In Which She Gave Up

Yoon Bomi

The next morning, I already awake early.  Not because I got up earlier actually, but because I could not sleep the whole night.  Changsub’s words kept echoing my head, and I began to recall every moment I had done with Chorong unnie.  The quarrels, the kiss, hardships, and the sweet moments were walking across my head like a movie.  I found myself laughed, touched, and upset when I remembered about every shot.

And when I recalled the moments we had for recent weeks, I could barely draw anything out.  We did not talk much those weeks, or even saw each other.  I was busy with school and work—and my friends, and I realized that we did not spend many times like we used to do.

I approached her room and knocked it gently, and I got no response.  I cautiously turned the knob and pushed the door without making any sound as I found out Chorong unnie was still sleeping soundly.  I walked toward her bed and sat beside the bed, reaching out my hand to tuck the strands behind her ear.  She was thinner and pale, and I began to feel guilty as I did not pay enough attention to her recently—I had fun by myself, I lied to her, and I almost neglected her.

I was startled when she was crying in her sleep, but soon, her breath backed to normal, and resumed her fast sleep.  I watched her for a while in somber before I walking away with mixed emotions.  Carefully I closed her door, and kneeling on the floor, hugging my legs.  Slowly regretting myself for dragging her into this relationship, when I was not fully ready and certain—when I still could not think about her before me—I was fool and selfish, and I pity her for my stupidity.

It was eleven o’clock when Chorong unnie went out of her room.  Looked fresh and pretty in knit mini dress.

“Are you going somewhere?”  I asked when she was taking a sip of water.

“Yes, I am going to bookstore.”  She replied weakly.

It was hurt when I saw her looking so weak, but I had to admit that she’s prettier in pale skin.

“Do you want a companion?”  I asked brightly.

“I am fine.  I don’t want to bore you with the odd smell of the books.”  She smiled slowly.

“I hope it’s better than staying at home on Sunday.”  I countered.

“Arasseo.  I’ll wait for fifteen minutes.”  She strode past me, and I let a bitter smile out before quickly dressing up.

I was ready in thirteen minutes, and met her in living room, expecting of compliment as I was ready on time, but there was no sign she would give me any praise.

“I dress up quickly for nothing.”  I sneered.

“You’re just doing it once.  I hope you always do it whenever we have an appointment.”  She scoffed.

“But I don’t think we will have any appointment later…”  She spoke in very low voice, and I could barely hear it.

“Pardon?”  I leaned my face closer.

“Never mind.”  She pushed me away and turned her heel to leave.

I followed her behind, with a longing look on her figure.  I thought I would always stood by her, and spent a lot of time with her, but I knew I still could not keep my promise, and responsible enough of my every word—but, it was also hard if I had to let her go.

We rode the lift in odd silence.  She was busy with her cellphone, while I discreetly glancing at her.  She was beautiful as always.  Those eyes, nose, and lips were not easily to be forgotten.  But I wondered why did I disregard her recently, when she was beyond the word precious to be ignored.  I was completely a fool.

“Unnie…”  I hesitated to speak.

“You still have a time to change your mind.”  She cut me in.

“What?”  I frowned.

“I am okay if you want to go back to your room instead of giving me a companion in a boring place.”  She stated, looking straight to me.

“You never bore me.”  I said solemnly.

“I am glad.”  She replied and backed to face her cellphone.

We were back to silence, and the lift getting packed by other people, rendering me to hold back my utterance before.  I had so much to tell, but I guessed I should wait for proper time.

Chorong unnie warned me not for nothing.  The bookstore atmosphere really bored me to death.  I was struggling to open my eyes widely when the dull and silence milieu surrounded me.  Only the soft whisper of soothing songs slightly saved me from slumber.

In contrary, she looked so excited although hidden in her composure.  She busily browsed for many books—from various genres, and authors, and languages.  We ate the same dish, but there was a big gap in our intelligence.  She had so damned gifted by genius brain.

She shopped for books like she did a grocery.  Her cart was full with books, and I could only shake my head in amazement when she bought a thick book which I barely knew talking about law.  I wondered if she really needed it.

“Are you sure you can finish all of this books?”  I wondered.

“Yeah.  I read at least ten books a month.”  She answered coolly.

“Daebak!  I probably die if I do it.”  I sneered in awe.

