Somehow Joonmyun manages to doze off before again Yixing returns from the bathroom. He wakes up to Yixing getting back into bed, and Joonmyun wraps his arm around Yixing as he curls up to Joonmyun's side, tucking his head under Joonmyun's chin. Like this, Joonmyun can feel that Yixing's hair is damp. “Did you take a shower?”

He feels Yixing nodding. “Just a quick one.” Joonmyun hums in reply and kisses the top of Yixing's head. A few minutes of silence pass between them before Yixing speaks again: “I was thinking,” he says quietly. Almost... shyly? “We should... we should do something.”

“I just did you,” Joonmyun fires back, grinning when Yixing huffs.

“Funny,” Yixing says, though his tone suggests that he finds it anything but. “I'm serious, though. I thought about it in the shower, and... I think we should go somewhere. Can we?”

Joonmyun purses his lips. As much as he would love to spend the remainder of the day in bed with Yixing like this, going somewhere together sounds like a tempting idea as well. They're both busy so they don't get to do that a lot. “Where do you want to go?”

“I don't know,” Yixing mutters. Joonmyun keeps running his hand up and down Yixing's arm, smiling at the feeling of goosebumps rising on his skin. “Do you want to go see a movie or something? Maybe? I don't know.”

“A movie?” Joonmyun repeats. He thinks about going to the cinema with Yixing. Sharing a huge bucket of popcorn. Linking fingers in the dark.

“I don't know, it's just a suggestion. We... we don't have to.” There's something about Yixing's tone that causes Joonmyun's heart to ache and makes him want to hold Yixing and never let go of him again. Perhaps it's because there a vulnerable edge to it, he sounds so insecure and uncertain. It's rare to hear Yixing sounding like that, that's usually Joonmyun's role, which is probably also why Joonmyun makes up his mind so fast.

“No,” he says. “We don't have to. But I want to. Let's do it.” His heart skips a beat at the feeling of Yixing smiling against his lips when they kiss.

They decide to go to catch one of the late afternoon showings and leave Yixing's apartment with plenty of time to spare. The actual trip to the movie theater isn't a problem at all. They've taken the subway together plenty of times before, and Joonmyun feels perfectly fine doing that. It's when they get there that he starts feeling inexplicably anxious. He feels paranoid, almost. He doesn't know why his skin seems to be crawling or why he's so jumpy, but he is and it's throwing him off.

Yixing, thankfully, is oblivious, smiling and chatting away as they stand in line to buy their tickets. Joonmyun wishes his excitement was contagious so he would stop feeling so terrible. Part of him is considering feigning illness or making up some other excuse to get out of there, and the only thing that keeps him from doing that is how happy Yixing looks right now. Joonmyun doesn't want to make that go away so he forces himself to fight through the uncomfortableness and stay put.

Joonmyun lets Yixing pick what to watch but pays for the tickets himself, which Yixing lets him do without objection for once. And Yixing leans in close and whispers: “It's been a while since we went on a date, huh?” There it is. The mere mention of the word 'date' is enough to have Joonmyun throwing a cautious glance around the place of make sure none of the people standing nearby overheard Yixing's comment, and that is when realization strikes.

That is when Joonmyun finally understands why everything feels so off to him. He's on a date with another guy, and he doesn't want anyone else to know that. He doesn't want anyone to get the wrong idea of him, so he's anxious, panicking, his heart is thumping and his throat seems to be clogging up. What if someone he knows sees him like this? What if they tell everyone that he's in a relationship with a guy? What is he going to do if everyone finds out?

Now Yixing seems to pick up on Joonmyun's distress. His smile fades, replaced by a frown. “Hey, what's the matter? Are you okay? Do you not feel well? Do you want to skip the movie and just go home instead?” He reaches out to touch Joonmyun's forehead and looks even more concerned when Joonmyun leans away from his hand.

“I'm fine,” Joonmyun says quickly. Yixing doesn't look convinced at all, but Joonmyun really can't blame him, he knows he's not a very good liar. He also knows he's being stupid, and that's probably the worst part of it all. It's not like other people can tell just from looking at them that they're on a date. They could easily be two friends out to watch a movie together, nothing more, and Yixing would never try to kiss Joonmyun in public or anything like that, he knows better. Joonmyun is being ridiculous. Joonmyun is being ridiculous.

There's still a frown on Yixing's face, so Joonmyun winds his fingers around his wrist and gives it a squeeze. It's a brief gesture, nothing much, but it's enough to make Yixing's features soften significantly, and when Joonmyun lets go of him again, he asks: “Are you sure you're alright?”

“I'm fine,” Joonmyun repeats, like a broken record. The truth is he isn't fine, not really. He can't quite seem to shake the unwelcome feeling of anxiety creeping down his back, like a persistent parasite clinging to his skin, but he tries to ignore it to the best of his ability. He's being ridiculous. “Let's... let's just go get some snacks, yeah?”

“Okay,” Yixing mutters. He doesn't sound anywhere near as cheerful as he had earlier, before Joonmyun ruined everything. Joonmyun feels like a douche for taking his happiness away. That is exactly what he didn't want to happen.

Things get better once they're sitting in their seats and the lights go out. In the darkness, Joonmyun's confidence goes up, and mid-movie he no longer feels like a ticking bomb of nerves ready to go off at any second. As his insecurity declines, however, he also feels even more sorry for upsetting Yixing. He wants to make it up to him somehow.

