HJ seemed to tug you tight while sleeping, he felt like it will be hard for him the next day and on the other side it felt the same for you but you slept so peacefully beside him after long time while he couldn’t sleep. Even though he would sleep, he would wake up to check whether you’re beside him and peacefully stare your sleeping face. All he could think is being a celebrity, he couldn’t marry you right away when he wanted to badly to be with you forever! The next day, you woke up in his arms thinking that you won’t see him again like this till you meet again and he gives his smile in which you can notice a lot of effort he is keeping up to show you that… You get fresh up and move your way towards kitchen to make breakfast. You will be surprised to see his mom in kitchen and she say that she want you to go with her as HJ have a 1hour meet with his agency and he will join back before you leave. You look at HJ and he nods assuring that he will be there. You don’t talk anything as you were well aware that something is wrong and just let it be for time being and leave with his mom from there. HJ have called his mom that night to pick you up thinking you would find out that he is not feeling any good about you leaving and he stay at your home the rest of the day till it’s time for your departure. After reaching his mom’s apartment, you spend the remaining time with his dad and mom talking about many things that you couldn’t share with your parents while waiting for HJ. Somehow you felt like he is hiding his feelings as you’re leaving so he won’t make up for sending you off and start packing up everything. You look at the dress he gave and stare at it, then you hear a voice saying “don’t dare to dress up in that attire back at your place!”... It’s HJ who is standing behind you with a fake smile that he puts up all the time till he helps up packing and you leave from there bidding ‘goodbye’ to all of them who is giving back a caring hug.

                     You didn’t talk to him or looked at him all the while on your way to airport which is not far from their home and you just stare outside the window. Though airport is nearer, it seems like you’re having a long ride and you both are left in many thoughts of your own. After a while you hear from him “we’re here” Actually you reached to the parking at airport 30minutes before but HJ just let himself to stay silent with you and this is the reason the drive is so long for you…You come out of your thoughts looking around to see your destination and give a fake smile at him quoting “oh! We’re here”.

You take your bags while he walks out to help you, then you remark “hey! You shouldn’t be here! Just go in.. I can take care of it myself”

He shook his head saying ‘NO’ and you scoff “hello mister! You know who you are right.. The KimHyunJoong and there can be many people who are fond of you in there”. He smirks at your words and mock ‘’insecurity is something very interesting at times like this”

Then he start walking with your baggage and you snap “no! Not like t-h-a-t--” . He cut your words saying “we will be late”.

You don’t want him to follow, you stop him voicing in low tone “Let me go! Please--” (In Your Mind: I don’t want you to walk with me that makes hard for me to leave. . please) He understood the other meaning you want to say him and immediately you rush to the departure gate without hearing his answer as you were afraid that his words or his doings make you to suffer so much when he is not around you.

When you’re about to go in, you want to see him and rush back to the parking to have a last glance, your eyes starts to get filled with tears when you didn’t find him and you don’t even remember where he parked his car while you roam around looking for him… Finally you find him in the corner who is doing something on his mobile, he is facing back to you and you are thinking whether to go to him. Then a message pops in your mobile saying ’don’t be a cry baby! Remember that I have many people fond of me as you said, so think of transfer to comeback ’

It’s from him and without thinking you run to him hugging from back and he know your touch. He doesn’t want you to take hard time so he yelp “I didn’t know you will comeback this soon”, you hold him tight and ask “tell me that you will do one favor to me”… While he shot back “I shouldn’t fall for others?” You remain silent and that’s when he understands that you’re going to ask him something serious.

You then say “please don’t call me or text me till I do it myself”, he don’t say anything and you know that he will protest so you plead “please HyunJoong!”… Then he turn to face you smiling, nod to you which meant ‘yes’ and pull your head for a hug.

You hug him back for a moment, stand on your toes and sound in a low tone/ sweetly in his ear “I Love You” with a tear rolling on your cheek and continue “HyunJoong!”… You don’t look at him turning back and walk to catch your flight.

The words he want to hear – you said him…

That’s the moment he want to cherish the most – you left him……

 It’s been 2weeks since you left Seoul and didn’t heard from him as you made him not to do any efforts to contact you but you call to other friends and they don’t know about this. One day you get a call from his mom and you talk so casually asking about everyone there including HJ, then she asks “you didn’t hear from him dear?”… You don’t want to hide anything from her so you say that neither of you talked to each other as you insisted on doing so.

She will take 5seconds to ask you reasons, you want to be open to her as you feel her as your mom and say “I know I’m being rude on this part but it’s good for him too! I heard he cancelled the meeting to stay back with me and for me, I don’t like that he is delaying his work. And the most important reason is I can’t take his voice” you give a pause and admit “your son is completely like a drug. I can’t stay here far from him, I don’t know how to get rid of it! If I hear him, it will be hard for me!! I’m sorry to say like this aunty! No I.. I don’t …”

You break your voice as you can’t talk anymore suppressing your tears then she state “don’t worry dear! You can say me everything you can and how you feel and… But I have something to say you”… You ask her “what is it?!”

Then she answer “I didn’t call by myself, he told me everything and I want to make you both feel better so I made a conference call”… Your mind went blank hearing to what she said and your body went numb. He know you very well, you won’t let out your feelings if any of your friends call you and that’s the reason his mom is talking to you now!

She shot back “Aileen! Are you here?!!” and your voice say “hmmmm!”

