For the sake of convenience, they decide to go to Yixing's place again. It's closer to the venue, within walking distance, and Joonmyun is thankful for that. It means less time in which he has to endure Yixing's sidelong gazes and the awkward tension that hangs like a dark cloud over his head. At this rate, Joonmyun might start automatically associating Yixing's place with something bad. He has felt tense every single time he's been there so far.

Silence dominates as they take off their shoes and jackets in the entrance hallway, but Joonmyun can tell even without looking that Yixing is dying to ask questions, practically bouncing on the spot with his restrained eagerness. He holds himself back, however, waiting for Joonmyun to initiate conversation, and in a way Joonmyun is happy that Yixing is so understanding. He also feels incredibly stupid for turning this into such a huge deal, though. So stupid.

They have sat down on the couch by the time Joonmyun has finally gathered to courage to start talking. “I don't really know how to put this,” he begins, speaking in a slow pace to give himself more time to figure out how to word it properly.

Yixing reaches out to take his hand, holding it between both of his own, and he looks at Joonmyun with a concerned expression. “What is it?” he asks calmly, and out of nowhere Joonmyun is overwhelmed by the urge to laugh out loud, not out of nervousness like he has been known to do before, but rather because of the recent realization of how stupid this whole thing is. It really didn't have to be a big deal, but he made it into one. It's ridiculous. Now he just wants it to be over fast.

“I'm kind of a .” Okay, maybe not that fast. Or at least with a little more grace than that. But the words fall from Joonmyun's mouth without his consent, and once it strikes him that they're really out, he holds his breath, awaiting Yixing's reaction.

For a while, nothing happens. At first Joonmyun thinks Yixing didn't understand what he just said since he keeps staring as if he's waiting for more to come. “And...?” Yixing eventually says.

“And... nothing,” Joonmyun says, a little confused. “That's... that's all there is to it.”

Yixing blinks a few times, looking like his brain is still working to catch up with this information. Then he snorts. “You're joking,” he says with conviction. Joonmyun keeps looking at him with a serious expression, the tone of his skin gradually changing into a shade of dark pink, and Yixing's smile falls. “You're... not joking? But...” He frowns so hard it looks painful.

“I've had girlfriends in the past and I've done stuff with them,” Joonmyun takes it upon himself to explain. “But you, you're... you're the first guy I've been with.”

He can pinpoint the exact moment the pieces click together in Yixing's mind because his eyes suddenly go wide. “Are you serious?” he asks, almost in a whisper. Joonmyun nods slowly. “But you did...” The words are followed by a jerky hand gesture Joonmyun easily interprets, a gesture that makes him flush even darker. “How?”

“You really couldn't tell that I've never... never touched another guy before?”

“No?” Yixing says, still in a tone of disbelief. “You were so... I'm... Why didn't you tell me?”

Joonmyun shrugs. “It's kind of embarrassing. To admit that I don't know what I'm doing.”

“There's nothing embarrassing about being inexperienced. Everyone has to start somewhere, right?” Joonmyun recalls those words being used in a very different context not too long ago, but he doesn't say that out loud. He just nods. Yixing's hand cups Joonmyun's face to make him look up, and when they lock eyes, Yixing smiles and leans in to give him a quick kiss. “I just wish you had told me earlier. I was worried it was something more serious than this.”

“Sorry,” Joonmyun mumbles, bashfully lowering his gaze again.

“It's okay.” Once more Yixing kisses him. “Oh, and if I had known that you've never done all of this before I would have made sure to take things slow.”

“It was plenty slow for me,” Joonmyun says in a tone that's a little bitter due to the thought of the times he was so it hurt and didn't know how to deal with it. Yixing looks amused and it instantly makes Joonmyun more at ease. This conversation is going a lot better than all the horror scenarios his brain had conjured, so, overtaken by a bout of courage, he looks straight at Yixing and says: “I want to do it with you.”

Yixing's mouth twitches. “Do... what, exactly?” he asks, and Joonmyun thinks he detects a slight shakiness to his tone but he's not sure.

“I... I want to have with you.” Yixing doesn't move away as Joonmyun climbs into his lap to straddle him, he only shifts to make the position more comfortable for both of them and places his hands on Joonmyun's waist. Joonmyun's skin is burning, and he's trembling with nerves as he puts his arms around Yixing's neck. Regardless of the nervousness gnawing at his gut, Joonmyun goes on: “I want to go all the way with you.” The wording makes him feel like an awkward teenager all over again. He doesn't even care. “Can we do it?”

“Hmm.” Yixing his hands downwards, over Joonmyun's hips, along his thighs, and when they run back up to rest on his waist again, they slide under his shirt in the process to touch bare skin. “Do you even know how it works?”

“Well, no, but...” Pressing their lips together, Joonmyun kisses Yixing languidly. Yixing breathes harsh breaths through his nose and moans into Joonmyun's mouth. He doesn't seem very pleased when Joonmyun pulls away. “Y-you can show me, right?” Joonmyun mutters. The heat has flared up in him again, fire at the bottom of his stomach, and he feels hot all over. Yixing simply nods with his eyes fastened on Joonmyun's lips until Joonmyun kisses him again. “Now?”

“It doesn't have to be right now,” Yixing says.

“What if I want it to be?” Joonmyun says, voice loaded with feigned confidence to make him sound a lot more sure than he actually feels.

