands on the window sill and looks out.

"..."

"You wanted to see them. V said you were homesick. And it's true. You're not being yourself and you just can't keep a bird in a cage forever. It needs a chance to spread its wings and fly. You've been caged too long, and that's my fault. I was foolish to think I could trap you here and we'd be as we were. I still want you to come to New York with us. But I can offer you one week before we go."

"You're letting me leave?"

"I want to see you smile. To laugh. You've gotten so scarily thin recently. Go home. Have some of your mom's cooking. Calm your agent. We'll come get you before we leave."

"When? How?"

"We'll find a way." He promises.

"Really?" My voice cracks. I can go see my mother.

"If you get your stuff, V and I will drop you off now."

I nod, rushing and pulling him into a hug. He may have hurt me before. But I don't think he's a bad person. Bad people don't just change overnight.

He hugs me back. "Okay. Run along."

~~~~~~~~~

"We're getting close. Call them so you don't have to wait long. You shouldn't have to wait for their pick up."

"We can wait for them to get there."

"Yoongi will try to arrest you. You don't need that."

"Here. It's my cell." Tae tosses it into the back seat.

"It's always so much fun picking what you come up as on the caller ID on your phone." I murmur, making my selection.

"What'd you pick?"

" 'I literally don't have time for this pick up' ." I say as I put it to my ear.

"Why so long?"

"I felt like it?"

"Who is it?" He growled over the phone.

"Don't be bitter. You know the train station 20 minutes away from my house? I'll be there in ten minutes. Send someone to come get me."

"Wha- Y/N, really? What's the catch?"

"Don't worry, okay? Just trust me."

"Oh, can we hit Taco Bell first?"

"We need to get there before the cops do-"

"We'll be quick."

"Okay, we'll be at the train station in fifteen minutes." I roll my eyes. "We're going to Taco Bell."

"We're on our way. Be safe okay?"

"Okay, Yoongi. Relax man. You sound like you haven't slept in weeks."

"I haven't." He grumbled.

"Okay, we'll talk shortly. I promise. It'll be fine." I say before we end the call and toss the phone back to Tae.

"Thanks."

"No problem." He smiles and I catch Namjoon staring at me in the rearview mirror. He seems worried, but I give him a reassuring smile.

~~~~~~

"Be safe. I'll see you in around a week." He holds me in a tight hug.

"You act like we're never seeing her again." He rolls his eyes before pulling me into a hug as well. "Be safe kiddo."

"Thanks. I'll see you both soon." I smile at them and they slowly leave.

It's only minutes before Hoseok pulls up on his motorcycle, jumping off and rushing towards me.

There's more hugs, frantic checks to make sure I'm okay, and smiles as he comes to me. I know he wonders what happened while I was gone but he doesn't pressure me to tell it now. He let's me wait until we get home.

There's more hugs and tears as we enter the house. Mom kisses my cheeks and wipes her tears and scolds me for being careless before Mark and Jimin take turns calling me an idiot and hugging me.

Yoongi hugs me too, and he holds the longest and the tightest.

When everyone is done crying and hugging, we sit down in the living room and I start to talk. I explain everything. Well, most things.

I don't mention why I left in the first place. I don't tell them where we were. I don't tell them that I might leave again. But I tell them that the people are okay and I've been okay and yes I've been eating, and yes I'm thin but I'm okay and everything they want to hear.

My family never let's go of me. One of them is always tightly holding my hand. I guess they're scared I'll disappear again. But I feel like a different person. I am a different person. I'm not scared of anything anymore.

They should be the ones scared of me.