The feeling is strange. Is not pain, is something like theres something missing??? He sometimes has this thought: "Oh I should take a picture of this to send Myungsoo", or "I should tell Myungsoo to come here" and then he feels dumb for thinking like that. Sunggyu massages his temple. 

The bad thing about this whole situation is that he feels down because he just realized how ing boring and basic his life is. And therefore, how much light Myungsoo brought into it. How much he even wanted to take showers more often, how much attention he payed to the urban landscape, how happy he was to discover that he didnt forget how to have ...booooooooyyyyyy.

Patheticaly, he checkes his pictures with Myungsoo. In what world would he think that somebody like that would built a relationship with him, this 9 to 5 person??? Many of his friends tell him that he is an 80 year old man in the body of one in his mid thirties. He shakes his head, maybe it was Yunhos idea to ask Myungsoo to go out with him...nah...

As the days go by he starts to think about his future and realizes that his destiny doenst look that bad. Yes he has lost his hopes, whatever percentage of hopes he had to get a spouse. He doesnt feel pressure anymore, he just has accepted that, while there are people who build families there are others that dont, and that doesnt mean that they are useless in life. In fact, his brothers are his sons, and also maybe later on he can adopt or get a surrogate mother. The world has change and there are plenty options these days. He is also not against the idea of some kind of matchmaker, the idea of company and friendship instead of crazy love doesnt seem wrong to him.

This is the third week after the break up and it still feels like something is missing.

-------------------------

Sungjong sees Myungsoo on a bar to which Changmin takes him a week after Sunggyu tells him that they have broken up. Its been two weeks since the break up. Myungsoo is chating up some dude over there, Sungjong thinks that Sunggyu must be sleeping or watching an old movie right now. Sungjong also thinks that Myungsoo should have some kind of respect for him and shouldnt be chating up some dude.

He thinks back of his brother. When their parents died it was Sunggyu who told him, he cried and screamed, Sunggyu just kept holding him and telling him that he shouldnt be worry that he was there, that they had eachother. He never saw Sunggyu cry, he just seemed more thoughtfull. These days its the same, Sunggyu looks more thoughtfull.

His older brother had asured him that he was ok, that this relationship wasnt a commited one, that it had been a short time and that it shouldnt intervene with his relationship with Changmin, that he shouldnt take sides. 

Sungjong keeps his eyes on Myungsoo who had always been kind and cool with him, but who had always seemed to be hidding something, thinking about something else while they talked. He sees it now, even with the low lights, Myungsoos eyes look empty. Has he always been like this? Of course he is smilling and being charming to the dude, but....that smile is fake. Aishh. Maybe Sungjong is been biased toward his brother. 

Sunggyu works so hard, Myungsoo was his break in life, Sungjong wonders if Sunggyu will ever gonna tell him how he is really feeling right now.

----------------------

Myungsoo is bore out of his mind right now. He hadnt feel like going out tonight, Woohyun had "Are you missing zaddy???". No way he is missing Sunggyu, they hadnt share that much, actually he cant tell many things about Sunggyu except for the obvious. He really doenst regret breaking up because he knows that Sunggyu hadnt open his heart to him, hadnt show much interest on doing so. He doesnt miss Sunggyu, but theres a thought on the back of his head that tells him that something is missing.

One night Woohyun talks to him.

"Are you missing zaddy again luva boy?"

" you dude stop saying that", Woohyun laughs.

"So defensive...", he drinks his liquor. "No, really. Are you ok? That dude had been your first after a long time"

"Arent you melodramatic"

"No, really. Im trying to be a good friend here. Amuse me"

"Its been almost a month, isnt it too late to be a good friend", Myungsoo smiles. "Im fine, it was formal but not serious. I had to treat him diferently, he is my brothers boyfriends brother", Woohyun nods.

"Well it definitely looked diferent. I thought this was it. The lucky one", Myungsoo rolls his eyes. "Dont do that. Look, I know that you hate to talk about this but....youve got to get over Takeshi. Its been years, the dude is married, has kids, he has moved on and so should you", is very hard to make people understand how he feels about Takeshi. 

"I know and Ive gotten over that. But Sunggyu wasnt 'the lucky one'. Plus what are you worried about? Im still young and want to play around a little longer. Is that wrong?"

"Is not. But if theres something that you must remember about Takeshi is that you had a great chance that you let go. Takeshi loved you and wanted a life with you and you blew it away..."

"You dont have to remaind me of that"

"Then dont do it again"

"How come now you think Sunggyu was my 'great chance' when you use to tell me that he is a grandpa, that he wont like my partying and so on"

"I was just testing you. But ... You started to talk about Takeshi around the time you started to crush on Sunggyu so I thought theere must be a correlation...of feelings"

"Are you drunk already?", he gets smack on the head.

"Yah!!!....", sigh. "Ok, whenever you are ready to tell me, I will be here. Just dont waste your time".

-----------------

Sunggyu finishes his day feeling like a truck rolled over him and he almost hears the phrase in his head: "I need my Myungsoo time". He sighs.