I could taste the sting of whiskey on your lips,

a final kiss,

before we said our last goodbye,

without a word being said.

"Be my girlfriend."

"Are you sure you are asking me to be your girlfriend without even a bouquet of flowers?" Despite him kneeling down right outside my apartment, I still pulled on my poker face.

But in fact, I was really scared of getting caught. Both groups were at stake.

"I am the greatest gift." He gave me his cheekiest smile. "If you really want flowers, I can send them to you everyday."

"To make my house into a garden? No thanks." I laughed, trying to grab his hands to pull him up. "Come on, stand up."

"I'm not going to stand up until you answer my question." He held onto my hands. "Not until I hear what I want to hear."

I had never seen someone like him.

"We're going to get caught by the paparazzis!"

"Answer my question and we will not get caught," He smiled. "Isn't it better for us to get caught?"

"Yah!"

"Would you be my girlfriend? Hmm?" He was looking me with his puppy eyes.

"YES!"

That five worded question along with the one word reply, changed everything.

Everything started last year, when our groups started to get closer with each other. The chance of bumping into him increased everytime.

I don't know if he did it on purpose, but he was everywhere.

Just when I thought everything was going to be alright.

Just when I thought love was finally hitting me.

Anxiety just have to hit me hard.

♡♡♡♡♡

Another state of anxiety, my memory was getting weaker and weaker. Not only being really forgetful, sometimes it took me quite a while to regconise who was infront of me.

And Jiyong was part of them.

Everytime I see him, I always have the urge to cry

I am so thankful and sorry at the same time.

"My eyes are the first to forget. The face I once caressed between my hands, now a blur and your voice is slowly drifting from my memory."

"It's just for a short while Yoong, you will get better." I was brought into his arms, "You will get better, I promise."

It was so heartbreaking to see him like this and I cried even more. Everytime when I am in his arms, I always tell myself how lucky I am, how lucky I am, how luckly I am to have him.

I can't do this now, I don't want to let go.

At least, not now.

♡♡♡♡♡

There were times when it just exploded, without any warnings.

Everyone around me was panicking and was so petrified by my actions.

"Ji, I don't want to go up the stage."

It was the press conference for my new drama, which I was in the midst of filming.

I was clinging onto him like holding onto my dear life, shaking my head profusely. He's not expecting anything like this, he was just here to visit me during work. We actually planned to go for dinner after this event, but who knows.

Everything was ruined.

"Okay okay, we'll not go on stage." He was patting my back calmly, mumbling those words over and over again against my ears.

He did not ask me to calm down neither did he tell me everything is gonna be alright, that is because he knew that it wouldn't work.

I wailed loudly, uncontrollably. I cried till I almost couldn't breathe, panting so loudly like a person wanting to catch his last breath.

It was his first time seeing me like this but instead of panicking, he said something else.

"Yoona, I'm here. Kwon Jiyong is here. Nobody will force you to do what you don't want to do."

That was the most comforting words I can ever have during that point in time. His forehead was against mine, we were just kneeling on the floor in the waiting room.

The event went on without my presence and I was then brought home.

After that incident, all my schedules was either cancelled or  pushed back.

How useless I am right? 

♡♡♡♡♡

It was that usual night, where I stayed so calmly in his arms, waiting to fall asleep along with his soothing voice.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight to you too, I love you so much."

It was then silence and I decided to ask him the last thing for the night.

"Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

He replied it so casually, my head slowly, giving her kisses from time to time.

"Why is it every time we say goodnight, it feels like a good-bye?"

He hugged me tighter than before, pressing his head down against mine.

"It's not a goodbye yoong, stop saying stuff like this."

Although his reply was a heartwarming one but I couldn't feel the heat and my heart went cold.

"Go to sleep, tomorrow will be better."

I ended up staining his shirt with my tears, once again.

♡♡♡♡♡

There were also times when we got into fight because of me, my illness to be exact.