Previously on Seems So Real

“Look at me Taeyeon. Look at me!” Jessica grabbed Taeyeon by the collar and stare into her eyes. Jessica could clearly see Taeyeon hurtful eyes staring back at her. She almost could feel the same feeling the eyes showed. Suddenly she felt guilty. Then she realized Taeyeon was suffered as much as her. She released Taeyeon’s collar but eyes still fixed. With much lower tone, she asked again, “Are you the brunette haired girl?”

Taeyeon couldn’t stand looking at wrecked Jessica. She does remember me but she not really remember me?

*****

Taeyeon POV

Here I am again, lying on my bed. Hugging my favourite three peas in a pod pillow like a koala bear. Alone. Staring at the fan on the ceiling. Tiffany went to US to visit her family there. Sunny unnie got a new job with better pay. And there is me, a potato. But potato is good right? You can fry it, make a stew from it and mashed potato with gravy is delicious too. So is that making me worse than potato? Speaking of potato, I’m hungry. My stomach starting an orchestra without my command. Time to search for food. Cook, delivery or go outside? Hm...

****

I end up in a café. The place where I used to go with Tiffany. Instead of searching for real food, I chose to have some coffee and waffles. Why? Just because. I took a seat near the glass window where I can see the main street. Sometime I love to see people behaviours around me and guessing their story behind the facial expression. Like those two men sitting at the corner of the café. One with glasses and another one have a mole under his left bushy eyebrow. That is how details I scanned people. They are most definitely a couple. Throwing glances once in a while to each other and when their eyes met, they gave a sweetest smile to each other. They were wearing matching couple ring too. Choosing secluded area in the café is another clue to my theory. Judging from their actions towards each other I would say, they just became a couple. Maybe give or take, 3-4 months. Just when I am about to turn my head, the man with eye glasses reach the other guy hand’s under the table and give a squeeze to it. Bullseye!! Seeing the mole guy smile making me smile too. Enjoy your time guys.

“After almost two years being hiatus, completely disappeared from public eyes, Jung Jessica making a comeback by appearing on the red carpet at prestigious Seoul Fashion Week event together with another stunning Jung, one and only Jung Krystal.”

My eyes were darted to the TV screen hanging from ceiling of the café after the reporter mentioned a very familiar name. Name of the person I missed the most. Jung Jessica. She was wearing black long sleeveless dress with sweetheart neckline, waving and smiling at the camera with Krystal on her side.

Everything about her screaming elegant. She is back. Suddenly I feel my stomach flipped, palm sweating. Today marked one month since the day I last saw her. One month since the incidence. Watching her smiling on the screen makes my heart ache. Her smile s no longer mine. She was near yet so far. Was it really my fault though?

Flashback

My head turned to the door as I heard someone intrudes into Jessica’s room. “What happened? Is everything okay? We heard Jessica shouted and things crashed.” Yuri said with panic obviously stricken on her face. Then I saw Krystal and Tiffany standing behind Yuri with worried look. Their expression gradually changed from worried into surprised. I noticed they were looking at my painting with broken frames as they slowly approaching us.

“Is that The Place? You’ve told her?” Tiffany asked completely oblivious with what was going on between Jessica and me. Sometime Tiffany tends to do that. I don’t blame her. She was being herself as always.

I could feel Jessica warm breath against my face. I listen her unsteady breath. I almost could see what was coming next and my guess was right. “So she knows?” she asked.

I glanced at Jessica for a second and ran my eyes back to the floor. I felt like I’m shrinking into the size peanut under her stares. A burning hurtful stares.

“It is not her fault Sica. We were waiting for you to fully well. We afraid that you are not ready for the truth. Plus she didn’t know that we are not engaged anymore.” Yuri said.

I was stunned by her statement. They are not engaged anymore? When? Why? How? What??!! I was flabbergasted.

“Yuri unnie is right, unnie.” This time its Krsytal turn.

Jessica took a foot step back. Putting her left hand on her waist, right one on her forehead. She was pacing right and left like she was controlling her anger.

