August 2013

"What...what do you mean Trouble Maker will have a comeback?"

Dumfounded. He had been one founded. He would have been once upon a time, thrilled even, but this had felt like a thousand bricks had fell on HyunSeung's head. Trouble Maker, coming back? Having to film, record, pre-record, do interviews with Hyuna, now that he finally had the impression that his feelings were dying down? This hadn't been a fluke. This had had to be a conspiracy.

"I thought you were going to be happy. What's with your face right now?" Leaned back on his desk chair, President Hong had, his eyes had curiously scanned the young man through his glasses.

"Me too." HyunSeung had said, almost in a whisper.

"Isn't it, in fact, the perfect occasion to correct the shot?" President Hong had said, absently clicking his pencil.

"I'm sorry, what shot?" HyunSeung had asked this question for the mere will of wanting to counter his boss' annoying perspicacity, knowing all too well that it was annoying because it was efficient.

"The shot in which you have been pretending to not see her for the past four months. Or at least, way not enough for your very own taste. The shot in which you have been pretending she leaves you indifferent while she doesn't. The shot in which all it would take is for you to be sincere with her."

Sure. As easy as that. The last four months, in summary, had been HyunSeung and Hyuna estranging and the uneven parts of his fissured heart with them, at the young man's biggest fear. He had known that she didn't feel the same, that she had needed much more time to get over all that JunHyung had put her through in addition. But this much time? Selfishly, desperately, he had wished to see her give him the slightest attention. That would go beyond "Hi", "How are you?" "Have you been well?" "See you later then."  None of these had been enough, and it would never be.

The lead vocalist had wanted so much more from her. A look, a touch, a smile, that wouldn't be compassion. He had needed her to look at him the way she used to. Proudly. He had seen this in her eyes before. Every time he would come back from a schedule during the tough period of his mourning. "You did well! Not that I thought you wouldn't but I can still congratulate you right?" "You looked the coolest, as expected from my Trouble Maker!" Accompanied with her brightest smile and a nudge to his ribs. He had needed her to touch him like she used to. Even if she did so with just about anyone, thanks to her friendliness.

He had wanted to feel what he felt when she would hit him playfully, absently hold his hand while walking backstage together, or accidentally brush her arm against his, just to smile shyly in excuse. Electricity would run through HyunSeung's body, leaving him fuzzy and haggard, lost in his thoughts that would urge him to obtain more of this electricity by any means necessary. 

But he hadn't had the right to listen to his heart. Not with the amount of doubts that had clouded his desires. Her distant behaviour. Her sorrowful eyes. Her regretful tone. Somewhere he had resented her. For being like Beast. For leaving him to dead while all he had needed is to be shown he had been worth fighting for.

"She doesn't feel the same way." The young man had said, turning his head away from the CEO.

It had been what he had kept repeating to himself, over and over, like an incantation able to repel a bad spell. The spell of addiction, the spell of need, the spell of love. And he would until he would believe it.

"Oh, so you've actually asked her?" President had Hong chuckled, straightening himself on his seat, like a kid eager to hear a good story.

"Of course not." HyunSeung had rolled his eyes, eventually resting them back on the elder man, his best-annoyed expression on his face. What had President Hong tried to do? Yes, he had acted like a coward. Who had been willing to take a toll without trying to put a fight than to take a toll, short. And so what.

"Then how do you know she doesn't feel the same?"

"Excuse me, president. Is it all you had to tell me? That Trouble Maker will have a comeback in October? If so, I'd like to go back to practicing. I have a bunch of routines to memorize."

Barely fazed by the lead vocalist's gall, Hong Seung Seung had stayed quiet. Crossing his fingers together and resting his chin on them, as he had yet again stared at HyunSeung for an uncomfortable while, undoubtedly expecting something out of the uneasiness HyunSeung had witnessed him purposely create more than once ever since he had been under Cube Entertainment. And the younger man had been as sensitive as anyone else to it, lowering his head, looking at his shoes. He had known that President Hong had only meant to help him out. Like the father figure, he had always been to him, more so since his biological father's passing. But he hadn't managed to wrap his head around the idea of having to put an act to hide his feelings from Hyuna as much as this comeback would require it.

"It's better this way. Hell, why are you trying to push me to date my own label mate anyways? I thought companies consider this business suicide." HyunSeung had questioned, though he hadn't cared for the answer one bit. Would he have had the certainty that Hyuna felt the same way he did for her, he would date her? Label mate or not. Ironically, the elder man had snorted, raising his eyebrow at the lead vocalist, he took back his pencil, clicking it three times before he had said:

"Fine. You have no right to date her. From the way she has been asking me how you're doing a truthfully annoying amount of times, and the fact that she is the one who insisted about this comeback, I agree with you. She probably doesn't feel the same way."

"Right! She doe..." Suddenly, HyunSeung had snapped his neck up, looking straight into his boss' eyes. His heart pulsing at a rather strange pace considering how calm the old man in front of him had seemed after dropping such a statement on him. Or he had misheard him? Most likely. One wouldn't manage to keep a straight face after having told someone his long time crush had feelings for her, right? Now, it wouldn't have killed him to ask again.

"Could you please repeat everything you just said?"

"I said don't date her. I just forbid you to do so."

"She likes me? That's what you're trying to say?" Ignoring his doubts completely, the lead vocalist had walked towards President Hong's desk, feeling the sudden need to hold onto something. It had been like the dying embers he had been had been set ablaze all over again.

"Why don't you go and ask her if you're so curious?"

"President!" 

Once more, the chairman hadn't flinched at the singer almost shouting at him. Instead, he had got up of his chair and leaned his body over the wooden furniture, positioning himself face to face with HyunSeung. 

"You still owe me a semblance of respect, young man. I wish you wouldn't forget this under the excuse that you are frustrated by your own indecisiveness. I am trying to help here."

"Well, you're not!" HyunSeung had said angrily. Somewhere he had felt bad about making Hong Seung Seung pay for his frustration, but then again his patience had seriously started to run thin.

"I'm losing my mind President. Meanwhile, she won't even look at me for more than a second. Meanwhile I-"

"Meanwhile you linger on her when she isn't watching. Meanwhile, you are desperate for a sign, just anything that would make you go for it. But it's not coming. So you want to give up. But then  again you are in love with her. So here we go again. I know, you punk. I know." Hong Seung Seung had ruffled the younger man's hair like a father would do to his son. He had let out sigh and continued:

"And to answer your question, no, I am not encouraging you to date her. Nor am I discouraging you either. It might seem practical in terms of distance and long lasting, to date within the company. But it is dangerous. Very dangerous. Especially in your and Hyuna's case, where you are subunit partners. Each comeback will ways earn you a fair share of attention you might eventually regret."

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