Joonmyun doesn't sleep all night. It's not that he doesn't want to sleep, and it's certainly not like he doesn't try, he just can't. He goes to bed at midnight and spends the next few hours tossing and turning before finally giving up altogether, flipping onto his back and staring into the ceiling until the light in the room turns from black to grey as the sun begins to rise.

Outside it's raining hard, he can hear it drumming against his window panes. The bleak autumn weather is oddly fitting, a perfect mirror of how hopeless Joonmyun feels at the moment. He feels hollow and empty, as if he has lost a part of himself and that part has been replaced by static buzzing uncomfortably under his skin like a thousand wasps are trapped there.

If he has to be honest, though, he has felt this way ever since his initial falling out with Yixing, he has just been ignoring it like he always tends to do. But he's not going to do that anymore. He has realized that he needs to allow his emotions to speak to him rather than try to bury them, so for once he gives in and lets the static overwhelm him, finally lets his emotions have free reign of his body so he can admit to himself that he misses Yixing so much it actually physically hurts. He needs Yixing in his life in order to be happy.

Joonmyun's phone vibrates on the bedside table, and his knee-jerk reaction is to not answer it since he doesn't really have the energy to talk to anyone right now. He figures he'll at least look at the caller ID to see who's calling, though, so he reaches out to grab his phone. What he sees flashing over the screen catches him so off guard he swears he nearly has a heart attack.

Of all the contact names he expected to be met with, 'Dimples <3' was somewhere close to the bottom of the list, and now Joonmyun doesn't hesitate to press the button to accept the call. “Hi,” he exhales into the receiver, not even caring if his eagerness is clear in his voice.

“Hi,” Yixing says back, and Joonmyun holds his breath in part anticipation, part fear as he waits for Yixing to go on. “Uhm... I'm outside. Can you come open the door?” It takes a few seconds for the words to register in Joonmyun's brain, but once they do, he's out of bed in the blink of an eye. He has never covered the distance between his bedroom and his front door as fast as he does now.

True to word, Yixing is standing outside the front door when Joonmyun opens it. He looks messy, hair wet with rain, and he's wearing the same clothes Joonmyun had seen him in the day before, only this time they're completely soaked as well. The dark circles under Yixing's tired eyes are even more pronounced than they were earlier. Joonmyun still thinks he looks absolutely breathtaking. “Hi,” he mutters again for lack of anything else to say.

“Did I wake you?” Yixing asks, because, Joonmyun thinks wryly to himself, even if Yixing hates Joonmyun's guts now, he's still as considerate as ever. He would be.

“I wasn't sleeping,” Joonmyun says and adds to make it clear: “I didn't sleep.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Yixing mutters. There's a lull in their conversation, and the silence makes Joonmyun impatient, but he tries not to make that too obvious. He doesn't want to push Yixing now that he has finally come to him out of his own free will, now that he finally seems willing to give Joonmyun a chance. Joonmyun doesn't want to ruin this. So he stays perfectly quiet and waits for Yixing to sort out his thoughts and speak first. Yixing shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, looking hesitant, and Joonmyun tenses up when Yixing opens his mouth to say: “Can I come in?”

Joonmyun feels stupid, although that's not exactly anything new. He's very familiar with that feeling by now. “Right,” he says, shaking his head at his own foolishness. “Of course.” He steps aside and gestures for Yixing to enter, and Yixing does. He toes off his shoes with the ease of someone who lives there – Joonmyun's heart aches when he thinks back to the time where Yixing pretty much did – before walking further into the apartment. Joonmyun follows.

The silence is back and the situation is exactly the same, the only difference being the change of location. Now, Yixing is dripping rain water on the living room floor rather than the floor of the hallway outside, and Joonmyun really should have noticed sooner just how drenched Yixing is. “Joonmyun,” Yixing begins, but Joonmyun interrupts him by saying:

“Let me get you a towel.” He leaves to fetch one before Yixing even has a chance to say anything.

When Joonmyun returns, Yixing is standing in the same position. There's a troubled look on his face, and he lets out a sigh. “Joonmyun,” he tries again, only to cut himself off abruptly once more when Joonmyun walks over, places the towel over his head and starts drying his hair for him.

“You're going to get sick again at this rate,” Joonmyun mutters as he rubs Yixing's damp locks fervently. “Remember what happened last time you were out in the rain? Silly.” In hindsight, he probably should have thought twice about his actions before just going along with his instinct like that. It's not until his eyes slide from his own hands down to Yixing's face and he looks at Yixing's wide-eyed expression that he notices how close they are now and subsequently realizes that he's technically not allowed to touch Yixing so intimately. Not anymore. He jerks back as if burned, towel dropping to the floor in a heap, and he stutters out: “S-sorry.” He really is sorry, sorry for acting without thinking, but more than that, his fingers are itching to touch Yixing again. He curls them to keep himself at bay and repeats the word anyway just to get his point across. “Sorry.”

