In Which We Stayed Together

Park Chorong

“Unnie, what she is doing here?  Is she trying to hit on you again?”  Hayoung bombarded me with questions when I approached.

Naeun glanced at me.  There was a disappointment in her eyes.

I ran into her and hugged her, sobbing and tearing up as I buried my head in her shoulder.

I saw Hayoung got relaxed.  Her fury slowly turned into a sympathy.  I felt them.  They must be really worried seeing me with Bomi again.  They knew how Bomi treated me so badly in the past.  Neglecting and torturing me with her selfishness, and now she showed up and came back to me, it must be worrisome for them.

They loved me and did not want anyone to hurt me.  I did not blame Hayoung for reacting that way.

“Unnie, I am sorry for what I did.”  Hayoung wrapped her arms around us.  Joint the embrace.

“It’s okay, Hayoung-ah…  It must be shocked you.  You just don’t know the situation.  I’ll explain everything after you get your room.”  I wiped my tears and ushered them to get the room.

It was a bit uneasy to explain my relationship with Bomi to them.  But I needed to.  They had to know that I was happy now, and all I wanted was Bomi.  They might against us, but I would not get wavered.  I wanted to stay together with Bomi in this rough road even it meant that we would have an us against the world.

“So, what happened?”  Naeun asked when they already got the room.

We gathered on a small living room inside the bungalow.

Naeun seated beside me, holding my hands, while Hayoung sat across me with uneasy feeling.

“I did not know that I could meet her here…”  I murmured.

They silenced, willing to listen my words until the end.

“We accidently met.  I never thought that we would meet again—especially in this place,” I continued.  “I thought I would run away and avoided to meet her once we bump into each other, but it was wrong.  She gravitated me closer to her side.  When I first saw her there, mindlessly I approached her and even let her come to me again.”

“I thought you already getting used to live without her.” Hayoung blurted out.  She was still upset about the fact I let Bomi presented in my life again.

“If you know that I am struggling, Hayoung-ah.  Perhaps I look okay without her, but I never feel full without her.  I feel empty and lonely.  There was a hole inside my heart that only can be filled with her, because she is the one who bring that missing piece.”  I said softly.

“So, you really getting back together?”  Naeun asked.  Her eyes filled with concern and worry.

I nodded.

“Don’t you think it is too fast?  You’ve just met her a couple days ago and you agree to let her ruin you again?  This is—ridiculous!  This is so wrong, Unnie!”  Hayoung rose from her seat and shouted furiously.

“Please calm down, Oh Hayoung.”  Naeun warned her.

Hayoung sighed and plonked herself on the couch.  Dissatisfaction and anger still wrapped her around.

“Unnie, I know you love her.  More than anything.  And I know that all the bad deeds she had done to you would never affect the fact that you love her, but I wish that you can think about stepping into this relationship again,” Naeun said gently.  “I don’t want you to lose against your fear, but there is a certain thing which need a long thought.  Please rethink about it, Unnie.”

“No matter how many times I think about it, my answer will be the same.  I want Bomi.  I only want Bomi for my love.”  I stated.  Stern and sure.

“What if she leaves you again?”  Hayoung interrupted.

“She won’t.”  I replied.

“What make you sure about it?”

“She already promised me.”

“Promise you?  Remember many years ago when she said that she loved you and would never leave you?  She broke her promise.  She neglected you like you are a trash.  She said she would never hurt you, but what she had done?  She ruined you.  She destroyed you severely.  Why can’t you be rational this time?”  Hayoung disproved.  She used to be a very well-mannered and obedient maknae, but today she was really rage and uncontrollably mad.

“I don’t know!  I should not forgive her!  I should not give her a chance!  I don’t know what gotten into me!”  I snapped, then buried my face inside my palms.  The sounds of my sob slowly filled the room.

Hayoung got the point.  I even did not understand why I did that.  Was that true if love could make people became such a fool?

