Like so many things before it, not overthinking Yixing's words turns out to be a lot easier said than done. It's a true challenge for Joonmyun to keep the questions and worries from flooding his mind in the days that follow, but it's no longer just the thought of the act that plagues him the most, it's also the fact that he really, seriously wants to try it.

The realization had come as a surprise, sneaking up on him out of nowhere. Initially it had been a terrifying discovery. At the same time it had also been kind of a relief. Knowing that he's not turned off by the idea of doing that (it took a while for him to bring himself to actually think of what that entails) with Yixing will without a doubt make everything a whole lot easier for both of them when they get around to doing it. Which they are going to at some point, Joonmyun has decided. He just needs to get over himself and his own fears before that can happen.

Now, curious and determined to figure out exactly how this is even going to work, Joonmyun has conducted an online search. Of course he knows the simple basics of it, he just doesn't know the details, and since he feels like this is kind of important to know, he has turned to the internet for answers. However, the results have all brought him to places he'd rather not be brought to, and so far the attempts have been fruitless. He's pretty much at his wit's end.

“Oh my God, I can actually hear you thinking right now.” Cue Jongdae to make matters worse. Joonmyun looks away from his computer to find him leaning against the doorframe. This isn't really all that surprising, it's actually an improvement from Jongdae's recently developed a habit of entering Joonmyun's office without invitation, but it's enough to startle Joonmyun. For a while, Jongdae continues to study him intently as if he'd be able to read his mind if he just stares hard enough. Then he asks: “What are you doing?”

“Nothing,” Joonmyun mutters, clicking away from the search page as inconspicuously as possible.

Jongdae narrows his eyes. He doesn't seem to buy into Joonmyun's obvious lie. “Nothing, huh?” He's already slowly sauntering across the floor, coming over to take a look at Joonmyun's screen. Joonmyun gives himself a mental pat on the back or knowing to close the tab before Jongdae begins to stick his nose into his business. He's sure it would probably be better if Jongdae didn't know that Joonmyun has been spending the majority of his lunch break searching for... “ ,” Jongdae says, and Joonmyun realizes that while he was busy congratulating himself, Jongdae has managed to pull up his internet history without him noticing. “Were you watching at work?”

Joonmyun's face is in serious danger of catching on fire with how hot it's turning. “It-it's not like that.” He wrestles the mouse from Jongdae's hand to close the entire browser. Jongdae is staring at him again, clearly expecting some kind of explanation, and Joonmyun lets out a sigh. His face is going to burst into flames at any second now. He's sure of it. “I'm just... me and Yixing, we...” He clears his throat, averts his gaze. “I don't know how to... so I... yeah.”

“Oh.” Jongdae's disappointment is palpable. He scrunches up his face. “Yeah, uh... I'm probably not the right person to talk to about that, what with me being, you know... not gay and all.”

“Yeah, me neither,” Joonmyun mutters without even thinking about it. He doesn't miss the odd look Jongdae sends him, but that doesn't mean he understands what it's supposed to mean.

“Uh, okay,” Jongdae says slowly, furrowing his eyebrows. “Well... maybe you can ask someone else. Someone who actually knows what they're talking about.”

Joonmyun's mouth twitches in thought. “Yeah. Maybe.”

Out of all the people Joonmyun knows, only five are confirmed to be into guys (if he doesn't count Yixing, that is), and out of those five people, only one is someone Joonmyun could imagine talking to about this without dying of mortification. Granted, it's going to be an awkward conversation to have no matter who the other person is, but having to talk to Kris or Sehun or Zitao would definitely be the most painful since Joonmyun doesn't really know them all that well.

Chanyeol had been a possibility in Joonmyun's head at first, all friendly and easy-going and undoubtedly willing to answer almost any question. Joonmyun ruled him out after a little more contemplation, however, figuring that since Chanyeol and Kris seem to be pretty much attached at the hip, having the conversation with Chanyeol would mean an audience of two rather than one, and Joonmyun doesn't want more people involved than necessary.