What he doesn't expect is for Yixing to take in a sharp breath and reach out for him.

What he expects even less is Yixing cupping Joonmyun's cheeks in his hands and pressing their mouths together, yet that is exactly what happens.

It's pure shock that prevents Joonmyun from comprehending the situation until Yixing is already pulling back from the kiss when Joonmyun doesn't return it, and even while standing there, looking Yixing right in the eye, it's difficult for Joonmyun to believe that this is really happening. For all he knows, this could be nothing but a dream. A very, very life-like dream brought on by wishful thinking. He's been wanting this for a long time, after all.

But it all feels too real to be simply a figment of Joonmyun's imagination – Yixing's gentle touch against his face, the open vulnerability in his eyes, the way his voice shudders when he whispers: “I love you too.” He swipes his thumb under Joonmyun's bottom lashes to collect tears Joonmyun didn't even know he was shedding, and he smiles shakily. “I love you, Kim Joonmyun.”

It all seems too easy, but if this is really a dream, Joonmyun doesn't even care anymore. He just leans forward to kiss Yixing again, wrapping his arms around Yixing and curling his fists into the back of his shirt to make sure he doesn't suddenly float away, doesn't slip out of his grasp and fade into nothing like a Fata Morgana. The way the tension bleeds out of Yixing's entire body at the press of Joonmyun's lips against his own is definitely, definitely not something Joonmyun could make up no matter how hard he tried.

Joonmyun keeps kissing Yixing, even though their lips taste like salt from the tears streaming down Joonmyun's face. He kisses Yixing's top lip, his bottom lip, at the seam between them, on Yixing's tongue when he opens his mouth, hungry, desperate, wanting. Joonmyun doesn't stop until his lungs beg him to. Even then, he refuses to let go, pressing his face into Yixing's shoulder and just holding him in his trembling arms, breathing him in. This is real. The tightly coiled lump of nerves in Joonmyun's gut has exploded into a million sparkling rainbows, repainting his monochrome world with every color imaginable. This is really happening. Yixing is really here. Joonmyun is really hugging him.

In that moment, everything comes crashing down on Joonmyun like a massive avalanche of emotions piling on top of his body, weighing him down. It's the anxiousness he's been feeling for months and months; it's the sadness and the loneliness he felt when he was all by himself; it's the fear of losing Yixing forever; it's the relief and happiness of finally being able to wrap Yixing in his embrace again and know that he loves him. It's all too much, and it makes Joonmyun's legs buckle and eventually give out under him. He starts dropping to the floor, still hanging on to Yixing like a last lifeline, but Yixing doesn't seem to have any plans of releasing his hold on Joonmyun any time soon either, so he willingly goes down with him until they're both on their knees.

If anyone was to walk into the apartment right now, Joonmyun can picture they would be met with quite the sight: two grown men sitting on the floor, sobbing into each other's shoulders. Joonmyun would laugh at the mental image if he wasn't so busy bawling his eyes out. Something inside of him has been punctured and all his repressed thoughts and feelings are spilling out like roaring waterfalls. “I'm sorry,” he cries. “I'm so, so sorry.” Yixing shushes him gently, rubbing circles into his back as though trying to comfort a fussy child, but Joonmyun doesn't listen. “I'm such a horrible person, I'm so stupid, I'm the worst. The worst.”

“Careful, there,” Yixing says mock-threateningly. “That's my boyfriend you're talking about.”

That just makes Joonmyun cry even harder. “How... how can you forgive me just like that? You shouldn't just... just let me off so easily. You shouldn't.”

Yixing pulls back so he can look Joonmyun in the eye. “I love you,” he says again. His voice is thick with emotion and his eyes are wet, too, but he kisses Joonmyun's tears away. While he's at it, he also kisses Joonmyun's nose and his chin and his forehead and finally his lips. “I wish you would forgive yourself.” Joonmyun opens his mouth to protest. Yixing cuts him off with another kiss and says with a stern look: “I already forgave you, why can't you do the same?”

“I don't deserve it,” Joonmyun whispers frantically. “I don't deserve it, I don't... I don't deserve you. You are too good for me. Way too good.” Yixing doesn't say anything this time, but he kisses and kisses and kisses Joonmyun, chaste pecks against his lips every time he as much as tries to object, and in the end, Joonmyun gives up and gives in, lets it all happen without further protest. They slide into a sitting position on the floor, and Joonmyun immediately moves in, wrapping his legs around Yixing's waist and his arms around his shoulders, and he clings to him, close, close, closer, never close enough.

