In Which We Found Our Way Home

Park Chorong

“Bbom-ah!  Can you stay here tonight?”  Those words suddenly slipped out when I held Bomi’s hand, beckoning her to stay.

“Unnie…”  She muttered, getting confused by my action.

I did not answer but pulled her hand, bringing her inside my bungalow.  Inside the room, I was really nervous and embarrassed by what I had done.  I should not ask her to stay.  Why did I look so cheap by inviting her to sleepover after five years separated and had only met for days?

Noticing that I was silent and embarrassed, Bomi hugged me.  I felt the warmness radiating through her body.  It was the warmth I had been missing for years.  The warmth that turned me calm and sincerely loved by her.

I should hate her for what she had done to me.  I should not meet her again after I was getting used to live without her.  I should have move on by now.  But why she still made me wavered?  Why did I still fall in love with her when she had hurt me severely before?  Why did I still give her a chance to approach me?

“I hate you, Yoon Bomi!  I hate you…  Why did you leave me five years ago?  Why didn’t you find me earlier?  Why you never call me?  Don’t you know that I miss you like a fool every day?  I struggled a lot and I got mad whenever I think that you already move on—being with someone else…  Why you are so cruel, Yoon Bomi?”  I rattled, sobbing hard between her hug.  I hit her upper chest and she did not try to avoid.  She just let me throw my anger.

“I know…  I am sorry…  Please forgive my immaturity.  I was completely a fool.  I should not let you go…  I am really sorry…”  She gently said and kissed my crown.

I stopped hitting her, but still sobbing hard while she hugged me in silence.

“I hate you for letting me love you still after what you’ve done to me.  I should completely hate you and forget you…  Why can’t I do that?  It must be easier somehow…”  I murmured between my sob.

“This is not your fault, Unnie…  We can't choose whom we fall in love with—when we’ll fall in love—and how we fall in love.  It’s unpredictable and deniable.  We can just live it…”  She reassured, my lower spine.

“I love you…  Although you hurt me a lot…  I really love you…  Even we haven’t met for years, and we’ve just met couple days ago…  I know that I love you…”  I murmured.  I did not care anymore about my self-esteem and pride.  I just wanted to be honest.  I was crazy for her.  I consciously knew about it.

“I know.  I love you too…  Forgive me…  I won’t leave you again…  I promise…”  She said, kissed my crown again.

“I want to be in this love again, but somehow…  it frightened me too…  I am afraid that you may leave me again and I’ll be in misery again.  I am afraid that I make a decision too fast to back to you again, but I don’t want to wait any longer to be with you again.  I am really confused—and scared.”  I said in trembling voice because of my cry.

“I won’t rush you.  If all you need is time, all give it all to you.  I am already grateful that you still love me although I had hurt you many times.  I don’t mind if I have to wait forever as long as you give me a chance to have you again.  Leaving you was my biggest mistake and regret…  I don’t want to let it happen anymore.  Please trust me…  You don’t need to worry anymore…  Let’s love without worry.  I love you…”  She pulled me away, looking into my eyes with honest and reassuring stare.

I could see she was being sincere now.  Even if she lied, I did not mind to believe her.

“I must be looked so cheap now…  to give you a chance and even invite you in…  although we had just met couple days ago…”  I looked at her in teary eyes.

“Does it even matter?  You always be precious and valuable for me…”  Bomi said tenderly, cupping my face with her palms.

I smiled, reassured by her words.  She looked at me intently.  I could feel her desire and sense battled out.  When she leaned closer, lifting up my chin, I knew her desire won against her sense.

She kissed me.  Her lips pressed mine tenderly.  I did not refuse neither accept it.  My lips stayed still, but my eyes slowly shut when her lips started to swallow mine.  My tears kept falling down as I was really happy to be with her again—to kiss her which did not seem real.  She kept kissing me.  Brushing every seam with her soft and tender lips.  My cells evoked to respond her kiss, crushing her lips passionately liked she did to me.  When we ran out of breath, we pulled away slowly, staring each other with hungry gaze.

“You’ve made a mistake, Yoon Bomi…”  I said softly.

“Mistake?”  She questioned.

“You should not kiss me—not before we officially date again.”  I smirked.

She grinned.  Embarrassed.

“It’s your fault to invite me stay in your place.  You know that I have dirty mind, don’t you?”  She said in low voice, reaching my hips to bring me closer to her.

“Yeah, you haven’t changed…  You still a ert…”

“Look who’s talking.  You kept looking at me since we’ve met.  I caught your eyes staring at my jaw and neckline several times.  Look who’s the ert here.”  Bomi blurted out, turning me blushed.