A thrilling explosion of adrenaline shoots through Joonmyun's body like a burst of fire when he reaches out for Yixing's hand to link their fingers together. Yixing seems surprised by the action, turning his attention away from the screen to stare at Joonmyun, but Joonmyun merely smiles at him, and Yixing smiles back and doesn't object in the slightest when Joonmyun pulls their joined hands towards him to rest them in his lap. It's okay, Joonmyun tells himself to calm his racing heart. No one is going to look at them during the movie, and even if they did, they wouldn't be able to see anything because of the darkness. It's okay. No one will notice.

Joonmyun holds Yixing's hand for the rest of the movie and doesn't let go of it until the credits roll. Yixing seems happier now, walking towards the exit with a slight skip in his step. “Did you like the movie?” Joonmyun asks to make conversation.

“It's was pretty good,” Yixing says. “I liked spending time with you the most, though.” He adds the last part with a shameless smile, and Joonmyun can feel a flustered flush crawling up his neck. “Do you want to go grab some dinner or something?”

Of course this is the moment Joonmyun's mind chooses to remind him of the pile of papers he has to read for an upcoming meeting. He pulls a face. “Sorry, I can't. I have to go home. There's a bunch of stuff I need to get done for work.”

“Oh. That's okay. We'll do it some other time, then.” Yixing appears to be fine with it, but Joonmyun isn't. He still feels bad about ruining their outing, so without saying anything, he tugs at Yixing's arm to get him to follow him to the nearest men's room, which turns out to be empty. Fortunately. That makes Joonmyun's intentions much easier to go through with. Yixing is frowning. “I could've just waited outside, you know,” he says, seemingly confused... until Joonmyun turns to him and pulls him closer by the front of his shirt so he can kiss him. Yixing melts into it right away, his hands settling on Joonmyun's hips as he into Joonmyun's mouth with an ease of someone who has done this plenty of times before. Then again, they have done this plenty of times before.

“I've been wanting to do that for hours,” Joonmyun mutters sheepishly after breaking their kiss.

“I see.” Yixing pecks his lips again for good measure. “Why?”

“Why what?”

“Why did you kiss me?”

Joonmyun shrugs while making a noncommittal noise. “I just wanted to do it, that's all. Can't I kiss my boyfriend without it having to mean something?”

“Of course you can,” Yixing says without missing a beat. “You can kiss me all you want. But I could tell this wasn't just a regular kiss.” Joonmyun doesn't understand how Yixing manages to see straight through him like that, but... he lets out a sigh. Yixing is right. “Hey. Is everything okay?”

“I guess I just... I'm sorry. For being so weird today. I ruined this.”

“I don't know what you think you ruined. I had a great time.”

“You're just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, I'm not. I'm really not.” Now Yixing moves his hands up to cup Joonmyun's face. “I really enjoyed myself. You know I'm happy doing anything as long as I get to be with you.”

“That would be very romantic if we weren't having this conversation in a public bathroom,” Joonmyun says, and Yixing smiles.

“Not my decision.” Joonmyun huffs, and Yixing's smile falters slightly. He trails his thumbs over Joonmyun's cheeks. “I wish you'd stop being so hard on yourself all the time. You're such an amazing person, and I...” He trails off, goes abruptly quiet.

“You what?” Joonmyun urges, trying to come off as teasing but failing in his attempt. The atmosphere has made a sudden shift now, it's too heavy to be playful, which is kind of ridiculous. They're in a restroom.

At least the question seems to snap Yixing out of his stupor, though he just shakes his head. “Nevermind,” he says with a smile that's hard to read. “I just like you a lot, that's all.” Joonmyun has a feeling that Yixing isn't telling him everything, but as usual he doesn't mention it. Things are easier if he doesn't. “Didn't you say you had a lot of work to do? We should get out of here.” And just like that, the conversation is over, and the moment of tension passes.

Even though Joonmyun got a weight off his chest, he also had his mind jumbled in the same instance, so he doesn't feel much better when they leave the bathroom. It doesn't help any that it turns out to be raining hard once they make it all the way outside. They pause under the movie theater's marquee, glancing warily out at the wall of water pouring from the sky. It doesn't seem to be letting up any time soon. “Crap,” Joonmyun mutters under his breath.

Yixing bumps his shoulder with his own. “You should get going.”

“What about you?”

“I'll be fine. I'll wait it out, and if it doesn't get any better, I guess I'll just have to get wet.”

Joonmyun frowns. “You're going to end up sick like that,” he says. “You're not even wearing a proper jacket. I told you you should wear a proper jacket.”

“Stop fussing,” Yixing interjects, but he seems more amused than anything. “It's pretty cute and all, but you're starting to sound like my mom. I am an adult, I can take care of myself just fine.” Joonmyun's frown only deepens. Yixing gives him another bump. “Go. I'll see you tomorrow.”

Sighing, Joonmyun relents. He really does have to get going. “Alright,” he mumbles. “See ya.” And with that he braves the rain.

~*~

A/N: there are a lot of things going on in this chapter. I'm not even sure where to begin. we have sulay being gross and cuddly (with a special appearance by badpun!myun). we have sulay going on a movie theater date. we have joonmyun freaking the out during said date because of ~reasons~. we have joonmyun working through his fears all by himself like a Big Boy (so proud!!). we have sulay makeouts in the bathroom because jonmon is a silly . it's late and I'm hungover. I don't know what I'm saying. I don't know what I'm doing.

(this chapter is kind of important, though.)

thank you all for reading! b"d
 

ps: we're all born and the rest is drag.