For a very, very long time, they stay seated just like that. Their tears subside, but they don't get up, partially because Joonmyun still doesn't fully trust his legs to carry him, mostly because he doesn't want to let go of Yixing ever again. So he just sits there and holds him in his arms. Yixing seems more than happy not to move, though, so they don't. At least not until Yixing mumbles: “My is numb.” Joonmyun lets out a burst of laughter – how long has it been since he actually laughed? – and he feels Yixing's smile where his lips are pressed against Joonmyun's skin.

They reluctantly let go of each other to get on their feet. Now that he's standing, Joonmyun notices how stiff his legs are and how sore his backside is from staying in that position for so long. He is also reminded of the state Yixing was in when he arrived, and when he looks him over, he sees that his clothes are still damp. Joonmyun crosses his arms over his chest. “We need to get you out of that and into something dry. I don't want you getting sick again.”

“Are you that eager to get me ?” Yixing teases, but his voice is shivering from the cold now that he doesn't have Joonmyun's body warmth to share anymore, so when Joonmyun raises an eyebrow at him, Yixing just sighs and nods. “Okay, fine.”

Joonmyun takes Yixing to the bathroom, and without even asking, he turns on the hot water to fill the large tub. Yixing doesn't protest, though, just sits on the edge of it to pour scented soap into the bath like he has done so many times before this. Once more, seeing Yixing acting so at home makes Joonmyun's heart ache. “I'll get you something else to wear,” he offers and leaves the room before Yixing can respond, much like he did earlier. It's easier that way.

When Joonmyun comes back, Yixing's wet clothes are hung to dry on the sink, and Yixing is already sitting in the tub even though it's not quite full yet. It's been months since Joonmyun last saw Yixing's bare body, and it still seems to make the blood run a little faster in his veins, his heart picking up until it seems to be beating in double time. He had tried so hard to erase all memories of Yixing from his mind, yet he was never able to forget just how beautiful Yixing is.

Somehow it feels wrong to stare like this. They just made up less than an hour ago, and Joonmyun doesn't have much experience with how these things usually goes, but he fears it might be too soon for, well, that. He's not sure if Yixing wants to take it slow, so despite the fact that all he wants to do is reach out and touch Yixing everywhere, Joonmyun doesn't. Instead he gulps and averts his eyes, muttering something about clean clothes as he puts them down on the counter. He motions to leave the room to give Yixing some privacy, but stops when Yixing calls out: “Joonmyun?”

He turns back around to face Yixing again and is immediately met with the sensation of water seeping through his clothes. Startled, Joonmyun looks down at his now wet shirt and pants, then looks incredulously at Yixing just in time to see him splashing another handful of water in his direction, this time hitting him right in the face. Joonmyun sputters. “What the hell?”

“Oops,” Yixing deadpans. “Looks like you're wet, too. Better join me in here.” His tone is level (and completely unapologetic), but his expression is playful, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Joonmyun rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Fine,” he sighs. He tries to come across as calm as Yixing sounds, but his heart is still racing so he doesn't quite accomplish it. As he begins to undress, he feels a little bashful under Yixing's heavy stare. He rushes to shed the remainder of his clothes and quickly slips into the tub to hide his body under mountains of bubbles. He's hesitant about what to do, then, but Yixing just opens his arms in invitation, and Joonmyun shifts closer, fitting himself between Yixing's legs with his back against Yixing's chest.

It's not the first time they've shared a bath, though with how jittery and anxious Joonmyun feels, it might as well be. Yixing seems less on edge about the whole thing, and once more he comes to Joonmyun's rescue as he simply wraps his arms around Joonmyun's waist to pull him close, resting his chin on Joonmyun's shoulder. He turns his head to press a kiss to the side of Joonmyun's neck, and with his lips still against Joonmyun's skin, he repeats: “I love you.”

The ever-present butterflies in Joonmyun's stomach are spinning out of control, and there's a lump in his throat as if he's about to burst into tears all over again, but he manages to contain it. “I love you too,” he whispers back, and he is so, so happy. At the same time he can't help but feel guilty, though. He's happy, happier than he has ever been, but he's still not completely convinced that he actually deserves to be. This is almost too good to be true.

~*~

A/N: this chapter is heavy on the simile, my god. I guess love makes you all poetic and ?

in this chapter we see, welp... yixing and joonmyun getting back together. applause, applause. some of you might think it's too soon or that it was too easy, but, trust me, joonmyun thinks the exact same way. they still have a lot of things they need to talk about. things will be explained. everything is going to make a lot more sense... in the next chapter. yeahhh.

I don't know what else to say, so I'll just post the song that is the chapter title since it's one of my favorite songs of all time.

ps. if you like laychen/chenlay/whatever, click here.

pps. if you like suchen, click here.

ppps. if you like got7, click here.