They share another kiss, more heated this time. “Then we'll do it,” Yixing whispers. He uses the grip he has on Joonmyun's waist to pull him closer, as close as they can possibly get. Joonmyun lets out a delighted noise. “We'll do anything. Anything you want to do.”

Eager, Joonmyun into Yixing's mouth, letting their tongues slide together slickly. The need in him is overwhelming, enough to fully drown out the sensation of anxiety he should be practically choking on right now, and the fact that he can vaguely feel Yixing's hardness under him, digging into his backside, only spurs him on.

Yixing's hands are everywhere. They're touching the skin of Joonmyun's back, his waist, his belly; they're groping his legs, his hips, his ; they're gently caressing his neck, his face; they're running up his arms, sliding through his hair, fingers tugging on the strands like Yixing can't help himself. And Joonmyun wants. So bad.

But then all of a sudden Yixing freezes, and he breaks their kiss to let his head drop back against the back of the couch, heaving a defeated sigh. Joonmyun grows worried. “What's the matter?”

“I just remembered I don't have what we need,” Yixing says, sounding utterly dejected.

“Can't we just do it without?” Joonmyun suggests.

With his mouth pressed to Yixing's throat, Joonmyun can feel Yixing's disbelieving huff of laughter vibrate under his lips. “I don't have any lube,” Yixing says slowly as if trying to make Joonmyun understand how important it is. “I ran out months ago and I'm pretty sure none of us want to do it without that.”

Oh. “Right.” That makes sense. Joonmyun hadn't even thought about lubrication, but he can totally see how it would be a good idea to use it, what with a going in... places.

“I'll get some,” Yixing promises at the sight of Joonmyun's expression, a mix of concerned (the thought of how mortifying it would be to have to buy it) and slightly crestfallen (the knowledge that he won't get to have with Yixing just yet). “I'll get it, don't worry.”

Joonmyun nods. He drags his lips up Yixing's neck, kisses along his jaw, up his chin and cheek until he reaches the corner of his mouth. “Can I at least , then?”

The sound Yixing lets out is half groan, half chuckle. “When did you get so ?”

“I blame you,” Joonmyun immediately retorts, face flushed. “I was never this way before I met you.”

“I've created a monster,” Yixing sighs, though he doesn't sound unhappy about it at all. Joonmyun decides that they've talked enough and kisses Yixing again to shut him up.

They take another shower together in Yixing's tiny bathroom (Joonmyun spends time curiously brushing his lips over every single tattoo inked onto Yixing's upper body until Yixing can't take it anymore in the end and shoves Joonmyun against the wall, dropping to his knees in front of him. Joonmyun returns the favor with his hand on Yixing's and his mouth on Yixing's neck).

After that, Joonmyun dresses in underwear and a borrowed T-shirt. It would be big on Yixing, which means it's even bigger on Joonmyun, several sizes too large and reaching down to about mid-thigh, but he loves it anyway because it's comfortable and smells like Yixing. Yixing chooses to wear nothing but snug-fitting boxer briefs, apparently preferring minimal amounts of clothes when he's in the comfort of his own home. Joonmyun doesn't mind that. Not at all.

They curl up in bed together. Once he has gotten over his insecurities, Joonmyun shifts closer to rest his head on Yixing's bare chest, and Yixing welcomes him with open arms, which he then proceeds to wrap around Joonmyun to hold him tight. For a while they lay in complete silence. Joonmyun listens to Yixing's breath and heartbeat, noting how the latter of the two seems to race just as much as his own. It makes him feel warm inside.

With gentle fingers and careful , Joonmyun traces the letters of the tattoo on Yixing's hip letting his eyes follow the movement of his hand. You exist, deep in my mind, in my dreams, in my heart, and in my song. “I'm glad I decided to go to the park that day so I got to meet you,” Joonmyun mumbles. When he gets sleepy he loses his brain to mouth filter, and he ends up saying things he'd have trouble saying otherwise. Still, his face heats up as soon as he has spoken the words. Even though it's easier for him to say those things out loud when he's tired, it doesn't make him less ashamed of himself.

Joonmyun can feel Yixing's lips press against the top of his head. “I'm glad you came over to talk to me,” Yixing says. He seems unaffected by the cheesiness. “I thought your smile was really pretty.”

“'Thought'?” Joonmyun huffs, pretending to be offended.

Yixing quickly corrects himself: “Think. I think your smile is really pretty.” He places a hand under Joonmyun's chin to tilt his face upwards, and he the pad of his thumb over Joonmyun's cheek. “You're really pretty.” Joonmyun grimaces and he wants to make a comment about how gross he thinks Yixing is, but before he can do that, Yixing kisses his forehead, the tip of his nose and then, finally, his lips. Joonmyun's body moves into the touch as though attracted by a magnetic force, automatically pressing itself closer to Yixing.

They kiss for some time. It's lazy and sleepy and the angle is a little weird, but Joonmyun doesn't want to stop. He has to after a while, though, parting to be able to breathe. Yixing is looking down at him with an odd look in his eyes and it makes Joonmyun chuckle uneasily. “What?”

Yixing shrugs. “Nothing, I'm just thinking about how much I like you,” he mutters, and for once he's the one looking a little flustered. Joonmyun smiles and kisses him again. He doesn't say anything back.

~*~

A/N: I know I usually write an author's note, but I'm just... not really feeling it today, you guys. sorry.
I still love you all. ♥