Then she state “here dear! You two can talk n…o…..w-”, you immediately snap “noo… ShhhhHH! Pleaseee… Please don’t… don’t talk!” This time his mom don’t say anything and let you speak… You continue “please don’t utter a word!” you try hard not to sound teary as he feel hurt

Then you sound in a mushy tone “thank you… Aunty, I will catch you again!! And please Take Care” you stressed ‘Please Take care’ resembling to HJ… He is happy as he heard you that day thinking ‘silly girl! Hearing my voice makes it difficult but avoiding it feels more difficult… marriage is only way to keep you with me but not now…I’m sorry! I’m useless!!!’ his fist balls up tight and start to imagine your voice again ‘shhhhh! Pleaseee don’t!’, ‘please take care’, he throw himself on his bed and slept with many thoughts of you… You felt happy at one corner as he made an effort to hear you unlike you who prefer to be silent!

Till a month, you talk to his mom on one condition that she won’t make any conference calls. One day, you get a call but you ignore it as you’re involved to rush to meeting and went inside the conference hall. While your phone rings continuously which made you to excuse yourself from there. You notice it’s from SeYin and you attend it “SeYin…is everything ok?”, she answer “Yeah!”

She sounded low and you ask “is everyone fine? Brother?? You? Prince??? Everyone??... HyunJoong?!!”… She snap back “Aileen!!”, your voice went silent thinking what must be reason for her to call at this time, its night there and it definitely must be about HJ…

You ask in almost shivering voice “Is HyunJoong ok?”… SeYin shot back “don’t say his name! and he is fine! Don’t worry”… You get relieved that he is fine and say “ohh that’s ok…I’m in meeting SeYin…need to go! Is there something serious?”

She take a sigh sounding sad “Aileen I want to say this from 1week… I thought you won’t believe me but now I have no choice... I didn’t believe it till I witnessed it with my own eyes”, you shot back “please come to the point!” as she’s dragging it as if mumbling herself.

She then remarked “HyunJoong is seeing another woman, I mean he is falling for a celebrity and I saw him with her in his apartment 2weeks back… I didn’t believe my eyes at that instant but your brother followed him till this day and now it’s too much! It’s time for you to make things clear from him… You ne..e..” *she give a pause as she can’t even hear your breathing* “Aileen are you here…hey! Aileen!”

Your heart sunk, at one point you don’t want to believe it but its SeYin who is saying this to you and the way she sound tells it all! You closed your eyes and sigh hard. You tell her “SeYin! Let me finish the meeting! Will call you after that! Please don’t worry!! I don’t want my superior to be angry coz of me” you managed to talk that much to make her feel that you are fine…

Your meeting ended up well in 1hour but you don’t want to call her right away and sat in the conference hall alone thinking ‘he know the impact on me after leaving me, he really did this to me?!! He don’t love me! But his eyes never lie! What’s this? Why?? I know this would come before falling for him but I had given in! Imagining my life with him… I want to blame him but I can’t… There’s a break of 43days between us, he had fallen for other that says he likes her and moving on leaving me behind! But the time with him, the love I received, there’s no lie…His heart doesn’t lie! But the break I gave made his heart fluctuate! WHY…it’s my fault to loose him’ You cried the hell out of you for one 1hour!

                       You called SeYin back after that and asked “so SeYin! Is it true?? Are you sure that I should believe you” you banged yourself as this is not what you want to talk, ofcourse you believe her but you have already said that… Then she sound “Aileen! That.. You—Lis-t-e-n--”, you snap at her responding “I’m sorry to ask that! I believe you and its ok! Let him be!!”… She take few moments to take in what you said and shout “what??”

You take a deep sigh and answer “its ok with me SeYin… I will let him go! It’s not that he loved me, so he should stay with me though he doesn’t feel anything for me as time goes on! And I don’t want to be a tagline or a burden to him like going to him and asking for justice for his doings… It’s not his fault to love some other when he is in relation with someone.. Heart fluctuates--”,

SeYin suddenly yelp “not his fault?” then you state “not at all… he is not married SeYin… He can be with anyone he want till he get committed with someone”

SeYin remark “I think he did that commitment with you!”, you gulp hard and shot back “he said it in words.. Actions are different from words”… You hold back your shaking voice and say “It’s not his fault SeYin! What can he do if his heart follows something? He can control his mind but… not the stupid heart!”

SeYin was shocked and you can feel that, she say “this is not done! He shouldn’t ..”, you snap at her “He very well know what to do right! And don’t feel bad… there’s nothing wrong! He will have a life he want… He will be happy if he have to love someone till end and all I want is him to be happy and never get a wrong choice…do me a favor of looking on him for that whether he got a perfect one who is good at heart”

SeYin will be yelling “Aileen! I can’t do that…I will hate him for doing this to you…he couldn’t ..”, you immediately shout “No! Don’t do that… listen SeYin! He is the person to be loved… He can’t tolerate the hatred from his friends, we both very well know that he seems to be bold and stubborn but he is very soft inside… He is more sensitive than we thought…And you people know him before me, don’t do this to him please! I can’t tolerate it…he need you people all the time…promise me that none of you people will hate him and always be there for him! Promise me for my sake please!!”

SeYin respond you “I promise! But what about you?? Can you b.e..e.e..”, you counter back before she ask anything “he gave me good memories SeYin! I will definitely move on with that! And be normal with him as he should never feel any guilt to move on!”

She snaps you asking “are you fine?? Are You sure!!”, you answer her “don’t worry! I will definitely be lively and fine”

You cut the call and tears are all on your face… You think “How can I talk like that without breaking apart..Ofcourse! It’s about defending him from their friends and not allowing him to feel guilty or getting hatred from his people! If you love other person when you’re I love with one, you should always prefer the latter one..Coz you won’t even fall for the second one if you still truly love the first…”

You give a sigh ‘HyunJoong! I let you go!! But my mind and heart?? I’m sure they will never stop loving you! JERK!!!!!’