Suhan

My mouth was dry and my body was shaking as I stood in front of the old, worn-out door. I my lips and rounded up the courage to knock on the door, not sure if I was ready to see the state that was inside.

Knock. Knock. Knock.

I slowly put my free hand back by my side as I waited for someone to open the door. Aya had given me the passcode, but I didn’t want to use that yet. I needed to see if he was okay enough to even open the door to a visitor.

The door eventually did open, but not by who I hoped for.

“Suhan...” D.O said, tiredly but with a bit of surprise.

I stared at him. D.O looked bad.

He looked as if he hadn’t slept for three days straight; his cheeks were slightly sunken in and his bags were an eerie shade of gray that made his sockets look hollow and worn out.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Is- Is Kai, um-”

“He hasn’t come out of his room since Tuesday.” He said.

Tuesday.

That was two days ago.

D.O moved aside, gesturing for me to come inside. I did.

“He won’t eat, he doesn’t sleep, he hasn’t said more than four words since I got here, he won’t talk to anyone.” He listed, his voice breaking more and more as he spoke.

I glanced at Kai’s bedroom door; it was closed, as expected.

I took a deep breath. I didn’t really know what I was feeling. Everything just seemed so- so surreal.

I just knew that I had to make sure Kai was okay.

And my other friends as well.

I lightly placed my plastic bags on the table before turning around to D.O. who was typing something into his phone.

“How are you?” I asked softly.

D.O. slowly blinked at his screen before putting the device away and taking a deep breath. “I don’t really know.” He confessed. “When I heard about Halmoni...I didn’t really have time to process my reaction, I just had to make sure Kai was okay. I went to the hospital first and we both spent the night there and when I came back here with him, he went straight to his room. He didn’t cry, he didn’t scream, he didn’t really do anything.”

D.O, you’re a best friend sent from heaven but, “I asked how you were, D.O. Not Kai.”

A small smile appeared on his tired face for a fraction of a second. “Doesn’t matter how I feel. It’s nothing compared to what he’s feeling.”

I nodded in acknowledgement.

“Aya’s worried sick about you guys. She doesn’t want to come here and become a crying mess so she’s trying to stay home. I think you should go to her. Calm her down, get some rest because seriously, you look exhausted.” I told him.

But he just shook his head. “No, I can’t leave him. He can’t be alone, not now.”

“He won’t, I promise. I’ll stay here with him.” I said.

“Suhan-”

“He’s my friend too, Kyungsoo.” I said. “You all are. So let me feel like one to you guys, okay?”

I could tell how tired D.O must have been because he really didn’t need much convincing after that. He felt a little guilty for leaving, but I told him he had been the best friend anyone could ever ask for. He left soon after, leaving me alone in Kai’s living room, trying to calm myself enough to go see Kai.

I closed the door behind D.O, and turned around, but my feet didn’t move. I realized I didn’t know what to say to Kai when I saw him. I had never been in a situation like this before and honestly, I was scared I would break down in front of him and make feel only worse. I knew I wasn’t the strongest person out there, but I needed to be right now, for Kai.

He had been my pillar ever since I met him.

I needed to be his right now.

And so, with wary steps, I walked to his room. I softly knocked a few times, but no one opened the d