“I don’t really have nothing to do beside studying and reading.”  She stated, smiling warmly to me.

“No fun.”  I scoffed, following her to cashier.

“Every person has different way for having fun—I’ve learned a lot about it.”  She said wistfully, and it sounded sincere and painful.

“Yeah, I know it right.”  I said softly.

There was a long line at the counter, and I started to feel stuffy in this building.

“Unnie, I’ll wait you outside…  I am about to throw up because of the book’s smell.”  I whispered.

“You’re being too much…”  She chuckled, but let me wait outside.

While I was waiting, I noticed two girls from afar, and right after I recognized them, I called them and started chattering.  We talked and joked excitedly with my friends, and I felt someone tapped my shoulder.  I turned around and faced Chorong unnie who was carrying two bags full of books.

“You’re done?”  I rushed at her and helped her to carry it.

“I’ll wait in the car if you still have something to be talked with them.”  She said flatly.

I noticed something odd with her tone.  I quickly shifted my eyes to my friends, beckoning that I had to go.

“I’ll see you later…”  I smiled and waved at them.

“See you later, Bomi-ya…”

Chorong unnie and I walked toward the parking area, and put the bags in the backseat.  She made a way round to get on behind the bar.  I was done buckling my seatbelt when she checked the car out.

“What do you want to eat?”  She said while fixing the rearview mirror.

“You…”  I winked, pointing a gun toward her.

She bemused in disbelief before chuckling away.

“Silly.”  She scorned, and moved the gear.

“I really mean it.  We haven’t kissed for so long…”  I whined along the way.

“It’s because you’re too busy…”  She answered coldly.

“We can do it in the midnight actually…  Or should I crawl on your bed and wake you up?”  I said mischievously.

“Do it or I’ll break your nose…”  She snarled, eyes fixed on the road.

“You’re really scary…”  I crossed my arms in front of my chest, and leaned on my seat, pretending like I was scared.

“Indeed.”  She scoffed.

The mood was slightly better now.  What we really needed was communicating and spending quality time despite of our busy schedule.  I lied to her, and neglected her—but I promised myself that I would not do it anymore.  I would learn how to be more responsible to her, and brought back the fluttering feeling which hidden somewhere lately.

“I want to eat sweet crispy chicken…  Do you know a good place?  Which is delicious—and clean.”  She said softly.

I did not feel like eating it today as I already had it yesterday with Namjoo, but I did want to object her will.  I did not want to ruin the mood, but I tried to negotiate.

“Can we eat something else?”  I said warily.

“Why?  You don’t want it?”  She asked, slightly taking a glance on me.

“Mmmmm…  I am just asking…”  I murmured.

“You know that I don’t ask a suggestion, right?”  She said in intimidating voice.

“Yeah, I know it very well.”  I gave up.

I gave the direction of the restaurant which I usually visited—which I had just visited yesterday, and she caught up my instruction very well.  Like she frequently used the road.  I asked her if she had visited that place, but she said not.  She said that she just following my direction.

I entered the restaurant, and the owner welcomed me happily.  He was a bit surprised when I visited his place again as he had seen me yesterday.

“You’re here yesterday?”  Chorong unnie asked me after we got a seat.

“Yes.  With my friends.”  I answered softly, avoiding her eyes as I scared that she might ask me further questions.

“I thought you stayed at home yesterday…”  She murmured, and did not make any question.

“Where did you go yesterday?”  I asked warily.

“A very romantic place…  Sky Rose Garden…”  She laughed softly, and I started to blush as I recalled the embarrassing moment on the rooftop.

“I prefer you to bring me to a place like this than a garden full of roses.”  She continued, rendering me to redden.

“I planned to bring you here someday, but here we are…”  I answered under my embarrassment.

“Good then…”  She said shortly.

“Did you have a blast yesterday?”  I asked randomly because I had anything else to be asked.

“Yeah…  Hanging out with friends, and with people who care about us is a very great moment.”  She said softly, her eyes staring at me deeply.

“You had fun too?”  She continued, eyes still on me.

“Yeah…  I always have blast with my friends…”  I answered cheerfully.

“I know you are…”  Her tone turned somberly.

“Unnie?”  I leaned closer.

“That’s why we should not do this anymore…”<