“I am sorry, Unnie.”  Hayoung apologized.

Naeun wrapped me into her embrace.  Her hands up and down slowly over my back.

“If this is your decision and what you really want, I hope that you’ll be happy with it.  Don’t let her hurt you.  We love you, Unnie.  Please stop being hurt.  Be happy.”  Naeun said softly.

“To be with her will never be easy for you two.  I really hope that you’ll be stronger this time.  I hope she will not mess up this time.  I’ll still keep my eyes on her.  If she ever hurt you, I swear…”

“Just pray for the best of us, Hayoung-ah…  I’ll make sure that Bomi won’t have any chance to hurt me.  You don’t have to worry.  All I need is your uncountable support and love.  I don’t know what will happen to me if I don’t have you during my hardship.”  I cut Hayoung in.

“I still cannot trust her.”  Hayoung murmured.

“Neither do I.  But I’ll try.”  I replied.

“You should not fully trust her.  Not until she proves how much she really wants you and stays with you no matter how hard will be.”  Hayoung warned.

I smiled, admiring her smart and mature thought.  She might be the youngest among us.  But it did not reduce her wisdom and intelligent ideas about everything.

“She is really lucky to have you.  You’re the most loyal person I ever know.”  Hayoung muttered.

I could only smile hearing her thought.

“Take a rest then, I’ll go find Changsub and Bomi.”  I said as I tapped Naeun shoulder.

“Eung.  Okay, Unnie.  We’ll see at dinner.”  Naeun replied.

My hearted turned lighter after I talked to Hayoung and Naeun about my feeling toward Bomi.  They seemed to understand about my feeling.  Although it was not easy, they finally could accept my decision and supported me as long as I was happy with it.

I searched around the hotel to find Changsub and Bomi.  I knew Changsub would not hurt Bomi.  But it still worried me as I saw unfamiliar gaze through his eyes when he said that he wanted some talks with Bomi.

I began to panic when I did not see Changsub nor Bomi around the resort.  I was panting as I ran along the road.  I was almost giving up when I saw Changsub walked reluctantly toward my direction.

“Changsub-ah!”  I approached.

He spread a warm smile.

“Are you okay?”  I asked in concern.

“I am okay.”  He answered shortly.

“Where is Bomi?”  I asked, looking over her shoulder as I did not see Bomi with him.

“She said she will see you at dinner.”  He replied.

“Oh…”  I sighed.  “What were you talking about?”

“With Bomi?”

“Whom else?”

Changsub was silenced.  He did not answer but looked at me intently.  Worry and sympathy proved there.

“Are you happy?”  He asked abruptly.

“What?”  I frowned.

“Are you happy?”  He repeated.

Knowing his point, I shrugged then smiled.

“I am really happy.  This is what I always want.”  I stated.

“You sure?  Don’t you afraid that she might hurt you again?”  He patted the top of my head.

“It’s a lie if I say that I don’t.  I do afraid.  But I don’t want to lose against my fear.  Like years ago which caused us to be separated.”

“Are you sure it will be worked out this time?”

“I am not sure.  I don’t know.  But I want to try.  With her.”

Unannounced, Changsub pulled me into his arms.  I was startled with his sudden act, but I managed to calm down.

“Changsub-ah?”  I tried to sound calm.

“If this what make you happy, I’ll be happy for you.  Take care of yourself and don’t let anyone hurt you.  Even though you’re with her, I don’t want you to forget that you still have me—someone whom you can rely on—someone who’ll protect you—someone you can trust.  Don’t live in miserable life anymore, you deserve a happiness.  Be happy.”  He whispered.  His voice was reassuring and charming.  I was so lucky to have him as best-friend.  He always had all ears whenever I needed him and guided me whenever I got lost.

“Thanks to always stay by my side.  You mean so much for me.  No one can replace you in my heart, even Bomi.  You both are really precious for me.  It may sound greedy, but I want you two to always stay in my side—in my heart.”  I wrapped my arms around his waist, tightening the hug.