I didn’t know what to do. Thanks to my completely blank mind. I was trying to open my mouth but nothing came out. I’m choking my word.

“Everybody in this room knows.” Jessica whispered.

Room became deafening silent.

“Every ing one of you in this ing room knows and no one ever bother to tell me!!! Especially….” Her voice hitched, “especially you!!” She pointed at me. Once again I saw her eyes welled with tears. It was heart wrenching sight. “When…when will you tell me Taeyeon?!”

“I…I don’t know that you are no longer engaged. I would’ve told you sooner if I knew.” I stated my defence.

“Unbelievable.” Jessica scoffed while shaking her head.

I was so frustrated with myself. I couldn’t explain to her what was on my mind. I’m cursing myself for not being expert with words. Can you imagine how devastated I was? My incapability to express my feeling in this crucial moment causing her misunderstood my true intention.

Like a huge rock crushing on my chest. I could hardly breathe. My eyes were burning. My heart pounded against my chest.

“I was so stupid for choosing the Bus instead of the Helicopter. I was fooled to think that you really love me. I should just die instantly in the accident so that I never met you and betrayed by all of you. Believing you is my greatest mistake I’ve ever done.”

Jessica stormed out from the room leaving all of us astounded. I stay rooted on my spot. My heart was dying to chase her but my legs didn’t cooperate.

Krystal, Tiffany and Yuri didn’t mutter a single word. They didn’t understand why the bus and the helicopter have to do with all this. But I do. I had failed miserably protecting our love.

My name is Kim Taeyeon. I am Jung Jessica’s greatest mistake.

****

Jessica POV

I’m so tired giving fake smiles in front of the camera. I was trained by my father since I was 5 how to look presentable around people especially media. Camera flash gave me headache but I have to bare the pain for couple more hours.

“Are you okay, unnie?” Krystal slightly tilted her head to whisper in my ear while still clapping her hands pretending like she give her attention to the models on runaways.

“I’m okay. Just headache.”

“You shouldn’t be here. You should take a rest. Take the painkiller. It will go away.”

I nod my head.

The lights from the stage worsen my headache. Migraine. Definitely. Luckily I packed some painkillers inside my purse. I’m waiting for the right time to excuse myself.

Afternoon slots just ended. I rushed to hotel where Krystal and I stay. Very near to the event. I purposely asked my assistant to book this hotel so that we have proper place to touch up or take a rest. I slumped by body onto the mattress after took the pills. My head pounded. I can feel the blood vessel pulsating on my left temple.

Krystal was right. I shouldn’t go to this fashion show. My body is not ready for all this. But my mind needs distraction. I’m more tired emotionally and mentally with all of the things that happen between Taeyeon and me. Honestly, I miss her so much but I hate her more. I hate her for making me miserable.

I closed my eyes hoping for a decent sleep.

Flashback.

“Is that The Place? You’ve told her?” Taeyeon’s best friend said. What was her name again? Aa..Tiffany.

Told me what?

Did she know?

She did, didn’t she?

Taeyeon just an inch away from me. I felt my heart racing, pumping my boiling blood to every single capillary in my body. I could feel my face was burning. She told her best friend but she kept the secret from me. “So she knows?” I managed to control my voice.

“It is not her fault Sica. We were waiting for you to fully well. We afraid that you are not ready for the truth. Plus she didn’t know that we are not engaged anymore.” Yuri was backing her up. She knew about it too. What was the sleepover talk all about then?

“Yuri unnie is right, unnie.”

Wow..they took turn. Just wow. All of them knew all along but pretend to not knowing it because they think I’m not ready? They dare to let me went through sleepless night because they were waiting for me to fully recover? Where is the logic in that thinking? I couldn’t sleep for months!

My head throbbing. Feels like my body systems working 10 times more than usual. Now I know how Hulk feels. I want to trash this room. I feel I can lift this bed if I want.

“Everybody in this room knows.”

Room became deafening silent.

