April 2016

He loves her. He loved her for two years now. Heading to three. Or heading to crashing down. At this point, he just felt unsure about everything. Except for one thing. 

He loved her.

Two years ago he had fallen, without realizing. His awareness of this fall had been swept under denial. Even if every time any man would get close to her, his entire body would become at inches to snap so much it'd be tense. An unconscious growl threatening to escape his lips every time any man would talk to her, smile at her, touch her. And God knows there were a lot to do this. The urge to pull her away from all these masculine eyes would overtake HyunSeung, making his body tremble, noticeably, according to the curious glances he would feel on him every time this would occur. Why was that? He only saw Hyuna as a friend. Nothing more. It had had to be the weather, the heat, what he had eaten the day before, the longing for his father. Just anything that wouldn't be of the order of love. And thinking about it, it had truly surprised him back then, how he had got more and more teased about his relationship with her, as if all these people had knew something he himself somehow didn't know.

What had he shown? Nothing. If anything it was her who had shown interest towards him. She was the one who had taken an unbelievable care of him during his mourning of his father's death. More than once she had gone out of her label mate ways to bring him food after his practice sessions in Cube's studios, calling him every now and then, just to say hi. All this without using the sickening tone and gestures of someone talking to a person who needed special care. Which is what everyone around him had done. His mother, his sister, his friends, Beast, 4Minute. He had been glad for anyone's support and kind words, but why was had he suddenly got treated differently? Matter and fact, he always had. Because he was seen as a quiet, fragile porcelain piece, who constantly needed to be preserved.

But for some reason, Hyuna had never treated him that way. Even during this period of his life, she had used the same tone than the one she had always used before they had even got paired up as TroubleMaker. Well, surely it had become even softer since they had grown to be close friends, and this September 20th hadn't changed anything. She had remained supportive, nice, without being sappy. Not hesitating to be harsh and cold when he would refuse to eat, repulsed by the feeling of longing for his father that would excavate his stomach. She would ask him if he thought his sister and mother needed to be more heartbroken than they already were, seeing their loved one weighing half her weight, and would proceed to shove some chicken wings in his mouth she had bought, if it wasn't some dumplings she had prepared herself, making a wave of gratefulness warm his pained heart.

Still. Still, he had only considered her a friend. It had been clear in HyunSeung's mind. So clear, that it is what he had told JunHyung after the incident he had had on stage during TroubleMaker's MAMA performance, four years ago.

November 2012

"Wow, someone needs a cold shower." JunHyung's words had sounded like the tinkle of a warning bell to the lead vocalist's ears. The warning bell that had been ringing in his ears for the past two months, urging him dear life to abort whatever these sudden feelings had been. However he hadn't managed to, and something had told him that this incident had only been the start of the many consequences his failure would have.

"I don't know what happened." HyunSeung had answered, faintly, confused. But not because he hadn't understood why this incident had occurred. He had known. But could he have admitted it, right there and then?

"I know what happened. She is an attractive woman, and you're a healthy man." His best friend had, laughed wholeheartedly, throwing him a bottle of water.

False. All false. Or was there really a man on this earth who would manage to approach Hyuna without such thing happening? He had wondered every single time, desperate to find an excuse to his inability to control himself. The lead vocalist had pondered the right or wrong, the possible and impossible, the why of the how, every day since two months. Yet here had he been. Powerless, defeated.

"No". HyunSeung had said, his voice distant to his own ears, his heart rate increasing.

He had never planned on ever doing this. "It's the reaction of any man who would dance up close to any woman in a club", "It will pass" He had repeated to himself over and over. But it hadn't. And now someone knew. Thankfully, it had been his very own best friend. Yes. His very own best friend who would help him to put and end to this madness before it would be too late.

"I think that it's because…I like her...alot." HyunSeung had uttered these words like the most painful truth, clenching his hands into fists by his side, the same questions echoing in his head once more. "When did this happened?" "When did she did this to me?" "How did I let her do this to me?"

"Isn't it just that she is an attractive woman and you are a healthy man?" JunHyung had repeated, seemingly completely unfazed by the lead vocalist's declaration, contrasting to HyunSeung who had felt himself on the verge of throwing up. The lead vocalist had known what reality had been, but then again, it just couldn't be. JunHyung had had to be right. He was like any other man towards Hyuna. Friendly and courteous in front of her but disgustingly affected the second she'd do her job, which was to be Hyuna.

"Don't worry." His composer mate had laughed again. "She won't become ugly, but you wouldn't want her to reject you while she is your subunit partner, would you? You'll get over it. It's just a phase." 

"So you think she only sees me as a friend, too?" The words had escaped HyunSeung's mouth before he had managed to stop them.

He would always remember. He still did, always would. The way everything had felt like a crack forming into ice at this moment. Freezing completely this time, JunHyung had seemed to have been taken aback by his question. Peering at him silently, he had leaned his body backward, trying to read through HyunSeung, the latter had known, something he only allowed him, Hong Seung Seung, and Hyuna to do. They had looked straight into each other's eyes as long , heavy seconds had elapsed. A discomfort growing unbearable, until the rapper had finally broke the silence by answering, rather placidly.

"Well, after what happened between us, it seems to me that she has more been looking for some comfort than a stable relationship. So unless you're ok with being a stopgap…just keep being her friend, like you have been up until now. Don't get any further."

At this point of bewilderment, HyunSeung hadn't been able to tell if the threat he had felt in his best friend's voice had been the fruit of his imagination, or if he had really meant to scare him off. But for some reason, it had felt like the latter. Why would it had been, though? It hadn't made any sense. And what had been with HyunSeung, to think of something so wrong of the composer. Surely, he had dated Hyuna, back in 2010. But he didn't feel anything anymore for her. He had been dating Hara at the time. And besides, he was the one who had brutally dumped Hyuna to the point where she had been unable to trust any man again up until this moment.

Remain his friend. Let more men line up and wait for her to find the right shoe to her foot that wouldn't be him. No. No. HyunSeung could have never done this. Maybe she had only seen him as a friend. But what had happened that day hadn't allowed HyunSeung to lie to himself any longer. JunHyung's words hadn't been enough to stop him from his madness.

December 2012

HyunSeung had wanted to make Hyuna able to trust a man again, by an