Which brings Joonmyun to his final choice. It's another Friday night when he finds himself sitting at the now familiar bar, trying to talk himself into actually asking. Again, this is something that's easier said than done. He deliberately showed up earlier than usual to get this out of the world, so he's been watching Baekhyun doing his job for close to an hour by now. In the time that has passed, he has had Baekhyun's name at the tip of his tongue several times, ready to call out for him, but every time Baekhyun caught his eye, Joonmyun backpedaled as fast as he could. It's getting ridiculous.

Baekhyun seems to know that something is off, and in the end he gets fed up with Joonmyun's staring. He approaches Joonmyun without even being called over, and he places his hands on top of the bar and leans in to speak in a quiet tone: “Look, I know I'm really hot, but it's kind of a move for you to be checking me out like this when you and Yixing are supposed to be together. Unless, you know... you're into threesomes.” He wiggles his eyebrows with a wolfish grin.

Joonmyun goes red. “I-I have a question,” he blurts out.

“Yeah?” Baekhyun says, his expression fading into a calmer smile. “Let's hear it.”

This is going to be embarrassing. Horribly embarrassing. Joonmyun can already tell he's going to regret it, but it's too late to back down now. Wringing his hands in his lap, he clears his throat several times before he manages to stammer out: “S-so... you're, uhm... you're ga-... I mean, you like... you like b-... uh...” God. This is even worse than he had feared.

Baekhyun rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Hyung, are you trying to ask if I like ?”

“Uhm...” Joonmyun clears his throat again. “Yeah?”

“Among other things, yes,” Baekhyun answers as if it's no big deal. “Why do you ask?”

“W-well, I was wondering if you could, uhm...” He swallows to wet his dry throat. “Me and Yixing are, you know... and... I haven't actually... you know...” So embarrassing.

Baekhyun's eyes widen in sudden realization. “You've never...?!”

“No no, I have!” Joonmyun says quickly, casting a look around to see if anyone is staring at them after Baekhyun's surprised (and loud) exclaim. Again, this is one of those conversations he'd rather have without anyone else listening in. “I'm... I'm not a , I just... I just haven't... with a...”

“With a guy,” Baekhyun finishes for him. Joonmyun nods without looking at Baekhyun. “And you don't know how to do the do?” Joonmyun shakes his head sheepishly, and Baekhyun heaves a sigh. “Oh, honey.” He pats Joonmyun's shoulder. “Well, I'll do whatever I can to help you out. Let's start with how much you actually know.”

Joonmyun thinks his words over before replying: “I know that... a guy is supposed to take his... you know... and put it in the other guy's, uh... y-you know.” A sheepish giggle bubbles up in his throat.

“Oh, me.” Baekhyun rubs his temples. “This is like talking to a ing fourteen year old boy who literally just learned about the concept of , God.” Joonmyun's giggles grow louder, and Baekhyun eyes him skeptically. “What's so funny?”

“Sorry, I'm just really embarrassed.” Joonmyun takes a deep breath in an attempt to calm himself, swallows down the last few giggles. He shoots Baekhyun an apologetic look. “I'm sorry I had to ask you about this. I didn't know who else to talk to since I don't really know a lot of guys who...”

“Like ?” Baekhyun supplies helpfully, and Joonmyun nods.

“Yeah. That. In the end it was between you and Chanyeol and, well...”

“Ugh, say no more,” Baekhyun says with great emotion, clearly understanding the reasoning behind Joonmyun's decision. “Why didn't you just talk to Yixing?” Even though he does know why, Joonmyun shrugs in response. The truth is that he really wants to impress Yixing and admitting to being this inexperienced doesn't seem very impressive to Joonmyun. It mostly just seems embarrassing. Baekhyun hums. “Hey, you know what? You don't have to worry about it, Yixing knows what he's doing.” Once more he reaches out, this time to give Joonmyun's shoulder a comforting squeeze. “Trust me. You're in good hands.”