“Every ing one of you in this ing room knows and no one ever bother to tell me!!! Especially….” I choked, “especially you!!” my hand was trembling while I’m pointing at Taeyeon “When…when will you tell me Taeyeon?!” I heard my voice echoed throughout the entire guesthouse.

“I…I don’t know that you are no longer engaged. I would’ve told you sooner if I knew.” She was stuttering. She didn’t even look at me when she talked.

“Unbelievable.” Out of hundreds of reason she could make, she chose that reason to explain her side of the story. Where is the promise she once made? To protect our love, to protect me and our future. “I was so stupid for choosing the Bus instead of the Helicopter. I was fooled to think that you really love me. I should just die instantly in the accident so that I never met you and betrayed by all of you. Believing you is my greatest mistake I’ve ever done.”

I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with all of them. Breathing the same air with betrayer. I ran as fast as could. I saw the guests were standing outside of their room. We were too loud I guess but I don’t even care. I didn’t know where I should go until I saw Mr. Park standing at the entrance of the guesthouse. He was about to go to sleep I guess.

“Mr. Park, please send me home.” I said to him with my quivering lips.

He nodded.

No. Home is not far enough.

“Send me to the airport after that. I’m sorry.”

Mr. Park just smiled and led his way to the car without asking anything.

*****

No one POV

Jessica disappears from radar for more than 1 week until Krystal and Yuri decided to check on Jessica’s credit card. By the history of purchase, they knew Jessica was currently in US. They both fly to US to meet Jessica and personally asked for forgiveness. At first, Jessica avoided them but as stubborn as Jessica can be, she also easy to forgive.

As for Taeyeon, the opportunity to meet Jessica was as thin as her eyebrows. She tried to contact Jessica from time to time but she failed. Krystal and Yuri said they could not tell where Jessica was; even she begged on her knees, they said, “We’re sorry Taeyeon. We cannot afford to lose Jessica’s trust anymore. Give her some time.”

She wanted to regain Jessica’s trust too. She called Jessica’s number hundreds of time, texted her hundreds of messages, hoping one day Jessica will read her texts sooner or later.

*****

Taeyeon bought another cup of coffee. 4 hours sitting on the same spot doing nothing. There was no point of coming home too early. Only silence will welcome her home. Taeyeon sighed again for she didn’t know how many time she did that. Watching Jessica on television earlier that day brought back painful memories and she missed Jessica so much. She didn’t know what had happen to her that day. If only she can explain her action better, would they be what they are now?

She looked at thing that dangling from her left wrist. She touched the charms one by one. There were 5 of it. An apple, a duck, a tree, a heart and an infinity sign. I don’t know you remember every moment we shared in the special place, Sica. Things would be different between us if you give me even slightest clue. What are we now? Are we friend? Are we a lover? Or we already become strangers? She sighed again.

She fished out her phone inside her jeans. No new message receives. She closed her eyes for couple of second. She needs a closure. She couldn’t live in this uncertainty anymore. Suddenly she felt Jessica was unfair for treating her like this.

To : Icy Goddes

Hi Jessica. This will be my last text for you. Sorry for disturbing you again. Sica,I want to asky you. What am I to you now? Until when you will ignore me? I need an answer Jessica. If you want to end this, lets end this. End whatever we are now. If you want otherwise let’s talk. Don’t you think it’s unfair to left me hanging like this? Last time there were so many thing I had to register, my mind went caput. Give me one more chance. If you didn’t reply my text in 24 hours, I’ll consider there is nothing between us anymore.

-Taeyeon

It sounds like a threat but she didn’t have a choice. She knew how thick headed Jessica is.

What if she didn’t replay me? I…I do not want to end this. Arghhhh..i don’t know what I want!! She ruffled her hair, groaning by herself. Life is so confusing.

*****

Jessica slowly opened her eyes. She didn’t realize when exactly she fell asleep. Migraine gone. Thank god. She looked around the room and herself. She still wearing her black dress from the event. What is the time now? How long I was asleep? Where is my phone? She searched for her phone under the pillow. Nope. Not there.

Beep…beep..beep

Huh? The sound is close. Where?

She sat down and search righ