“She’s lucky to have you…”

“And there will be a lucky woman that will have you out there.”

“I wish that lucky woman is you.”

I was surprised by Changsub’s words.  I lifted my head up, staring at him who was soaring in front of me.

“Changsub-ah…”

He pulled out something from his pocket and took my hand.  A red velvet box was laying on my open palm.

“What’s this?”  I asked in confusion.

He reached the box and open it.  A pair of golden ring was laid beautifully inside the box, attracted the eyes which staring on it.

“I planned to propose you…  to break the friend zone and become your lover.”  He uttered carefully.  “But I guess I have no chance anymore since you already getting back together with Bomi.  There is no way I can win against her.  You love her so much.  Your love for her was never leave.  No matter how hard I try, I know I’ll never win your heart.  I know you never see me as a man.  It’s hurt, but for me—your happiness is the most important.  Even you’re not with me.”

“Changsub-ah…”  I said in cracked voice.  “I am sorry…”

“No need to be sorry.  It’s your choice anyway.  The truth that I have a place in your heart, and I am precious to you is enough for me.  I wish you happy.  Sincerely.  There won’t be any change even though you’re with Bomi.  I am still your best friend.  If you want to tell me anything.  I am all ears.  I love you, that’s why I want you to be happy.”  He said calmly.

My eyes began to well up as the guilt crawling up my throat.  He always been so kind to me.  He always there when I faced the hardship.  He always thought about me before himself.  I felt like I was the worst woman existed.  He tried really hard to keep me safe—to make me happy—to protect me from being hurt, but I always hurt him.

“I am sorry…  I just…  I don’t want to be any burden for you.  You deserve a better woman.  A woman who knows how to take and give, unlike me who has nothing to offer.  You always give me so much care and stay by my side even when I am on the weakest state.  I always ask for your protection but I never give you what you really need—what you really want.  Even forever will never pay what you’ve given to me.  You’re just too good for me.”  I said softly.  Eyes glowing by tears.

“I choose to love you and you opt to love her.  There’s nothing wrong about it.  We’re living on what we choose.  Just promise me that you won’t let anyone hurt you.  I’ll always watch you and be here for you even it will hurt me to see you with another person.  I don’t mind being hurt as long as you’re happy.”  Changsub said calmly.

“Thank you, Changsub-ah…”  It was the only word I could say as I did not know what else I should say.

“It’s okay.  I’ll make sure Bomi doesn’t play with you then I can finally move on from you.”  He smiled warmly, patting my hair which got messed up because of the wind.

“Stop worrying about me.  I’ll be fine.  I am not a little girl anymore.”  I cajoled.

“You’ll always be my baby.  I need to protect you with all costs.”  He said sincerely.

He wrapped his arm around my shoulder and dragged me toward the hotel as the wind getting harder.  We walked in silence as we both busy with our own muse.

“So, what were you talking about?  With Bomi?”  I broke the silence.

“I just gave her a little advice—to treat you well.”  He replied lightly.

“That’s all?”  I doubted.

“Do I have to tell you that I gave her a little—punch?”  He asked warily.

I gasped.  Took a step further while staring at him in disbelief—in dejection.

“What?  You did?  Lee Changsub!  I thought you did not hit woman?  How dare you!”  I ragged.

“Calm down…  I am just kidding.  I don’t hit woman.  I am just joking around with you.”

“You…”

“Hahaha…  It’s been a while since I tease you.”  He chuckled.

“Silly!”

I walked away, leaving him behind who was still chuckling away.  Behind my sulky face, I thanked him for being my companion—for being the shield when I was so fragile and vulnerable.  He was right.  I deserved the happiness.  I had Naeun and Hayoung who always supported me and Changsub who always be my guardian.  And now I had Bomi who would always stay by my side.  What else I should ask?

“So, have you talked with N