“Thanks,” Joonmyun says, but he can't keep a little bit of bitterness from seeping into his tone as well as his smile. He wonders to himself how Baekhyun even knows these things and deduces that it's probably the same way he knows about Yixing's unicorn tattoo, the same way Yixing knows about the tattoos on Baekhyun's inner thigh. Joonmyun forces the thoughts out of his head. He would rather not think about the two of them in that kind of situation.

“I really think you should talk to him about this, though,” Baekhyun says.

“Talk to who about what?” Joonmyun snaps his head around and of course Yixing is standing there, of course. Joonmyun's luck wouldn't have it any other way. Yixing has a guitar bag slung over one of his shoulders and he looks back and forth between Baekhyun and Joonmyun, his curiosity clearly shining through on his face. “What's going on? What are you guys talking about?”

“Why don't you ask your boyfriend about that?” Baekhyun suggests casually. He shoots Joonmyun a pointed look as he walks away to leave them to talk. To Joonmyun, it feels like being abandoned.

With a tight smile he glances at Yixing, who still looks mostly curious. He also looks a bit worried, though, and considering Baekhyun is involved in this somehow, Joonmyun can totally understand Yixing's concern. “So...” Yixing says, eyeing Joonmyun carefully. “What is going on... boyfriend?” There's a warmth that spreads inside of Joonmyun at the sound of that one word. Boyfriend. He finds that he really likes it.

He shakes himself out of his reverie, however, and mutters: “I, uhm... c-can we talk about it later?”

“Hmmm.” Yixing appears to think it over for a moment. Then he wraps both of his arms around Joonmyun. “Okay,” he agrees and kisses Joonmyun on the cheek. “You're here early today.”

At first Joonmyun is thankful for the change in subject, until he realizes that the reason for him being there early is because of the very same thing he's trying to avoid talking about. Nonetheless, he answers: “Yeah, I had to talk to Baekhyun about... something.” He looks at Baekhyun, who's at the other end of the bar, openly flirting with a couple of very satisfied women.

Yixing hums again, gives Joonmyun's cheek another kiss, then leans his forehead against Joonmyun's temple. “You're making me anxious with all this secrecy,” he mutters with his lips still pressed close to the side of Joonmyun's face. “Are you sure you can't at least tell me what it's about? Give me a small hint?”

“I-I don't want to talk about it here.” Joonmyun gulps. Having Yixing so close to him is enough to make him want to catch Yixing's lips with his own and kiss him until they both run out of air. He contains himself. “It's nothing bad, though. I'll tell you later, I promise.”

“Okay,” Yixing relents with a sigh and this time when he kisses Joonmyun, he does it right on the mouth. Joonmyun feels panic well up in his chest, the fear of getting caught kissing another man in public making itself known, but he isn't allowed a chance to act on it because Yixing is already pulling away. “I have to go prepare now. I'll see you after the show, alright? Then we can talk.” He kisses Joonmyun one final time before he walks off.

Joonmyun doesn't say anything, he simply watches Yixing as he disappears into the backstage area. There's a whirlwind of thoughts in Joonmyun's mind and anxiety churning in his gut at the mere idea of having to discuss this. He's really not looking forward to what's coming.

~*~

A/N: because y'all were so good to me after what happened last week (if you weren't around to notice the lack of an update, feel free to ignore this), I have decided to post this chapter a little earlier than usual.

here we see kem jommon freaking out and overthinking everything as usual. this time, not even jogndea (#kimjongdaewinsatlife #yoloswag420) is able to help him out since buttsecks is not exactly his Area Of Expertise, what with him being a straight man and all. cue bun baekhone to do what's probably the only good deed he's ever going to do in this entire story (but I have yet to finish writing it so I am not sure). there are some other hints - some small and some big - scattered throughout the chapter pointing at what the future's going to bring, but I will let you figure them out for yourself. ;)))))

so yeah. I'm back, biches!! \o/ I won't say I'm okay because I'm not, but I am feeling a bit better, so there's that. I'm not going to bore you with the details of what's been going on with me, I just want to say a thousand thank yous to y'all for all the well-wishes and the nice messages and for being so awesome. you guys are seriously the best. ;;