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Chapter 19

Yunho came back to the house about an hour later. He dropped off everything his mother requested into the kitchen; He looked around, “Where Jaejoong Umma?He didn't go did he?”

“Calm down, he was in the  living room last time I check he was playing with Karam,”She told him, making him turn to walk back to the living room, He look in to find what he was the cutest thing he had seen, Jaejoong was asleep on the couch, but was as cute Karam was crawling up onto the couch and curling up into Jaejoong arms. Yunho strolled towards them moving silently to the sleeping figure. He kneeled down to his level his own son looking at him from where he was. Yunho felt horrible looking at him. He had accepted Jaejoong have to leave to go home. He was sort of glad Jaejoong had stayed he really wanted him to stay. Stay forever…..

“Wake him and you’ll have me to deal with.” Yunho mother whispered as he looked over his shoulder wondering what he was looking at. She held out a blanket to him to place over Jaejoong. Looking to his grandson quite happy where he was, Yunho placed the blanket over him before heading back to the kitchen. His Mother turned to him…..

“Might as well make yourself useful peel these….while i get dinner started” She handed Yunho a peeler and turned back to what she was doing. Yunho did as he was told. “I gather you didn’t ask him then?”

“What….

“Jaejoong…..” she looked to him. "The big question,"

“Did you talk to him…..” Yunho asked.

“I did… and he seems just as lost as you look right now.”

“Did he tell you why….?” Yunho asked softly

“Not in so many words but I can tell.” She told him, “He thinks you’re not ready to commit to him.  He doesn’t blame you Yunho. But it is planning on his mind.

“I know…” Yunho told her, Jaejoong had told him many times it wasn’t his fault yet he felt it was. “And that’s what probably makes it worse.”

“Yunho… answer me this, do you love him?”

“Course I love him Umma he’s great he’s amazing… he’s opening me up so much. I want to be with him all the time.”

“Then say that to him……Jaejoong struggling with his feeling for you.” She told him. “Don’t get me wrong Jaejoong is a person who thinks about every word ever said to him and when he says something, he seconds guess's  it, actions can say something else to someone and I feel Jaejoong can pick that up from you though you aren’t aware of it... He said something about you calling him Karam mother.”  Yunho looked down.

“Karam see him as a mother,”

“But do you want to see him that way…?”

“Umma… I love him very much,” Yunho though about his word. “I really do, but maybe there are times I do think to Taeyeon.” If was difficult for Yunho to talk about her. “But I think she would be happy in what I found in Jaejoong.

“I believe that too….?” His mother spoke to him.

“I think you need to be clear with Jaejoong about everything. Talk to him, Jaejoong someone who doesn’t want to blame anyone on anything. Maybe you and Jaejoong need to spend time alone together just the two of you. Take him out, sweep him off his feet. Let him feel the way you feel about him.  Don't you see you too are so alike...."

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 The meal at dinner was quite, even with Yunho mother kicking him under the table. It wasn’t hard to miss how uncomfortable Jaejoong was at the table he felt Yunho didn’t want him there, but that was the opposite of what Yunho thoroughly wanted. It was probably more to do with his insecurity with himself. Yunho had walked out twice on him already he wasn’t sure if he could take it again.

 “Aish!” Yunho screamed at himself earning attention from everyone around him. He left the living room going towards his bedroom. He became too caught up in thinking what was the right way to approach this, his head was pounding with all the different though in his head negativities and all. “Why am I overthinking everything?” he spoke to himself.

 He still felt guilty for how he handled what happened in Paris, No wonder Jaejoong didn’t understand Yunho true intention when he wasn’t sure of them himself. He always gave the wrong signals toward him. He didn’t blame Jaejoong, he never acted out his emotions. He needed to figure this out fast before he lost Jaejoong for good. That night Yunho wanted nothing more than to cuddle up with Jaejoong and wake up with him in his arms. Yet he still he would struggle to talk to Jaejoong. The minute he walked into his but when his eyes met Jaejoong he felt lost in Jaejoong eyes. “Can we talk?”

“Hmmm course….” Jaejoong gave Yunho his attention. Yunho sat next to Jaejoong, both staying quiet for a few seconds,  before Yunho man up  by taking a deep breath and said 

“I’ve been racking my brain for the last while trying to find the words to talk to you. But what it comes down to the end is….?” He needed to say it, get it off his chest. “I love you more than you now. Maybe I do struggle with how I act around you, But that’s probably to do with my own insecurity not you. You are always amazing to me always and something I think I’m taking advantage of your innocent heart.” Jaejoong widened my eyes at Yunho. “You are everything to me and I’ll fear I’ll lu you.”  ‘Me?’ Jaejoong spoke in his head to himself as Yunho continued to speak his heart, “I take advantage of you. Jaejoong you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve. But I probably take that for granted too. I can’t manage to get close to Jaejoong and that’s not to do with you,its to do with me. I fear I’ll lose you just how I lost Taeyeon.” With that Jaejoong clasped his arms around Yunho shoulders.

“You won’t lose me….” Yunho held on to Jaejoong hands that were next to his chest. In a way be felt he needed to bear his loss for Jaejoong to understand where he was coming from. “I love you too…..”

“Really? after all I've put you though…..?

“Maybe I just happen to think your worth it....." Jaejoong laughed before he continued, "It’s not intentional I know that…. you just had to see it yourself it was something I couldn’t show you.” Jaejoong told him next to his ear, “We haven’t been together that long Yunho. But in all the time I’ve been with you. I’ve never been as happy as I am with you. Yunho nodded, “Don’t walk out on me anymore….. talk to me more I want us to be in this together. I need you to talk to me Yunho,  It takes us both to make this relationship work and I want us to work.”

“I do to” Yunho answered.

“When I said I love you… you left I didn’t know what to do. I knew you loved me and meant when you said to it to me, but you froze when I said it to you…..

Yunho thought about it, “I felt I wasn’t good enough to have you….

“Why…?”

“I felt you deserved someone else’s…… I’m a mess and you know that.

“No, you’re not… and even if you were I want to be there for you and help you deal with what going on with you the same way I’d hope you’d be there for me.” With that Jaejoong turn Yunho head to face him while brushing his hand through Yunho hair. With that Yunho took hold of Jaejoong. His arms engulfed Jaejoong, kissing him in a way Yunho know how too. Yunho shruggled close to Jaejoong kissing his lips, his hands slipping under Jaejoong top to get a tighter hold of him. "I’m sorry."

"Do we….,"

“But I am….. What I said on the plane, it only because it truth in are everything to Karam and he loves you.” He thought to the cute moment he had come home to earlier.

“Yunho can you hold me tonight… just hold me…. Nothing more…” Jaejoong asked embarrassed. “I want to feel close to you.” Nothing in the world would make Yunho more happier night. That night Yunho and Jaejoong snuggled closer together, Jaejoong head right on Yunho chest, this is what made him happy. The last words they spoke to one anothet that night was the words on love and understanding to not hold anything back from the one you trully love.

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These two need to talk more.....

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