I'm staring at nothing in particular. How could I forget such a big part of the person I am today?

"I've killed, hyung," I whisper, frozen, my eyes wide.

"You were drunk and you were angry," he says, no longer shaking.

"That doesn't change the fact that..." I run my hand through my hair, feeling that surge in my veins that I'd felt when I ruthlessly strangled him, and then it was gone. Then he was gone. "Hyung, something happened to me, I don't know what it is but my mind was shaken and I took someone's life, hyung, I remember, you were so scared and you were only trying to do what's right—"

"Taehyung," Seokjin cuts me off. "It's done."

"But Jin-hyung, I hurt you and you lied to me and we... we were so ed up, hyung..."

He laughs despite the tears rolling down his cheeks, and he brings his hand to my face to wipe away the cold rain. "We really were."

We were. Maybe even more than I remember—alcohol, drugs, smoking, and everything that had to do with delinquency until I finally crossed the line and murdered someone, and even after that, he's still chasing me after five years. Five years after everything was wiped out from my own mind, five years after he's moved on and went on to being a celebrity.

It's hard to believe, even for me. Why? Why would he go through all of that, trying to get me to remember by reliving our memories, and why five years later? Why would he still try?

"Why are you still trying, hyung?"

"Taehyung," he blinks, "It's because I'm madly in love with you."

Holy , holy ! Holy !

I look at him, my breath caught in my throat. My heart feels like it's going to burst and if I tried opening my mouth right now I'd probably be unable to say anything coherent so I start rambling—"Really? Y-You're in love with me? Since when? But why? I'm awkward and I used to have vices and addictions and you're Seokjin and I'm Kim Taehyung—"

"Shut up, Taehyung."

I do exactly as told when our lips crash together, my fingers tangled in his hair as he held me by the waist and closed the remaining gap between us and I feel like I'm right where I belong; and I really don't care about anything else because there is this deep feeling of satisfaction that's filling me to the brim because I feel like everything's in its right place as I experimentally part my lips slightly and he swipes his tongue over my bottom lip. I'm so red and it feels like my chest is going to burst; I pull away, laughing, and he smiles at me almost stupidly.

"Okay," I say.

"Okay what?" He furrows his eyebrows.

"I love you too. So much. So ing much, hyung," I bite my lip, looking at him straight in the eye. "And I can't believe it took me this long to realize that I'm in love with Kim Seokjin, not BTS' Jin. With you. I'm in love with you. Wow."

"You're so cheesy," he rolls his eyes. I shove him lightly.

"I'm taking it back! That took me lots of guts to say, you know."

"I was joking. Now that you've said it, why would I let you take it back?"

"Hm?" I tilt my head.

"You never told me that you loved me in high school. I never did, too."

"Why, though?" I ask. "And that's a serious question. I can't believe I never said something as real and honest as that."

"We were so scared of making ourselves vulnerable to each other," he laughs, leaning on the railing.

"Yeah," I smile and while the rain is ceasing slowly and the sun is beginning to rise, I pay attention to Seokjin. "But we really did love each other, huh..."

"To the point that it hurt," he smiles faintly. "And I never stopped loving you since."

"It's been years, hyung. That's not realistic."

"So?" He raises an eyebrow. "I don't care how long it takes, as long as you come back to me."

My heart skips a beat. "D-Don't you ever think that I'm not worth the time and effort? We were young and stupid. What makes you think you should waste it on me instead of moving on a long time ago? You could have moved on and found someone who's right for you instead of waiting for a boy you had a thing with high school."

"But you are worth it and you are the right one for me and you're not just a boy I had a thing with in high school," he says, my cheek. "Believe it or not."

"We only ed and went on informal dates, to put it bluntly. What's so important about that?" I look down, our fingers laced together.

"Many things, Kim Taehyung," he kisses me lightly on my forehead. "You'll remember, won't you?"

"I already do. Just blurry. But I know. I know we drank vodka on rollercoasters in the summer, I know we broke in the tallest tower in Daegu once. I know we went out at 2 AM and I rode trolleys and I vandalized your hoodie with my name. I know we did lots of things together," a smile plays on my lips as I look at the sky wistfully. "I just wish I remember why you haven't given up a long, long time ago."

idk