“I am not!”  I snapped, hitting her chest lightly.

“You did!  No need to be shy…  I know you’re a bit wild when you’re aroused.”  She gave me a teasing smirk.

“Bbom-ah…”  I pleaded.

“So, what are we going to do now?”  She asked in husky voice.  It sounded so alluring.

“Let’s sleep together…”  I answered.

“Just sleep?”  She faced me closer.

I flinched.

“Yeah…  Just sleep…”  I replied weakly.

“Alright, get a shower first then.  I’ll enjoy the view on your hammock.”  She kissed my temple then my shoulder before walking toward the hammock at the terrace.

I smiled.  Felt relieved that we both could hold our desire up.  I knew she wanted me and I wanted her too.  But, seeing her being considerate not to rush me, made me admire and love her more.  She had not changed.  She always put me before anything.

I left her to take a shower.  I was showering with light heart.  Recalling about what we had done today unconsciously made me smile.  We looked like a couple in honeymoon.  I was too excited to do many things with her.  Even a simple thing.  But meeting her made me worry too.  I wondered if I took the right decision by letting her back to me.  I loved her, but I doubted if she would always stay by my side.  I wondered if she was being serious with her words or not.  Did I really make the best decision?

When I had finished showering, Bomi was still on the hammock, falling asleep.  Today must be tiring for her.  I watched her sleeping.  Soundly and peacefully.  I did not want to wake her up because she looked exhausted.  But, I was afraid that she might catch cold so that I woke her up carefully.

“Bbom-ah…  Sleep inside…  You’ll catch cold if you sleep here…”  I said softly, trying not to surprise her.

She slightly moved, then stretched her body.

“I think you better take shower first.  It’ll help to relax your body.”  I added.

“I am too tired to take a bath…”  She refused.

“Well, you’ll sleep on sofa then…”  I simply said.

“I got it.  I’ll take shower before sleep.”

I was making up my bed when Bomi got out from the bathroom in bathrobe.  I suddenly felt like dejavu.  It was similar to the first time I met her.  She just got out from the bathroom in her bathrobe while I was admiring my new apartment.  The apartment where I met my beloved one and experienced so many emotions—happiness, sadness, anger, uncertainty, hurt, pain, and excitement.

Sometimes I regretted it.  It was better if I did not meet her because our love was never easy.  But if it was not Bomi, I did not know if I could be this blessed.  She might hurt me, but still…  Her love was the greatest.

“We look like a couple in honeymoon, aren’t we?”  She suddenly back-hugged me.

“Don’t try to flirt, Yoon Bomi!”  I snapped, surprised by her sudden movement.

“I just tease you…”  She released her hug then plonked herself on the bed.

She looked at me and tapped the space beside her, asking me to join.  I obeyed and lied beside her, head on her spread arm.

“I miss this moment…  When you lie next to me, when we have random talk before sleeping, when you whom I face as I open my eyes…  I don’t know any word to show how happy I am right now…  I hope this moment will be forever…”  Bomi said, looking at me with her kind eyes.

“I wish you really mean it…”  I replied softly, tucking the strand of her hair behind her ear.

“I do…  I’ll never leave you…  I’ll go anywhere you go…”  She said.  Stern yet sincere.

“I am going back to States after the vacation over…”

“I don’t care…  I’ll go with you…”

“Fool…”

“I really mean it.  I won’t be away from you anymore and I will talk to your parent.  I won’t get wavered this time.”

I was silent, moving by her strong will.  I thought she was ready now.  For everything.  But there was a thing that she did not know about my parent.  Not yet.

“I want to live with you.  Anywhere.  As long as I’ll be with you.”  She added.

“Bbom-ah…”  I was about to say something but I hesitated.  “I am planning to live in Seoul again, but I need to take care something in States.  I’ll back to Korea when I’ve finished my business.”  I gently said.

“What about you parent?  I want to show that I am being serious this time…”

I paused.

“They’re in Korea.  We’ll talk to them later…  Don’t rush me…”  I convinced.

“I am sorry.  I didn’t mean to rush you…”  She apologized.

“Can we just enjoy this moment?  To love simply, without worry?  Like we used to do?”  I smiled.

“Yeah, let’s love again…  In a right way…”

***

When the next morning came and I did not see Bomi beside me, I was really shocked.  I tossed my blanket quickly and ran toward the terrace.  Relieved as I saw Bomi lying leisurely on the hammock while humming randomly.

I silently walked to her direction and when she noticed me, she smiled widely.